Dungeons and Dragongirls: Tabletop Gamer
by Polkatown
Summary: A couple of nerds jammed into an all too familiar world with the mother of all generic twists-they're gamer characters, but not video games, table top games...Dungeons and Dragons 3.5 edition to be exact. (And a little bit of Pathfinder...and other D20 system games...) Granberia best girl
1. Chapter 1

_**Act 1: Players and Pieces**_

 _ **OP:**_ _Anthem - Shine On_ _ **  
ED:**_ _Pink Floyd - Breathe (In The Air)_

 _ **Chapter 1: ECL 0 to ECL Hero**_

The birds were singing, the flowers were blooming, and yes we're doing this again.

Years in the future, two losers a few of you remember fondly for some ungodly reason were talking about inane shit like...talking about the character sheets they just finished?

Huh...interesting...maybe that's the spice I need.

But this is boring right this moment, we both know this, and this is an MGQ fanfiction, so let's get to the good shit eh?

Let's just...there we go. The duo stared at the black holes in their screen, exclamations of confusion ended shortly by their head getting sucked in, their screaming silenced by the voice before the screen absorbed their bodies.

Vore count: 1

Let's hope that doesn't go any higher, but with these two? Who knows.

It was a beautiful day for a baptism, Ilias thought, well, if it wasn't for that snake bitch over there.

Her disgusting fucking face looked on smugly, as if she had any chance in the universe of defeating her.

God that slut probably thought those defiling tattoos looked _good_.

She geared up her magic to teach her the lesson she should of taught some time earlier- it was an odd place for a final battle honestly, but she really didn't care right now.

Magic weaved- commanded by her godly might, she felt it shift to her will...until something happened.

A hole appeared in existance and she flinched.

The duo really didn't know what to make of the hole- that is until two humans shot out at speeds she couldn't react to and slammed into her face- she heard a meaty thwack on the other end of the portal though, so that was the silver lining at least.

She grimaced though as the duo of...things? Fell, but she noticed in her expanded senses that that snake bitch was flying off...and as they fell she thought quickly.

Something was intruding on her domain, and brought these two here- there was a purpose, she thought, and decided to use her head on this issue.

A flick of the energy and the portal closed and the two boys floated over to a haypile, plopping down in a heap.

She sighed, conjured, and looked at herself in the mirror.

Her godly hair was messed up! She had to get it fixed _now_.

And so Ilias flew away, unwittingly abandoning Luka to his fate...if it wasn't for two variables.

Let's go check up on them, eh?

"What in the jesus fucking christ did I fucking do to myself?" T groaned, eyes blinded, and his body itchy as all hell for some reason, a headache thumping in his head with immense, immense pain.

He dug himself out of the pile like some retarded chimp, kicking something that yelled in pain in the process as he toppled out of the pile of hay and slammed his face into the ground like an idiot, his mouth screaming out in pain as he wiggled out entirely of the hay and started rubbing his face while rolling around.

The other one of the duo crawled out of the pile, and fell down in a similarly stupid way- but this time he fell into something decently soft.

T's solar plexus.

T couldn't even groan in pain as he clawed Cody off of him and clutched his stomach in pain.

"Holy fuck...what the hell is going on?" Cody questioned, rubbing his aching forehead and looking around him, "T? I'd ask if you're fucking with me, but you looked just as messed up about this…" he then noticed something off about his forearm...a black piece of metal?

He stared at the object embedded into his arm in perplexed silence for a moment, scratching at it to see if he could get it loose. It didn't budge. He jumped slightly when a screen popped open in front of him.

 **[Name: Cody]**

 **[Race: Human]**

 **[Class: Expert Lvl 1]**

 **[Attributes: STR 16 DEX 16, CON 10, INT 12, WIS 16, CHA 14]**

 **[HP: 6]**

 **[AC: 16, Touch 16, Flatfooted 10]**

 **[Initiative: +3]**

 **[Speed: 30ft]**

 **[TAB: +3 Melee, +3 Ranged]**

 **[Saves: Fort 3, Reflect 3, Will 4]**

 **[Weapons:]**

 **{Unarmed Strike: 1d6}**

 **[Feats:]**

 **{Monk Abilities}**

 **{Improved Grapple}**

 **{Able Learner}**

There was a section titled 'notes' that Cody read 'I would've made you a monk because you like punching the shit out of things, but that's a shitty class, so I've decided you can opt to take 'monk abilities' as your generic class feature.

Monk Abilities: A **[Insert Generic Class Here]** adds her class level to her monk level to determine her class-based AC bonus, her unarmed damage, her unarmored speed bonus, and the number of daily attempts of her Stunning Fist feat. If she has no monk levels, she gains the AC bonus, unarmed damage, and unarmored speed bonus of a monk whose level equals her **[Insert Generic Class Here]** level. An **[Insert Generic Class Here]** does not count her class levels for the purpose of determining when she gains any other monk class features, such as reduced penalties for flurry of blows attack rolls, bonus feats, evasion, or other special abilities.

Generic classes can emulate some class features, right? I didn't think it was that big of a deal.' - the GM.

Cody grunted, "Great...great...no flurry of blows, thanks GM…" he thought.

T rose slowly wheezing after a minute "I...don't fucking...know...fuck…" he said, letting out a noise like a dying squeaky toy on its last legs.

That was when the duo noticed the screaming.

"What the fuck?" T said, finally recovering from the plexus blow as he looked past the haypile and noticed...everyone was a medieval villager?

"What in the flying fuck?" T intoned as he stared at the ren faire rejects- god they were ugly, but he noticed an oddity. A small boy running towards the forest, something about him being familiar as T watched him sprint off...the kid had purple hair.

"First level monk? Attribute scores?" Cody questioned the world around him, though it didn't hear him because the planet doesn't have any fucking ears.

"Cody the fuck you talking about?" T asked, looking back over confused, distracted by the mention of gamer shit- what a nerd.

"Touch the thing in your arm," Cody ordered T, as from T's point of few he was just looking at an invisible book he held up in one hand.

"The thing on my what?" he asked, rolling his american flag jackets sleeves up, coming up with nothing the first time and the little black shrapnel in his arm "What the fuck?" he said quietly as he touched it and marveled as in a flash of glowing light a book appeared "What the fuck?!" he said louder, using his large vocabulary to describe his confusion.

A regular word wizard ain't he?

"Level one crusader?" it was then that T noticed Cody's book "Wait where'd you get that fuckin- wait I couldn't see it...Maybe if someone doesn't have one of these out they can't see any of them? Weird." T said, using his brain like a champ for once as he looked back at his sheet more thoroughly, the front page taken up by...basic information from the looks of it, the next page was… a 3.5 sheet huh?

He flipped back and looked the simplified info over.

 **[Name: Tristan]**

 **[Race: Human]**

 **[Class: Crusader Lvl 1]**

 **[Attributes: STR 16, DEX 12, CON 16, INT 14, WIS 12, CHA 14]**

 **[HP: 13]**

 **[AC: 10, Touch 10, Flatfooted 10]**

 **[Initiative: -5]**

 **[Speed: 30ft]**

 **[TAB: +4 Melee, +2 Ranged]**

 **[Saves: Fort 6, Reflex -1, Will 2]**

 **[Weapons:]**

 **{Unarmed Strike (Nonprofeciency!): 1d3+4}**

 **[Feats:]**

 **{Combat Expertise}**

 **{Improved Trip}**

 **{Knock Down}**

 **{Able Learner}**

 **[Maneuvers 5, Readied 5, Granted 2, Stances 1]**

 **{DS: Vanguard Strike}**

 **{DS: Crusader's Strike}**

 **{WR: Leading The Attack}**

 **{WR: Douse the Flames}**

 **{SD: Charging Minotaur}**

 **(WR: Lead the Charge Stance)**

He browsed over the sheet, eyes reading through it quickly as he realized something with some horror and wonder.

"Wait, Tristan? Does that...Am I? Is this really fucking happening?" he asked out loud to himself, but something also spooked him.

Who'd done this to him?

Cody's book 'folded' back into nothing and he took an impromptu stance-perfect-like he was straight out of a an old martial arts movie that showed off at least some practical technique rather than overblown movements.

It came naturally to him, like it was ingrained in his muscle memory since he was born.

"This...I admit, I'm a fucking nerd and tried to replicate shit like this, this feels off...like I'm not really doing it from my own knowledge, it's really hard to explain…" Cody announced to T and lowered his stance.

T scratched the back of his head before looking around and noticing something...a pitchfork. He picked it up, wondering if- and once T thought of fighting his body moved, his form in a spear form he _knew_ he had no idea how to do this...well.

"I...I get what you mean. It's like I'm not in control of my body." T said, shaking himself out of the stance, rubbing the back of his neck as the pitchfork felt so natural in his hands it was _uncanny_.

"What are your bonus languages?" Cody further questioned.

"Elven and Celestial, you?" T asked, quirking a brow.

"Mine too, both of those…" he blinked, then began to speak in Elvish.

"Can lle rangwa sina?" Cody asked 'Can you understand this?' in Elvish, "Holy shit that was weird…I've never spoke another language before outside of one word memes…"

"Ta's nostale en' weird tanya lle randomly fit english words e' im i' elvish" T said, exclaiming 'It's kind of weird that you randomly fit english words in between the elvish.' he said, realizing they didn't have a word for 'Words' but a word for 'Word' which was 'Beth'.

God that was a weird fucking language- maybe he needed to speak in tongues to get it all to work right? Elves seemed pretentious enough to do that.

"Quirks aside, where are we?" Cody suggested they'd find out, looking around at the screaming people they were ignoring-they both had the 'detached' trait afterall.

T shrugged and turned- and then everything went wonky as he felt he was forced to think of dice being rolled.

 **[Check DC: 15][Gather Information Check: 6+2=8, CHECK FAILED.]**

He tried his best to get anyone's attention, but with all the screaming and confusion he found he just couldn't, all he learned was that, well, people were screaming.

Cody stepped away to attempt the same thing, experiencing a similar sensation in the back of his mind, however his had a bit more of a positive outlook.

 **[Check DC: 15][Gather Information Check: 20+2=22, CHECK SUCCEEDED!]**

A woman seemed to instantly notice Cody's confusion as he approached her, she stopped trying to get into her house and let him speak what he needed to say.

"What's going on?" he asked simply.

"The guards spotted a monster outside of town-didn't hear what, a hero boy ran off to fight her!" she filled him in, and...felt calm? Did this boy calm her down a little bit by speaking?

"Alrighty, thanks ma'am," Cody replied with a faked smile, then reported back to T.

"There's a monster at the edge of town, and a 'hero boy' went after it...I think it was that purple haired fucker who's like...six inches shorter than I am," and Cody was pretty damn short. Every girlfriend he's ever had was taller than him-albeit they were all particularly tall since that was his type.

"Wait, shorter? Maybe he was a kid...shit, man we should go after him, it seems he's the only one going out." T said, resolutely, pushed on by the feeling the pitchfork gave him in his hands.

Cody nodded, "drag him out of there, surely a 'monster' can't be _that_ bad...probably a big wolf or something…" Cody looked around the area, "that's assuming we time traveled…I bet I could fuck up a wolf."

"Hopefully it's just fuckin' that and not anything else." T said, getting a niggling feeling in his gut about what was going on as he ran past the waves of people- the amount pitter pattering out quickly enough that he could easily run into the forest with Cody by his side.

Soon enough they ran into the duo, a purple haired lad with a sword on his knees looking on glaze eyed as the slime just stared at him confused.

He looked like he was praying and mumbling something about 'Tutorials' which was…weird.

"Cody is that a real life fucking slime girl?" T said, blinking as he raised himself into stance, getting ready for the incoming brawl.

"...I...yup...that's a real life slime girl," Cody replied quietly, "You know, I feel like I'm taking this situation all too well."

"It's probably all the fiction shit we eat on a daily basis." T threw out his theory

"She even has a belly button? That's kinda cute...gross though, because fuckin' slimes," Cody added.

"I'm a fucking degenerate, but like, yeah nah fuckslave is not the kinda job I want." T said, rolling his shoulders as the slime spoke up.

"Well isn't this just a buffet! Two main courses and a tasty side dish! Now get over here you two~!" she said, attempting to be sensual.

Cody cracked his knuckles, "Eat shit and die, rapist asshole, now fuck off before we lay some hurt on ya!" Cody picked up the purple hair kid's sword and handed it to T.

T tossed the pitch fork away and took the longsword, the blade feeling better in his hand then the pitchfork as he grinned "Fall off your fucking horse." T said, making an obscure reference as the duo heard the dice roll.

 **[Initiative: T 17-5=12, C 2+3=5, Slime 7-5=2]**

 **[Order: Tristan, Cody, Slime]**

T felt something flow through him, some...higher power guiding him as he felt out...two of his techniques!

 **[Inspiration rolled: Access to Vanguard Strike and Douse the Flames!]**

T decided to charge in, sprinting forth as he gripped the longsword in two hands and swung, his stance thrumming through him as he swung at the slime.

 **[Hitting: 4][Attack Roll: 19+6=25, CRITICAL STRIKE!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 4+4+1=9*2=18 damage!]**

T sliced through the slime diagonally, cleaving a violent slash through it, T felt his 'turn' come to a close...until something else flashed in him.

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 19+7=26, Slime: 19+0=19. Trip succeeded!]**

 **[Hitting: 4][Trip Attack Roll: 10+8=18, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+4=5 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 23!-54HP=31HP]**

T shoved the blade through the slime and slashed sideways- bisecting her as she fell over onto herself, becoming prone because of the humanoid form she had forced herself in, allowing him to trip an ooze he otherwise wouldn't be able to trip.

T felt his portion of the 'round' end as she lay on the floor, Cody's starting right after.

Cody took his move action, taking a running start and sliding passed T and next to the slime, he slammed his palm forward into the slime's head...

 **[Hitting: 4] [Attack Roll:2+3+4(Prone) = 9. Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+3 ]**

 **[Damage Total: 9!-31HP=21HP]**

Chunks of the slime girl's face were kicked into the air as Cody freed the beast on the slime woman that was at his mercy on the ground in front of him.

She quivered in pain- the boy was one thing she felt she could handle, but this was a bit much, she lifted her form up to run- but that triggered something.

 **[Move action stand! Attacks of Opportunity activate!]**

 **[Hitting: 4][Attack Roll: T 16+4+4=24, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: T 2+4=6]**

 **[Hitting: 4] [Attack Roll: C 9+3+4=16, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: C 3+3]**

 **[Damage Total: 6+6=12-21HP=9HP]**

The duo swung together, smacking into her and cleaving more chunks out of her slime flesh, she had used her 'move action' to stand though, and could only use her standard action to move, her body losing its solidness as she became more and more like an indistinct pile of body shaped jello.

But the price of such a thing as being a slime came into play, and she slid...a whole fifteen feet away.

T felt himself gain another bit of divine inspiration as it became his turn.

 **[Inspiration rolled: Access to Crusader Strike!]**

T clicked his tongue- he'd hoped for charging minotaur to shoulder check her to death...but it seemed fate was against him on this one.

He settled for the next best thing: A charge attack.

 **[Hitting: 4][Attack Roll: 17+6=23, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+4+1=6 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 6-9HP=3HP!]**

"Would you just fucking die already?" T said impatiently, cursing his moderate strength score.

Why couldn't he be born a fucking half minotaur and be large? Shits fuckin' rigged he swears.

Cody's turn clicked in, he ran towards T and...leapt? And holy shit did he jump. He cleared T with a few inches to spare and began falling when he got over the slime.

 **[Check DC: 22][Jump Check: 19+7=26, Check Success!]**

His move action complete, mid-air Cody engaged his standard action-kicking the shit out of the god damn slime as he fell onto her with both feet.

 **[Hitting: 4] [Attack Roll: 12+3 = 15, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+3]**

 **[Damage Total: 4-3HP=-1HP!]**

The slime fucking exploded as Cody landed on her, an odd silence filled their bodies as the turn order disengaged-like a mental chain had been pulled off of their wrists.

"Okay that felt kinda weir-" T began before he was interrupted by a burst of mental confetti as a screen popped up in front of him.

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1x (Tutorial) Slime!]**

 **[XP Gained: 1000!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 900!]**

 **{Items!: 10g, 3 Holy Water Flasks, Half Plate Armor, 1 System Message,**

 **and a Masterwork Bastard Sword!}**

Cody blinked, staring at the pile of loot that was in place of where the slime used to stand, and stepped away from it to take it in, "Excuse me? Wanna run that by me again?"

"Wow that loot table was slanted in my fucking favor, score." T said as he picked up the plate and began trying to fiddle it on- his body going into autopilot again as it began putting it on for him.

"You gonna pick up that 'System Message'?" T said "I'm kinda fuckin' busy here."

Cody reached down and picked up the gold and a small slip of paper with printed text on one side of it and read it out loud, "That slime had the template 'tutorial', meaning it gives enough xp to level up once. It is the only monster with this template. Also, you fuckin' rules lawyers, I will make exceptions if it's small and cool. Like jumping over ya boi T and kicking the shit out of a sexy slime. Don't bank on exceptions, because I'll drop rocks on you and you'll die."

"P.S, don't try to multiclass into a spellcaster and planeshift out of here, you and I both know that isn't going to happen. I can giveth, and I can taketh away - The Gm"

"Well this is a sick fucking joke. My kind of sick fucking joke, but still a sick fucking joke." T said "Also help me out here, takes like half the time if someone helps for some reason even if you're a fuckin' monk for some reason."

"Enough xp to level up? So shouldn't we…" a loud fucking noise filled both T and Cody's ears and they instantly knew to open the books they have in their mind to apply the level.

 **[LEVEL UP!]**

 **[T: Lvl 1 - Lvl 2 HP:13+6+3=22!]**

 **[Cody: Lvl 1 - Lvl 2 HP: 6+4=10!]**

With the help of Cody who somehow knew just like he did how to help T into his new armor, the duo pressed their wrist rocks and their books came out.

T leveled Crusader up of course, gaining **{Indomitable soul}** on top of is **{Furious Counterstrike}** and **{Steely Resolve 5}**.

On top was +1 to his BAB and a +1 to his Fort Saves, and finally a brand new stance: **{Iron Guards Glare}**

Once he finished up T looked over at Cody "I'll take the bastard sword, you can take the money and the Flasks- I can't throw for shit apparently- Plus 3 to Ranged is kinda shitty." he said, picking up the bastard sword in one hand- and he...didn't feel the instinctual knowledge, his body did not understand how to use this at all, and he was greatly confused as he grabbed the handle with his other hand- to which he felt the surge of understanding.

"Fucking weird." T said, the blade came in a sheath which was nice of the DM and he strapped it to his side.

Cody stuck the gold into his pants pocket, two flasks in his hoodie pocket, and kept one held in his hand, "I can't for the life of me remember what these technically do in 3.5."

"Fuck up demons n' spooky shit, but not any more then a magic sword could. Think it was like two D six or some shit like that?"

"Maybe it'll work on Alice...holy shit Alice, did she fall out of the sky yet?" Cody question-

"Something fell out of the sky!" Luka announced, breaking from his stupor and running into Cody-bouncing off of him as he didn't attempt a true **[Bull Rush].**

"You two are pilgrims, aren't you? Adventurers? Come with me! I think a woman fell out of the sky!" Luka hysterically reasoned.

'That'd be fucking retarded to do given Alice is one sentence away from killing people.' T thought to himself.

"This is a terrible fucking idea." T mumbled, going along anyways at Luka's insistence and the logic that Alice was tied to the entirety of the 'Not dying from angel armageddon' plot.

They found their intrepid purple snake girl with the help of Luka fairly quickly, Cody nudged Luka instantly and ordered, "head back to the village and get yourself baptized before it's too late kid, leave some kind of clue back to the village, yeah?"

Luka gasped when Cody spoke, exclaiming, "Yeah! My baptism!" and began to bolted back towards the village. Cody took mental note of where he was heading in relation to the sun to get the direction he needed to get back, before turning back to T.

"She is important to the plot…" he said.

T sighed "I know...what's your Charisma score?" he asked

"fourteen, I put five skillpoints into diplomacy as well, and a skill synergy from bluff and sense motive...I'm at a plus eleven" Cody nodded, "she's also not instantly aggressive, hopefully that means indifferent on the mood chart...if you want to clear out in case I fuck up and die…but I think I saw on your face while we were walking you were thinking about the plot…"

"We're in this together fag, who'll be here to cover your fuckups up and give you some sweet **[Aid Another]**? Till death do us a not party or something like that." T said, loosening his stressed body- he needed to make her not _want_ to do a **[Sense Motive]** check on his **[Bluff]**.

Alice groaned and shifted as they drew near, Cody leading, she suddenly leapt up to her upright standing position. She took in the party's appearance for a moment and was-sniffing the air?

Cody prepped himself, running a hand through his hair, and made a **[Diplomacy Check]**

She leapt forward grabbing Cody's arm and sniffing all the way up it, Cody jumped and pulled his arm back...but she grabbed it again, firmly this time, and lifted it above his head...sniffing his armpit?

She let him go, then slowly slithered a bit away from him, flatly noting, "You smell weird, really weird. What kind of soap do you use? That's amazing, unbaptised too..." she licked her lips, "delicious."

Cody blinked, then replied as calmly as he could when standing in front of _literally the strongest monster,_ "Slime."

"Slime?" she crossed her arms

"I killed a slime girl earlier, are you smelling that?" Cody quirked a brow, feigning ignorance of his smell-how the fuck would he justified the brands of soap he used from his home world?

T randomly popped in "Maybe she absorbed a buncha good smelling stuff to attract males?" he put in, his body urging him to speak and support Cody because of his **[Aid Another]**.

Cody gulped after hearing himself speak...he had just outright killed something! "I don't like killing things...but I saw her attacking a little boy and I just...fucking lost it. I...I realized later he wasn't a boy-just the most short and feminine man I've ever seen-but still. My instincts took over…"

Cody sighed internally, glad she hasn't made a sense motive on him yet, he wasn't sure in his low level bluff ability.

"I see, so that explains what you two are doing out here I suppose, where's the boy at?"

Wait...was she making sense motive checks? He wouldn't need to make a bluff check in response if he was technically telling the truth. So she'd just see what he was saying was true...can she even make sense motive checks?

"He's heading towards Ilias temple, can't be late for his baptism…" he looked back in the direction Luka ran and gestured, "How boring."

Alice smirked a little bit when he mentioned the baptism as 'boring', speaking quietly, "Hm, boring."

"Being a hero is about self-sacrifice, it's about the less capable and easily defeated stepping up and taking a crack at impossible odds on behalf of others-not slaughtering a race and depriving it of its food source for some religion. No matter how fucked some individuals of it may be...also combat with no stakes is pretty boring overall…" he looked down at his feet and closed his eyes, pretending to be embarrassed, "there's also one too many Granberias in this world to be baptized…"

And now, we dramatically show off Cody's diplomacy check! Because believe it or not, diplomacy takes a full minute to use!

 **[Gather Diplomacy Check: 12+11+2(Assist Action!) =25, CHECK SUCCEEDED!]**

 **[Alice: Unfriendly-Friendly!]**

It quickly dawned on Cody that he didn't need to be good at talking, just needed to roll high...and he'd naturally talk his way out of a situation, no matter how cheesy his bouts of random half-honest philosophy was. It was a bittersweet realization, that his personal skills had been thrown to the wayside for dice...in fact he felt slightly sick to the stomach.

But more importantly, he felt like a fucking cuck for gushing like that...but judging how Luka's story ended that's what she's into.

Also, god damn he was on fire in the rolling department, not one failed check yet. The GM might think he's got some loaded dice.

Meanwhile T was thinking about something else instead of the realization their life was controlled by dice, that being thus: 'I just had to support the logic of a fuckin' slime eating shit for a good smell and that gave a plus 2? **[Aid Another]** is fucking bullshit! Also how did I just think in bold?'

On some level he knew the check succeeded given that he hadn't needed to make a **[Sense Motive]** on Alice's well, mood in terms of response, she seemed to stop exuded ambient murderous intent- which was a new thing he could feel...It felt like a sort of out of body experience of holding a D20 ready for initiative.

God that shit was weird.

"So you're a monster loving degenerate?" Alice stated teasingly, to which T cut in "And probably a heretic too." he said with a chuckle

"They literally evolved to be hot because they had too...some of them, god damn some of them just need to stop existing…" Cody noted with a shutter. Now, you may think it's odd Alice would know what evolution is, but might I remind you that this setting doesn't make any sense-they know pharmaceutical terms for fuck sake!

"Heard from one of my buddies about one that fuses you into them." T shivered "Eugh." he said, grossed out just remembering.

He was also not lying- he just wasn't stating the 'buddy' was Cody. Not telling the whole truth too fucking OP he swears.

"So you want coexistence, but only if their hot?" Alice questioned, "damn pervert."

"I don't think coexistence is rapidly achievable, but no, only if they aren't murder-raping shitbags, I'm sure there's some weirdos that would dig being pulled under the earth by a mandragora," Cody explained, "that Luka kid I was talking about earlier thinks he can head out and force it to happen though."

"If they listen to reason, they ain't committing treason." T said, before pausing "Wow I'm a fucking third wheel." he muttered to himself.

"Hm…" she stared passed them towards where Cody gestured, "Where am I?"

"You're just outside Ilias village, how did you end up in the sky?" Cody dug his hands into his pockets-which were crowded by flasks.

"That's none of your concern..."

"Ah so something embarrassing happened, say no more." T said sagely

"Nothing embarrassing happened! I just tripped from the sky!" Alice quickly but in, "On my walk."

"Nigga you ain't got any legs," Cody butt in.

 **[Bluff Check: 20+6-20(Circumstance) = 6]**

 **[DC: 2][Sense Motive Checks]**

 **[C: 10+8 = 18, Check Succeeded!]**

 **[T: 2+3 = 5, Check Failed!]**

T blinked "Okay yeah no those checks are fuckin' with my head." he said, not actually seeing a flaw in her statement- it read as _truth_ , but he knew it was a _lie_.

"Wait...I'm not the only one?" Alice questioned.

"You're not the only what?" T asked, stopping his bit of mental confusion to question what she just said.

"I...keep seeing these 'checks' play out in my head," she replied, "like dice being rolled. It started happening not too long ago."

"How long ago?"

"About thirty minutes ago."

T didn't speak- had he and Cody's 'GM' forced the world to play by their rules? That...makes a lot of sense. He also wondered if only powerful beings could notice the system- or at least smart ones. Guess he'd find out at Iliasburg.

"Yeah we also see the checks- I can't, I _know_ the facts that what you said was a bold faced fuckin' lie but I failed my check and I can't think of it as anything else but you telling the truth." T said, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"Yeah...you don't have any legs so...how could you trip?" Cody reasoned.

"I see, so whatever happened to me, happened to all of us," Alice tried to do a bit of social judo to remove the spotlight from her getting the _shit beat out of her._

"Hey Cody could you tell me what she said was a fuckin' lie?" T asked, testing a theory.

"Tristan, she was lying," Cody said slowly and unsurely.

T blinked "Yeah...yeah it was. We- yeah if you _tell me the facts_ it overrules the checks from the looks of things." he said confused before shaking his head. "Anyways uh, yeah, you uh...okay snake lady? Don't think we got your name- Mine's Tristan, call me T for short though." T introduced himself, extending a plated hand towards the Monster Lord.

"My name's Cody, not really, I just kind of picked it up over the years.

Alice looked down at T's hand, then looked back up at the two, ignoring it, before replying, "My name is Alipheese Fateburn, but you can just call me Alice."

 **[Hitting: 17][Touch Attack Check: 17+5 = 22, Check Success!]**

T poked Alice's cheek "You're pretty rude for a monster lord, y'know that?" he said, before pausing at the gravity of his actions.

Alice smirked, "Oh, so you know who I am? Well I guess that means I have more teeth to order you around now...you two are going to help me get to the bottom of this mental curse."

"I should eat shit and fall of my horse, I'm an asshole." T mumbled a tired reference from his lips as he sighed and stepped away- before pausing "Oh yeah Gauntlets are Simple weapons I'm proficient with- that's why I didn't get that non-proficiency on that poke...interesting.

Cody gulped and ran a hand through his hair, "Okay…" he sighed, "I suppose it only makes sense that we're in the same boat if we have the same 'curse'," oh Jesus christ, what did T do to them?

"Let's just...let's just go and- I really don't know, go to Iliasburg? Get supplies here I guess too- we only got ten gold to our name…We're roughing it hard huh?" T said, scratching his chin.

"Let's go grab Luka too, I guess, he's always screaming about adventure, and I don't want to even think of the possibility of him being nabbed by a gross monster-like a slug or something," Cody suggested, turning back towards the village, "Action economy monopoly never hurt anyone but the thing on the other end of it."

"Which is usually us- too bad for them though." T said, remembering the DM who thought throwing thirty goblins at a pair of level ones was fair and balanced.

"Don't make me wait," Alice ordered, "I'll track you by scent as you're leaving town, so don't even try bailing on me."

"Just head- oh yeah you didn't get his scent...can you smell a third human scent that's fairly recent?" T asked, knowing Scent could easily track Luka- but he's pretty sure that actually depending on a survival check or something like that.

"No need, you two are distinct enough...and I'm not talking about just your soap."

"Wasn't talking about that- I was more of leaning towards you just going to that third kids scent- he lives here so you should be able to track it easy right? That's where we're heading after we get some supplies." T said, explaining what he was talking about.

"Ugh," Alice grunted, rapidly transitioning to look like a human, "I'll just go with you…"

"I wonder if the church has books or something, I need some info on how to sharpen a fuckin' sword...at least I think I do." T talked to himself out loud, wondering if he actually needed to do maintenance or if the weird rules of 3.5 would just let him keep a keen edge no matter what.

"I have weaponsmithing, no worries," Cody replied, popping open the door to a shop and walking into it.

Cody blinked, the instant he walked into the shop he was met with a spreadsheet that took up his entire vision with prices of every item. It was transparent, so he could see the shopkeeper behind it acknowledge him.

"Hey there! Just go ahead and take a look around!"

 **[Bedroll x2, -2sp. Gold Remaining: 9gp, 8sp]**

 **[Backpack, -2gp. Gold Remaining: 7gp, 8sp]**

 **[Rations x3, -1gp, 5sp. Gold Remaining: 6gp, 3sp]**

 **[Flint and Steel, -1gp. Gold Remaining: 5gp, 3sp]**

 **[Pitcher, clay x2, -4cp. Gold Remaining: 5gp, 2sp, 6cp]**

 **[Dagger -2gp. Gold Remaining: 3gp, 2sp, 6cp]**

 **[Sling -0gp. Gold Remaining: 3gp, 2sp, 6cp]**

 **[Bullets x20 -2sp. Gold Remaining: 3gp, 2sp, 6cp]**

 **[Quarter-Pound of Salt, -1gp. Gold Remaining: 2gp, 2sp, 6cp]**

The sling was free...just like in 3.5. Even against logic, the rules seemed to well...rule. And they seemed to have GM lazy enough to not use the city size rules. You know, like most of them. Lazy fucks.

"Where the hell did that backpack come from?" Alice said in confusion- as the said object had just _appeared_ on his body.

"I bought it," Cody replied, quirking a brow, not questioning the game mechanics.

Luka sat in his kitchen, taking in the emptiness of his home. He planned to head out just after his baptism, but he couldn't bring himself to do it for a bit of time. He was leaving his home, likely to never return again, be it from achieving his goal and being hailed as the stronkest hero, or after being nabbed by a monster.

Psshh, the latter couldn't possibly happen.

He lowered his head and closed his eyes, about to leave, he prayed, "Ilias give me-"

A loud noise of someone slamming one of his windows made him jump and shift his vision to the figure standing in his window-it was Cody-and he was pressing his face right into it.

"Yup, looks just like the CG!" Cody announced to T.

"I wonder…" T said, before raising his hands towards the the door and-

 **[DC: 20][Open Lock Check: 4-1 = 3, Check Failed!]**

"Well I tried at least." T said before shrugging and stepping back, having just stuck his finger in the lock and nothing else.

"Open the door, hero wannabe!" Cody yelled through the window at Luka.

"Hero wannabe? But I'm a baptised hero!" Luka yelled in response.

There was a silence, before-

 **[DC: 13][Break Check: Take 10+3 = 13, Check Success!]**

"FUCK!" T roared as he kicked the doorknob and it smashed open.

He paused, foot extended, staring.

"Woops." T said, rubbing the back of his head as he poked his head in "Uh, sorry about that, didn't know I was that strong. Maybe the doors where I come from are just a lot tougher?" T said, looking back at the shattered remains of the lock.

Alice squeezed into the door in front of T, and took in Luka's appearance, sniffing the air. "He's baptized," she confirmed, "disgusting."

Luka blinked, "Who is she?" he questioned.

"Nigga, you literally saw a snake who looked exactly like her," Cody noted.

"I mean, yes I did, but she's not a snake lady!" Luka argued as if Cody was being stupid.

T sidled up and wrapped an arm around Cody "Let him live in his own world, it'll be fucking hilarious when he realizes." T whispered into his ear.

 **[DC: 15][Listen Check: 20-9 = 11, Check Failed!]**

T blinked, astonished by Luka- and also wondering mechanically _how he can be that fucking bad_ at _listen_.

Luka failed, so he decided to take a step closer in the hopes to hear their whispering, to which Alice switched form and wrapped her tail around both T and Cody and jerked them away from Luka, "Don't pollute them with your smell!" she yelled kinda hysterically.

"There's a snake as my belt." T said with a bad southern accent whisper to Cody

Luka screamed seeing the woman transform and grabbed his sword from off the kitchen table, pointing it at Alice and ordering, "Let them go!"

"Did the DM skip even showing us our opposed grapple checks that's how hopeless that was?" T said, then paused "Then again this is kinda nice." he said, patting the snake tail around him.

"Snake skin is really soft…" Cody stayed in character, even though he was internally screaming at how much he had _fucked_ up this timeline.

"I could rape both of them in front of you, and you wouldn't be able to oppose me," Alice deadpanned to Luka, "In fact, if you don't put down that sword, I will do it just to prove a point."

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!]**

 **[C: 1+8=9]**

 **[Alice: 10+31 =41]**

Cody started to shift around while inside of Alice's tail, but didn't budge the grip one bit.

Luka lowered his blade, "You...you do look pretty strong…"

Alice released her captives the instant Luka said that, "Good to know you realize who's in control here, idiot."

"I'd pat you on the head to comfort you kid, but I'm pretty sure she'd flay you alive _while_ raping me at the same time if I did so uh...Good on ya, she's not an enemy." T said, shifting his plates around to get them back comfortably

"Only the former," Alice replied, eyes narrowing, "I'd rather not eat human in a place like this."

"I'm not sure if that's supposed to comfort me or discomfort me so I'm just not gonna think about it." T said wisely as he scratched the back of his head and turned to Luka fully.

"So, yeah sorry for the door- The baptism was well...yeah in hindsight not the best, given we'd like to bring you along on the adventure- but uh...yeah we have a guest that doesn't like you smelling like angel liver. Which kinda made this whole situation a lot harder and I overreacted." T said, doing a little bow with his hand on his heart.

Alice's eyes shot open when he mentioned angel liver, "how do you know what that smells like?"

"A monster girl who mentioned it. Iliasport is friendly with mermaids so I couldn't pass up the chance to learn some stuff." T shrugged ",that's how she described it, and I believed her." he said nonchalantly.

"Sure...damn pervert," Alice replied, "let's just go, I trust you know how Iliasburg can help us."

"Good food and away from the temple," Cody shrugged, "we really have no idea where to even start, but here is a definite no."

"We probably should have bought a map at the general store." T noted, realizing their mistake- given that maps were usually _overlooked_ in their campaigns.

"I...I have a map," Luka said, "I assume you wanted to travel with me…" he eyed Alice as he spoke, grabbing and threatening two randos wasn't the greatest first impression. Or...mayhaps the baptism did something to him besides reflavor his bodily fluids?

"Yeah, you seemed like the type with a lot of potential, but also the type to head out too soon- so we were gonna ask if you wanted to travel with us. Power in numbers and we can help you along." T said, and blinked as the dice rolled in his head.

 **[DC: 15][Diplomacy Check: Take 10+7+2(Circumstance) = 19, Check Success!]**

 **[Luka: Friendly - Helpful!]**

T blinked, not only at the fact that the proverbial 'Hand' in his mind caught the dice and put it on 10, as in, he had just taken ten. He didn't think in this world the 3.5 rule of taking ten- as in not rolling so that the system could embody _consistency_ and why blacksmiths probably don't fuck up horribly randomly, or other craftsmen for that matter- they _take ten_ , meaning they used skill only so to speak instead of bursts of luck.

He was glad to know he didn't need to always roll shit- albeit that would have been handy _earlier_ with Alice.

"I...I trust you. You saved me and that snake lady I think, so I believe you. I'm in your hands!" Luka said passionately before stopping "Uh...what's your name?" Luka asked, tilting his name to which T chuckled in response.

"I'm T." the aforementioned person said, before pointing at Cody "That's Cody." and then he points at Alice "And that's Alice." T said, finished up so that Alice didn't put her tail in her mouth and make party relations _even worse_. "And we caught your name in town- Luka, right? Get your stuff and let's head out before it starts getting closer to night- fighting blind isn't the best y'know?" T finished his words with a clap.

"Don't stand too close," Alice deadpanned, "monster repellant."

Luka was about to speak back before he realized something.

If he smelled to the point of being monster repellant- how was he supposed to convince monster girls to not be violent?!

He entered a mental depression, slinking into his home as he gathered his things- before he thought of something.

Those two were travelling peacefully with a monster girl- maybe he could convince them to help!

Marveling at his genius plan and grasping onto it for dear life- he got his things with a pep in his step.

Meanwhile T plopped down into a seat whilst he was planning his 'Evil' schemes, Cody sat across from him and began to speak an important announcement,"T, I'm not actually a monk…"

"Wait- what really? Is that why you didn't flurry of blows earlier?" T said, recalling the slime fight

"Yeah, I have a generic class-'Expert', the GM said monk was a shitty class," he explained, "I get bonus feats like a fighter does, but there's something off about them, my feat selection menu is fucking huge-not bound by 'fighter feats', but there's something else that's off...I can choose other class features."

"Oh that? Yeah that's a thing, guessing Expert is like Warrior in that book then." T said, flexing his system knowledge as he leaned onto the table.

"I checked my other class options, I can't multiclass out of generic classes-I'm stuck with them," Cody clicked his tongue, "I haven't selected my feat yet."

"Eh? But aren't you fuckin' human?" T said, then paused "I think the DM's fucking with you for entertainment value." he said, stroking his beard covered chin.

"Who's this 'DM' you're talking about?" Alice questioned, she at this point noticed the metal in Cody's arm, "What is that?" she pointed at it.

"One question at a time, Alice," Cody replied, she slithered over and grabbed his wrist, touching the metal and-

Her book opened, making her scream, "Ghost book!"

"Wait, fucking _WHAT?!_ " T yelled with her, snatching her book and looking at it.

T stared for a long moment before sighing "I can't see her fucking sheet- Just mine." he said, placing it on the table before he touched his wrist and popped out his own book, flipping through the pages before he found something.

"Share sheet?" T said, quirking a brow, then sighed.

"We get magic fucking books but not magic fucking pens don't we?" T said to the sky.

"Magic pens? Why?" Cody grabbed the book Alice had produced and presented it to her, "We need you to read thi-"

"Get that away from me!" she yelled and retreated to a corner, quivering. Cody lowered it, then turned to T, whispering, "Knowing her stats would be useful but...having this as an asset is better…"

"Damn fucking right." T whispered back, touching his wrist and sucking his book back up into the ether or wherever it came from.

"Ever since we started getting checks, we began to manifest ghosts from our wrists at will," Cody turned to Alice.

"P-p-put it away!" she demanded, digging her face into her hands and turning towards the corner. Jesus, this woman is dumb when it comes down to it.

Cody touched his metal, and his book came out, he put it away and said, "I can't you have to touch the metal again…" and started to approach her-she suddenly jumped towards him, gripping his wrist as tight as she could and causing her sheet to unmanifest...and Cody to grit his teeth in pain after experiencing his hand being stuck into a vice.

"What's going on in here?" Luka questioned.

"Oh nothing, just ghost," Cody replied.

"Ghosts? Ghosts!" Luka screamed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The Salt Train Stops For No Slug**

"We'd been walking for awhile now, me, the two adventurers, and that angry snake lady Alice- and during that time I thought long and hard about how to convince the duo to follow my plans!"

"Luka what plans are you talking about? And why were you monologuing out loud to yourself?" T asked in confusion

"You heard NOTHING!" Luka said back, pointing at him, to which he gave him a look like those cool adventurers that taught him the Luka attack did.

He still didn't know what that look was but it was probably a good expression!

He double checked to see if he was talking out loud- yup, he couldn't hear himself talking.

Anyways, first up he should analyze them! Try and see who they were by how they looked...

T, the leader he guessed from his armor- he had plate that covered a lot of him, but not all- must be for easier movement! Plus it showed off his face, which was heroic. He had a bastard sword on his side that looked a lot more high quality then his longsword too. His face which was uncovered had manly long hair down to his shoulders, and he had the makings of a beard too! Though it wasn't really a full beard- maybe he had shaved it recently? Or only parts of it? Anyways, he had brown eyes- a very earth colored man, he was also white! Luka guessed he was probably an adult- about the size of the village men, and they were about four inches short of six feet- like T! Also, he wondered why he was so...rounded as an adventurer. Is that what muscle mass looks like? It was pretty weird!

Next up with Cody, T's partner, he wore...weird clothes, he wasn't sure why he didn't have a weapon, he only caught the after bit of the fight- maybe he lost his weapon? Luka didn't really know, he was distracted by Alice falling from the sky. That's pretty unusual y'know! Anyways, he was around T's height, with the very startings of scruff for a beard. He couldn't tell if Cody was skinny or fat because of his baggy clothes. His eyes were the same color as Luka's, about the same shade too in the right light. Other than that, he wasn't too remarkable in appearance.

And finally Alice- who glared at him when he looked at her- scary! She had white hair and horns and skimpy clothes and- gosh she had a lot going on with her- maybe she was rich? Or maybe just really vain...He wasn't really sure which sounded more right.

Luka came up with his analysis. T and even Cody was a great pair of adventurers! Probably, he was leaning more on T since T had stuff and Cody didn't- but he shouldn't judge a book by its cover! They seemed to get along with Alice a lot better then him- that grouchy mean snake lady appeared less hostile at least.

He'd broach the topic now- Wait where'd Alice go?

"Luka would you stop looking at us? There's a fuckin' slug monster approaching us." T said, drawing his bastard sword as the trio approached.

"Travellers?" The slug girl began as T silently circled around her- she didn't appear to mind apparently. "And two of you are unbaptized, delicious." she says

Luka, T noticed, seemed to be monologuing for a second in his head before speaking up "Alright Alice, I'll- Ara?" Luka said confused looking around.

Seems he didn't realize that she'd fucking bolted like in canon.

"I know why you're approaching us," Cody stared down the slug girl, "clear out of here before you become a red stain on the side of the road."

T had arrived at the other end and set up a readied an action to charge when the fighting began.

"You say that now, but you'll be saying something different when I use my mucus to-" she was saying, but the duo tuned her down since well, yeah, she was _fucking disgusting_.

"I see," Cody interrupted, cracking his knuckles and...producing a bag of salt that was clearly labeled.

"Th-that! No!" The slug girls expression darkening as she slid back in fear shivering before she shook her head and lifted her 'dress' up "I- I'll get you before you can use that stuff!" she said as-

Combat began, or well, what would be considered combat as T charged before the initiative started.

 **[Inspiration rolled: Access to Leading the Attack and Douse the Flames!]**

T lifted his bastard sword in a two handed grip and swung after his charge-

 **[Hitting: 14(Flat-Footed)][Attack Check: 8+8 = 16, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 4+4+2(Stance) = 10 damage!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 8+7=15, Slug: 14+0=14. Trip succeeded!]**

 **[Hitting: 14][Trip Attack Roll: 8+10=18, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 10+4+2(Stance)=16 damage!]**

 **[Total Damage: 26 - 60HP = 34HP]**

-and slammed his blade into her- the sharp masterwork edge slicing through her back and not allowing it to slacken, her DR he thinks she has unable to deal with it, he then slammed the blade into her 'legs' and tipped her ass over end as she slammed into the ground- the second blad slash tearing an even bigger chunk out of her.

T then spoke: "Did I just roll 8 like three times in a fucking row almost? Is that unlucky or lucky?" he said confused- maybe his 'dice' had a bubble that made it land on 8 alot that time around? The GM should fuckin' fix that!

And after attacking before combat started; combat.

 **[Initiative: C:8+3 = 11, T:15-5 = 10, Luka: 15+1 = 16, Slug Girl: 4-2 = 2 ]**

 **[Order: Luka, Cody, T, Slug Girl]**

Luka charged up right at her and yelled "Luka ATTACK!" as he swung his longsword and-

 **[Hitting: 14][Attack Check: 15+3+2+2(Flanking)+4 (Prone)-1(Power Attack) = 25, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 4+3+2(Stance)+1(Power Attack) = 10 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 10-34HP = 24HP!]**

His blade rent through them n

Cody walked up right next to Luka, standing in front of the slime, opening the bag of salt as purple **[Menacing]** symbols floating off of him, he dug his hand into the bag and...

 **[Hitting: 14] [Attack Check: 15+4-4+4(Prone)=15, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 7x2(Weakness) = 14 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total=14-24=10HP!]**

The slug began screaming in agony as the salt landed on her body, she grabbed her face (which it landed on) as it melted with the smell of burning slug flesh.

"Okay no more of _that-_ " T said as he felt for the next bit of inspiration now that it was his turn.

 **[Inspiration rolled: Access to Charging Minotaur!]**

He really hoped this gives him another level so he can get some actual damaging techniques.

Oh well.

He swung down the executioner's blade and-

 **[Hitting: 14] [Attack Check: 13+6+2(Flanking)+4(Prone)=25, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+4 = 5 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total=5-10=5HP!]**

"Is this gonna happen every fucking time?" T asked aloud to the sky as he slashed into her shoulder.

The Slug girl's arrived as she rose to her feet- and proc'd a trio of Attacks of Opportunity.

 **[Move action stand! Attacks of Opportunity activate!]**

 **[Hitting: 14] [Attack Roll: T 12+6+2+4=24, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: T 4+4=8]**

 **[Hitting: 14] [Attack Roll: C 11+4+4=19, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: C 2+3=5]**

 **[Hitting: 14] [Attack Roll: L 12+2+2+4=20, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: L 3+4=7]**

 **[Damage Total: 8+5+7 = 20-5HP=-15HP]**

Cody's fist, alongside the two blades of Luka and T, turned her into just what Cody had said- a stain on the road- albeit there was also a gorey pile of slug bits on it.

T and Cody waited for a moment as Luka stared at the fact they'd just defeated a monster girl in less than six seconds- and the message popped up for the duo in a burst of mental confetti.

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1x Slug Girl!]**

 **[XP Gained: 900!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 2000!]**

 **{Items!: large steel shield +1, 51,156 copper coins, potion of hide from undead}**

T and Cody stared at the literally gigantic pile of copper coins on the ground, dumbfounded.

Luka shortly joined in- yes, he had just had to kill his first being, but at the same time a _pile of fucking copper_ just appeared from thin air with a vial of brown something and a shield.

"I...just, how? Why?" T asked the sky searchingly.

The GM did not answer though.

Alice slipped out of her hiding spot, staring at the pile of pennies on the ground where the slime used to be, and asked very stoically, "What?"

"Alice carries it." T said bravely as he turned to her, wiping the viscera off his blade with his glove before sheathing.

"What makes you think I'm coming along to be your packmule?" Alice deadpanned, crossing her arms, "we don't even have any bags to carry that in."

"One, you carry your weight or the ghost books are coming out." T said simply, making Alice flinch "Two, we have sleeping bags and a backpack."

"You think I was actually afraid of those? I was just testing how stupid you are," Alice continued.

T slowly pulled his sleeve back and hovered his hand over the metal part of his arm.

Alice was physically distressed, but stood her ground, "No, I'm not carrying it...unless you wanna make it up to me," she smirked.

"You're getting fed rations and Luka's cooking- it's pretty good by the way, and we're going to be feeding you for our _entire_ journey. Pretty sure carrying a couple of bags with your herculean strength as the you know who isn't the biggest deal- unless you know who is less strong then the rumors say." T said, greed making him ballsy as his hand slowly got closer and closer to the metal- putting a timer on her decision to keep her from thinking clearly.

"Man, can't wait to spend the next eight hours packing copper into sleeping bags...just fucking leave it, it's not worth it, seriously," Cody butted in.

"Cody its fuckin' _five hundred G_ dude, c'mon!" T argued "We could buy a shit ton of supplies with that!"

"How do you know how many there is?" Alice questioned, "there's no way you counted all that."

"Remember the roll checks? We also get notifications telling us what we got as loot. That's 51,156 fifty one thousand one hundred and fifty six copper pieces, or around five hundred and tenish gold." T explained "The other two items are a plus one shield- Luka that's yours your AC must be shit- and a potion of hide from undead." he said, pointing to the two items whenever he referred to them. Luka nodded and wandered over to fiddle the shield onto his arm.

"Hmm...interesting, I suppose I should fight with you once to see that," Alice concluded, "hmm...no, I've decided not to," she yawned, "have fun hauling your pennies."

T slapped the ghost book button.

"Alright, this is a nice spot for camp, already clear of brush...I bet someone else stayed here," Cody spoke, kneeling down next to the road, "It's about ten miles from Ilias village-one day's travel," the sun was starting to set at this point.

Alice dropped the two sleeping bags full of 'pennies' and unshouldered the backpack similarly full of the same contents- she could actually only haul half the horde, and half the horde had fit into the bags snugly.

She fell over onto her face, groaning.

It was more work then she'd done in her entire life, even if it wasn't actually that big of a deal- but carrying literally the limit of what she could carry for six miles in the sun was not her idea of a good time.

"Snakes like to wrap around things...are you the same?" Cody questioned her, looking over his shoulder.

"Oh my god Cody, you don't just ask people if they like to _wrap around things_ , gosh!" T said in mock offense as he started emptying the bags and quickly getting LUka to help him

"Hey dickweed, you like betting dogs? Holy shit, you're weird for wanting to pet something soft and cute, fucking degenerate weido," Cody replied, standing up and taking a look around. The ground was a bit damp, there's probably ponds of water around _somewhere_ given their elevation.

"Fuck yeah I'm a fucking degenerate, and I bet you pet dogs you noble citizen." T shot back

Luka had no fucking idea what the banter even meant but he enjoyed it for the concept itself. "Yeah you, you- dog lovers!" he chimed in excitedly.

T just pat him on the head for trying before getting back to penny duty.

Cody started back down the road a short distance, "Looking for a dryer spot for easy tinder, someone better come with me so I don't get _fucked_ by something big…"

"Luka, how bout you head out with him, learn a bit of survivalism- I'll guard the money pile." T said as he scooped another handful of Copper onto the ground.

"Learn? I'll teach him a thing or two," Luka replied and stood up to follow.

"I'm a country boy too, you probably can't tell me anything I don't already know," given modern research and his southern upbringing, he more than likely knew a little bit more than Luka did, "and Alice, don't eat T while I'm out and there's going to be a ghost book wombo combo."

From her face down position, she gave a thumbs up.

 **[Survival Check: Take 10 + 10 + 2(Aid Another) = 20, Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Food and water for six people!]**

Cody instantly opened his character sheet, where did this random extra +2 he was getting coming from? Yeah, it was there, but it wasn't explained? What is because of previous knowledge?

Nonetheless, he acted on his own, walking around in the wild for a while with no control of his own body, picking up a sundry of edible items. Wild carrots and onions, mostly, and he found a pond a about twenty yards from seemed...clean-ish, and there were tadpoles in it. He was pretty sure he could cook those up, eating it raw would give people salmonella or some shit. He wasn't an _expert._ They also found some grasses Cody wasn't familiar with that Luka insisted he cooked with. Fuckin fantasy worlds

Luka actually followed along, helping him along the way on little things such as picking stuff with him to speed things up for example.

Though, whilst he was helping- he was also doing his own thing- which was looking through the things Cody got for useful ingredients along the way, how to use it and other such things to enhance what meals they could make. Proper planning, essentially, was what he was doing for a _meal_ , and not actual combat.

 **[Craft(Food) Check: 13+7 = 20, Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Meal Enhancement for five people!]**

The duo arrive back soon enough to witness T dragging Alice's face down body onto a bedroll- her front leaving a dirt trail from how heavy she was- T was meanwhile too busy with the herculean task of moving her _fat (thicc) ass_ onto something that wasn't the hard ground, even if he was well, dragging her through the dirt to do so.

"Fucking hell, what are you fucking made out of? Pure fucking adamantium?!" T said, breathing hard from next to Alice's body, a pile of Copper off to the side- though the other three bags were still occupied.

"I don't wanna use...a sleeping bag…" Alice lazily insisted.

"Well we don't got fuckin' pillows so you don't have to sit on the literal cold hard ground, so chill out there and rest while I take care of the coinage. And uh…" T rubbed the back of his neck though she couldn't see it "Thanks for that, we'll buy you something nice when we get to Iliasburg- and yes, I mean food." he said as he wandered back over to the second sleeping bag- and finally noticed the duo "Oh hey, welcome back." he said, plopping back onto the ground and digging copper out by the handful.

Cody plopped what he had scooped up onto one of the sleeping bags and pulled a fat roll of broken up bark from his hoodie pocket, "we should get sack for me to put tinder in," he suggested, looking over at the...not sleeping Alice?

"We'll baby you for the rest of the day," he said to her and started to get the fire going. It happened pretty quickly, given 3.5 rules made it so. Didn't even need to blow.

Luka was pulling out his cooking set in the meanwhile "Yeah, you deserve it." Luka said, setting it up around the fire to get a meal going.

Alice rolled onto her back and rubbed her belly, "feed me."

Luke nodded as he grabbed the ingredients and-

 **[Craft(Food) Check: 18+7+2(Aid Another)+3(Preparation) = 30, Check Succeeded!]**

 **[HEROIC Meal created!]**

 **[Heroes Feast Replicated!]**

T blinked at the mental check he just witnessed as he got up quickly at the scent and plopped down once Luka said it was almost done.

"I packed extra plates since we're a group by the way- so no need to worry about that. T could you go pull them out now?" Luka asked, having felt some sort of crazy inspiration- and with Cody's help it was coming along nicely.

T sighed having just sat down and got up, distributing the silverware and plates to four places around the cooking pot- before for some reason he placed a fifth plate down next to Alice's side of the fire- he thinks he was compelled to by the rules for some reason or another.

He plopped back down just as Alice- reinvigorated, slithered up to the duo of plates, eyes wide at the smell.

"I feel pretty confident about this-" Luka said as he distributed five portions- an extra for Alice, since they'd said they'd treat her for her carrying stuff, and also took a second thing off the fire- a teapot. "-Cody actually found a buncha good stuff for tea, so I rustled that together, tell me whatcha think about it, I'm not really used to adhoc creating stuff like that, but for some reason or another I felt compelled, and I think it works!" Luka said proudly as he said down and began prayer- meanwhile Alice was fucking inhaling her food after the first taste- or well, T thought she would but for some reason she was eating it slow.

He shrugged and began on his- and...he was eating equally as slow- what? He didn't mind but he was getting body controlled like he was in a fight.

Cody grabbed his portion and...he can't eat it any faster? Yup, it was going to take exactly an hour, no more, no less.

Alice shot up, staring at Luka and asking, "Why'd you have to go and get baptized?" having a change of heart _instantly_ from his cooking.

"I'll ignore the underlying feeling I get about those words and take that as a compliment!" Luka said happily, enjoying his meal as well- he really hit it out of the village with this one!

"Yeah fucking kudos on the compliment train with one hundred percent less rape vibes- this if fucking _fantastic_! Viva la fuckin' you dude." T said, a happy camper about their decision to say the least.

"You should be more subtle," Cody suggested to Alice, "with all the monsters spouting 'Imma fuck ya', that'll be a nice change of pace."

"I don't need _you,_ a _human_ , to tell me how to be a monster," Alice retorred with a huff.

"I mean so to speak on the seduction front- wouldn't the advice of y'all's target- a human male- be pretty valuable." T said, with his mouth slightly full, but actually being kinda skilled at talking with it like that.

"A degenerate, monster loving human male," Alice narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms, "you aren't exactly a normal, sane person."

"If you think the followers of Ilias are sane, then I don't know what to tell you…" Cody deadpanned.

"Pretty sure they once got so pent up they made sex robots over in that shithole desert continent." T followed up with a chuckle and a sip of the tea- he didn't know why it didn't taste like shit like leaf water usually does- but he'll chalk it up to that fucking check Luka made.

"Sex robots? Damn perverts," Alice placed her empty plate on the ground, "you wasted your money on the fourth bedroll, I'm not using one."

"What are you going to do?" Cody questioned.

"Wrap up around a tree."

"Really? A fucking tree? Wrap up around Luka instead."

"Hey!" Luka blurted out.

Alice grimaced, "I would, but he's still the only baptized one here."

"Rest in fuckin' pieces Luka, she's actually pretty snuggly feeling." T commented offhandedly as he downed another bite of food.

She smirked, eyeing T, then Cody, "you both smell really good, better than most humans...it's odd, like the difference between the smell of an orange and an apple, but much better than Luka."

Cody blinked, picked up his bedroll, then started walking out of camp, "See ya fags, you're on your own on this one. You can handle cloaca pushed up against you." He wanted to say 'tentacle fingers and hentai hair', but he'd rather not spill that much he knew. In all reality, he'd probably smash Alice if it wasn't for those two things.

"I don't have a cloaca."

T shrugged "And I'm not checkin', but if you keep it PG I wouldn't mind- else you're gettin' the book and no more of Luka's cooking- right Luka?" T said, looking to Luka "Yeah!" he said resolutely, pumping his fist.

T was really glad they got a brand new asset- Luka's food- to bargain with.

"PG?" she questioned, "You dress weird, you smell weird, you talk weird."

"No sex shit, no _weird_ sex shit, just two dudes sharing a sleeping space. And yeah, I do, it's called having a different culture." T said with a shrug.

"Oh, so just because I'm a monster, you think I'm going to rape you?" Alice scoffed.

"Literally like a minute or two ago you basically said you'd screw the shit out of Luka- who's religious to you know _who_ , if he wasn't baptized, and given you were hunky dory with forcing us to let you mooch off of us- yeah excuse me for thinking you'd get a little handsy." T said with a deadpan.

Cody came walking back into the camp at that moment, announcing, "Alright, I wandered into a sleeping leech girl and remembered Alice isn't that bad."

"Damn fucking straight." T said raising his teacup and taking a swi-sip. "Yeah that's getting kinda old." T sighed as he shoved some more ten out of ten food into his mouth.

"Just...I don't fuckin know, pick someone, I'm gonna go to bed," Cody said begrudgingly and piled into his sleeping bag.

T yawned, smacking his mouth, having slept for exactly a long rest- 8 hours that is- down to the millisecond in fact.

T cracked his neck- being game characters was kinda weird, but hey, he was up earlier than he expected.

Cody woke up at the exact same time, and noticed both Alice and Luka were still asleep. Alice was wrapped around a tree, opting out of treading on the food mules for the time being. Cody...oddly felt kinda bad, they were _supposed_ to baby their coin mule.

"Codes, could you wake up Luka so he and you can get to working on a good meal- I need to get my armor on n' shit." T said, hopping up and wandering over to the communal backpack to dig his shit out.

Cody opted to wake up Alice first, maybe some dumb shit she'd pull would wake Luka. If Luka really could pollute his scent, that was one less thing he could exploit. Alice shook awake when Cody put a hand on her shoulder, quickly speaking.

"Don't think I'm going to always leave you alone," in a playful, she liked playing footsies with the idea, even if she didn't really mean it...at least until the set H-scene points.

"Yeah, yeah, be a basic bitch monster," Cody bantered.

"Basic? I'll have you know I'm above the trash that is wild monsters."

"Then fucking act like it," Cody smirked, "we're heading out after breakfast, just carry those coins another few miles and you can stay at the Sutherland inn-now that we have a hero to get us in there at a sane price."

"Luka, what logical reason do you scream out Luka Attack like every time you consciously swing a sword?" T asked, looking over at the purple haired lad, matching his step with the boy, switching on **[Iron Guard's Glare]** in preparation for the mandragora now that he remembered they'd be running into the thing.

"Oh, it's a war cry shout! At least that's what the pilgrims said-" T held up a hand around when Luka said pilgrims

"Forget literally everything you've learned from a pilgrim. And I mean _literally_ everything." T said with a sigh.

"But why! They were super nice heroes and stuff-" Luka began to argue back before being interrupted again.

"You mean a bunch of beginners who literally have no idea what their doing because heroes _start_ at Ilias Village. You learned hundreds of tips from amateurs who hadn't fought a day in their life. Notice any differences from how hard you hit and I hit? Yeah, they're probably about half as effective as you if I'm being _nice_ about it." T lectured as he walked- sagging a bit due to carrying the backpack of copper- which honestly wasn't a lot but it was fucking _heavy_. Probably the only reason he could carry it was because of some weird obscure hole in the logic making it where he could push drag the bag on his back so to speak.

"That…" Luka said, looking like he was trying to figure out a counter argument "That would mean I wasted five years of my life on nothing!" Luka shouted

"Most people waste their entire lives doing nothing- be glad you only lost five and be glad you're getting help." T said sternly, then messed up Luka's hair when he got pouty about the words.

"First of all, telling the enemy what your doing is stupid, secondly- putting all your strength into a strike is pointless if you don't _hit_ the enemy. The only reason you hit shit yesterday was because she was on the ground _and_ surrounded. If you can swing with less movement more quickly with equal strength, do so, doing flashy movements only opens you up to getting the _shit_ kicked out of you kid." T said, giving the most obvious tips since he didn't know how to realshit train someone while they were walking, but then again, he'd been taught by layabouts and idiots for five years so he probably didn't even understand the obvious basics.

Luka looked deep in thought as a prompt popped up in T's face

 **[Companion trained! Luka has learned to not power attack every time! Class retraining will occur at next level]**

As for the other two members of the peanut gallery?

"I need a rest…"

"Jesus fucking Christ Alice, use a tree to lean on not me!" Cody half-begged, being almost crushed by the weight of a _700 pound lamia and all the coins she's carrying._

"This is what I call subtlety," Alice replied, then suddenly the weight was taken off of him, leaving Cody to look around confused, "Alice? Oh fuck, that means only one thing!"

Midword to Luka T saw him trip and fall on his face, too distracted by his thoughts and T's teaching- to which something burst from the ground screaming.

 **[Shriek Ability Activated! DC 16 Will Check Required!]**

 **[Will Check: T: 3+2=5. Check Failed!]**

 **[Will Check: Cody: 2+5=7. Check Failed!]**

 **[Will Check: Luka: 13-2=11. Check Failed!]**

 **[Paralysis Duration: Two Rounds!]**

The trio ate shit as Luka stayed on the ground and the other duo's legs gave out as they fell onto the ground staring at the Mandragora rose in all her no shirt glory- then again almost no monster girl wore a shirt so that was kind of commonplace.

 **[Initiative: C:3+3 = 6, T: 17-5 = 11, Luka: 13+1 = 14, Mandragora: 14+3 = 17 ]**

 **[Order:Mandragora, Luka, T, Cody]**

"Who in the hell pulled my head?" the mandragora shouted, looking around confused- sadly for the trio Talking was a free action for her- "Who-" and she apparently had the braincells to realize Cody was too far away to do it, and noticed the other two, and in her brain finally figured out- because planning and talking were free actions- that Luka was the culprit.

"I was finally about to go to sleep you jerk!" She yelled at him, to which she got muffled words because Luka was currently eating shit- the shit being dirt- literally.

"I'll teach you a lesson- You'll be my nourish-" and then she felt a shiver as she looked to her side at T who was giving her a hellish glare.

Somehow she knew she'd have a hard time grabbing the purple haired kid for some reason, it was...a feeling she believed for some reason, so she decided to go with him instead- since he also looked like good nourishment.

"Good enough." She says pleasantly as she reaches down and...realizes his crotch is covered in platemail.

"Darn it." she said, and began trying to take it off...wasting her turn.

Turn two was much of the same- "How the hell do you get this off? There's- where's that buckle go and- why won't it just _come off!_ " she complained loudly.

And thus- turn three began.

 **[Opposed Grapple Check! T 1+5 = 6, 12+10 = 22, Mandragora Wins!]**

And she wasted a third turn on his belt while T tried to force her off him- but her hands were too strong to pull off from his position.

Luka got up angrily- not provoking an Attack of Opportunity because of the grapple, and only drew his longsword- forgetting his shield as he held the blade two handed and slashed with all his might at the **[Prone]** enemy!

 **[Hitting: 12(Grappled)] [Attack Check: 6+2+4(Prone)= 12, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+4=10 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 10-40HP=30HP]**

He slammed into her back causing her to scream in pain- but not **[Shriek]** , since she'd wasted her use of it earlier.

It was T's turn as he gave another go at getting out of the **[Grapple]**.

 **[Opposed Grapple Check! T 6+5 = 11, 2+10 = 12, Mandragora Wins!]**

"You gotta be fucking kidding me." T said, pissed off.

Cody crawled across the Earth and jumped onto the back of the mandragora, wrapping his arms around her body and her throat, taking extra care to slam the back of his hand into the bridge of her nose and yell, "Fuck off my boy, you don't know who you're creeping on!"

 **[Opposed Grapple Check! 18+8=26, 14+10=24, Cody Wins!]**

 **[Grapple Damage: 6+3=9]**

 **[Damage Total: 9-30HP=21HP]**

The Mandragora- hurt _and_ pissed off reach back and grab Cody's arms to-

 **[Opposed Grapple Check! 13+8=21, 10+10=20, Cody Wins!]**

-no avail as Cody keeps his grip on her.

Luka, meanwhile, got back to hacking at her like a fucking lumberjack- but with more stabbing because he'd accidentally hit Cody if he swung.

 **[Hitting: 12(Grappled)] [Attack Check: 15+2+4(Prone)= 21, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+4=5 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 5-21HP=16HP]**

"Stop touching my friends!" Luka yelled, not realizing the Mandragora was absolutely being the one held down now.

And thankfully- due to Cody being the owner of the grapple, T could simply stop 'assisting' him and rise up, drawing his sword alongside his move action and looked at the Inspirations he'd gotten while on the fuckin' ground for four turns.

 **[Inspiration rolled: Access to Vanguard Strike, Charging Minotaur, Leading the Attack, and Crusader Strike!]**

Again, T kinda wishes he'd been able to get an attack maneuver- either way he swung with a **[Leading The Attack!]**

 **[Hitting: 12(Grappled)] [Attack Check: 15+6+4(Prone)= 25, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 9+4=13 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 13-16HP=3HP]**

Now the next person who actually had to swing had a plus 4, but well, Cody was next up so he doubted it'd be needed the buff- but it was nice to finally get to use it.

Cody gritted his teeth and tightened his grip around the monster's throat.

 **[Opposed Pin Check! 11+8=19, 9+10=19, Check Tie, roll again!]**

 **[Opposed Pin Check! 16+8=24, 10+10=20, Cody Wins!]**

At this point, she couldn't scream if she tried.

It was the mandragoras turn again as she feebly attempted to break out one final time and-

 **[Opposed Grapple Check! 2+8=10, 15+10=25, Mandragora Wins!]**

She took a desperate breath of air as she rose up to standing but still in the grapple, arms wrestling with Cody in a bid to get him off so she could escape underground.

Luka lifted his sword- they were the aggressors here so he'd try to take her down without killing her as he swung the side of the blade at her head, swinging hard because he had no idea how hurt she really was and-

 **[Hitting: 12(Grappled)] [Attack Check: 16+3-4(Nonlethal)-1(Power Attack) = 14, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 8+4=12 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 12-3HP=-9HP]**

 **[Nonlethal Attack! Opponent Unconscious instead of Dead]**

Pause, confetti, loot.

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1x Mandragora!]**

 **[XP Gained: 900!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 1600!]**

 **{Items!: 806 gold coins!}**

T stared at the new pile of coins before sighing and dropping his backpack onto the ground as he began shoveling money out again.

"We need more backpacks!" Cody exclaimed, standing up and walking over to the coins, pulling out his holy water flasks and replacing them with coins,

T wordlessly reached over and grabbed the flasks and fastened them to his belt- no telling when he would need Ilias' bath water after all.

Luka said something after a moment "Wait a second are monsters supposed to make stuff appear from thin air?" he said, finally getting around to asking.

"Nah, but we've been cursed so, well, the world acts kinda weird around us- you could also consider it a blessing given we're not eight hundred and six gold richer then a second ago." T said as he did the money shuffle for the- what, fiftieth time now or something? He wasn't really counting.

Alice appeared from the brush commenting, "You can't expect me to carry all this."

"Just...most of the copper, and all of the gold," Cody replied, "just dump out one of them a bit and fill it with gold."

Alice groaned, "gold is heavier than copper."

"I'm a loot whore but like, yeah the gold is more valuable, let's just fuckin' dump the copper now- unless you want to keep it." T said with a shrug, pretty sure that'd piss her off- or maybe not.

All the copper was poured onto the road without hesitation, Alice began to shovel the gold into the sleeping bags.

"We're gonna be making some randos walking down this path really happy," Cody commented.

"I bet," Alice replied.

"Nothing really makes sense anymore, but it's hard to argue with more money then I think Ilias Village has seen in its existence." Luka commented as he chipped in alongside the quartet.

"Why is this so light?" Alice asked in utter confusion as she carried the bags of money and looking significantly less dead inside as she slithered alongside the trio, it being afternoon now- the constant money loading and unloading leading them to take a long time even if they'd left earlier then Luka canonically.

"Thanks again for being the packmule, Alice, we need our energy to not be raped and die," Cody looked over at her, pretending to look at her eyes but actually looked...elsewhere. Damn pervert chekin' out those hora horas.

"Might be our 'Curse' or whatever affecting it, it's logic isn't well...completely logical. Maybe the gold coins have the same weight value as the copper maybe?" T said, accidentally hitting the oddity right in the middle of its eyes.

"That's stupid, you're stupid." Alice said, brain cells dying because it didn't _feel like he was wrong_ , "Stop looking at my chest if you're going to pretend to not like me."

"I'm not the one who made the rules." T said, shrugging as they finally arrived, Iliasburg in the horizon, and unknowingly the group was here slightly earlier then Luka would have canonically- not by _much_ , but they still arrived earlier.

"Well ain't that a fuckin' sight." T said fondly- it was actually a pretty nice view when you were seeing it yourself in the dusk light, albeit a little bit of weight settled into him.

They were going to have to compete with Granberia soon enough, and he _really_ wasn't sure the group was up to snuff. Then again he wouldn't be sure they were up to snuff if they were level _twenty_ so that probably was his pessimism talking.

Albeit, Granberia would non-lethal damage them, and that wouldn't be so bad...it would be the worst pain they have ever experienced, but it wouldn't be so bad.

"T...what do you think my feat should be to fight angry dragons?" Cody questioned, "I don't mean favored enemy...I doubt that would help…." he wasn't paying attention to the sight, rather he was going through the pages upon pages of shit the GM allowed him to take as his class feature.

"A plus four is better than not having a plus four, otherwise something like a marshal ability might help- but I don't think you've got the charisma to make that really work." T said with a shrug

"Yeah but...how many dragons do you think we'll run into?" Cody asked.

"Isn't there an entire section of a region of the things? Then again I get what you mean...wait a fucking second, isn't...monstrous... _humanoid_ an option?" T said, realizing what he just remembered.

Cody looked up at T, and spoke thusly, " _fuck"_. Now you see, favored enemy(monstrous humanoid) would be the optimal option. But what did Cody go ahead and pick?

Cody reached out and ripped a nearby branch off a tree as they walked, holding in front of him in the palm of his hand. A faint light came from his hand as he activated his new class feature, taken from an obscure class in the Book of Vile Darkness.

 **{Hellfire Grasp}**

The branch quickly grew darker, until it was matte black, as if was engulfed by an invisible flame raging in Cody's palm.

When Alice noticed what was off, she suddenly screamed, "What the fuck?" rather out of character at the fact that Cody had _burned a branch with will power alone._

"What the?!" Luka said, having never seen anything resembling actual magic in his entire life outside of, well, the stuff appearing but that was rather mundane to the blatant logic breaking of that.

"Does that actually do fire damage or is it just fluffed like that _?_ " T questioned, quirking a brow.

"Extra unarmed fire damage is fuckin' _cool_ " Cody replied, "We'd get our asses kicked anyway."

"That is literally the most resisted type of damage in the entire game." T said, looking at him like he was dumb.

"Why are you so calm!" Luka yelled- to which they continued to ignore him.

Cody blinked, "I just realized, these are technically bonus feats, so like...I bet I could retrain them to be even more of an indecisive dickback."

T nodded "Yeah probably, but only when you level up- maybe at some point specializing yourself will be pretty handy." T said, vaguely remembering the shit they're going to have to deal with.

"Yeah, I can take what's good at low level now and high level later...like a fighter with an identity crisis," Cody once again focused himself on walking, "Y'know, who would've thought all this knowledge of a fucking dice game would come in handy?"

"It really shouldn't have but hey, least we aren't gonna get fucking _vored_ because of it, so I'ma keep on not looking that gift horse in the mouth- even if that saying is fuckin' stupid." T said, rolling his shoulders as he started walking towards the town- and threw in a random statement "Alice, pop into human form, you know those religious types aren't gonna give you no ama ama dangos if you don't." he threw out to make sure Alice did actually do the smart thing.

Alice yawned, already in human form mid-sentence as he spoke, "On it."

"Fuckin' powermove. Let's get in there quick so we can sleep in a fuckin' room." T said, hating nature with a fiery passion- maybe he should pick up endurance so he can sleep in his plate in case of attacks and to be less near nature.

God he's gonna fucking hate the alraune portion of the game more than usual.

"It's a fuckin ghost town- lets check out the town center." T said, 'noticing' the lack of people. "It's a big as fuck city so no way it should be this quiet." T added, sounding stressed- because he was, but it was good that he didn't act like everything was as planned.

The two canon characters might notice if Cody and him didn't really flinch at any of the shit they would encounter.

"Maybe they all got carried off by monsters…" Cody suggested, "If they start grouping up, we're fucked."

"Let's hope they don't and plan for if they do." T said with a shrug as he looked to Luka "Yo, bring us to the town center- double time, me and Cody don't know the city too well." he said, slapping the kid on the back as he started jogging, Luka following suit after a moment and leading the way since T was, well, the slowest of the group.

Heavy armor was a _fucking bitch_ to deal with.

Soon enough they spotted her in her sexy competent glory- Granberia, the only relatively normal person in the entire setting.

Now, you would think that Luka, T, and Cody would be utterly shitting themselves at the moment like Luka was canonically- but you see…

Luka's cooking was too fucking powerful.

He'd made a _second_ heroes feast, so what does that mean?

The trio were immune to fear- T and Cody knew they were fucked, more than Luka honestly, but the feast made them not really sweat it too much.

It seemed Granberia was doing her thing with the guards.

"Are you three going to fight or not?" Granberia asked menacingly, her glare piercing through the three soldiers and urging them to charge,

Cody picked up his pace slightly, alter-ego going into full effect upon sight of this dragon woman. He knew she wouldn't _try_ to kill him, meta-knowledge cheats for life, so getting points towards looking like a badass in the eyes of the public was something he could hope for.

T followed- and spoke up before the guards could reply, "Yeah, they are." he said, cracking his neck as he drew his bastard sword "And so are we, cursed swordswoman.

Cody cracked his knuckles, " _you're going to be leaving this town_ " he announced, lowering his gaze a bit to take advantage of the art-style...his eyes were covered by a harsh shadow, his hands both began to glow like shining embers as he approached and **[Menacing]** filled the air.

"Yeah! We won't let you hurt anyone else villain!" Luka said, his magic steel shield on his arm- actually cutting a decently competent figure- T guessed it was probably the class retraining in effect.

The trio of soldiers looked over, the third still feeling decently hopeless, T whispered something quickly to Cody and jerked his head towards the scaredy cat. "Give him a confidence boost, we need all the help we can get and you're better at diplomacy, after that let's surround her- I've got my charge stance on." he said- a simple plan, but honestly it's the best they had.

"Ilias will protect you, Ilias will protect us...she's not about to let someone like _her_ take this town," Cody spoke to the men, standing in front of them and puffing out his chest to make himself appear taller than he actually was, "Go through the city after her and strike; Show no mercy and show no pity!"

 **[Diplomacy Check: 14+11=25. Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Guard: Indifferent - Friendly!]**

The third guard gulped and nodded, stepping up and picking up his longsword to stand next to his comrades in the face of the seemingly unstoppable monster girl.

"We've got one shot at this men!" T spoke up, taking position behind Granberia who allowed it simply because she was curious- these men felt a good deal different then the usual zealot. "I know you've listened to orders before, so listen to them now! When I say 'Now', charge with all you've got and swing! No sooner, no later! Understood?" T spoke up with authority- his speech helped a lot by, well, his armor- having what amounted to _almost platemail_ helped give you a more commanding presence honestly.

The guards, having no other plan, nodding, preparing themselves- and unconsciously doing a _ready action_.

Cody stepped up to the block like a track runner ready to break out into a sprint.

Luka twirled his sword and lowered his stance- more ready for this then he had ever been canonically.

It was then that T felt the chains of combat attach themselves to him and he grinned.

 **[Initiative: C:9+3 = 12, T: 15-5 = 10, Luka: 16+1 = 17, Soldier 1: 12+2 = 14, Soldier 2: 1+2 = 3, Soldier 3: 11+2 = 13, Granberia: 9+5 = 14 ]**

 **[Order: Luka, Soldier 1, Granberia, Soldier 3, Cody, T, Solder 2]**

Luka and the Soldier one continued with their readied action, waiting patiently as the standoff continued.

And then it was Granberia's turn...this entire plan hinged on- T grinned as the turn order went to Soldier 3's.

She'd skipped her turn waiting for them to get to her to do stupid anime bullshit to look cool- he fucking _knew it_.

Cody's turn passed- and then it was his.

 **[Inspiration rolled: Access to Vanguard Strike, and Douse the Flames!]**

And he grinned- fucking _perfect_ RNG, and held his turn, pushing himself down and down and _down_ the turn order until- there it goes.

Soldier 2 readied his action.

Perfect.

Then...he walked up, and swung his sword...whilst saying something.

"Now!" T said- his attack in the middle of happening as the game _burst_ into action, the five other people blasting from their spots and where did they end up?

All around Granberia- more precisely, soldier three was right across from him- giving him a flanking bonus as he continued with his action… **[Vanguard Strike]**.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Fire and Flames**

 **[Hitting: 17][Vanguard Strike Attack Check: 13+6+1(Heroes Feast)+2(Flanking) = 22, Check Success!]**

 **[Vanguard Strike Proc'd!]**

 **[Damage: 9+5 = 14 damage!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 8+7=15, Granberia: 6+7+4(Size)=17. Trip Failed!]**

 **[Damage Total: 14-170HP = 156HP!]**

Granberia's blade raised to stop his boredly- until the inspiration flowed through him and his blade snaked around and slammed into it from an unexpected angle- throwing her sword arm back unexpectedly- leaving it high and dry from protecting her from the horde of mean swinging at her, his blade stabbing into her side slightly as he thrust right after battering her blade away, her feet stepping away from the follow up swing to knock her over.

T clicked his tongue- not the best outcome- but it was fucking _great_ either way.

And then...the silence for a split second- until the blades whistled as they swung and fists thrust violently.

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Check: Luka 13+5+1(Heroes Feast)+4(VS)+2(Charge)+2(Flank)-2(PA) = 24, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage: 8+2+2(PA)+2(Stance) = 14 damage!]**

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Check: Soldier 1 11+4+4(VS)+2(Charge)+2(Flank)-1(PA) = 22, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage: 3+2+1(PA)+2(Stance) = 8 damage!]**

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Check: Soldier 3 6+4+4(VS)+2(Charge)+2(Flank)-1(PA) = 17, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage: 7+2+1(PA)+2(Stance) = 12 damage!]**

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Check: Soldier 3 7+4+4(VS)+2(Charge)+2(Flank)-1(PA) = 18, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage: 6+2+1(PA)+2(Stance) = 11 damage!]**

 **[Total Damage: 45-156HP = 111HP]**

The blades painted the air with blood- each soldier and Luka's blades filled with martial vigor- T's presence somehow pushing them _beyond_ their normal power as they all landed their strikes, digging surprisingly deep into the formerly untouchable Granberia, the cursed swordswomans eyes incredibly wide as her blade still lie in the air- unable to stop her assailants assault.

Cody's strike was the one that stood out to her the most, he slammed his fist into the side of her face, his hand began to glow red hot and _painfully burn her skin_ , the smell of her own flesh burning filled her nose-he didn't punch with flame-he punched with an erupting heat that could burn just about anything.

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Check: Cody 15+4+4(VS)+2(Charge)+2(Flank)+1(Heroes Feast) = 28, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage: 6+3+5+2(Stance) = 16 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 16-111HP=95HP!]**

The _round_ ended, six seconds had passed, and Granberia...was grinning widely.

Now this...this was a good fight!

But...the rules of the turn order continued undaunted by her excitement, it was Luka's turn- the only person who had moved their turn order was T, who was now the last of the group.

Now- this was phase two of T's bullshit, and let me explain what exactly just happened, and why this was going so well.

You see, T remembered Granberias perchance for being a showoff, and gambled on her not understanding the RPG system that had started existing about a day or two ago, so she wouldn't understand how to _ready an action_ , just like Luka appeared to not know how to _take 10_.

So he made everyone ready an action to charge when he _said something_ , and speaking?

A free, _immediate action_. Meaning he could say it in the middle of doing something- such as _attacking_. From there it worked out like he planned- the DM apparently thinking that his bullshit cheese was more entertaining then balance, and allowing him to get a flanking bonus on an attack he was _in the middle of_ because of his bullshit.

From there, he vanguard striked after putting himself at the bottom of the turn order...which had a second facet aside from making sure everyone attacked at the right time.

Vanguard Strike stayed up until _it was his next turn_.

So effectively, everyone kept their +4 for two entire _attacks_ instead of just one, because T is an unfair bastard.

And now? It was Luka's turn, and the boy of course swung his sword with righteous fervor, but holding back as T's words echoed in his head.

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Check: Luka 5+5+1(HF)+4(VS)+2(Flank) = 17, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage: 6+2 = 8 damage!]**

 **[Total Damage: 8-95HP = 87HP]**

Followed by the guard, who was less careful- spurred on by the momentum of battle he swung with all his might and-

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Check: Soldier 1 12+4+4(VS)+2(Flank)-1(PA) = 21, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage: 2+2+1(PA) = 5 damage!]**

 **[Total Damage: 5-87HP = 82HP]**

 **[Enemy Bloodied!]**

And now...it was her turn.

You see in ordinary circumstances, like the canonical Luka battle, everything would be going perfectly easy and she'd hold back _heavily_.

These were not normal circumstances- so to speak, she had a couple different stages so to speak, they'd went from stage 1 to stage _3_ in a moment, having only two stages remaining before she would take them on at full power- and boy howdy would the six of them be dead in a _second_ if she did.

She slowly turned her gaze to T, who blinked, and wasn't sure if he was happy or scared that she…was going to fucking smash him.

On the plus side though, he _was_ the tank, so he was kinda built to deal with this.

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Check: Granberia 15+16-5(PA) = 26, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage: 6+10+5(PA)-5(Steel Resolve) = 16 damage!]**

 **[Total Damage: 16-31HP = 15HP]**

She was _not_ holding back on the lethality as he felt her slam her blade into his side, slicing through an opening of his half plate as he felt pure agony rip through is body as he barely pushed her blade off from him and staggered back a bit into his allotted 5 foot square, his body hanging on as well as it was because of Luka's Heroes Feast- or would it be called Heroes Breakfast? And his Steely Resolve delaying 5 points until the end of the turn.

Either way he was at least _alive_ ish, and if he was correct she...probably couldn't kill him in one shot next round? His math might be off because of the _giant fucking chunk of his body being cleaved_.

Either way though, it was the next turn- Soldier 3 stepped up to the plate valiantly, swinging as hard as he could like the others- the wisdom he probably lost from following Ilias causing him to do a Luka and pump out Power Attacks like a madman.

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Check: Soldier 3 5+4+4(VS)+2(Flank)-1(PA) = 14, Check Failed!]**

...And 'missed' as Granberia offhandedly smacked his blade away from herself without even looking at him. First miss, which T sweated heavily about.

 **[Hitting: 17] [Attack Check: Cody 5+4+1(Heroes Feast)+4(VS)+2 Flank =16, Check Failed!]**

Cody threw another straight punch at Granberia, she moved her body in response so his strike would hit her harmlessly in her plate-which was a mistake!

 **[Granberia's Touch AC = 10, Touch Attack Succeeded!]**

Cody's burning hands burned her _through_ her platemail, causing her to gasp in surprise as another burn mark polluted her skin.

 **[Damage Roll: 5]**

 **[Damage Total: 5-82HP=78HP!]**

Next up was the final soldier- number two swinging like a champion, attempting to take advantage of her surprise!

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Check: Soldier 2 13+4+4(VS)+2(Flank)-1(PA) = 22, Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage: 6+2+1(PA) = 9 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 9-78HP = 69HP!]**

 **[Aw Yeah!]**

T was pretty sure that Aw yeah wasn't actually there, and that was just his pained imagination.

Either way though...it was his turn.

Righteous Vengeance coursed through him as his inspiration rolled and-

 **[Inspiration rolled: Access to Crusader Strike!]**

He thanked whatever divine power was flowing through him as he swung with that same maneuver with a fury, or well, a **[Furious Counterstrike]**!

 **[Hitting: 17][Crusader Strike Attack Check: 19+6+1(Heroes Feast)+2(Flanking)+1(Furious Counterstrike) = 29, CRITICAL STRIKE!]**

 **[Crusader Strike Proc'd!]**

 **[Healing: 4+2 = 6+15HP = 21HP!]**

 **[Damage: 7+5+1(Furious Counterstrike)x2 = 26 damage!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 16+7=23, Granberia: 10+7+4(Size)=21. Trip Success!]**

 **[Hitting: 17[Trip Attack Roll: 7+6+1(Heroes Feat)+2(Flanking)+1(Furious Counterstrike)+4(Prone) = 21, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 7+5+1(Furious Counterstrike)=13 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 39!-69HP=30HP]**

Rage filled his body as he swung with might he did not think he had- his blade slammed into her ankles- throwing her off her feet with such force she was still in the air for a solid moment- her body twisting a bit perfectly to where her stomach was up to the sky- and perfectly aligned with T's bastard sword as he _slammed_ it into her stomach, smashing her into the ground as blood splattered all about them, T's blade pulling out of her equally painfully as the situation dawned on Granberia fully- and she wasn't sure she was going to get a chance to stop them from finishing her- she was closer to death then she'd been in so, _so_ long.

It was an amazing fight, she'd never have expected it out of those guards- and that boy- that _boy_ \- she was going to make sure he lived!

Either way though, the battle was interrupted suddenly as Luka and Soldier 1 raised their blades…

"Wait wai-" Cody was cut off.

"STOP!" Roared someone, the six warriors looking over suddenly as if a presence commanded them to.

 **[DC 29][Frightful Presence Will Checks!: 8+1, 6+1, 7+1, Check Failed!]**

 **[Soldier 1, 2, 3 Panicked!]**

 **[T, Cody, and Luka are Immune to Fear Effects!]**

Luka's breakfast was fucking god. Also- T felt himself cringe as spurts of blood exploded a bit from him- his delayed damage having come in, reducing him to 16HP again.

The 3 guards looked over at Alice, to the trio who had eaten breakfast, she looked...spooked, but also angry.

The guards however?

The aura she exuded slammed into their brains with so much force they hallucinated images so horrifying the trio couldn't even comprehend or imagine what they were seeing- The three soldiers immediately dropped their weapons and shields and bolted, combat ending technically because of it due to the trio abiding by not continuing as well, and the guards shitting themselves so hard they couldn't continue.

And Granberia?

 **[DC 29][Frightful Presence Will Checks!: 16+7, 23 Check Failed!]**

 **[Granberia Panicked!]**

Was actually sweating heavily from the floor, feeling more legitimate fear then she'd felt in her entire life- she...why? It was Alice! But she couldn't stop feeling it, and as she lay on her back bleeding, she could not flee, so she… _ **[Cowered]**_.

The effect though, soon ended and T looked warily down at Granberia who was...was she sweating? Alot? Jesus, it'd been only...two rounds right? Or well, one round of effort.

The snake slithered over quickly, ending up next to Granberia nigh instantly as the dragon girl looked up confused as to why she was so scared of her a moment ago- before going back to being stoic, her body sluggishly lifting itself up as she forced herself to kneel in front of Alice.

"Granberia…" Alice began, sounding dangerous "you held back- _again_...and almost died like a _fool_." she said, staring down at Granberia's bleeding form. "Do you have any excuses you'd like to present against that statement?" Alice said with venom.

Heh, snake jokes.

"No...my lord." Granberia said quietly, cowed heavily by the experience and the burst of fear she felt for some reason.

"And why are you here? Who ordered you to attack Iliasburg?" Alice said, glaring death at the back of Granberia's head, to which T could swear Granberia folded into herself a little.

"I...I decided to do it myself." the swordswoman replied, "To get rid of those annoying heroes near the source…" Granberia finished, feeling like she was in the deepest shit she had been in her life.

Funny how a boring time like beating a buncha pissant guards can turn into the most vulnerable moment of her existence.

"Go away and recuperate, you annoyance." Alice said sternly, leaving no room for argument.

Canonically, a short session of arguing would occur, but now?

She was, statistically speaking at 18% HP, as in, she was _four fifths dead_.

She nodded shakefully as she went to rise- before stumbling- and being caught by T of all people.

"It was...a good fight." T said, punching Luka in the shoulder-

 **[Hitting: 12][Crusader Strike Attack Check: 12+6+1(Heroes Feast) = 17, Check Success!]**

 **[Crusader Strike Proc'd!]**

 **[Healing: 2+2=4+30HP=34HP]**

 **[Damage: 3+3= 6 Damage!]**

 **[Total Damage: 6-26HP=20HP]**

"Ow!" Luka said, flinching, "What was that fo-" he began before he stared in confusion at Granberia- who's wounds had...closed before his eyes?!

"I could heal you more if you want but uh, it only works if I hit people, so yeah, that should have stopped the bleeding." T said, helping Granberia up properly.

Granberia stared at him in confusion "You...I, I have many, many questions." she said, sheathing her sword "But...my lord has commanded I leave, so they will have to wait. What is your name?" she asked, getting weirdly close to him.

"Uh, Tristan the adventurer, T for short, no titles?" T replied like it was a question, a little weirded out at the behavior.

"Granberia, master of the cursed sword techniques, one of the four heavenly knights, and wondering where you learned those techniques. Expect to see me sooner rather than later, _T_." Granberia said with a fire burning in her eyes before she turned, bowed to Alice, and flew off quickly.

T blinked.

"What?" is all he had to say as he slowly sheathed his bastard sword.

Alice disappeared as soon as she could, getting her monster form out of public eye...and this time around she'd have to respect the concept of a disguise as much as she could. Surely...not everyone was as dumb as Luka.

Cody looked around him as the population began slowly peaking their heads out of their homes, and even more slowly leaving, announcing, "You must all stand tall in the face of adversity, for you saw here today, we all have the capacity to be Heroes!"

Cody turned back towards T, saying, "we should hunt down those soldiers, they were absolute chads."

"If the DM allows leadership there is no fucking way they aren't ours by level four." T said, agreeing heavily- plus the action economy was fucking _fantastic_.

"Indeed."

The duo then noticed the crowd had surrounded them and- were they vibrating?

All at once the cheers deafened them- T was pretty sure lowkey it should've done Sonic Damage as all the crowd started yelling at the top of their lungs converging on the trio and lifting them up in the air!

"All hail the Heroes! Conquerer of the Cursed Swordswoman! All hail them! Hip, hip HURRAY!" Yelled a particularly loud and charismatic villager as the trio began being tossed in the air and caught over and over again before the crowd started crowd surfing them around so everyone could get a touch of them.

"I think my ass just got squeezed." T said with a furrowed brow "Hard to tell with the platemail." he said as he just let whatever the fuck this was happen.

The party had went straight to the Sutherland inn first chance they got after they rounded up the three soldiers that had run off, offering to pay for their nights for them. In the lobby, there was a strange woman with silver hair that seemed to be a lewded cosplay of Lisa Lisa from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure in the lobby.

She had sunglasses, two earrings that resembled gold coins, a bright red scarf, an unbuttoned, black button up jacket with a black exterior and a white interior, with a rather tight almost corset looking cropped shirt underneath...and a black skirt to top it all off.

"Holy shit it's Lisa Lisa!" Cody exclaimed upon Alice dressed in such a manner.

"I can't wait to starve at the bottom of a oil pit." T added.

"You mean, 'an oil pit'" Cody corrected.

"Take your englandese shit out of here pip pip cheerio, I speak American." T shot back

"I still have no idea what ninety percent of what you guys say means, but it sounds fun." Luka said, basking in the orgasmic glory of his _fourth fight ever_ being _Granberia_ and he _won_.

Alice stood up, tilting her sunglasses down and whispering, "It's me, you idiots."

"We know," Cody responded, "You're very distinct."

"White hair isn't exactly a common thing- alongside a half body tattoo it's kinda impossible to not notice.

"Who is she?" Soldier one asked, "Have we met before?" he added.

"She's our companion- a gourmet, she's also freakishly fucking strong so don't piss her off." T said with a smile, ignoring the horror of various things- or well, one thing in particular that happened. "You might've noticed her on the sidelines so to speak maybe? She doesn't really fight." T guessed, quirking a brow

"Oh really? How could I have missed her?" Soldier 2 questioned, stepping closer and staring straight at her chest, "How could I miss _those?"_

Alice scoffed, "Damn pervert." All the soldiers were baptized, so she wanted nothing to do with any of them.

"The eight foot dragon lady that was moments away from cleaving all of us in half probably contributed." T said, leaving out the 'With better tits too' for the sake of his continued unmurdered existence.

He also blinked, 'oh yeah. Granberia was fucking _large size_. On the small side of large, but still fucking _large_.' T thought to himself, realizing she was around two feet taller than him.

Which was kind of nice honestly, but on another end that would eat his ass with his trips probably for the entire adventure.

T cracked his neck, walked up to the front desk, and spoke up "So uh, what's the Hero rate here? Because I left my literally impossible amounts of gold back in my non-existent treasury." he said, rubbing the back of his head

Alice patted a sleeping bag that was at her feet, "I've been loitering here a while…"

"Oh no, I couldn't possibly ask for money from the heroes that almost killed that terrifying dragon," the innkeeper spoke, "I'll just bill Ilias temple the 16,800,000 gold for seven people...but there is a catch...we only have three rooms."

"I wouldn't mind staying in a room with two others…" Alice interjected, growing a small smirk, "preferably the two best smelling ones here."

"Me Cody Luka, Followed by Soldier one two three, and finally Alice gets her own room." T said, receiving seven keys which he began doling out

Alice narrowed her eyes, "No."

"Yes." T said, looking her in the eyes.

"You forget, I have the gold now," Alice replied, "I can just make off with it if you don't see things my way for once."

"I'll share with her," Soldier 2 announced.

"Quiet, NPC," Alice shot him down.

"I'd be persuaded by that if it wasn't for the fact we just beat you know who- though kinda weirded out we haven't got the loot or experience yet." T said a little off put by that fact.

"You _only_ beat her because she _held back_ , idiot," Alice considered.

"Fighting like a jackass doesn't change your level in the eyes of the system." T said with a shrug.

Cody sighed, "Go ahead and take that up to our room…" he grunted, "two conditions, no weird shit or funny business, and I call you Lisa Lisa…" he turned to T and reasoned, "we did say we'd baby her for carrying our shit…"

"Lisa Lisa?" she questioned, "that's...an odd play on my name...but I suppose," suddenly jovial by Cody's submission. Whether or not he knew the exact weight of what he signed up for was beyond what she gave a shit about.

"You say that now but when your screaming about her jerking your dick with her tail 'bone' or hair or something when the snowball turns into an avalanche I'm not helping you. That's a slippery slope and I think we both know it." T said, shaking his head disapprovingly at the idea.

"Tailbone?" Soldier 1 questioned, "...tailbone?"

Solder 2 patted him on the soldier, "You pure and innocent man."

As soon as T began to open his door his brain, and by extent Cody's, felt the sensation of confetti exploding.

Alongside actual confetti.

"What?" T said his MVP word, or would that be MVW?

 **[Encounter Won! You fucking madmen!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1x GRAN FUCKING BERIA!]**

 **[XP Gained: 1200!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 36000!]**

 **{Items!: System Message, rewards included inside.}**

 **[LEVEL UP!]**

 **[T: Lvl 2 - Lvl 3 HP:22+6+3=31!]**

 **[Cody: Lvl 2 - Lvl 3 HP: 10+9=19!]**

T lifted up the envelope in the middle of the pile of confetti, popping it open wordlessly, deciding to deal with his level up later.

"Sup zeros, or should I say heroes? It's me, your DM. I'll cut to the chase- that was fuckin' hilarious, and interesting! You cheesey fucking bastard, I hate you, haha! You know who I'm talking about, you're the one reading it. Anyways, you just beat a basically impossible fight in two turns- seems that advice I got about nothing survives contact with players without becoming a mess! Nice job, by the way, but I gotta note that you all _shouldn't_ have won, but you did! But well, there's some issues with that…" T spoke, reciting the letter out loud for Cody and the others to hear.

"Y'see, ya'll'd get 115200 xp! That's like, seven fuckin' levels! Or something. You and I both know that that'd ruin everything, so please be understanding at the much lower value in spite of your massive victory...consolation though is, I'm letting you get the loot you would ordinarily get, specially picked by a random item generator! Be glad! No gold though, I felt it'd be more appropriate that after fighting a practical woman like Granberia that you'd need practical items- specially you T! Good luck surviving, ha! Anyways, the items will pop out the second you finish the letter." T said, finishing the letter as a blade burst out and-

 **[DC:15][Reflex Check: 5, Check Failed!]**

Stabbed him in the fucking face!

 **[Damage Roll: 2+2=4]**

 **[Total Damage: 4-16HP = 12HP!]**

"FUCK!" T yelled as he fell, the pile of items bursting from the letter piling on top of him as he lay there grasping his face.

Cody jumped, Luka screamed-the soldiers did nothing because they were in their own rooms, and Alice...was tugging on Cody's shirt to get him out ASAP.

"I get it, you idiots are weird," she spoke quietly with a yawn, "I wanna get to bed and not have Cody wake me up coming in…"

Cody took a deep breathe, praying to the gods of diplomacy he could roll high as fuck. It was pretty vague whether or not monsters _needed_ to eat how they did, and she at least had a few months before she starved from it he reasoned.

"My fucking face!" T yelled in anger apparently, instead of pain, or maybe it was painger?

Luka dragged him out of the pile, wiping his face with his scarf as T sighed and punched him in the shoulder, which he allowed.

T blinked as he healed without a mental dice check a bit- enough to fix the face wound...Maybe the DM just hand waived it or something since there wasn't a _huge point_ given they were about to sleep.

He sighed and started sorting the loot, the letter flitting down in front of his face- describing the loot.

"I fucking hate you." T said with a quiet, tired anger.

The paper flew into his face and he sighed, taking it off and looking over the list.

 **{Items!: full plate +1, studded leather armor +1, bastard sword +2, heavy mace +1, belt of giant strength (+4), Bag of Holding (Type II)}**

T looked over the list, sweating a bit as he realized something.

The DM was preparing him for Granberia...and T got the feeling things were going to be uncomfortably different with her being on the table.

T slumped, covering his face with the letter and groaning.

He was gonna fucking die.

He was gonna fucking die.

Cody sat on the bed, slowly munching on an ama-ama dango as Alice fucking _destroyed_ them from her plate of them. Cody had his plate set at the head of the bead, and hadn't finished a single one.

"So sweet~" Alice sang, "I'm almost full on these…"

Cody gulped, reciting the scene in his head. It was terrifying, and at all costs he needed to avoid...what he had nightmares about. _Tentacle fingers._

Alice dropped her last dango, it rolled across the floor, causing Alice to jump after it in snake form, yelling, "Oh no! You smell way too good to get away from me!"

"FBI, OPEN UP!" T yelled as he kicked the door open, the wood smashing into the wall as T lifted...was that- a makeshift 'gun' made out of a baguette?

"GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND NOW!" T said, menacing Alice with his baguette

Cody humored him, diving onto the floor and covering his head.

T blinked as he held the handle of his 'Gun' up after a split moment, the handle being a butter knife, then he looked to Alice who was literally shoving the thing down her throat raw.

It looked really fucking weird in the uncanny valley way given he could see the baguette bulge.

"Y'all fuckers need Jesus." T said, before looking to Cody "Given you aren't dick deep in the eldritch, I'm guessing this is a misunderstanding?" he said

T kinda wished it wasn't, because the distraction was well, a great distraction from knowing he was going to have to impress Granberia or fucking _die_.

"Yeah, a misunderstanding but…" Alice closed the door and placed a chair in front of it to keep it from flopping open on its broken hinges, "so nice of you to join us~"

"I swear to fucking cowboy christ I will make go from texas red to texas dead if you do _shit_...also no more Luka cooking." T threatened instantly- she was at _tentacle finger_ affection probably, and he'd sooner fucking die then experience that and probably like it whether he liked it or not.

Alice reached up to touch him and…

 **[Hitting: 10] [11+23=34. Touch Attack Success!]**

Alice blinked in disappointment as she touched T's ribs, "You're not ticklish like him."

"That's a lot more innocent than I expected honestly." T said, with a, well, honest tone of voice with a hint of surprise.

"That bread filled me up," Alice picked up the dango and handed it to T, "take this last dango and get out, I'm _full,"_ she tried to reassure, "I'm not gonna eat on a full stomach, idiot."

T chucked the dango into his mouth and chewed "We both know you've got like six or some shit, if I hear about you doing shit to my buddy, I'll probably die first, but I'll haunt you as a ghost for revenge." T said as he turned, moved the chair, and headed back out so he could get back to figuring out his maneuvers and stances.

Alice hesitated, looking back at Cody who had climbed back onto the bed, then put the chair back in front of the door, wondering 'would he actually come back as a ghost?' for much longer than she should've.

She looked back at Cody, slithering onto the foot of the bed and asking, "Wouldn't you rather be eaten by me than some slug?" she questioned with a smirk, specifically bringing up slugs since he seemed to particularly hate them.

Cody shivered, "I said no weird shit…"

Alice narrowed her eyes, "Listen, I humored you two for this long, but the truth is...there's nothing either of you can do to actually stop me~"

"I could actually and literally kill myself," Cody quirked a brow.

"Why do you escalate so quickly whenever I even suggest anything?" she spoke high and mighty as usual now, "Shouldn't co-existence between humans and monsters include keeping monsters fed?"

"That's non-con cattle, not co-existance, that card might've worked on someone fucking stupid like Luka, but not me-who can actually argue worth a damn."

Alice pushed Cody onto his back and began to snake herself onto him-but not sensually, she was legit kinda desperate, "You seem to like monsters...what is it about me?" She was expecting Luka levels of submitting, since every man in this world seemed to secretly want to fuck everything.

Cody had a Vietnam flashback to when he played the game as he spoke, "Uh...cloaca…" he spoke, not being able to play the tentacle hand card without having seen it. God damn metagame isn't helping him out.

"I don't hav-"

"Literally every single monster-girl has at least _some_ weird shit about them, unless they're basically human looking. Like, legs, arms, everything normal," Cody quickly spouted, "don't pretend you don't have weird shit you'd subject me to without a second thought under the pretenses that I'd like it eventually whether I liked it or not."

And thus, a minute of them two talking had passed.

 **[Diplomacy Check: 19+12= 31, Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Alice: Unfriendly-Friendly]**

Alice eased off of him a bit, hugging herself and looking a bit to the side of Cody, "I.."

"You can't use co-existance against me if you're going to literally _rape_ humans," Cody continued, "that puts you in the group of monsters that are really no better than a rabid animal, and thus, I want nothing to do with you."

Alice turned her body away from Cody, huffing. She wasn't primitive enough to actually hurt Cody for disagreeing with this, and at this point following through with her monster-self would hurt her pride for technically being wrong.

Cody had mentally fucked her using a dice roll. Was that all it took to completely smash someone's moral compass in bad anime land?

Well…'I'm a good person, but also Imma rape you' isn't very solid logic if you also want to play an equality high horse.

He sat up, grabbing one of his leftover dangos, and scooted up to her, wrapping an arm around to present the fruit to her, "Subtlety Alice, seduce people the human way…" he said softly.

"But...but I am!" she said, grabbing the dango and nibbling on it.

"Your opening line was 'I can rape you can there's nothing you can do about it'" Cody reminded, feeling the final remains of his fear lifted off of him.

 _You lose, tentacle hands._

 _You lose._

"That's how Alma Elma tells people to do it," Alice continued, holding the dango away from her face, not really wanting to dig into the overly-sweet gimmick food.

Cody reached up and took it from her to set it aside and return to business as usual, "Might I remind you that Alma not only a monster but a _literal rape demon._ "

Cody was about to set it aside and go back to business of usual-going through page after page of class features to make a final decision-when something clicked in his mind that needed attention. He wasn't from this world, Alice said his inherit scent was much different from a normal human (like an orangatang to a dango or some shit), he had class levels and a giant willsave-did he go into 'Critical Ecstasy' like humans native to the world did?

Fuck, that's actually important information.

Welp.

Time to die.

Rather than throw it back onto the plate, Cody passed the dango to his opposite hand and took a bite from it, putting his free arm around Alice's waist.

"A lot of men would willingly feed Alma, idiot," Alice reasoned, her arguments growing weaker by the second but still refused to give up her last bit of ego.

"Oh, I'm sure of it," Cody replied, shifting a bit so he would stand on his knees to be a bit taller on the bed than Alice sitting, pressing his body against hers and moving his hand a bit up her stomach, "A lot of men would feed you too."

Alice narrowed her eyes cynically, "What's with this change of heart?"

"Never been with a monster before, and frankly, if you're going to be carrying our things I think you deserve it…" he dropped the dango onto the plate and placed his now free palm onto her soft tail just below her skirt, petting it gently and gradually going up her body closer to her crotch, "just...let me pamper you like I said I would, monster lord, you're royalty afterall."

Alice leaned into his body, closing her eyes gently and letting out a deep breathe, this was a change of pace, a human taking initiative over a monster. She couldn't really tell if this was a change of pace she loved or not, but it was certainly a pleasant surprise.

T sighed, scratching his cheek as he looked over his options while sitting on one of the two beds in the room, Luka over by the mirror checking himself out in his new fancy adventuring gear- the mace and studded leather looking pretty good given both were masterwork products

...all things considered the next chunk of enemies weren't all that dangerous aside from the Harpy Queen, and Granberia was likely to not appear for a couple of days- if she full bed rested it wouldn't be long before he might have her knocking at his door, so there wasn't any particular reason he should rush his build.

He could either grab **[Combat Reflexes]** early so that when he hit level 5 he could instantly become the tripper of his dreams, whilst grabbing **[Stand Still]** on the following level.

Another option was picking up **[Endurance]** so he could have the prerequisite for **[Steadfast Determination]** , that way he could apply his Con score to his Will so that he didn't get dominated the second a will check was thrown at him...it wouldn't be a bad idea honestly, but brainwashing shit was more of a second continent thing if he recalled, while the first continent had monsters just either grappling or pleasure attacking with nothing fancy beyond that.

Or he could grab **[Combat Reflexes]** and then **[Leadership]** so that he and Cody would increase their group size by two and further fuck the action economy to shit.

He'd probably end up going hard into White Raven techniques, since having a bunch of melee allies made the schools effectiveness go out the roof.

He looked over his options in deep thought before sighing, shrugging, and poking Endurance.

He wasn't completely sure what'd happen if he ever got grappled and pleasure attacked, and making sure that he could get access to a Will Check buff would be a good idea, plus any time he leveled up he could easily just change it in a flash.

Maneuvers wise he got one more maneuver known, so he got **[Mountain Hammer]** with a happy and somewhat nostalgic smile- the move being one of my favorites of the martial maneuver techniques.

Beyond that he subbed out **[Douse the Flames]** since there didn't seem to be much use to the thing, and got **[Battle Leaders Charge]** , the extra charge damage would be fucking _fantastic_ as an opener given that monster girls tended to give them enough slack to ambush them in the middle of a situation, and it'd boost the starting round damage by a shit ton if he managed to roll it. He'd say it'd make him be able to consistently proc **[Knock Down]** but his new gear fixed that up actually, so he can't _not_ proc knock down if he hits.

He should also see at some point if he could buy some hornets or something at the market to punch for Crusader Strike, since he was about two levels away from revitalizing strike- the move that could outheal his self damage when his belt was off.

He also wondered if he could Attack of Opportunity himself?

That'd be pretty funny honestly, plus it'd mean he'd get two proc's of a strike in quick succession.

Either way though, he had to move his maneuvers around to ready **[Mountain Hammer]** instead of **[Charging Minotaur]** , even if CM was a fun as fuck maneuver.

He hopped off the bed, turned around, clasped his hands together in a classic praise Jesus fashion, and prayed like he was a good christian boy.

He...meandered a lot, but he was pretty sure this counted as prayer, it was more or less how he felt it was right, right? So he'd...have a one sided conversation in his head to god.

He wasn't super into it, but given luck had been on his side today he...felt a bit more willing and thankful then usual. He was a pretty irreligious person honestly, more agnostic then he was a proper christian- with views on god that were extremely humanistic.

So he talked to the higher powers he didn't blindly believe in, feeling they'd be lenient about that and care about intentions more than actions, and thanked them, speaking like one person to another, and not like one person to a being incomprehensibly better then him.

He'd say he wasn't sure how long he stayed like that, but he knew when five minutes had passed- he could _feel_ the divine energy that guided his techniques become pliable- if he recalled Crusader wasn't intrinsically attached to a god really, so he hoped he wasn't fucking with Ilias' shit as he rearranged his maneuvers.

Two techniques for the three schools so he could qualify for their higher abilities- imagine it kind of like a pyramid and you'd sorta get why he needed two from the three schools, those being **[Stone Dragon]** , **[Devoted Spirit]** , and **[White Raven]**.

Part of him kinda wished there was a spellcaster with them, since **[White Raven Tactics]** would be a hell of a lot more broken with someone like that in the crew.

"Ah, your religious T?" Luka said with some surprise from behind T

"Not to Ilias, no, and neither is Cody- in spite of the fact that we're pretty hard against doing anything with Alice." T admitted as he stood up and plopped back down on the bed- he was clad in a bathrobe as the inn lady was cleaning his clothes, and he'd taken a bath before getting down to business, so he was actually pretty clean now which was nice.

Being back to creature comforts was a nice and relaxing experience, even if he was actively listening for Cody's screaming so he could bust the door down and book Alice to death.

Her having a heart attack would fuck the plot but well…

 _Tentacle Fingers_.

"Eh? Well, I got the vibes you guys weren't really religious yeah, but...you just prayed, so who were you praying to?" Luka asked, tilting his head.

T rubbed the back of his neck, "Well, I'll give you a summary I guess. My culture's got a couple of religions, one of which is Christianity, which follows God- capital G, as in that's his name because there are no other gods, and Jesus, his son. It's similar aesthetically to your religion, but with more Crosses. Commandment wise there's nothing about monster girls, just tenets guiding you along to being a good person and junk." he explained, feeling kinda weird that this was the first topic they officially really got to talk about.

"Oh...huh. I...never really thought there'd be another religion. Well, I'll respect yours then!" Luka said resolutely, even if it was kinda weird knowing his pals might...well, not go to heaven.

Maybe if he became a great hero Ilias would make an exception whenever they died…

"And I'll respect yours." T nodded "But yeah, not the most...religious, since there's no palpable proof out and about, but my...skills- like that healing ability- function off 'Divine Inspiration' and I got to pray in order to change what Inspiration I get I guess." T explained

Luka blinked "That's...kinda weird, but then again encountering and beating Granberia is weird, so I guess it's not that weird."

"Damn straight." T said, then cracked his neck "Anyways, gonna give you another brief lesson in fighting. All's fair in love and war, and survival is more important than damage unless the damage is immense, and finally always flank an enemy." T said in his best 'Smart man' voice.

"What's the first one mean, and the context of the second? And I guess also explain the third a bit more but I think I kinda get it from earlier." Luka questioned, looking confused but interested.

"Remember earlier? I took advantage of Granberias flaw- her arrogance, and made her pay for it ruthlessly. Some might say that's unfair, but the blindly honorable oft end up dead alongside their code of ethics. If it means you're more likely to _survive_ a life or death encounter, it's a fight, not a duel." T explained

"As for the second- use your shield, _always_ use your shield. Damage is hunky dory but if you get smashed before you can do the damage, you'll do less damage overall, _and_ be a liability. Only if you would do immensely more damage by doing an overall less safe strategy do you not follow that rule." T explained- AC was fucking _great_ and he'd fucking die by it.

"And finally? Flanking, or standing at opposite ends, means they're less likely to block or dodge, so it makes combat easier since you're more likely to hit. Every bit counts after all. A simple lesson, but _important_. Don't lose your head and go swinging wildly, forgetting where you're standing in all of that." T finished off his impromptu lesson before plopping onto the bed fully

"And those were...T's Tips I guess." T finished with a chuckle.

 **[Companion trained! Luka has learned to more willingly take advantage of things, use his shield, and flank! Strategy Tendency Improved!]**

T wasn't super sure how to feel about that but he chose to take the weird system messages about his teaching as a good thing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Steal for Monsters**

"I'll take three of these shirts." T said, placing a trio of Enrikan shits on the counter "Do you got pants made from the same producer? And socks?" he asked, quirking a brow

"Gloves? Bracers?" Cody added, speaking through the bright red scarf from Alice's disguise.

"Ah, yes actually, we have those as well, let me go get them from out back. Good eye on ya, most adventurers choose flashier things with no thought of practicality." the own said, wandering off into the back of the store to get them the wares.

T looked over to Cody while they waited, the duo in casual clothes since walking in platemail 24/7 was pretty tiring given he had to double action move to keep up with everyone, "So...that scarf." he said vaguely about the topic.

"Yeah?" Cody replied, "What about it?"

"You didn't really think of washing it did you?" T asked with a quirked brow.

Cody pulled it down to reveal his neck-which had a red mark almost the same color as the scarf itself, "Uh...not my main concern right now," and quickly pulled it back up.

"It smells a bit like sex but yeah I getcha- we can use one of the shirts as a pseudo muffler for ya, and also…" T leaned in "You're alright completely with what happened right? No weird shit happened?" he whispered

"I lead it...sorta, I pampered her-did what she wanted-and she returned the favor" Cody replied in a whisper, "I got some important information from it too...according to Alice, I don't go into Critical Ecstasy."

"No joke? There wasn't a will check or something you missed?" T asked, a little cautious about throwing himself at a monster girl.

"Not that I know of...maybe it's like a seduction roll? Since player characters can't technically be diplomacized? Or...maybe we don't do it because we're not natives…" Cody reasoned.

"Maybe, maybe...but I guess either way…" T said leading up to something…

He slapped Cody on the back "Fuckin' good on ya mate. Musta been a hoot. Was it all it was cracked up to be or were the purple haired tale tellers just super virgins?" T said with a smile, congratulating him on doing the do and wondering if it was even that great.

"It was much better than my limited experiences Earth, the fact that monsters tend to have _literally perfect_ bodies has something to do with it," he shrugged, "also, we fit to artstyle, so we...shoot out a lot…" Cody was weirded out by the fact that T was giving him props for someone he had an aversion of.

"Weird but noted." T said, looking a little weirded out at the idea "Guess I'll find out...eventually. I'm kinda saving my first go around y'know?" T said a little embarrassed but still jovial.

The shopkeep popped out with some cloth bundled up on him, "Ordinarily it'd be around three hundred gold- but given what you did yesterday boys I'll sell a full set for fifty and bill the church the rest." he said laying the items down and fishing out a bag.

"Ah, thanks! By the way, do you sell caltrops here?" T said, pulling the correct amount out-

 **[Enrikan Clothing Sets x3, -150gp. Gold Remaining: 350g]**

They'd taken out around half their gold to buy supplies and gear, a whole 500 gold from the money pile, they'd exchanged the copper for gold at the bank from the merchants guild in town, having gotten a 1 to 1 exchanged due to, well, saving the town yesterday.

They still taxed the temple though.

"Absolutely, I'll give em to ya at half price, five silver a bag." The shopkeep said with a smile.

"Ah, then I'll take like...six, I guess?" T said handing over three gold

 **[Bags of Caltrops x6, -3gp. Gold Remaining: 347g]**

Soon enough he got the caltrops and the duo walked out of the store, T holding a caltrop in hand.

"Huh, that's pretty cool." T said, liking the crafts work on the thing- even if they were meant to be disposable. "Next up the goods store for some proper shit- like tents.

"Are you going to buy a sword?" Alice questioned upon seeing them leave the armor shop, more specifically, Cody. She was still in 'disguise', minus the scarf.

"My fists are the most dangerous weapon," Cody replied, cracking his knuckles.

"But you won't always be able to punch your problems…" she crossed her arms.

"That's what runnin's for." T noted with a smile.

"Monsters are faster than humans, idiot," Alice deadpanned, "if you were fighting something that could freeze you on touch, you'd be monster food."

"That's what Caltrops are used for, hence why I bought them." T said, being on top of the running for his life game "And as for freezing on touch? We'd all die then, sword users and those with no sword." he said nonchalantly.

T paused for a second "Are you even proficient in longswords? They're martial and you're an expert- not a warrior, I don't remember what the inner specifics NPC classes get.

"I took a level of warrior, they're basically the same and generic classes don't get xp penalties for multiclassing," Cody replied, "So yeah...I just woke up with martial proficiency."

"Dank." Came T's simple reply

Alice thrust something at Cody's chest out of nowhere-an impractical, bulky, edgy middle schooler art project blade depicting angels melting together...that somehow cut things? Not really?

T would describe it, if he got to use it, as what it probably was like to hit something with a keyblade.

Cody blinked, staring at Angel Halo, "I would hurt myself just by holding that."

"Nothing on the handle is sharp," Alice replied.

"Yeah, but it still looks uncomfortable...and all my abilities only work when I touch something with my fists."

"Plus why would we use that hunk of...I can't even call it scrap, that'd be rude to scrap." T said looking it over and pretending like he didn't know what it did.

"It's not just any sword," Alice insisted, "It doesn't 'cut' things, it seals the power of things you hit with it."

"So it's a sword with a mercy enchantment basically." T said with half lidded eyes

"No! You idiot! It makes it so things can't keep their form when you defeat them, a human you defeat with it would turn into a child or a dwarf or something…until they get their energy back."

"My hands already do that…" Cody replied, having taken another obscure class feature from an obscure evil class for third level.

 **{Energy Drain 1}**

And his level three bonus feat?

 **{Close-Quarters Fighting}**

"I'll take it I guess since I'm the DPS, since it'd allow me to do my accuracy enhancing attacks against things we aren't trying to kill and not lose on my damage." T said, holding his hand out for the gross looking thing.

"Listen, it can hit ghosts, so take it, I'm not going to use it," Alice added, jerking the blade away from T, "You already have a weapon, idiot!"

The perks of the 'I fucked you card'.

Irrational decisions.

T blinked "Oh yeah that...raises it up by a couple of tiers in my eyes." he said sounding a bit more into the weapon then shrugged "Alright I guess, if you want the ghosts we'll encounter to survive for a lot longer since Cody's the only one hitting them." T said as he shrugged and put his bag of caltrops back into his backpack.

Cody accepted the blade, then handed it to T, which Alice narrowed her eyes at and commented, "idiot."

"Thanks you fuckin' genius." T said with a smile as he put the ugly looking thing in his backpack- he was carrying everything in this supply foray since well, he was wearing that **[Belt of Giant's Strength (+4)]** , and he felt they probably should still baby Alice for awhile until the next multi-ton load showed up.

The trio meandered into the nearby adventuring supply store, T didn't catch the name but he just called it the 'Adventuring Gear Store' in his head since that was the category of items they were buying.

T looked to Cody and quirked a brow "You gonna pick shit out, or should I?" he asked, jerking a thumb technically at the shopkeeper- but really at the purchase board system message they got when they were in stores.

 **[Cart, -15gp. Gold Remaining: 332]**

 **[Backpack x2, -4gp. Gold Remaining: 313]**

 **[Barrel, -2gp. Gold Remaining: 311]**

 **[Block and Tackle, -5gp. Gold Remaining: 306]**

 **[Fishing Net, -4gp. Gold Remaining: 302]**

 **[Lamp, Bullseye x3, -36gp. Gold Remaining: 266]**

 **[Lamp, Hooded x3, -21gp. Gold Remaining: 245]**

 **[Oil (20 Pints). -2gp. Gold Remaining: 243]**

 **[Tentx2, -20gp, Gold Remaining: 223]**

 **[Rope, 50ft, -1gp, Gold Remaining: 222]**

 **[Soap 2lbs, -1gp, Gold Remaining: 221]**

 **[Shovel, -2gp, Gold Remaining: 219]**

 **[Fishhook x4, -4sp, Gold Remaining: 218, 6sp]**

 **[Canvas x3 sq yards, -3sp, Gold Remaining: 218, 3sp]**

 **[Candlex10, -1sp, Gold Remaining: 218, 2sp]**

 **[Whetstone, -2cp, Gold Remaining: 218, 2sp, 8cp]**

 **[Sack x2, -2sp, Gold Remaining: 218, 8cp]**

They split up a lot of the shit amongst themselves in their backpacks, placing the tents, barrel, the fishing shit, canvas, the shovel, rope and soap onto their cart.

"Ah, welcome back!" Luka said, getting up off the floor of he and T's joint room- which was being used as a proverbial meeting place for the group. The three guards were there too, and appeared to have been playing a card game with Luka while they waited for the trio's return.

"Thanks kiddo, anything interesting happen while we were dealing with logistics?" T asked, tilting his head as he put down his bag on his bed.

"Ah, I went around town to hear some info from everyone, and the Innkeeper said they don't have anymore honey from Happiness village, so they can't make ama ama dangoes anymore." He commented matter of factly "Apparently Harpy's have been stealing the men from the village, so I think we should go help em', like Heroes!" he said resolutely.

"Sounds like a plan, but...is there anything you aren't telling me?" T asked, getting a niggling feeling about something.

"Uh... _well_...there was this... _ **thing**_ I encountered named Amira...she was, well, a...lamia, but well, her upper body was a snake and her lower body was a womans- and she wouldn't wear pants because of some reason...I think she said 'Her CG' or something? I kind of wanted to kill her, because of...well, yeah, but apparently she has feelings I find pretty funny." Luka said with a chuckle

T quirked a brow as Luka leaned in to whisper something to him "She thought Cody was hot and I got info about another quest if I'd let her meet him." he whispered before leaning away and talking normally. "I left right after of course without actually guiding her here- she's really slow honestly, crawls everywhere, which kinda made me want to kill her more, but the funniness of her affection managed to offset that tendency enough that I kept to my beliefs!" Luka said proudly

T ruffled his hair "A regular saint." he said with a chuckle "So what's the second thing you found out for us to do?" T asked, tilting his head as he pulled his hand away from Luka.

The purple haired lad fixed his hair as he spoke "Some bandits in the mountains who are high level monsters that are nearby to the west- a dragon and a vampire! I think we should deal with them even if they're scarily strong- they might hurt somebody! Plus we just beat Granberia, so it should be easy as pie!" Luka said confidently as he finished up with his hair and pounded his chest with his fist in some weird confident gesture.

"Alright, I guess we should probably do that bandits first, since the mountains are closer than Happiness village, then set out to go solve the situation there, and maybe we can visit Enrika afterwards- they make some high quality gear so it should be an interesting time to see their village up close." T said, pounding his fist into his palm "I'll go see if the others are up for heading out now and we can go deal with the bandits today hopefully." he said, heading out of the room as Luka waved him a little goodbye and got back to his card game with the Soldiers.

T walked across the hall and whacked his knuckles on the door "Yo, its me Tristan, open up." he said, then waited looking at his nails and picking some stuff that got under them in momentary boredom.

"What?" Cody replied, popping the door open, "the chair wasn't in front of the door…"

"Called bein' polite bitch. I'm here about shit we gotta be doin', Luka just told me about bandits and Happiness village, was thinking of tackling the bandits first since I'm pretty sure they're closer." T said, jerking a thumb behind him "And well, I was thinking of heading out now since we're burning daylight and all that." he said, then shoved his hands into his pockets since he didn't really have anything else to do with them at the moment and it felt weird to have them out.

"Yeah, yeah, let's go…" Cody replied, adding in whisper, "I don't wanna really go anywhere near lolis…"

T whispered back "They're a fucking joke, I mean, that gaze does-" T then paused "-oh fuck." he said after realizing something, eyes widening.

Alice walked up behind them, announcing, "Don't expect me to pull that cart, I'm not some kind of animal."

"Were all pulling the cart in turns, so we're all animals now." T said with a shrug, pulling his hands out of his pockets alongside the gesture "Plus technically scientifically you and I are literal animals, irregardless of cart pulling."

"Shut up…"

"Alice just because you aren't pulling the cart, doesn't mean you can _sit inside_ of it!" Luka scolded, sweating as he strained himself only a bit to pull the cart with the heaviest object in the party-Alice's snake body, "This is oddly easy though...it's really weird…"

"I thought hero boys were supposed to help women at every chance they got, chivalry and all that, am I right?" Alice smirked, and stretched out in the cart on top of the rolled up tents.

"We live in the times of gender equality, you carry your weight when the time comes- and that means all of us and whatever the fuck we pick up- and by god are you gonna be pulling tons eventually." T said matter of factly as he looked around, watching for the goblin girl wherever she would pop up.

"What makes you think I'll carry what _you_ three decide to pick up?" Alice questioned, sitting up so she was even taller than the rest of the group-and on an even higher horse.

"Cody's penis," Luka butted in.

"Do I gotta recite the same three-" T began before bursting out laughing uncontrollably, his voice muffled out from his full helmet oddly, but was laughing loudly nonetheless.

"Hey! I don't hold that you three have to eat against you," Alice crossed her arms, which seemed to be her only means of body language, "Idiots."

T was still fucking dying in the background the whole time, laughing his lungs out- mostly because _Luka_ of all people had figured out the duo fucked and made a joke about it.

Also the joke itself was pretty good.

"I was kind of under the impression that it was basically monster currency," Cody noted, looking around the path as they walked for encounters-and birch bark-but mostly encounters because they had oil to start fires with now. Oil being oddly cheap for the setting, that shit used to be a commodity.

Most lamps were just candles in boxes, mind you.

Except for the second continent because well, FUCKING SEX ROBOTS.

Advanced understanding of technology and electricity was kind of required to produce that.

"She's the right kind of monster…" Cody added, looking to Luka, "and it's pretty hypocritical to yell about equality then go become a monster repellant."

Cody's words his Luka right in the gut like a steam train, was he defending her on purpose?

T stopped laughing after a moment, sobering up to act as a good...whatever he was to Luka "Calm down with that, he didn't know what being baptised actually does, Ilias tends to chokehold information like that if you don't recall. Though I don't think 'Making your dick juice and scent smell like angel liver' would be a very popular thing to do even if it's technically a pretty good idea overall." He said patting Luka on the shoulder as the boy looked relieved after hearing the words

"Yeah...you're right," Cody looked at his feet, he was getting immersed in something he really shouldn't be. He really should be focusing on getting back home, but...he didn't really know how. And if he couldn't take planeshift, he'd leave another plane with unfinished business if he didn't time it right, and didn't keep his levels.

After a few hours they arrive at the base of the mountain, T looking up with it with a mixed internal expression.

He _had_ invested climb checks, but if he fucked up...well hopefully the armor would keep him from tumbling down too hard.

Or it'd make him fall harder- he wasn't sure what rules there are about 'Falling down a mountain but like not off a cliff or something just down a steep hill'.

"So...I'm gonna just go be yelling that we're unbaptised, have tasty food, and aren't that strong." T said to the rest of the group

Alice was gone before he even finished that sentence, Cody just nodded and started stretching, Luka…

"But I'm baptized," he replied.

"Doesn't mean they know that." T says with a shrug, before turning around and shouting as loud as he could. "Getcher tasty men! Unbaptised! Cart full of delicious candy! Totally weak! Completely defenseless! Only nine ninety nine folks!" T yelled, taking on an accent like a peanut salesman from boston at a baseball game.

T continued once or twice before the trio noticed something...a horde of four sprinting towards their location- all of which were very small.

They arrived, shoving each other a little here and there as they looked at the trio and smelt one third-ish of their claimed bullshit to be true.

The Vampire stepped up as the four shook- vibrating in excitement "Greetings prey, we've heard your foolish advertisement! We, [the four bandits of the four elements] claim all of everything you've got, including yourselves!" she said, letting out a haughty laugh afterwards.

Cody cracked his knuckles, his hands glowing, tilting his head down to get that edgy shadow effect "Lay down your weapons," he ordered simply, "Or I'm going to stab you with each others spines."

 **[MENACING]**

 **[Intimidate Check: +7+4(Size) = 24]**

 **[DC: 24] [Will Check: Goblin 20+1-1 = 20!, Lamia 7+9+2 = 18!, Vampire 19+4+1 = 24!, Dragon Pup 12+1+0 = 16!]**

 **[Goblin: Unfriendly-Hostile!]**

 **[Lamia: Unfriendly-Friendly!]**

 **[Vampire: Unfriendly-Hostile!]**

 **[Dragon Pup: Unfriendly-Friendly!]**

"Jesus fucking Christ Cody really? They're like fuckin' ten!" T said, looking at Cody with a disapproving expression- they were cuter in person honestly, he could just pinch their cheeks- which he probably would at some point.

Two of them started crying on the spot and fell to their knees while the Goblin and Vampire stepped forward "I dunno what a spine is, but I'll get yours and make you tell me what it is!" The goblin said hefting her hammer "And I don't got weapons, so BLEH!" the vampire said sticking her tongue out.

Cody knelt down, picking up a handful of soil-was she the one who used the gaze attack or was it the lamia? - and speaking, "I don't recall inviting you to this planet, Dracula."

"And I don't recall inviting you to, to…" She was thinking for a moment "To here!" The goblin added helpfully, "Yeah, inviting you to here! Now take this!" She said as her eyes flashed.

 **[Gaze Attack Activated! Eyes Averted! Miss chance roll: Cody chose low! 89 rolled! Gaze hits!]**

 **[DC: 18][Will Check: 19+7 = 26! Check Succeeded!]**

Cody's eyes flickered to hers, the gaze hitting him...and washing off.

"Eh? Why didn't it work?!" The vampire yelled confused

"Throw sand in her eyes!" Cody yelled quickly, five foot stepping and...

 **[Improvised Blinding Attack! House Ruling Activated!]**

 **[Hitting: 11][Touch Attack Check: 20+5 = 25, Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Improvised Weapon Attack! Attacks of Opportunity engaged!]**

 **[Hitting: 16][Attack Checks: Goblin: 7+2=9, Vampire 16+5=21, One Attack Hits!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+1]**

 **[Damage Total: 7-19=12HP!]**

Cody lunged forward chucking sand straight into the vampire's eyes. As he stepped in, the goblin panicked and threw a large swing with her warhammer-which Cody parried by headbutting the handle of! Fuck did it hurt, but not for technical damage…

After Cody got the sand into the eyes of the vampire, she flailed out with her hand and managed to strike Cody in his breadbasket-making a wicked bruise and winding him.

Cody wheezed, barely choking out, "Oh Jesus fuck that was much harder than it should've been!"

 **[Initiative: C:13+3 = 16, Goblin: 15+1=16, Vampire 15+1=16]**

 **[Turn Order: Cody, Goblin, Vampire]**

Cody disengaged the goblin getting some distance from her-he was probably faster and she'd tire herself out eventually...eventually. The vampire would've taken her attack of opportunity-if she wasn't a mess crying on the ground now with sand in her eyes.

As for the Goblin, she was in fact the same speed as Cody, so she just walked right up to him and-

 **CRITS THE FUCK OUT OF HIM**

 **Oh shit...I forgot the brackets**

 **[CRITS THE FUCK OUT OF HIM]**

 **[Hitting: 16][Attack Check: 20+0=20, CRIT ROLLED!]**

 **[Damage Roll=5x2=10-12=2HP]**

Cody was dazed for a moment when he got struck in the head by an attack his body for some reason refused to dodge and-

 **[Bluff Check: 15+7=22] vs [Sense Motive Check: 14-1=13] [Cody Wins!]**

Cody flopped onto the ground like a dead fish, pretending to be _fucking murdered_ by the blow-which he was, but not literally. The goblin stared at him for a moment, then dropped her stance, questioning, "Is he dead? Did kill him?!"

It was the end of the turn order- of which duo that had waited on the sidelines since this was child beating joined in because well-

 **[Sense Motive Checks: T 3+4 = 7, Luka 18+0 = 18, Checks Failed!]**

The duo thought he was _actually_ dead.

And T drew his bastard sword as **[Menacing]** symbols _actually_ came out of him as all he saw was murder- but he had a shittier initiative then Luka so he was going last.

The hero stepped forth, drawing only his mace as he approached two handing the weapon as he swung at the Goblin girl's head- but he attempted a non-lethal, his morals keeping him from losing it since he wanted justice.

 **[Hitting: 15][Attack Check: 16+6-4(Nonlethal) = 17, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage: 4+4 = 8 damage!]**

 **[Total Damage: 8-9HP = 1HP]**

He clocked her in the head as she stumbled, dropping her warhammer as she gripped her head and started crying, and then she looked up at her attack and saw the person behind him.

 **[Inspiration rolled: Access to Crusader Strike, and Leading the Attack!]**

With a glowing red eye he charged and swung like with rage filling him-

 **[Hitting: 15][ Attack Check: 15+8+2(Charging) = 25, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage: 2+9+2(Stance) = 13 damage!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 17+9=126, Goblin: 6+0-4(Size)=2. Trip Succeeded!]**

 **[Hitting: 15][Attack Check: 2+8+2(Charging)+4(Prone = 16, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage: 8+9+2(Stance) = 19 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 32-1HP = -31HP!]**

The goblin didn't realize what was happening until she saw her legs flying, then it all ended when a slash of metal went into her neck.

T had lopped off her legs and head in a split moment of that 6 second space of action.

T silently stood there covered in blood, body moving like he was panting, Luka looking on in horror as T lifted his hands up, took off his helmet...and showed his face.

"EW I don't like em', I don't like Gaaaahblins." Came Jontron's voice from T's Jontron head

Or at least it would if this had happened (Except the little comic relief bit at the end), but there was a clerical error.

Luka had a _plus one_ mace...so, in turn,

 **[Total Damage: (8+1 (Enhancement Bonus))-9HP = 0HP!]**

 **[Enemy Knocked Unconscious!]**

And thus they were pulled out of the turn order in a split moment, the trio feeling the chains holding time to the turn order be released- Luka not fully understanding the sensation and ignoring it, while Cody and T recognized that combat had ended.

At least superficially, that is, from T's perspective as he slowly walked towards the unconscious body, bastard sword glinting as he edged closer and closer, one eye glowing red for some reason or another, reflecting his mental state.

Cody shot up, yelling, "Holy fuck crits are fucking stupid! I could literally headbutt that hammer and be fine, but roll a 20? Eat shit, fag!" he vented his leftover salt from Team Fortress 2.

T blinked staring at Cody for a long moment before putting away his sword, his expression unseeable from behind his helmet. "Crits are Fair and Balanced, Volvo two thousand eighteen." T said in a blank tone, making a reference.

 **[Encounter Won! You fucking madmen!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1xTiny Vampire, 1xTiny Lamia, 1x Tiny Goblin, 1x Tiny Dragon!]**

 **[XP Gained: 1833!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 3400!]**

 **{Items!: Hand of the Mage, Boots of Elvenkind!.}**

 **[LEVEL UP!]**

 **[Luka: Lvl 2 - Lvl 3 HP:18+6+3=29!]**

The group took a second to stare at the weird hand before Cody shoved it into his bag and handed the boots to Cody-which, you may note, is himself.

T didn't argue because while at will mage hand is rad- he and Luka were swimming in magic items already.

Cody noticed the unconscious goblin at his feet, then freaked the fuck out and dove, putting a finger on the side of her neck, then sighing in relief, "oh thank god, not fucking dead," he looked up at T, "Uh...tie em up...I have like 2HP."

"Luka, tie them up, I'll get Cody fixed up." T said, reaching down and lifting his pal rather easily- the belt was pretty great in all honesty.

"Yes sir." Luka said, looking at him funny as the boy retrieved the rope from the wagon and got to work- the quartet being obedient when he coaxed them into a circle so he didn't have to use multiple ropes or something like that.

T quietly sat Cody down and took off one of his gauntlets and his belt, then after a moment and went to punch himself-

 **[Unarmed Strike Detected! Attack of Opportunity engaged!]**

 **[Hitting: 11][Touch Attack Crusader Strike Check: 11+6 = 19! Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage: 2+3 = 5 Damage!]**

 **[Crusader Strike Proc'd!]**

 **[Healing: 2+3 = 5 Healing!]**

 **[Hitting: 11][Touch Attack Crusader Strike Check: 5+6 = 11! Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage: 2+3 = 5 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 10-31HP = 21HP!]**

 **[Crusader Strike Proc'd!]**

 **[Healing: 6+3 = 9 Healing!]**

Cody healed a total of 14 HP, fixing him up nice and pretty overall, almost like he'd never gotten the shit kicked out of him, he was still a bit banged up, just a bit though

"I love how we beat the shit out of Granberia because she was holding back, then I turned around and got the shit beat out of me for holding back…" Cody commented.

"Hmph, sure you were," Alice butted in from behind him.

"Alice, I swear to God, you literally saw us kick the shit out of Granberia," Cody shot back.

"Well yes, but she was holding back," Alice smirked.

"Okay Alice!" Cody grabbed the goblin's discarded warhammer from the ground and reared it back, "You take a hit in the temple from this!"

"You couldn't hit me if you tried."

T had just stood up and walked away at some point during the exchange, his feet carrying him back towards the village in the distance.

"T, where the fuck are you going?" Cody yelled after him, dropping the hammer onto the ground.

"Back." T yelled blankly, not stopping.

"Why are you going back?"

"They're captured, I've got something I have to do, you guys do the aftercare." T said vaguely, yelling without looking behind him.

"T, I swear to God, if you get raped and killed I'm going to rape and kill you!" his yells only barely audible now.

T just waved behind him and marched onward.

Cody ran a hand through his hair, turning back towards the rest of the party, "Should...should I go after him?" what happened next made him feel like the tard guard.

"Does my scarf smell like you yet?" Alice completely ignored his question, grabbing his shoulder and bringing her nose down to his neck.

"What?"

"Not enough…"

Cody stared at her, stared at the woman who must have maxed out Cthulhu mythos and the minimum maximum sanity, then started walking briskly to where T ran off to.

A good distance away T jogged, double moving forty feat as he hustled forward, willing to take the fatigue raw- they were probably spending another night as the Sutherland, so he didn't really care about the consequences of his running for two or three-ish hours

He did math idly to distract himself, recalling the specifics of travel as he, well, travelled onward in the silence of the plains.

Though soon enough he heard another set of steps- kind of unreasonable, but whoever was following him didn't mask their steps so he auto succeeded his listen check.

Inevitably Cody caught up to him, sixty foot movespeed to forty, it was really a matter of time as T slowed down to walk "That worried huh?" T asked

"Fuck you doing that involves running off into rapist infested woods alone?" Cody asked him, hustling up next to him and slowing his pace.

"Business." T said vaguely, reaching to his side and pulling his water jug out to chug, lifting his visor enough to fit it through to, well, chug water.

"Aw yes, thanks T, very specific."

"I know, you're welcome." T replied, tying the jug back to his waist after slapping his visor back down maybe a bit too roughly- it was a little absurd to have such a thing on him, but it didn't hit his light load so it really didn't matter.

"T...:" Cody glared at him.

"I don't want to talk about it." T said in a gruff tone, admitting a bit of what was going on. His plate hid his face though, so his voice and body were all that could show how he was feeling.

"If it involves running off into the woods alone, you better fucking talk about it! I left a much less competent warrior behind because of this-not like any monster would want him though."

"And you leaving Luka alone is your fault, I can take care of myself, mister sixteen HP, not like ya'll wouldn't catch up to me by the time whatever the fuck could get me even began to figure out how to take off my crotch plate." T said in an agitated and matter of fact tone, fists clenching as he walked.

"And no, I'm not going to talk about it." the plated warrior added after a moment.

"Really? You're going to play the 'oh so angsty' card while fucking _here_ of all places? If you ever stop and wonder why you're utterly unfuckable, get some recordings of how you talk and play them as you try to sleep," Cody spat and turned around, "Fall off your horse."

"Thanks for being a good friend chief when I'm feeling like shit, a real champion of empathy and compassion aintcha?" T said back in a jovially sarcastic tone as he kept on walking. "Juuust what I needed." he whispered, hand finding something to hang on since his plate didn't really have pockets.

"I'm helping you with your non-existent problem," Cody yelled back, "You passive-aggressive cuckold!"

"Fuck you!" T yelled back eloquently.

Truly a pair of amazing protagonists.

Cody wandered back down the path back towards the mountains, bumping into Luka pulling the cart with the tied up and quivering bandits in the back-Alice slithering right beside., "We're going back and looting their cave," was the first thing Cody said to him, "right after we take them in," he walked up and pulled Luka off of the cart and started pulling it himself.

There was technically no rules for push/drag encumbrance other than the maximum weight one could pull, there was no movement penalty, and there were no physical repercussions from pulling your maximum weight. So other than superficial muscle effort, superficial details and pain Cody furthermore will refer to as 'immersion pains', it was the easiest thing Cody has ever pulled.

"What did you two idiots argue about?" Alice questioned, stopping Cody's movement and grabbing the cart as she transformed into human form to pull it in Cody's stead.

"We didn't argue…" Cody lied.

"You're not the only one who's gotten new abilities," Alice retorted, "I saw you two, but I couldn't hear you two…"

She must be talking about Arcane Eye (they were near some caves, so she could have gone off and gotten bat fur)...but how could it keep up with him? Did she slip off after him?

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure he'd rather keep it between us," Cody replied, running his hands through his messy hair, "especially since he told _me_ very little," he grit his teeth for a moment-then stopped, he didn't have access to dentistry in this universe.

He sighed, "What new things can you do, Alice?" Cody changed the subject.

"I have an odd sundry of spells I just woke up knowing," she explained, "but I'd rather not tell you what they are," she smirked, "it would make using them on you a lot harder."

"But certainly that's important to finding out what happened to us, could help us even."

"You've done nothing but try to make money, idiot," she narrowed her eyes, "I'll worry about giving you information when you and I actually get some leads."

"All I know, is that because of the **[System Notes],** this probably the work of some universe manipulating entity," Cody stated the obvious, "unless we find a cult or something...aint shit I can find out."

"Exactly...it better not be that damned girl."

"Ilias give me strength," Cody stated dryly, "but I doubt she'd grant you extra abilities."

"At any rate, it must be from her domain...because I'd know it if one of my key players did something."

"Indeed."

He rubbed and rubbed and rubbed his...face you fucking degenerates.

His gauntlets were off, he was safe so there wasn't a huge point to having them on- he was in some alleyway somewhere in town where the stone roads stopped because it was, well, a pointless alleyway.

He's poured some of his waterskin's contents onto his face and just started rubbing, trying to wipe away something intangible.

He tried and he tried but shortly he tired, and just cupped his hands together and covered his mouth with them, like if he were doing charades of Bane from the Batman movies.

He stared at his reflection in his bastard sword, the blade stabbed into the earthen ground, breathing deeply as he just watched himself without blinking.

"Hey, go easy on them, they're just kids," Cody spoke as the guard handed him a small bag of coin, "be careful though, that vampire has a gaze attack."

"Any idea what it is?" Soldier 1, the man taking care of this business, asked.

"I'm not sure, but I think it's mind control knowing vampires."

"You seem to know a lot about stuff like this…" Soldier's voice trailed off, "How long have you been adventuring?"

"Not long, not long at all, I'm still young, but I've been learning about monsters as long as I can remember, how to kill them, what makes them tick…" Cody grew quiet, then shrugged, "I guess I'm just a quick learner."

The night sky shone a starry view to the inn room as the occupant jerked his head behind him at the sound of the door opening.

"I'm home." came a familiar muffled voice- T stepped into the dark room, a silhouette in the windowsill staring back at him.

"T where were you?" The silhouette asked- the voice of Luka coming out of it.

"In town, if you looked for me then ya'll must've missed me while searchin'." T said, walking towards the bed a few steps as he began taking his plate off- the process would take a marvelous four minutes without help, but that was fine, it was cathartic to let his body just take control and do it on its own.

"I was worried." The purple haired silhouette said as it stepped away from the window sill, the shadowy silhouette enlarging as it rose and got slightly closer.

"Thanks for that I guess, I wasn't in any danger though- Iliasburg's security is pretty spot on." T said, voice speaking casually about all this.

"Why'd you head back alone? It was dangerous T." The voice younger of the two said.

"I was dealing with some stuff emotionally, and it was calculated- if I was attacked you all would have arrived before they could manage to figure out how to take my crotch plate off, or undo my belt after that. Plus I'm the strongest of us, not like any two bit monster girl on this continent would even come close to finishing me off." T said, a bittersweet sense of dejavu playing out in his head.

"...What, what was that 'Stuff'?" Luka asked, sounding nervous about it- he'd never really dealt with this stuff before, given he'd never really had friends in his life if he were honest.

"It...it's not something I'm going to talk about, so drop it. I'm fine." T said sternly, staring at the shadow through his visor- which he'd kept on instead of taking off first- he had some control of how he took off his armor, but otherwise he didn't actually know how to take it off- but the system moved his body for him nonetheless.

"...Alright I guess, I'll trust you on that. I think I'm going to go to sleep now I guess." Luka said, sounding like he was a bit upset about it, but put no more fuss up.

"Thanks, that...that means a lot, funny how you're better to me then...well whatever, good night lil' buddy." T said quietly, but loud enough for Luka to hear he hoped, before he continued his work.

A knock echoed into Cody and Alice's room the next morning

"Cody, Alice? Are you decent?" Came the voice of Luka

"Oh of course not, I'm a monster, so of _course_ I'm always latching onto the nearest man so tightly you need a crowbar to rip me off, idiot!" Alice yelled through the door.

"She means 'yes'!" Cody added.

"Alright, I'm coming in." Luka said, pushing the door open and stepping in, the purple haired boy taking a sniff to see if they'd committed heresy again today- was it heresy if you weren't faithful? He wasn't sure on the specifics of sacrilegious behavior. "Came by with a message, T said he'd be bringing the cart to outside the east part of town and be waiting there for whenever we were ready to head out to Happiness village." Luka said, rubbing his arm nervously as he looked at the wall.

Cody was sitting at the foot of the bed, a deck of cards he was cutting over and over again in one hand, and a bunch of grapes in the other. Alice was across his lap, being fed grapes because eating something to be the only thing she wanted to do; everything else was 'stupid' or 'for children'.

"You met with him?" Cody questioned, quirking a brow, "Why the fuck is he sleeping in the cart?" Alice reached up and grabbed his wrist, pulling the grapes down to her mouth. "We're switching who has to share rooms with Alice before she grows on me…" he added in deadpan.

She pushed the now grapeless bunch away from her (which he dropped onto the floor instantly), scolding, "Stop being so manly."

"He actually came back last night and well, went to sleep after taking his armor. And uh...yeah sure I guess? I'll ask T how he thinks that should work, he probably has words given his uh...well, _y'know_." Luka said, leaving T's hesitance to give Alice even a chance to attempt the idea of maybe doing something to any of the group without their consent.

"I...he seems fucked up about something, he probably doesn't need this food maniac snake women pushing herself onto him," Cody said with a sigh.

"Stop being so girly," Alice chimed in once again.

"Stop being a pig," Cody shot back. Not his best work. He reached down and rubbed Alice's belly as he insulted her-he really liked bellies, and hers was shit-tier.

Luka then stopped looking away and then looked Cody in the eyes, ignoring Alice like he had been for most of the conversation "I don't really get the full picture about this and well, yeah, I'd like to. Do you have any inkling why he'd be feeling like this? Or how he was acting when you went to meet up with him before coming back? He seemed...I can't really describe it..." the boy asked, fumbling at the start a bit before getting a more determined about it at the end..

"No...at first I thought he was missing home, I am too right before bed, but I don't know anything he wouldn't share with me," Cody explained, "we're pretty tight, and I can't name anytime off the top of my head he's really hidden much from me."

Luka squinted at Cody, his mouth slightly opening as he was both confused and thinking about something. He was going to say something as he opened his mouth wider, before closing and looking down. "Alright, he...seemed really work minded this morning, no banter or jokes like he usually has, so I got no idea what's going on...if he keeps up on this, maybe we should...force him or something? I don't know…" Luka slid his hand through his hair, feeling like his head was going to start to hurt from thinking about this.

Social stuff was hard.

The trio found T sat onto the back of the cart- though he rose when they approached.

"I'll be pulling the cart, hop in if you want." T said, hopping off the back and mounting himself at the front to drag the thing down the road.

Alice hopped into the back the instant he spoke, sprawling out as much as possible and adding 700 pounds to the weight T had to pull all the way to Happiness Village. Cody didn't really say much, the air around T and his new appearance was rather awkward, so they walked in silence (other than Alice's peanut gallery comments) for a few miles before Cody finally spoke up.

"What was your plan after heading out into the world, Luka?" Cody questioned, "Are you out just to see everything or...is following us around impeding your 'edgy personal journey'?"

"Oh, well...my plan? It was to-" Luka paused, and reflected for a second, remembering the people around him before he spoke up again "-it wasn't the best plan, but I don't know a whole lot about the world at large. I wanted to help humans and monsters coexist, and beat the Monster Lord and her knights to get them to coexist too, since they're the enemies of everyone." Luka said, chuckling a bit- he'd gotten the gist that going out without thinking wasn't the best idea from the duo.

"One down, four to go...do you even know who the Monster Lord is?" Cody replied, trying not to crack up at the absurdity of the entire plot of the game.

"Nope." Luka said, scratching the top of his head "I just presume they'll probably be in the monster lord's castle and I'd meet them officially there." he remarked simply.

"Well, don't worry, I'll let you know if we see her," Cody nodded, "hell, I'll even head to Hellgondo with you."

A smirk grew across Alice's face as Cody spoke, realizing he wasn't about to point her out.

"Same." Came T's simple reply, having been quiet for most of the journey.

Luka smiled "Thank guys...it means a lot. Though...could I maybe...ask you to help me with my goal? To get humans and monster girls to coexist? I think it'd be a lot better done with you two on the job, given you guys know a lot more about things then me." Luka said, rubbing the back of his head and looking down as he spoke.

"I'm sure Ilias will love it," Cody chimed in, "of course."

"I'm sure she will." Luka said, not catching even a single bit of the sarcasm and wholeheartedly believing Cody was completely serious.

"You do understand you're going to essentially be promoting breaking the first commandment of your religion right?" T threw as well, warming up to talking it seems.

"Eh?" Luka said, confused "What do you mean?" he said, thrown off heavily

"Well, coexistence of man and monster means given monsters man juice to make more monsters, that's the main reason they don't coexist, is conflicts over that. Man not giving it to them, and monsters sucking non-consenting men dry, it's a feedback loop that causes more problems," Cody broke down the very obvious reason why they don't currently coexist, "it...probably has very little to do with their Lord, because she's intelligent-relatively," Cody stuck his tongue out at Alice, "while the troublesome monsters are animals."

"And if you do coexistence, that means endorsing monster copulation unless you come up with some really clinical way of both extracting man goo and inseminating monster girls so they don't die out from, well, not mating if you force them to not do so due to the first commandment of your religion.

Luka rubbed his chin as he thought, before looking up and speaking "But isn't the monster lord still a big problem? I mean, her knight just almost took over Iliasburg! She seems pretty actively against humanity and coexistence to me." Luka pointed out

"She doesn't seem to control her knights too well, trust me, I've met her," Cody reassured, testing the waters to see just how _stupid_ Luka was at the start of his journey, "I can see how she's a cutie, but not really my type."

"Oh, you have?! Wow, what was she like? Like, as a person I mean." Luka asked, interested and curious by the fact he was tilting his head as he looked at Cody whilst walking.

"If you get along with us, I bet you'd get along with her, because we're all fucking assholes."

"Well is she an evil asshole or a good asshole like you guys?" Luka asked, trying to get the info he wanted.

"I said you'd get along with her, didn't I? I'm not sure if she's 'good' or 'evil', but at least on the personal level she's alright-compared to other monsters of course."

"That...didn't really satisfy my curiosity whatsoever but alright. It's nice to know she's not wild like most of the ones we've encountered so far." Luka said, looking forward and plapping a fist into his palm

"You make me want to fucking vomit. Please die- just bite off your tongue and choke on it, please. You are literally the grossest, ugliest thing I have seen in my entire life. Cease to exist you lower than scum creature." T said tiredly and agitatedly at the worm girl.

"I'll not have what he's also not having," Cody backed T up, having pulled Alice's scarf away from his mouth so he wouldn't vomit into it.

"Does she- does she smell like _poop_?!" Luka said, clenching his nose between his fingers.

The worm girl was crying at this point, laying on the ground limply.

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1x Worm!]**

 **[XP Gained: 450!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 1200!]**

 **{Items!: 5xQuaal's Feather Tokens! 1 Tree token, 2 Fan tokens, 1 Swan Boat token, and 1 Anchor token!}**

T instantly grabbed the Tree Token "Fucking mine." he said, pocketing it. "Also is that a typo or is the DM retarded?" T asked looking at the Enemies Defeated section of the rewards.

"Man of culture, I see, guess I'll take that anchor token, Luka, I know you have no clue what these are, but you're gonna hang onto the other ones," Cody jumped onto the anchor token.

"Uh...okay?" Luka replied.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Sweet Harpy Honey**

"And that's why it's called Happiness village." T finished, having gotten bored as shit, he'd began lecturing Luka about this and that- with Alice occasionally coming in with more solid knowledge, but T tried his best with his recollections of the game to fill in the exposition so Luka would, well, understand the world.

"Ah, Happy, Harpy...makes sense." Luka paused for a moment, "Harpyness Village." Luka said with a chuckle

"You make me want to die, good job." T said ruffling Luka's hair.

"At least his smell isn't killing you," Alice groaned as she woke up from an accidental nap in the back of the cart, "is i my turn to pull?" she suddenly had a jolt of energy and dove out of the cart, being nowhere in sight within the next second.

"And here I was getting proud of her for not being lazy." T said with half lidded eyes as he hopped out from in front of the cart and drew his bastard sword "This should be a cleanup job." T said walking away from the card a little so it wasn't right next to their next foe.

"Sshhh…" Cody suddenly tried to quiet everyone down, curiously scanning the area, "I...hear something…off…"

 **[Listen Check 15+3=18][Check Succeeded!]**

"It's like buzzing…" Cody added, "From every direction!"

T looked around, before sighing "Everyone, backs together, form a triangle." T said, turning around and staring into the distance while paying rapt attention to the sky

Cody backed towards the group, "How many hit dice do giant bees have?" he questioned, "...actually, no matter, means I can tank longer if they have more."

"Depending on the monster, might be some shitty vermin, so like one to three usually." T said, throwing out his guess- he knew playerside shit, and some monsters, but only the ones DM's actually used.

Seriously who the fuck throws bees at you? It's either goblinoids, orcs, or some other stereotypical shit.

Luka had already followed T's order "I still have no idea what you guys are talking about." he said with a sigh- the seemingly life threatening situation putting forth that again they talked in fucking gibberish.

Then they saw them touch down around them.

"Five? Cody, is that- yeah countem _five_. What?!" T said completely confused at the fact they weren't just picking on a single monster girl this time around.

"Just stay still and be drained, once you can't stand you'll get to taste delicious, humans...that one, he smells disgusting." The bee girl said, "HEY!" Luka yelled in indignation

"You think bee venom still hurts them? Snakes aren't immune to their own venom, so I doubt bees are," Cody cracked his neck, "if you want to stick around to be stuck with your own stingers and find out, you can be my guest."

 **[MENACING]**

 **[Intimidation Check: Autofail, Vermin can not be intimidated]**

"If I remember correctly rules wise if they make it their immune to it." T pointed out "P'sure you woulda gotten a debuff on the check if it could have even been attempted." he said, counting two on his little corner of the triangle.

"Bees have venom?" Luka questioned, "I thought they had stingers…"

"If pokey thing fucks you up beyond getting poked, it's probably venomous. Or an infection. Hopefully not an infection- potions can't fix having dick rot on your arm or something." T says seriously before cracking up a little.

 **[Initiative:C:18+3=21, T: 15-5=10, Luka: 4+1=5, Fucking BEES: 9+2=11! ]**

 **[Order: Cody, BEES, T, Luka ]**

Cody readied his action, waiting for them to move into his range.

They simply flew forward, baring their stingers- in spite of their numbers the formation kept them from getting flanking bonuses as they launched their volleys of attacks- two for T, two for Cody, and finally one of the five bees moved towards Luka menacingly.

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Check: 5+2 = 7, 15+2 = 17 Checks Failed!]**

T twisted his body a bit here and there as the bees smacked their stingers onto him- making sure they couldn't get a good direct stab into his platemail anytime soon.

 **[Hitting: 16][Attack Check: 8+2 = 10, 10+2 = 12 Checks Failed!]**

The first bee to strike and miss walked right into Cody's readied action, Cody's arm shot up, deftly deflecting the tail and sticking it into the cart they were braced against-with a load roar, Cody threw a raging uppercut into the Bee's abdomen and-

 **[Hitting: 14][Attack Check: 20+5=25, CRIT ROLLED!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 5 + 5 + 3 = 13x2=26 + Level Drain(2 Levels)!]**

 **[Damage Total: 26 + Level Drain(2HD)-13HP=-29HP!]**

Cody's fist glew with an awesome, burning heat, his knuckles cracking straight through the bee's exoskeleton and burrowing itself into her body, the red hot limb boiling the liquids inside of her as she screamed in agony.

Cody, head tilted down to gain **[Edgy Shadow]** , ripped his hand from her, a red electricity-like energy surrounding his arm and being absorbed by his veins from **[Soul Drain]**.

 **[Healing: 10(Temporary)+19=29HP!]**

"Repent for eternity, vermin," Cody added to his action in a dark, venomous tone as her body went limp, stinger still stuck firmly in the cart, it was torn off as she fell backwards, straight into the path of the other bee and causing her to stop her attack instead of wasting her stinger on a body.

And now the last bee's attack.

 **[Hitting: 18][Attack Check: 19+2 = 21 Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1 = 1!]**

 **[DC: 11][Poison Check: 5+6 = 11, Check Success!]**

 **[Damage Total: 1-29HP = 28HP!]**

Luka raised his shield defensively as he covered his head foolishly- the bee impacting his shield and swinging its abdomen as his gut...and over shot it, hitting him in the ribs- cutting him and snagging the stinger onto his ribs- ripping it out…

Luka froze his shield lowered as the bee girl looked at him with an unlooking fact- he was confused for a moment before she...fell off.

He belatedly realized it just died...just like that.

"What the- they're killing themselves? What the hell?!" Luka yelped, completely confused at the literally suicidal behavior.

After that though… it was T's turn.

 **[Inspiration rolled: Access to Vanguard Strike and Leading the Attack!]**

They didn't seem that tough, given there was five instead of one, so he was skeptical that any of them would survive his combo, so he swung his sword since he didn't have much else to do.

 **[Hitting: 14][Attack Check: 6+8 = 14 Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+7+2(Weapon) = 12!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

T blinked- it survived? Huh, welp-

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 11+9=20, Bee: 18 = 18. Trip succeeded!]**

 **[Hitting: 14][Trip Attack Roll: 4+8+4(Prone) =16, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 5+7+2(Weapon)= 14 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 26!-13HP=-13HP]**

Really? Zero Strength? That was pretty shitty given creature improvement- maybe he remembers those rules wrong, or at least, improving something below medium.

Either way he sliced her legs off and stabbed her through the chest midair- was it supposed to feel this easy or was that just his weapon and stats speaking? Or maybe the fact monster girls had flesh instead of chitin and shit on their girl bits.

He just shrugged mentally and twirled his blade out of the monster and menaced the magical sword at the second one- who didn't seem freaked out...huh.

This was really easy- or maybe they were just way over geared for fights at this level? God what were he and Cody going to get at the end of this adventure?

Either way though, Luka with his unimpaired movement swung around to flank the second monster girl accosting Cody, since his bee was already dead. He swung his mace and-

 **[Hitting: 14][Attack Check: 16+7+2(Flanking) = 25 Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 8+3+1(Weapon) = 12!]**

 **[Damage Total: 12!-13HP= 1HP!]**

-smashed it into her side, the trio hearing some crunching bug noises- which was kinda gross as a noise magnified to human size.

Either way though, he couldn't kill the bee- his weapon simply being unable to reach her full HP even if he tried.

It was kind of a wonder why weapon specialization was a fourth level fighter feat given by that point, then again most things were probably stronger in vanilla DND- of which T and Cody were definitely not playing.

The chains of the turn turned and up front came Cody again, the round starting again.

 **[Hitting: 14][Attack Check: 1+4=5, Check Failed!]**

It was only fair Cody rolled a one after a crit.

Just imagine him eating shit.

Moving on...

T watched as Cody reared his fist back- into his own face.

And well, you can guess what happened, imagine it.

Moving on…

Luka watched Cody punched himself and T burst out laughing.

He wasn't sure how to feel about it, imagine his feelings.

Moving on…

The bee girl watched all of this, despite having literally non-applicable intelligence score, felt herself die a little inside- and turn around to stab Luka so she didn't have to think about it.

 **[Hitting: 18][Attack Check: 4+2=6, Check Failed!]**

And missed again, Luka deflecting the stinger with his shield...and now it was T's turn.

 **[Inspiration rolled: Access to Battle Leader's Charge!]**

A charge move.

When he's five feet away from his opponent.

His RNG with his inspiration has been pretty shit- was it because he wasn't a good Christian boy?

Dammit RNGesus give him the good shit!

Either way he got to work again- swinging his sword as he-

 **[Hitting: 14][Attack Check: 17+8 = 25 Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+7+2(Weapon) = 12!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

Damage rolls please that's like _twice_ dammit.

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 12+9=21, Bee: 12 = 18. Trip succeeded!]**

 **[Hitting: 14][Trip Attack Roll: 3+8+4(Prone) = 15, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+7+2(Weapon)= 10 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 22!-13HP=-9HP]**

One point five times strength damage bonus. Consistent, deadly, and it lets him attack twice every turn.

One part of him thanks Granberia for the belt, another part of him sighed internally as he slices a bee girl in half at the waist- he guessed that counted as a trip?

The DM's 'number to result' system was weird.

Luka meanwhile lifted the mace for a second go on the 'bashing brains out' game.

 **[Hitting: 14][Attack Check: 6+7+2(Flanking) = 15 Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 8+3+1(Weapon) = 12!]**

 **[Damage Total: 12!-1HP= -11HP!]**

"Is the DM fucking with us?" T asked as Luka nabbed another max damage smack, crushing bug brains and ending the encounter.

"They're...why the fuck were they killing themselves?" Cody jumped at the quiet opportunity to ask this question.

T blinked, realizing the oddity as he lifted his visor to wipe away sweat, thinking about what they said and did.

"Luka had to do a fort save right? And they stung him?" T asked aloud, but more to himself, "They...didn't grapple us, they didn't honey us, they...attacked...in numbers too..." T said scratching his head, completely dumbfounded and a little spooked.

"Not only attacked, but _committed suicide_ , no less," Cody shuttered, "what were they expecting to do? Was this some kind of spite against a queen?"

"Maybe...they didn't know how to run away?" Luka said, unsure of himself as he lifted the stinger that poked him from his body, looking it over- it was big, but it didn't really pierce him at all.

T wanted to agree but…

"That slime girl ran…" T said, a chill going down his spine "No Luka, that's...that's not the answer." he said- were they...were they finally there?

Did the butterflies turn into eagles and leave them blind?

He gulped the saliva in his mouth, lowering his visor- the cold sweat wouldn't be wiped away, because he'd only make more the moment after.

"Does big queen bee want us dead?" Cody suggested, "Or...there could be more bees around to clean up the mess they leave behind and the plan failed?" he shuttered, these both made sense, but the oddity of a humanoid killing itself so casually stuck with him.

"Cody...Monster girls aren't that smart remember?" T said, horror in his voice "This...we aren't that famous- word hasn't spread this is...this is something else." T said, sheathing his sword

"But they _can_ be," Cody reasoned, "Queens, Alice...well, Alice is a bad example," to which Alice came out of the brush and jerked him back by the scarf around his neck.

"Nice scarf, makes it easier-for the monsters," she scolded, "idiot."

T shook his head "That's...that's too smart. Their sensible but...there, there wouldn't be humans on this continent if they were _that_ smart." T said resolutely "I…" he paused, "I've got a gut feeling about this." T said, knowing none of them would _really_ understand what that meant to him.

Alice dropped the scarf and immediately suggested, "They might not know stinging kills them, go the other way, they're stupider than Luka."

"Inherently as a natural weapon they understand how to use it." T said, rattling of the rules "Maybe not beforehand but...now? They might not realize it but they knew what they were doing. It wasn't perfectly planned- but they knew what they were doing. Monster girls on their own...they don't do _anything_ of what just happened. They're blind and stupid- but something _told_ them to do that, to fight as instead of going after the critical ecstacy. I...I don't know who or what did, but...something, something happened." T said, rubbing his thumb on the side of hit index finger nervously.

"They said 'after you can't stay, you'll taste good' or something like that," Alice shrugged, gripped Cody's scarf again and sniffed it, "that's enough human scent for a while…" and ripped it off of him, wrapping it around herself.

"Can you not be a weirdo for ten fucking seconds!?" Cody yelled in response.

T wanted to say Tentacle Fingers but knew what Alice would probably do to them if she realized a hint of what they understood.

So he kept his mouth shut as the victory message popped up.

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 5x Bee Girls!]**

 **[XP Gained: 500!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 1457!]**

 **{Items!: A FUCKLOAD A HONEY!}**

T blinked, before suddenly he saw a pillar of golden bee jizz or whatever honey was appear before him- to which it suddenly started flowing and getting everywhere.

"Fucking nope." T said, rushing to the cart and pushing it back down the road away from the lake of golden shit oozing everywhere.

If that made a honey slime girl he was gonna fuckin' punch the DM he swears or something like that.

 **[LEVEL UP!]**

 **[T: Lvl 3 - Lvl 4 HP: 31+6+3=40!]**

 **[Steely Resolve 5-10]**

 **[Cody: Lvl 3 - Lvl 4 HP: 19+10=29!]**

 **[Unarmed Strike 1d6-1d8]**

 **[Movement Speed+10]**

 **[Retrained: Hellfire Grasp-Flurry of Blows]**

T rubbed the back of his neck as he evaluated his choices- Constitution or Strength?

They'd each go up by 1 mod, which was frankly batshit if he were to be honest- then again their DM has been wonky all the time so it's no surprise.

Instead of one point at level four, they got _two_.

Maybe it was a pity gift to make sure they survive.

Either way though...T understood something.

He needed strength for his trip, no ifs ands or buts, and strength for damage.

Con would help him survive- but that extra 5% from that +1 might mean the difference between life and death.

Cody put his +2 into CON without a second thought, he was a squishy boy as is, and CON damage kept him up at night, giving him +4HP from his class levels.

"So this is Happiness Village?" Luka asked out loud dumbly.

"No, it's Iliasport, as you can see by the vast ocean," Cody replied, patting him on the head.

"Whatchu talkin' about? It's obviously the loli mountains, we went the wrong way." T commented, drawing Angel Halo as he walked

"Eyes out for monsters," Cody instructed Luka, "there's something making men disappear around here, and if I had three guesses what that was, the second or third would be monsters."

Cody spotted the only male there-the true main character of Monster Girl Quest-random child #087-B, and kept an eye on him as they walked, "My first guess is a tie between communism and taxes."

"I'd put forth suicide by monster having pretty high rates honestly." T said, not actually lying- because he was _technically_ off topic.

"That...I've never actually thought about that...but seems like literally the worst way to go in most cases-I've only been with Alice once and I can tell you that is not a way to die," Cody replied, glancing at Alice and adding, "I'm not taking these too far am I? It's just really use to make monster jokes with you."

Which she shrugged at, "Make them actually funny before I start caring…" she narrowed her eyes, "Also maybe don't make them in town, idiot."

T shrugged "Lotta them don't understand how freaky monster girls can get, though some of them are just a pretty nice way to spend your life, so there's a chance it won't end with your death...effectively, if you count becoming a pseudo-sex slave a case of not-death." he said, sending out his thoughts on the topic at hand.

"Oh yeah, Luka." T said looking over at the purple haired boy holding out Angel Halo "Use this, it non lethals monsters, and probably has some other useful functions. It's one handed so I think it's more your style for right now." he said, lying in the sense that he made it sound like he was doing it for different reasons then he actually was doing it for.

Angel Halo could very well kill him- probably had a fort save to not get stoned, but he didn't want to take his bets on that, either way though Luka sheathed (Strapped?) his mace onto himself and took the weird sword- believing every word T said unflinchingly.

The perks of ass beating a dragon at level 2 he supposed.

And that's when the scripted event played out.

The sound of a young boy screaming as a harpy that looked to weigh like sixty pounds at most pushed him onto the ground in order to...pull him into the sky? Tackling him seems pretty counterintuitive to pull him _up._

Cody ran forward, throwing caution to the wind to beat the living fuck out of the monster that was grabbing onto a _literal child._

And then throw sand into his eyes afterwards.

Fuckin bully.

The duo dashed after him, T drawing his bastard sword, pausing for a moment before flipping it over and gripping the blade in two hands.

He wonders...

"Unhand the boy, THOT!" Cody demanded

"We've got bigger dicks and there's two of us." T said, going for her original reason why she decided to not yoink the boy- or well, vaguely.

"Look at this sword! I'm going to hit you with it!" Luka said, lifting the demonic Angel Halo- which made a creepy groan to which Luka flinched at.

"Oh, a buffet~" the harpy mimicked the slime whomst she has never met, "I'm gonna keep...uh...you!" she said, pointing to T, "I always had a thing for plump men, and don't worry you other two, you'll get yours too~ I'm gonna give each of you to one of my friends!"

"Welp." T said, tilting his head "Uh, thanks I guess, still gonna fight back though." he said rubbing the back of his helmet and having mixed feelings at the fact he was more or less complimented.

Mostly because there was of course rape vibes, but there was no escape from those really.

Not in this fuckin' setting.

 **[Initiative:C:10+3=13, T: 13-5=8, Luka: 6+1=7, Harpy Girl: 10+2=12! ]**

 **[Order: Cody, Harpy Girl, T, Luka]**

Cody tackled the bitch, violently slamming his body into her while yelling, "this is revenge for all that shit on my car!"

 **[Hitting: 12] [Touch Attack Check: 12+6=18, Check Success!]**

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!]**

 **[C: 19+10=29, Harpy: 14+7=21, Cody Wins!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+3=9-39=30hp!]**

Cody didn't tackle her to the ground, as the rules didn't allow that, but she did get ruffled hair and a bust nose when Cody slammed his head into it. She grunted in pain and struggled in his arms, having quite a weak strength score.

The harpy took the situation in, and instantly saw how she could take advantage of this close contact. She began to vigorously flap her arms…

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!]**

 **[C: 2+10=12! Harpy:20+7=27, Harpy Wins!]**

She broke her wings free, shooting upwards and grabbing onto Cody's shirt, she flew into the air 40ft, where she persisted, taunting those on the ground.

"I'm taking you all back, one at a time!" she announced.

And thus, it was T's turn.

T sighed as he felt inspiration flow through him.

 **[Inspiration rolled: Access to Leading the Attack and Crusader's Strike!]**

Not a lot that's useful- but well, he sidestepped drawing his masterwork bastard sword- a backup he kept on himself in the case of well, losing his weapon, but this works too.

He held the masterwork blade in two hands, reared it back and-

 **[Hitting: 11][Thrown Attack Check: 16+5+1(Weapon)-4(No Range Increment)-6(Beyond Range Attack) = 12 Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 9+6+1(Weapon) = 16!]**

 **[Damage Total: 16!-30HP= 14HP!]**

The blade pierced through the air, spinning like a helicopter blade before the blade dug into her back before falling out and falling back to the ground, stabbing into the floor as the turn order progressed to Luka- who also decided to chuck shit.

 **[Hitting: 11][Thrown Attack Check: 19+4+1(Weapon)-4(No Range Increment)-6(Beyond Range Attack) = 14 Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Mercy Effect Active]**

 **[Nonlethal Damage Roll: 6+3+1(Weapon) = 10!]**

 **[Damage Total: 10!-14HP= 4(10NL)HP!]**

"Ow my ass!

"Shit! Fuck!" Cody yelled, not knowing exactly how high up he was, "Stop trying to kill me you fucking dickweeds!" he yelled and readied his action for landing.

"It's just a couple of d6's ya baby! You'd survive!" T yelled back, getting the feeling it was at the very least not reachable in a move action- which was weird.

And thus it was the Harpy's turn.

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!]**

 **[C:6 + 10 =16, Harpy: 18 + 7 = 25, Harpy Wins!]**

The harpy flew up another 40ft, just to guaranteed Cody's death if for whatever reason she dropped him, yelling, which was hard to hear by everyone but Cody, "Just give up! I've already got him!"

Cody thought to himself, 'there's no way this bitch has enough hp to survive her soul getting sucked out by a **[Flurry of Blows]** '

"What? Justin Ieber? Bulberry Thottim? The fuck are you talking about?" T yelled back as he picked up the masterwork sword and sheathed it.

Both were confused at the exchange to say the least.

"Oh my fucking god end the turn order already you fucking asshat!" T yelled into the sky as he did the run action- stopped, Luka followed him, stopped, they waited for about like three seconds, then moved 40 feet around some trees to get another straight shot to sprint again.

The DM had to be fucking with him.

Cody had been birdnapped, and the duo were following him.

Oh wait no forgot to note something-

Right after T and Luka's turn...was Alice's, who was glaring at T's slow ass.

Safe to say when the Harpy left, Alice, using her nose, was of course trailing after the bitch after T noted they're probably heading to the village.

Albeit he was smacked over the head by Luka when T gave his reasoning about why they were immediately heading out.

"I ain't giving Alice the dick so we need to get my substitute pussy smasher-" at that point Luka smacked him.

So thusly for various reasons (Sex, not having sex, being a good person, and (Lowkey Highkey wanting to make sure his friend was safe)) the trio burst out.

But T and Alice were getting honery given that they had to _fucking stop constantly_ for the harpy to move and Cody to skip his action consciously.

Hopefully Cody didn't give the dick because Alice might turn to him for food at that point like a rebound foodsource or something, T thought to himself.

Cody laid on the floor, arms held by both another harpy and a rope (albeit, a rope with a really shitty rope check, they aint got hands) that was freshly tied, staring blankly up at the roof of the treehouse they put him in.

The air smelled like chicken coop, Cody's least favorite smell.

"You really want me to use him first?" The harpy with 4HP questioned, "I have two more to grab."

"It's only fair...but, if you want to go grab the other two first, I understand," her friend replied, she was a much taller harpy, with a bit of actual muscle, but still, Cody could feel how fragile her bird bones were just through her feathers and skin.

The smaller harpy stepped away from Cody, speaking, "No no, I insist, he's yours…"

What she didn't realize was…

Stepping away triggered an **[Attack of Opportunity].**

 **[Hitting: 12] [Attack Check: 18+6=24, Attack Success!]**

Cody swept her leg, causing her to plummet towards floor, and as she fell, Cody slammed his other foot into the side of her head...she didn't even let out a groan of pain before she hit the floor because…

 **[Damage Roll: 8+3 = 11-4HP=0(3NL)HP! + Level Drain]**

Cody had drained what was left of the fleeting life(albeit she was technically still alive, but shut up!), prompting **[Soul Strength]** and 5 temporary hit points.

Her friend gasped and stepped away from Cody a bit, yelling, "Sally!" as Cody stood up and turned towards her.

"I don't need my hands to beat your ass," he spoke, **[Menacingly]**

 **[Intimidate Check: 10+11=21]**

 **[Harpy Will Save: 7+13=20]**

She opened her mouth to scream, and Cody wanted to step forward to cover her mouth-but couldn't...fuck, she had joined the turn order!

 **[Harpy is now Shaken!]**

Cody grunted and grit his teeth. Instead of screaming, she sucked it up, and replied in a shaky voice, "Y-You're going to pay for what you did!" and took a stance, flying up a bit and taking a wide swing at Cody.

Or at least she would because she was at the end of the turn order.

And thus…

It was T's turn.

And then it was Luka's turn.

Then Alice's.

From Cody's perspective it took like 30 seconds to a minute before she finally swung- the turn order acted weird with time.

 **[Hitting: 16] [Attack Check: 4+5=9, Attack Failed!]**

And she didn't even hit too.

She flew forward bringing down one of her claws down at Cody, which he stepped away from, then immediately stepped in and…

 **[Flurry of Blows Activated!]**

 **[Hitting: 13] [Attack Checks: 11+5 = 17, 10+5=16, Attack Succeeded!]**

Cody pulled the rope over her head, slamming his knee into her gut, which caused her to hunch over in pain as he pulled down and brought his knee up a second time into her teeth-knocking most of them out of place or onto the floor for a whopping-

 **[Damage Rolls: (8+5) + (3+5) = 21-31HP = 10HP, + Level Drain(2)! = 2HP! ]**

Cody's second knee burst her head through the rope, tearing him free (because he can still do damage with it on, it doesn't matter, fuck you I'm the DM!). She fell back onto the floor, leaving a swirling storm of energy in her place that Cody absorbed into his body. He wasn't fucking around while in a _den of monsters._ She wasn't dead, but close to it, and probably wasn't going to bleed the death from her teeth.

Probably.

 **[Healing: 10(Temporary) + 38 = 48HP!]**

The Harpy rose to her knees (not technically being prone according to the rules) now saying, "Okay! Okay! I've had enough!"

And thus, the turn order ended.

And then started again when Cody kicked her in the fucking face for nonlethal damage.

 **[Hitting:13] [Attack Check: 9+6=15, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 5+5 = 10(Nonlethal) = 2HP(10NL)]**

And then stopped again when she was knocked the fuck out.

"Fucking FINALLY!" T yelled at the sky.

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 2x Harpies!]**

 **[XP Gained: 600!]**

 **[Treasure Value:4438 ]**

 **{Items!: 44380 Silver!}**

Next thing Cody knew, he was standing on top of a pile of silver...in the middle of the sky...falling, after it appeared, broke through the floor of the treehouse, then began plummeting.

"Of fucking course…" Cody spoke, before hitting the ground, stumbling to escape as half his body sunk into the pile of money when it shook around on impact.

Cody stopped moving when he realized he was sinking more and more as he moved around, and stood there awkwardly, glad his arms were above the hoard of metal. Cody blinked, then realized.

There's no unconscious harpies…

Where they fucking crushed underneath the coins? They better not have...

So much for nonlethal…

Okay, there's one, just mostly covered by coins.

Harpies on the lower level were having a normal conversation, and fell silent, shooting their gaze to the man standing in a sea of money. They both stared at each other for a long, long, long, very long moment, before Cody spoke up.

"You can keep all of this if you dig me out."

"Easy fuckin' money." Came a familiar male voice as Cody heard money shuffling around behind him.

"Screw you its our money!" came two female voices as more money shuffled around and a few more steps were heard.

"Alright alright, you pulled my leg enough, you keep the money when you dig him out." Came the voice as two sets of foot steps walked around before stopping.

"T, are you standing behind me?" Cody questioned, "I can't turn around to see," the four harpies in front of him rushed over and started pulling money out of the pile.

"No I'm standing behind the Harpies and letting them have the money so to speak." T said "Luka's here too."

"Hi!" the purple haired boy/man said.

Cody started to try to dig the money away from his own body, flinging it through the air and striking others on the head accidentally as he did, he stopped, realizing how futile it was, and watched the harpies in front of him digging him out.

"So uh…" he rubbed the back of his neck, "that happened.

"Couple d6's, Cody's worst fear." T teased with a chuckle.

"I'm assuming Alice didn't follow you guys?" Cody questioned, contorting his body in an attempt to see behind himself, then stopping, realizing his back was at stake.

"I'm here too, idiot," Alice replied.

"Slithering doesn't make a lotta noise." Luka noted

"I wonder if she gets move silently bonuses because of it?" T said curiously

"Probably not, D&D tends to be pretty illogical," Cody replied.

"I'd say it's more of a roll of the dice whether or not Wizards thought of it." T threw back, sending an unseen shrug at Cody.

Suddenly, a harpy landed on the pile of cash in front of Cody, asking, "Who does this one belong too~?"

"The snake," Cody replied in deadpan, "Dig me out, you can keep what you take out of the pile."

The harpy eyed Alice, sizing her up, "We have a shortage of me-"

"No," Alice interrupted.

"I don't literally...you know what, forget about just fucking dig me out," Cody continued.

"Well that was a bout of hard work." T said, yawning from the sidelines as he stood up and stretched.

"But you didn't do anything."

"I did, I wordlessly delegated- a struggle indeed." T said mock dramatically

Cody nudged the unconscious harpies with his foot, noting, "I don't know how bad these two got hurt by this mess…"

T shrugged, took off his helmet, and punched himself in the cheek.

 **[Hitting: 10][Crusader Strike Attack Check: 8+10 = 18]**

 **[Crusader Strike Proc'd!]**

 **[Healing: 2+4 = 6+-8HP = -2HP!]**

 **[Damage: 3+6 = 9 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 9 - 40HP = 31HP]**

"FUCK!" T yelled, holding his face "Fuck forgot to take my fucking belt off, ow." he said, reaching down with a sigh and sliding it off before he swung at himself again.

 **[Hitting: 10][Crusader Strike Attack Check: 11+8 = 19]**

 **[Crusader Strike Proc'd!]**

 **[Healing: 4+4 = 8+2(10NL)HP = 2(2NL)HP!]**

 **[Damage: 2+4 = 6 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 6-31HP = 25HP]**

T then paused for a second and considered punching himself to heal himself- he can deal five to seven damage, and heal five to ten- which...well he was almost half health so fuck it.

 **[Hitting: 10][Crusader Strike Attack Check: 9+8 = 17]**

 **[Crusader Strike Proc'd!]**

 **[Healing: 5+4 = 9+25HP = 34HP!]**

 **[Damage: 2+4 = 6 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 6-34HP = 28HP]**

Huh, nice- he swung a couple of more times, totalling three

 **[Hitting: 10][Crusader Strike Attack Checks: 16+8 = 24, 19+8 = 27, 7+8 = 15]**

 **[Crusader Strikes Proc'd!]**

 **[Healing: 4+4+4+4+1+4 = 21+28HP = 40(9)HP!]**

 **[Damage: 2+4+2+4+1+4 = 17 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 17-40(9)HP = 32HP]**

Weird calculation- but roughly he'd always outheal his damage- and he thinks that his delayed damage pool was making it where he'd be able to churn through the damage he was dealing to himself and not have to worry about something like healing to max and eating the damage right after or something stupid like that.

Handy.

Luka just kinda looked dumbfounded as T punched himself in the face repeatedly and looked in better and better health _every time he did so_ until he was at pitch perfect as far as the purple haired boy could tell aside from the blood trickling out of the side of his mouth, the boy watched as T slid his helmet on and rolled his shoulders like he didn't just punch himself healthy.

They were great, but Luka would never get used to the things they did he swears.

"We came here to talk to the queen until well...that happened…" Cody shivered, "I have no idea how they managed to carry so many coins into the sky...or who dropped them…but that's literally the only explanation I can come up with as to how _that_ happened."

"Nah its a clever siege weapon- who's gonna report the giant pile of money that just burst from the wall y'know?" T joked from the side

 **[Opposed Skill Checks!]**

 **[Bluff Check: Cody 15+7+2(Asist Action) = 24]**

 **[Sense Motive Check: Harpy 2+1-5(Circumstance) = -2]**

 **[Cody Wins!]**

"Why would we let _you_ see the queen?" one of the harpies asked, specifically the one that wanted Cody-despite the fact that he was like a 5 or 6 at best (5 being the average of course).

Well, 5 or 6 in modern times, people seemed to get prettier over the years.

"Why shouldn't you?" T asked honestly, "I mean like, we're humans. What could a normal human do to her- bleed to death on her? She's a queen." T said, technically not lying as he was talking about 'Normal' humans, and not weird game characters.

"Who do you represent, huh? It seems like a waste of time," the harpy added.

Alice glared at her, almost jumping into the 'I'm going to bash your head with my monster lord status'. Almost.

That would make her useful and well...she's Alice, usefulness is poison to her.

"Represent?" T said confused "What do you mean by that?" he asked, being a little slow on the uptake on that claim.

"Who we're here on behalf of, idiot," Alice found a moment to jump in.

"She's the village chief of like fiftyish people why does that matter?" T asked under his breath to himself while looking at Alice like she was dumb before turning back to the Harpy's

"We represent ourselves, here to talk to the queen about important matters." T said, freeballing it since he wasn't sure what the right answer was- but it definitely wasn't to say they represented Happiness village.

That much was obvious

"Well what's so important huh? Tell me and maybe I'll take you." The harpy said- smacking T's attempt at getting there to the side.

T clicked his tongue "Can't tell you, just tell me where she is and we can go ourselves." he said

"I can't take you, and I won't tell you...unless you give me some _good stuff~_." The harpy said with a wink.

T sighed "No...but maybe if we do this like a bet?" he said, remembering a bit of info about the world setting.

"Eh? Like what?" The harpy asked with her brows furrowed in confusion.

"A spar, if I beat you, you take us to her or tell us where she's at, if you beat me you get me and my buds...special sauce." T said jerking a thumb at himself and Cody.

"No," Alice deadpanned, "That's dumb, you're all idiots."

"So you want us to leave and you never get to eat another ama ama dango." T shrugged "Alright crew, mission failed, we won't get em' next time." T said walking towards the door.

" _You_ spar with this nitwit and _you_ get taken if _you_ somehow fuck up," Alice continued, crossing her arms, nudging Cody and Luka away from T with her tail.

Diplomacy worked a bit too well on her.

"God dammit Alice let me bet the bone zone so she'll say yes- I've already fucking offered twice the rate you want to force me to offer, this isn't how bartering works at all!" T said throwing his hands up in frustration

"I mean I'll still take it, it's one hundred percent more man juice then I had before." The harpy chipped in.

"Fuck you I'm complaining! Stop being reasonable dammit!" T said slightly loudly at the harpy

T tied the sheath straps of his bastard sword tightly around the crossguard- looking at his book- ah, it changed the sword- 1d8, and the crit rates back to 20 only- nice. Seems DM fiat would make this a bit simpler on him.

The harpy lifted up a wooden sword as she flapped up with her leather armor- eh?

"What's with the funny look? I'm a guard dummy, of course I know how to use a sword!" The harpy said

T blinked "That's...very sensible I guess?" he said, a little weirded out he was dealing with a random monster girl with...class levels? NPC class levels? He wasn't sure.

He'd probably go light on her due to the fact that she well, actually wore armor and he was a tad proud of the probable dipshit monster.

"Ready?" T asked, getting into stance and turning on his charge stance

She adopted a weird airborne stance "Ready."

And thus the chains of the turn order wrapped around them.

 **[Initiative: T 2-5=-3, Harpy 8+2 = 10]**

 **[Order: Harpy, Tristan]**

Seems his luck of rolling weirdly high didn't hold out this time, the harpy approached with a charge, swinging her wooden longsword in two clawed feet.

 **[Hitting: 19][Attack Check: 11+10+2(Charge) = 23 Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 8 = 8NL!]**

 **[Damage Total: 8NL!-40HP= 40(8NL)HP!]**

T grunted as the blade clanged against the side of his helmet, the strike shaking his brain a bit he was pretty sure.

He mentally shrugged it off as his inspiration rolled into him and-

 **[Inspiration rolled: Access to Vanguard Strike and Crusader Strike!]**

-gave him at least one good maneuver.

He reared a Crusader strike back and swung with righteous fury- or well, so to speak since she had damaged him for furious counterstrike to proc.

 **[Hitting: 14][Crusader Strike Attack Check: 4+10+2(Weapon)+1(Furious Counterstrike) = 17 Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 4+9+2(Weapon)+1(Furious Counterstrike) = 16NL!]**

 **[Healing: 3+4 = 7+40(8NL)=40(1NL)]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 7+10=17, Harpy: 8 = 8. Trip succeeded!]**

 **[Hitting: 14][Trip Attack Roll: 3+10+2(Weapon)+1(Furious Counterstrike)+4(Prone) = 20, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 8+9+2(Weapon)+1(Furious Counterstrike)= 20NL damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 36!-53HP=53(36NL)HP]**

He swept with the internal feeling of a janitor as he flung her onto the ground by hooking her wings and flipping her upside down- which was followed by a smack to the sides of her head with he pretty immense strength- he wasn't sure how much stronger he was compared to his old self, just that he was roughly as strong as a hill giant- however strong that was.

He however was kind of surprised to see the harpy hadn't been instantly knocked out.

She stumbled up to her feet-

 **[Hitting: 14][Attack Check: 18+10+2(Weapon)+1(Furious Counterstrike) = 31 Check Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+9+2(Weapon)+1(Furious Counterstrike) = 15NL!]**

 **[Damage Total: 15!-53(36NL)HP=53(51NL)HP]**

T blinked- how was she still conscious? He'd been slamming her temples pretty hard.

Game HP he guesses- even if she seemed out of it at this point- flagging in a cosmetic fluff kinda way.

Though, too bad getting up with a full round action.

He lifted his sword and-

Felt the turn order release.

"I concede!" The harpy said, raising her wings up in surrender.

T blinked and lowered his sword- not re-engaging the turn order since that'd be kind of a dick move.

"That- Fateburn you are _strong_ for a human! I've never had a man pound me that hard before! Then again I've never really _fought_ a man as competent looking as you- they tend to look pretty backwater- But where the helgondo does a human get that kinda strength?!" The harpy ranted in awe and frustration.

"I ate my vegetables and drank milk?" T said with a shrug, lying through his teeth unintentionally.

 **[Opposed Skill Checks!]**

 **[Bluff: T 19+5 = 24]**

 **[Sense Motive: Harpy 20+1 = 21]**

T mentally sweat some bullets before realizing the lie he told and calling himself a dumbass in his own head.

"Wow really?!" She asked seriously, eyes shining

"No." T said with half lidded eyes.

"Aw man…" The harpy said with a pout.

T shrugged "Anyways, what's your name?" he asked, being uncharacteristically sociable "Mine's Tristan, T for short." he said extending a hand as he took off his helmet.

He can respect someone who actually wore fucking armor in this god forsaken world.

"Ah! It's Morrigan, nice to meet you? Kinda funny we're shaking hands after that kinda fight though." she said extending a wing as T had a really weird handshake.

Her wings were soft- he wonders if they sold pillows or blankets of the things- how would a harpy feather blanket even work? Then again leaf skirts were a thin-

"I don't mind holding wings- hands- appendages but this seems more like spacing out T…" The harpy said as T blinked, looking down at the fact that yeah, he'd gone off on a mental tangent.

He let go and shrugged "You guys sell pillows or other paraphernalia made out of your guys' feathers? Shit's soft, would make a good travel pillow." He said- getting to work fixing his bastard sword for actual combat after hanging his helmet on his belt.

"We don't _sell_ them, trade is not really a thing, but I'm pretty sure you can just barter a random girl for her pillow if you have something they'd want." The harpy shrugged

"Thanks, anyways- queen? I won the bet." T asked, finishing up retying his sheath.

"Ah, sure- I'll take you to her myself, think she'd like to meet a strong guy like yourself." The harpy said, sounding pretty cheery.

Lowkey T was pretty sure she was banking for brownie points by delivering him to the queen for good breeding stock but eh, he couldn't really bring himself to get angry about it- it's just how they thought.

Didn't mean he wasn't going to beat the ever loving shit out of any of them trying to take his goods without his permission.

"Thanks." T said looking over to the rest of the crew "Alright, let's head out." he said, jerking a thumb towards their guide.

"She's not as good of cohort material as soldiers one through three," Cody spoke.

"Well if we don't find soldiers four through six we'll take her on." T said with a shrug as confetti burst and T made a Sr Pelo noise.

 **[Name: Tristan]**

 **[Race: Human]**

 **[Class: Crusader Lvl 4]**

 **[Attributes: STR 18(22), DEX 12, CON 16, INT 14, WIS 12, CHA 14]**

 **[HP: 40]**

 **[AC: 20, Touch 11, Flatfooted 19]**

 **[Initiative: -5]**

 **[Speed: 20ft]**

 **[TAB: +10 Melee, +5 Ranged]**

 **[Saves: Fort 8, Reflex 0, Will 5]**

 **[Weapons:]**

 **{(Bastard Sword+2): 1d10+9+2}**

 **{(Gauntlet+1): 1d10+9+2}**

 **[Armor:]**

 **{Full Plate +1: +9 AC, Max Dex 1, Check Penalty -6}**

 **[Notable Skills:]**

 **{Balance = 8}**

 **{Diplomacy = 9}  
{Intimidate = 9}  
{Jump = 13}  
{History = 9}  
{Spot = 4}  
{Listen = 4}**

 **{Sense Motive = 4}**

 **{Bluff = 5}**

 **{Search = 5}  
{Survival = 4}**

 **[Personal Magic Items:]**

 **{Belt of Giant's Strength (+4)}**

 **+4 to Strength when worn**

 **[Feats:]**

 **{Steely Resolve 10}**

 **Damage is delayed in this pool until the end of the round, limit based on level**

 **{Furious Counterstrike}**

 **Bonus attack and damage based off delayed damage pool, 1-9 = +1, 10-14 = +2  
{Indomitable Soul}**

 **Charisma bonus to Will Saves  
{Zealous Surge}**

 **Once per day reroll saving throw, must take new result**

 **{Combat Expertise}**

 **Trade BAB for AC**

 **{Improved Trip}**

 **+4 on Trip Attempts, No AoO triggered when Tripping**

 **{Knock Down}**

 **Free Trip Attempt if at least 10 damage is dealt**

 **{Able Learner}**

 **All Cross Class Skill Ranks Cost the Same Skill Points as Class Skill Ranks**

 **{Endurance}**

 **+4 to various environmental saves and checks**

 **[Maneuvers 6, Readied 5, Granted 2, Stances 2]**

 **{WR: Leading The Attack}**

 **Standard Action: +4 to allied attacks until users next turn**

 **{WR: Battle Leader's Charge}**

 **Full Round Action: Perform a charge attack, +10 damage if attack lands**

 **{DS: Vanguard Strike}**

 **Standard Action: +4 to allied attacks until users next turn**

 **{DS: Crusader's Strike}**

 **Standard Action: 1d6+Initiator Level HP restored on hit.**

 **{SD: Mountain Hammer}**

 **Standard Action: +2d6 bonus damage, ignores hardness and DR of target hit**

 **X{SD: Charging Minotaur}X**

 **Full Round Action: Perform Bullrush, on success deal 2d6+Str damage.**

 **(WR: Leading the Charge Stance)**

 **On charge attack, user and allies gain damage bonus equal to Initiator level**

 **(DS: Iron Guards Glare)**

 **Opponents user Threatens get a -4 to attack if they don't target the user, opponents intrinsically understand the effects of the stance when under its effect.**

 **[Name: Cody]**

 **[Race: Human]**

 **[Class: Expert Lvl 2, Warrior Lvl 2]**

 **[Attributes: STR 16 DEX 16, CON 12, INT 12, WIS 16, CHA 14]**

 **[HP: 33]**

 **[AC: 16, Touch 16, Flatfooted 10]**

 **[Initiative: +3]**

 **[Speed: 40ft]**

 **[TAB: +6 Melee, +6 Ranged]**

 **[Saves: Fort 5, Reflect 4, Will 8]**

 **[Weapons:]**

 **{Unarmed Strike: 1d8}**

 **[Notable Skills:]**

 **{Bluff: 7}**

 **{Diplomacy: 13}**

 **{Intimidate: 11}**

 **{Sense Motive: 12}**

 **{Survival: 10}**

 **{Hide: 7}**

 **[Feats:]**

 **{Monk Abilities}**

 **{Improved Grapple}**

 **+4 Grapple, No AoOs on Grapples**

 **{Able Learner}**

 **All Skills are Class Skills**

 **{Flurry of Blows}**

 **Able to make an extra attack at -2BAB**

 **{Soul Drain}**

 **Inflict one negative level on successful attack (x2 on crit)**

 **{Soul Strength}**

 **+4 Strength on Soul Drain for 24 Hours**

 **{Close-Quarters Fighting}**

 **Prevent Grapples on AoO, always get AoO on Grapples**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Knife Eared Cunts**

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1x Harpy Fighter!]**

 **[XP Gained: 1067!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 2600 ]**

 **{Items!: Ring of Protection +1!}**

T looked over the ring with mixed feelings- since again he couldn't help but feel paranoid.

Was that fucker of a GM gonna lynch him with Granberia for getting too big for his britches with how much he can swing above his weight class.

At least rocks didn't fall and everybody didn't die.

"Thanks for the ring of protection, T!" Cody blurted out, slipping the ring on. Then dying because it was cursed.

Wait, wrong script.

"Welcome, even if I'm pretty sure that was meant for me- kinda paranoid about that shit." T said, still having 20 AC, so he'd passed it off to Cody.

If rings stacked like dark souls Cody would have two, one from Luka, but well, they don't so rip him.

"What are you paranoid about?" Luka asked tilting his head while looking at T

"Been too lucky on stuff- so it's in preparation for _something_ which I don't like." T said, remembering he still hadn't told Luka about the game- not sure if he would ever really.

It was kinda a weird thing to broach since he didn't want to let on how much he understood.

"You're being silly, it's a gift horse, stop looking it in the mouth." Luka said- not realizing the metanarrative going on above them like the duo did.

T shrugged and said no more in reply.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

They sat around the campfire, the crackling light breaking their tired silence-they had reached that inevitable point of a camping endeavor where they really should just go to bed but don't for some reason.

"Diplomacy is OP," Cody spoke idly, Alice sprawled out on the bedroll he was sitting next to him munching on an apple with her tail wrapped around his waist so they could both fit, "First Alice, then Queen Harpy…"

Alice chucked the now fleshless apple into the fire, speaking, "What about me?"

"I rolled really good."

"What do you me-you can roll _on_ me?" she looked puzzled, "how does that work?"

"Like any check, but with diplomacy…"

"Oh, so you're bad at talking to people and had to rely on that dumb luck, huh?"

"Yup."

"We weren't exactly champions of sociality back home." T said, wearing his Enrikan clothes and tending to his bastard sword- having gotten a cleaning kit with the magic item.

Handy, also, fucking weird that he knew how to use it- and that he knew this was just fluff and his sword didn't have a single fucking nick on it.

Luka was passed out in a tent.

"Figures your charm was only superficial, and your word choice not your own," Alice sat up.

"Well those were his probably, but the roll made them sound better- maybe, dunno it's hard to notice when it's our stats and skills talking and when it's actually us doing something consciously. We're victims here too y'know." T said defending his bro and himself

"Those were mine...as far as I could tell," Cody shrugged.

Alice stared off into space for a moment, before finally speaking, "We're going to bed."

" _You're_ going to bed," Cody replied.

"Legs or no legs?" she added.

" _We're_ going to bed, legs."

T made a whip noise with his mouth and chuckled as he sat on his bedroll and stared into the fire.

"I need to have a talk with T, so no, I'm not going to bed," Cody reaffirmed his stance.

"Oh? But I thought you said you belonged to me," she smirked, crossing her arms.

"I'm not fucking in a tent."

"Neither am I, idiot, I wrap around things and you smell...not nicer than a normal person...but different."

"Is it serious?" T asked Cody with a quirked brow, ignoring Alice like usual.

"Character builds," Cody turned to T.

"Ah." T said blinking before cracking his neck "Alice could you let go please? It's important, I mean it, the domineering monster lord thing can hold on for a bit and we can come back and have a back and forth afterwards, or Cody can, I dunno." T said sheathing his sword and standing up, having finished fixing it up.

She sighed, unwrapped from Cody and became human form, "legs," she repeated and walked to her tent.

"Thanks, I mean it." T said a bit loudly so she'd hear before turning to Cody "So we walking off or we just talking here and I stood up for no reason?" T asked, tilting his head.

Cody stood up, grabbing a lantern, lighting it with a stick, then tossing the wood back into the fire, "Always down for some power leveling in the woods I guess," Cody shrugged, "She...she had a change of heart when I didn't resist...like I pushed a button."

T blinked "Ah, then gimme like, four or two minutes if you help me, fuck if I'm going out into actual danger without my plus two safety blanket." T said, pulling his set out of his bag.

The duo quickly got it onto T as T picked up two lanterns- a hooded and bullseye, made sure they were filled, and followed Cody wherever he'd take them.

"So, since I have a lot of ranks in survival, we actually can't get lost…" Cody noted, "It's odd, but 3.5 has a lot of weird trinkets to skills."

"Indeed- kinda wish I remembered the skill tricks though, because those'd be fucking handy- like the social skill tricks, pretty sure one gives you a second chance to not fuck up a diplomacy because you have a good bluff or something." T said, stroking his faceplate and cringing at the clang and metal on metal noises.

"I was thinking of going for a build that let me get out of monster's grips and fuckin book it, the level draining good for keeping myself alive, but well...unarmed shit sucks in 3.5," Cody got to business.

"That's probably a solidish idea- and...yeah." T deflated "You need too much shit to make it work to be viable- Like, me? I can pick up a fucking greatsword and I have a bitter crit rate and damage then you for fucking _tons_ of levels, and it can be enchanted. You however got to deal with not being able to pick up plus two fucking hands to hit better." T said, thinking about the idea of Cody clicking his hands off and replacing them with magical ones.

"I was going to drop it and keep the level drain," Cody replied, "but the punching things persona is well...the only thing keeping me at arms length from the situation, and I'm not sure if I can adapt it. It really just...came to me," he shuttered, "there's a lot of things I would regret a lot more if I wasn't turning into Kenshiro to do them."

T sighed "Yeah I...get that. I've kinda focused on the crunch really hard, because of how little we get hurt it just...feels like 3.5 y'know? I swing, hit, they swing, hit, damage damage...albeit I'm…" he held for a moment before shaking his head "I'm not really doing well I don't think. I'd need to really sit down and talk about it but I'm not really sure I can do it while I'm keeping an eye out for getting ambushed." T said, shining the bullseye around like a flashlight

"We can just head back to camp…" Cody suggested, "I don't think they'll attack a big group…" he said, uneasy in that statement given how stupid monsters seemed.

"Sure, sorry for being a bit of a shitty multitas-"

"Prepare for trouble!" Said a mysterious female voice

T turned his bullseye right at the voice since she was basically shouting- seeing a dark elf in...was that a big fucking set of D's on her tits?

"Make it double!" came another voice

"Is this really fucking happening?" T said with a smile, watching the dark elf touch down in his and Cody's hooded lantern range, he turned the bullseye towards the next one- A normal elf with a pair of D's on her tits as well.

"To protect the world from demonsteration!" The duo twirled towards each other and posed- the elf had a rose in her mouth- this really was happening.

"To unite all men within our 'nation'!" the duo gestured to each others crotches in a pose-

"To denounce the evils of truth and lust!" Pose-

"To extend our reach to the heavens above" Pose with a point in the air, nice.

"Jessi!" came the dark elf

"Jamie!" came the normal elf this time.

"Team Draught blasts off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

"Nyeowth that's right!" said a third voice, a catgirl flipping over the duo and posing crouched as colored smoke bombs exploded behind them.

 **[Performance Check: 10+5 + 600(Circumstance Bonus) = 615!]**

T clapped, his bastard sword having been tied to its sheath during the performance.

"The meme of letting them fuck us is too strong, I'm surprised there wasn't a will save," Cody chimed in.

"I mean honestly- though that might be the number crunch battle lust. Maybe being game characters made us murder hobos?" T wondered aloud as he clipped his bullseye onto his belt after picking it up off the ground, he then paused "Oh wait yeah we're player characters- shit doesn't work on us." he remembered.

"Are you three here to do the normal monster thing? Or did you just want to give the best damn performance I have seen in my entire life?" Cody questioned the three monsters in front of them, "because I'd rather not throw down with three lovely ladies with _that_ much meme energy. Mayhaps you'd like to take a load off around a fire?"

If they agreed, they'd see Alice in the camp and probably fuck off (probably). They seemed to have a level of respect for other monster girls if they were working together like this.

Cody was a light sleeper, he could probably level drain them down to nothing if they decided to sneak up on him an pick him up.

T would probably sleep with his sword in hand- and the group knife because well, yeah, he was going for a no fuck run for the meme for as long as it would take him.

Least that's the reason he'd give.

"Nyeh?" Nyeowth- God, that hurt my brain to type- she's Catgirl now.

"Ah a couple of men who don't lose it when they see us- usually we don't get to get our intro in, thank you for enjoying." Jamie said "It's always a bitch to get the fireworks set up without them noticing or walking by it though…" she said tiredly

"Jamie don't tell them our secrets!" Jessi hissed before turning with her hands rubbing together like some stereotype caricature of a Jewish person. "Now gentleman, that sounds fantastic- maybe you have some food to spare too?" she said fluttering her lashes.

T blinked, recalling Team Rocket were pretty fucking poor- maybe they were fucking starving?

"Uh, yeah, can probably rustle up some rations- we got a friend, he smells kinda bad to monstergirls, but cooks damn well." T said, jerking his thumb behind him.

The monster girls licked their lips- yup, hook line and sinker, took the bait like he thought.

 **[Diplomacy Check: 17+13+2(Assist Action)+5(Assist Action Circumstance) = 37!]**

 **[Team Draught: Hostile - Friendly!]**

"Fantastic- Just wait her with Jamie and Nyeowth, our stuff is in the bush over there and they can't see in the pitch black darkness." Jessi the dark elf said, wandering into the darkness.

What she came back with was a crate full of fireworks and nothing else, like they spent their entire paycheck on nothing but pyrotechnics.

She seemed to be struggling a bit so T reached over and lifted it more or less effortlessly- praise be the belt, the belt provides after all.

"Oh, what a gentleman, thank you." Jessi said in a kinda cartoony hamfisted husky tone- but it came off as endearing.

Reminded him of home which made him smile.

"Camp's this way, T always get lost so don't take directions from him," Cody instructed.

"Fuck you I have a decent survival." T said with a mock angry tone.

"Never actually seen him give directions honestly," Cody shrugged and led them back to camp.

T set the crate down then leaned on it a bit "So Cody, wake up Luka to cook, or like, let them have a bit of his leftovers, a ration, then go to bed?" T asked, setting up those dialogue options.

The third was fuck Alice in revenge for his fallen RISK soldiers, but it was greyed out sadly.

"Wake up Luka, maybe his cooking is points to great renown," Cody reasoned.

T nodded "Alrighty, lemme go pop him awake." T said wandering off to the purple wonders tent.

At the same time, Alice popped out of her tent, announcing, "I smell something! Three somethings! Beat them quickly so I can get to bed!"

"You're fucking late!" T said a little loudly before ducking into the tent.

Alice blinked, then narrowed her eyes seeing how friendly the trio was, transforming into her snake body and staring in silence, "I don't want to deal with guests right now."

"You're getting second dinner," Cody replied.

Alice shook her head, "fine, but no legs it is."

"Petty child," Cody wagged a finger at her.

T came out then, rubbing Luka's back as the boy rubbed the sleepiness out of his eyes and got to work without any words.

T thought it was a _little bit weird_ for him to not even ask any questions, but eh, he'd chalk that up to 'getting used to how weird T and Cody are' or something like that.

He plopped down while Luka pulled out his shit from the cart and started making another masterpiece- probably.

"So like, you do that nighttime pose thing often?" T asked with his head tilted

Alice plomped down onto the bedroll Cody was yet to take into the tent and demanded, "Someone touch my belly."

"I get you're the monster lord, but do you have to treat everything like an order?" Cody questioned.

Catgirl crawled over to Alice, raised up her hand, which was then smacked away.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

T blearily woke up, hand reaching over to pet the third member of the monster girls head as he rose up, listening to the purrs he thanked...Jesus he guesses since he's being deus vult about his inspiration? For making the trio not suck him off in his sleep.

Though that might've been his plate crotch wear- which he immediately unbuckled and tossed into his bag- shit chafed.

Getting at Cody would've been even harder, they would've had to unwind Alice's tail and flip him away from her body without disturbing her, as he was slipping with snake tail armor and a face full of hora hora.

Though he really couldn't see himself in an actual relationship with generic tsundere-087-b, it was really nice to have another human touching him after such a long time without it, and Alice was at least easy enough to banter with for him to dig a 'friends with benefits' angle.

Though, he definitely wouldn't want to trade his home life for it...

Her attitude towards him wasn't something he really knew what to feel about, it was an absolute anomaly, he didn't remember Alice being anything but a bitch; and certainly not cuddly.

Albeit, that might just be because Luka wasn't very well receiving of any monster contact. Having a beta male bitch the entire time was definitely a snuggle turn off. At that, his mind trailed off for a little bit, was the followers of Ilias okay with being gay? He didn't remember much of the game, only broad strokes.

Behind him, he felt Jamie shuffle out of the tent, sending a wave of relief through his body as there was much more breathing room in the enclosed shelter...not that he could use it.

Alice shifted a bit as her eyes popped open, she was quiet for a bit, before finally announcing, "good, you didn't piss yourself, should've thought about that before wrapping you up," and began to loosen her grip as she started to unwind-sticking her tail out of the front of the tent.

"Good morning, monster lord" Cody spoke quietly, suddenly chipper, and began petting Alice's tail the instant his arm was free. This surprised him, it was like he was an author experiencing a character 'act on their own'. He was tempted to back out, but decided to let this character take him over, "Do you mind letting me keep my arms next time?"

It wasn't his 'edgy' self, rather it was something akin to the persona he took on back in Sutherland Inn to...obtain information….

Alice lazily put an arm around him in a similar fashion in response, replying, "damn pervert."

"Arrogant child," Cody shot back, being knocked out of character for a spell.

"Penis compensator."

"Shut up, you know it's not small."

"It's alright," she corrected, pulling him tighter, "I'm already comfortable again, so don't expect me to let you go until breakfast."

'Always food with you, where does it all go?" Cody questioned.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe my _giant snake tail?"_

"That would've been my second guess," Cody replied as he gave her ass a light slap.

Alice jumped, then narrowed her eyes "Damn pervert," she spoke with a slight involuntary smirk.

"It's still fuckin' magic every time I watch it." T said sitting next to the campfire they had going, the Catgirls head snuggled onto his lap as he petted her head- his thoughts one the matter being along the lines of 'I'm giving a girl a lap pillow before I've ever held hands with one.' for a bit of a surreal sensation in his emotions.

"It's just cooking." Luka said rolling his eyes as he looked over the other three people at the campfire- the boy feeling a bit weirded out now that he had enough sleep to realize T and Cody had brought...well whatever the trio was.

They had given him their...intro? At the insistence of T and Cody, and well they were at least better then Amira.

Then again it probably wasn't the weirdest thing or weirdest people he had met, so he was amicable to them.

Plus the looks on their faces while eating his food and the thanks were nice too.

"So...cookings pretty amazing to you?" Luka asked looking over to T, who blinked in response before quirking a brow

"Not really, but the stuff you do is pretty crazy- like seeing one of those cooking stories brought to life." T said watching Luka stir this, spice that, add this, and twirl that.

It really was pretty crazy- if her were more of a overreacting type he'd probably have had one of those cooking anime foodgasms.

"Cooking stories?" Luka asked scrunching his face up at the idea- having no frame of reference for the concept.

"Back home the place me and Cody lived had a lot of stories, all kinds, about all kinds of things. That included cooking, they were pretty vivid with something akin to what I'd call a 'foodgasm' occuring that's how good the food was apparently. Thought it was a little overdone but tasting your food gives me a frame of reference- even if I'm not a character in a story that'd have some kinda crazy reaction." T said smiling with bit of melancholy in his expression.

"Home...now that I think about it, where did you guys come from?" Luka muttered under his breath, realizing that he and Alice didn't really know a lot about the duo.

Maybe he should form a strategy meeting with him and Alice to note that, he wasn't sure if she knew- she probably did, but better to make sure.

Either way Luka taste tested and smiled "Breakfast is ready!" he announced so that Alice and Cody could hear as he started dishing out portions amongst the plates for the group- thankfully T had bought extra dishes so that, quote, 'They didn't have to wash them fifteen times a fuckin' day.'

Alice was the first one out, wrestling passed Cody and getting to her spot at top speed. Cody laid on his bedroll for a few moments, before leaving; he was always reluctant to get up in the morning.

"Who knew a twerp that smells like shit could make food so good Jamie." Jessi whispered to her partner.

"Goes to show don't judge a book by its smeller." Jamie said out loud.

"Nyeowth that's right." Came the catgirls voice as she rubbed the sand out of her eyes- her head not leaving the lap.

T didn't really know what to do outside of taking her plate and putting it down near her while he held his own and chowed down on the food presented there- his hand having stopped petting when he realized she was awake.

It felt like it'd be a little weird to pet a girl that was awake.

Now that he thinks about it, it was weird to pet a humanoid sentient girl period, but it was too late to care about it now given he'd already done it.

Alice knocked her plate back like it was a shot, dropping it, then snatching Cody's and commanding, "go get the bedroll out of the tent for me to sit down on."

"You literally have like, what, seventy feet of movement speed? Go do it yourself," Cody shot back and snatched his plate back...

 **[Sleight of Hand Check: 3+5=8, Check Failed!]**

All of Cody's food hit the ground with a plop as he grabbed it.

"So uh...Ilias Port?" Cody rubbed the back of his neck, "Stepping stone from Sentora to Hellgondo, then smack the monster lord in the face until she dies like a nerd or surrenders, as per Lukaboy's request."

"Nah Enrika, gotta get those levels and I think something's importance over there." T said enjoying his food gratefully.

Cody shrugged, "Alright , I guess."

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"I miss em' already." T said wistfully as he laid down in the cart.

"You want to go chase em down?" Cody suggested, referring to the absent Team Roc-Draught

"Nah that'd be a little needy y'know? Pretty oof and stuff my dude." T said, sitting up and leaning himself on the side of the cart.

"They are literally hobos, so I don't think they'd complain having a dude well off enough to own platemail wanting them as adventuring buddies."

"It would be really pathetic," Alice chimed in.

"I'm a little lost on whether or not that was agreeing with me but I'ma pretend like you are. You tell em' Alice!" T said throwing his fist in the air with a "Woo!" even if he didn't really sound crazy into what he was saying.

In which T realizes Alice is now gone….

"God dammit life let me be lazy." T said with his eyes half lidded as he strapped his helmet back on and hopped out of the cart, his eyes meeting with a dark elves as he sighed, his hand unstrapping his bastard sword as he got to work tying the sheath and the sword to each other.

"Go back whence you came humans, this is a place man must not approach." The elf said brandishing her sword- or well, drow in DnD terms but not like he was gonna bring that up and be confusing.

"Fallen into darkness...that's a pretty vague description given you don't sound like you're actively trying to rape us, so isn't that a quirky bit of oddity in how your race is considered." T said, buying time as he worked with the straps on his sword idly.

"Why aren't humans allowed?" Luka said, rattling off his canon line- which was neat in T's opinion.

"Because they are human." The elf said glaring at the trio "If you all do not retreat, I shall be forced to act." she said entering a stance.

T lifted his covered bastard sword "The fancy talk, that's kinda cute." he said simply as he entered a stance "We're not here to cause harm, but we need to get to Enrika." he said then chuckled "But the claims of a human don't matter do they? Let's get down to business." he said as the chains of the turn order engaged.

 **[Initiative: T 13-5=8, Luka 1+1=2, Cody 17+3=20 Dark Elf Fencer: 15+4 = 19]**

 **[Order: Cody, Dark Elf Fencer, T, Luka]**

"If you won't retreat, then I shall force you all into deprivation, I will contaminate you with my darkness, and make you into my playthings!" the dark elf said- showing off the dark part of her name pretty decently.

"Listen here, contaminated trash, if you don't step off this here road right now, I'm gonna fucking punch your soul out of your body, one step closer and I'll just do it anyway," Cody cracked his neck, then his knuckles, "Screams of pain and misery be damned, I will just fucking murder you!"

And he prepared an action.

The dark elf looked all three of them over- she was split between the purple haired one and the one she couldn't see the face of- then she remembered that one said she was cute and approached.

 **[Hitting: 14][Prepared Action: Flurry of Blows! Attack Checks: 9+4=13, 17+4=21, Attack Succeeded!]**

The elf moved her head to the side as one of Cody's fists threw passed her, not halting her attack, she walked straight into his next blow, which struck her firmly in the abdomen just below the bread basket adn…

 **[Damage Roll: 6+3=9!-39=30HP! + Level Drain, 6-30HP, = 24HP!]**

A bruise grew across her exposed stomach, and she felt her life energy get sucked out into the air and into Cody's limb, even if it didn't register in her mind instantly.

 **[Healing: 5(Temporary) + 33 = 38HP!]**

 **[Soul Strength Activated!]**

Suitably pissed off at the pain she turned to Cody, stabbing forth with her sword- was that rapier techniques?

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Check: 15+9=24, Attack Succeed!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+3=9]**

 **[Damage Total: 9-38HP = 29HP!]**

The blade thrust forward, Cody reached up with his off hand and batted it-right into his own shoulder.

Still, he reached up and pulled it out of him and nudged her away back into her space.

That's when a chill went up her spine.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Leading the Attack, and Mountain Hammer!]**

"Like a falling avalanche, I attack with the weight and fury of a mountain." T said with a grin on his face underneath his helmet as he stepped behind her- causing flanking to go off "MOUNTAIN HAMMAH!" T said doing a pretty good Hanzo/Deep voiced japanese man speaking engrish words.

 **[Hitting: 14][Mountain Hammer Attack Check: 7+10+2(Weapon)+2(Flanking) = 21, Attack Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+(4+1)+9+2(Weapon) = 22 Non-Lethal damage!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 11+10=21, Dark Elf: 9+2=11. Trip succeeded!]**

 **[Hitting: 14][Trip Attack Roll: 8+10+2(Weapon)+4(Prone)+2(Flanking)=26, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 5+9+2(Weapon)=16 Non-Lethal damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 38NL!-29HP=29(38NL)HP]**

She saw the sun for a brief moment as her legs flew out from under her- she was pretty sure her legs cracked from the force of the blow- and then the sun was engulfed by the sheath of a sword.

For the brief millisecond she was conscious after the blow she was pretty sure her brain was literally bouncing off the walls of her skull like a child jumping on a bed while having a sugar rush.

Safe to say she stayed crumpled on the ground and the turn order released.

The turn order lifted as Luka put his weapon and shield away "Y'know I've noticed I tend to not get a chance to do anything if you guys go before me." he remarked with a thoughtful expression.

T shrugged, leaning his sheath up against his shoulder since he didn't feel like unstrapping the thing just to restrap it for the next fight.

Alice slipped up behind Cody, wrapping her scarf around his mouth, "You suck at looking scary without this," she deadpanned.

"You just want to get his scent back on it." T took a shot into the dark, but pretty sure nonetheless.

"Shut up, idiot," Alice shot back.

"Bullseye, 20 points to me." T said popping his helmet off and strapping it to his belt- it didn't get stuffy _per say_ but it was still uncomfortable to breath in.

"Does that mean I have 20 from that Cody's penis line? Or would that be 40 because you laughed?" Luka asked, caused to let out a short laugh at the memory.

"What is your infatuation with me?" Cody questioned outright.

"Uhhh….I…" she looked down at her feet-or at the ground after she realized she didn't have feet, "It must be those damn rolls!" she grunted, "I know that...and I'm trying really hard to have a problem with it, but I can't."

"Yeah probably," Cody shrugged, "I don't choose how you react to it."

"I'm kinda surprised the knowledge hasn't turned you off from him, so maybe you do kinda like him for some reason or another- not like you'll admit it." T pointed out after giving Luka a good ol' hair ruffle like he usually did.

"Or, it's the 'rolls'-whatever they are, _and_ something about Cody," Luka suggested, "Regardless, I'm glad I got to see a monster with a human happily so early in my journey."

"I mean that's what I said but I guess ya'll don't have telepathy." T said with a shrug "So there's no hidden high level wizards in the party." he said, looking at Alice.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

There wasn't really any reason for the linebreak, as they took like a single fuckin' step forward and out popped a second dark elf- this one having purple skin.

Fucking artists.

"I won't let you go any further then this...I'll-" the Dark Elf Mage began before T interrupted.

"You are single handedly the most disgusting, malformed, ugly creature I have laid my eyes on you mutant freak, shut up and die." T said looking like he was about to vomit before he put his helmet on and strapped it on while the creature was talking and entering a stance.

. **[Initiative: T 2-5=-3, Luka 16+1=17, Cody 8+3=11 Dark Elf Mage: 8+7 = 15]**

 **[Order: Luka, Dark Elf Mage, Cody, T]**

Luka circled around her- remembering to use his head to fight smarter not harder as he trapped her in between the trio and swung Angel Halo since T having his weapon in a sheath meant he didn't actually _want_ to kill her.

That or he didn't have the time to untie the sword- but Luka guesses he'd figure that out later.

 **[Hitting: 10][Attack Check: 7+9+1=17, Attack Succeed!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 7+5=12]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: Luka 2+8=10, Dark Elf: 18+0=18. Trip Failed!]**

 **[Damage Total: 12-48HP = 36HP!]**

Luka widened his eyes as-

 **[Strength Check Contest!: Dark Elf 11+0=11, Luka: 1+8=9. Trip Succeeded!]**

She whipped a tentacle at his feet and...well she didn't actually trip him he fell over on his own trying to resist and ate shit.

"Luka I was about to say I was proud of you but what the fuck were those rolls." T said as he scrunched his face up in confusion.

The dark elf laughed as she started chanting and swinging her arms around- T stared in confusion before his eyes widened.

"She can fucking cast defensively?!" he said in disbelief.

 **[Defensive Casting Engaged! Concentration DC 19: 14+12=26, Check Succeeded!]**

Suddenly she threw her hands towards the ground and **[Black Tentacles]** burst from the floor surrounding her in a twenty foot radius, the trio being forced to do grapple checks!

 **[DC: 25][Grapple Checks: T 20+10 = 30, Cody: 19+12 = 31, Luka 16+8 = 24]**

T and Cody smacked the tentacles away whenever they attempted to nab them- Luka almost making it out before one grabbed him by his scarf and dragged his ass into the grasp of the others his body being squeezed painfully by the...purple tentacles?

 **[Damage Roll: 4+4=8 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 8-40HP = 32HP!]**

"Musta been refluffed…" T said stroking his helmets chin as the turn order shifted to Cody, the plated boy clicking his tongue as he realized he was twentyish feet away and could only go at half speed.

Cody stepped backwards, just barely breaking his way out of the radius of the tentacles, and unraveled something he had wrapped around his wrist.

His sling.

 **[Hitting:13][Attack Check: 8+5=13, Attack Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+5=8 Damage + Level Drain!]**

 **[Damage Total: 8+6=14-36=22HP!]**

The sling cracked forward, sending a sling bullet straight into the bridge of her nose, cracking it and causing her to grip it in pain and gripe.

"Ow! Ow! Just let me make you feel good!"

Cody blinked...Soul Drain activated on a ranged attack?

Boomerang edgelord confirmed!

 **[Healing: 5(Temporary) + 29 = 34HP!]**

 **[Inspiration Rolled!: Battle Leader's Charge, and Vanguard Strike!]**

He sighed as he swift action switched to **[Iron Guard's Glare]** and used both his actions to walk up to her- ready to eat whatever she wanted to throw at him since Luka was currently well...eating shit.

It was Luka's turn and he had no choice but to-

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!: Luka 1+8=9, Black Tentacles 16+16=32, Tentacles Win!]**

"It's gotta be impossible to be _that_ fucking unlucky." T said looking at the boy wonder as her flailed around on the floor.

He glared at her, she knew that attacking Luka wouldn't be a good idea, so she went to attack him instead with her...freak ass tentacles.

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Check: 3+16=19, Attack Failed!]**

T flinched as she smacked him with her tentacles and...nothing happened.

"Eh…?" he said confused at what was going on as he stood there...menacingly?

He glared really hard but the rest of his face was confused, if it wasn't a stance he probably wouldn't look very 'don't hit other people'-y.

Then the tentacles attacked.

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks! T 15+10=25, Black Tentacles 18+16=34!, Grappled!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+4=7!]**

 **[Damage Total: 7-40HP=33HP!]**

"FUCK!" T yelled in anger.

 **[Damage Roll: 1+4=5!]**

 **[Damage Total: 5-32HP=27HP!]**

Cody walked around the tentacle radius to get a better sightline, then let loose another bullet.

 **[Hitting: 13}[Attack Check: 1+6-4(Shooting into melee)=3,Attack Failed!]**

Or at least, he would've, if he didn't let loose is sling instead...right into the mess of tentacles.

 **[Inspiration Rolled!: Mountain Hammer Gained!]**

T sighed in anger as he-

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks! T 18+10=28, Black Tentacles 11+16=27!, Grapple Escaped!]**

-smacked the tentacles off him and glared at her since his 'attack' was taken by the action.

He even _just_ got fucking **[Mountain Hammer]**.

It was now Luka's turn again- as he spent an action trying to get out of the tentacles as well

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks! Luka 3+8=11, Black Tentacles 11+16=27!, Grapple Escape failed!]**

And now it was her turn as she five foot stepped out from the middle of Luka and T, then-

 **[Defensive Casting Engaged! Concentration DC 19: 12+12=24, Check Succeeded!**

She spoke, waved her arms in a wiggly noodle movement, then pointed her hands at Cody's feet.

You get no rewards for guessing what happens.

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks! Cody 18+12=30, Black Tentacles 1+16=17!, Grapple Resist Succeeded!]**

Cody gasped and ripped his arms free from the mass, it still poked and prodded at him after he freed himself, but not to any significant degree that he couldn't just pull himself out.

T however sighed as he stared at the tentacles near him giving another go at his ass.

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks! T 5+10=15, Black Tentacles 8+16=24!, Grapple Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+4=10!]**

 **[Damage Total: 10-33HP=23HP!]**

Followed by the tentacles squeezing Luka.

 **[Damage Roll: 1+4=5!]**

 **[Damage Total: 5-27HP=22HP!]**

Safe to say his eye was twitching.

Cody stepped forward-fifteen feet on the mark, then ripped a dagger from his pocket, yelling, "MUDA! MUDA! MUDA! MUDA! MUDA! MUDA! MUDA! MUDA! MUDA! MUUU-DAAA!" and flung it through the air.

 **[Hitting: 13][Attack Check: 19+6=25, CRIT ROLLED!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+5=8x2=16 + Level Drainx2!]**

 **[Damage Total: 16+12=28!-22=-6HP!]**

The dagger struck her through the throat, she quickly coughed up blood and began gagging, before falling over into her fading mass of tentacles.

"Dark Elf, Granddaughter of another Dark Elf, you are now dead!" Cody announced, raising a single finger-then lowering it as he spoke his next phrase, "Time has began to move again!"

The turn order lifted.

Cody picked up his sling, then planted his boot firmly on the mage's chest, ripping his dagger from her throat as energy flowed into him.

 **[Healing: 5(Temporary) + 34 = 39HP!]**

He cleaned the blade off on her clothes then quickly averted his eyes. She was human enough that his brain was having a hard time marking her as 'inhuman'.

T moved over to Luka and swung his fist at the boys shoulder.

 **[Hitting: 18][Attack Check: 18+10+1(Weapon)+4(Prone)=33, Attack Succeeded]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+6=9**

 **[Damage Total: 9-22HP= 13HP!]**

"OW!" Luka yelled as T slammed hit herculean strength fist (Or hill giant strength fist) into his shoulder.

 **[Healing: 1+4=5+-6=-1HP]**

And the throat wound and others like it sealed up- she was still unconscious though.

"Well that's a political nightmare avoided...even if I kinda wanted her to die." T said with a sigh, glaring at her fiercely before he switched his stance back to **[Lead The Charge]**.

Then confetti exploded... _twice_.

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1x Drow Fighter!]**

 **[XP Gained: 800!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 2000!]**

 **{Items!: Ring of Protection +1!}**

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1x Drow Sorcerer!]**

 **[XP Gained: 2133!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 4500!]**

 **{Items!: Mighty Composite Longbow (+3 Str) +1, Towershield +1, Large Steel Shield +1, {Special Gift: Returning Dagger +1}}**

 **[LEVEL UP!]**

 **[T: Lvl 4 - Lvl 5 HP:40+6+3=49!]**

 **[Cody: Lvl 4 - Lvl 5 HP: 33+6+1=40!]**

T cracked his neck as he went into his level ups and went to instantly swap his maneuvers and stances.

With **[Revitalizing Strike]** in hand he took off his belt to work.

It healed 3d6+ his initiator level healing, so 8 bare minimum and his max damage with his gauntlet was 1d3+4 without the belt- he physically couldn't actually out damage his own healing so he got to work repeatedly beating the shit out of himself and healing himself to maximum with a series of bored "Ora Ora Ora"'s echoing out from him as he fixed everyone up.

"That's still weird." Luka said from the ground

"You tell me, anyways I call the ring, Luka gets the shield, dunno about the dagger, and either Cody or Luka should get the bow- at least, that's what I think." T said as he continued smacking himself

Cody turned the dagger in his palms, around it was a slip of paper, which he unfurled and read to himself.

' _ **Nice DIO meme, you really like killing people, don't you?'**_

Cody rolled it up and stuck it in his pocket, and stuck the dagger in his belt.

"That fuck it say?" T asked looking over to Cody

"Nice DIO meme," Cody replied.

"Ah, makes sense." T said "So y'all agree with how I'm dividing the loot or nah?" the plated man asked to Cody and Luka, still managing damage and health.

"I'm fine with whatever." Luka said hopping off the ground.

"I already have a protection ring, I don't need any of that," Cody replied blankly.

T and Luka nodded as the boy wonder nabbed the tower shield, bow, and ring, handing the enchanted finger wear to T who slid it on- having just finished a round of Super Punch Out with himself.

Almost crit himself once or twice but nobody had to know that.

"Oh yeah should we tell Luka about the system or should we just talk about the level ups with each other like now without him?" T asked, throwing the judgement on whether or not to reveal the system to the boy onto Cody as T picked up the heavy shield and looked it over.

"Uhh...Luka, your life's a game," Cody spoke nonchalantly.

"I'm split on believing you and presuming you're messing with me." Luka said honestly, rubbing the back of his head "And what do you even mean by game?" he said with a confused face.

"Well, until recently, your life has been as you expect, but something happened somewhere to make everything based on a dice game," Cody explained, "And Alice also noticed this, that's why she's with us."

"Also for your penis...and you mean like Ur?" Luka said, still having no fucking idea what he was talking about.

"Wait you have fucking Ur at your fucking village?" T said joining Luka in confusion.

"Oh yeah, some heroes brought it one time and it became a hit." Luka explained with a smile

"We have got to get you to fucking teach us that and make a board because _fuck_ travelling is boring." T said the light leaving his eyes- which were seen since he'd taken off his helmet to show the light leaving his eyes.

"Oh sure, I only know the simplified version though, the elders never taught me the advanced rules." Luka said.

"Nice- also Cody do you want me to explain it?" T offered since the fist fighting boy had so far failed.

"Well, it uses a twenty sided die, and you try to roll passed a certain amount...and you add a number to your roll based on your skills," Cody rubbed the back of his neck.

"Twenty sides? Dice only has six dummy." Luka said, looking at Cody like he was dumb

"Well, these dice have twenty."

"What would that even look like? A buncha normal dice glued together?" Luka said, literally not having the possibility of understanding geometry.

"We could get one made," Cody suggested.

T sighed "I'll explain." he said leaning on the cart "We aren't kidding, ignore Cody's explanation as I say this." he said

"That's easy enough given I had no idea what he was talking about." Luka said cheerily.

"You know numbers right?" T said, holding out a hand and rotating it to note that he wanted Luka to respond- the boy nodded "Imagine if you're abilities could be evaluated in numbers, both skill and physical along with mental capacity having a number assigned based off how good or bad you are in said capacity. For example, my strength comes out as a six, yours is a four I believe." T said, having paid attention to Luka's rolls to get a rough picture of his skills.

"Okay…" Luka said, looking at T like he was a little lost but thinking it over

"Now, the world works under these numbers- and has rules on how things work- like a game, like Ur. We're pieces essentially that have to work under the rules- for example your cooking. You roll your skill rank plus your ability score- the measures of your training in the art, and your mental ability to do that well. You roll and can get a one to twenty, instead of a one to six, and that number rolled is added to your skill rank- the measure of your training in cooking, plus your intelligence- to make a result. This result dictates how good your meal was. This extends to _everything_ , including social stuff." T explained to the best of his abilities.

"O...kay?" Luka said kind of getting it.

"We can explain the rest later, but yeah that's why we talk about numbers and rolls and 'rules' is that life is now operated by these numbers and rolls and 'rules' that emulate reality as best it can instead of the rules of reality you knew beforehand. Battles are conducted in turns- the order based off a roll, ever notice that we always approach and do things one at a time in fights? That's one of the rules." he continued, clapping "We can explain the specifics- but it's kind of really complicated, but it's something to occupy road time." T finished, hopping off the side of the cart.

"Okay...I kinda get it." Luka said, believing it outright given the mood- though he lowkey was wondering if this was an elaborate prank.

"Anyways, levels is a word that means 'A person or creatures relative rank of power', me and Cody are level five, you are level four I think, and all the monsters and even Alice have levels. These levels are where our abilities come from, why I can heal and Cody can do his weird shit, and even why when you hit someone you got to trip someone- that wasn't just martial skill, it was a _feat_ , or a feature of your abilities. I have it too, it's called knock down, it happens when you hit someone hard enough- you get to hit someone and make them fall onto the ground." T continued- he...liked ranting and talking to an audience, a little pleasure of his that made him smile.

"Alrighty…" Luka said getting a little overwhelmed.

"Me and Cody just gained a 'Level' and got new features and powers, we can also choose these powers and features usually- we _pick_ our abilities instead of actually learning them." T finished his explanation as Luka looked brain blasted like Jimmy Neutron but with a lot less 'Eureka' and a lot more like his brain was being squished by his attempts to wrap his head around all that was explained.

"I thought when you guys said Rolls you meant like, Luck, and it was just you guys' weird term for it since you guys say a lotta weird stuff- like it was a cultural thing I didn't understand." Luka explained, squinting as he wrapped his head around the topic.

"No, we meant literal dice," Cody replied, "and you haven't questioned this until now…?"

"It was a game where we came from, we'd roll dice to get the one through twenty, but the world does it on its own now." T explained as he chipped in

"Where _did_ you come from?" Alice questioned.

"Ever heard of America?" T asked

"America?" Alice quirked a brow, "What language even is that?"

"Then you have no idea where we come from, it's English, at least, to us it's called English, no idea what you call what we're speaking in right now...Common maybe?" T quirked his head

"Common...yeah...how do you speak it without knowing what it's called?" She crossed her arms.

T shrugged "Either somehow our societies did a one in a trillion and we somehow ended up with the same language, or the guy who put us here made us magically able to speak and understand ya'll." T guessed, also having no idea about the matter.

Alice opened her mouth to object, then something clicked in her head that had her see it how he saw it-they don't perceive them as speaking common, rather English, "Sure…" she grew quiet, letting the thoughts dwell, "so you're magically here?"

"I knew that food musta went somewhere aside from your assets." T said, complimenting the fact Alice probably got the fact that he might have comprehend language permanencied on him. "Yeah, we're here magically- got sucked through a portal and ended up here on this continent, at Luka's village." T revealed.

"A portal from America...so, how do you know about this place but we don't know about yours?" she continued.

"'The measure of your experience', remember what I said about skills? You probably don't have the skill 'Knowledge: Planes', so you have no idea about our home dimension, or plane, however because me and Cody are _here_ , our skills apply here." T explained "If you were in America and had 'Knowledge: Local', you'd know about the people and cultures, but you aren't, so you can't figure it out." he added.

"So...there's knowledge rolls too? What can't you roll for?" she leaned against the cart, "it can change what you know? That must mean there's a lot at work here."

"We weren't like this previously- remember how I mentioned the system is a game where we come from? It's a role playing game. We play the 'role' like actors, be other people, me and Cody made these characters- and the guy who sent us here _made_ us work like them. Neither of us are as strong and dextrous as we are now, we were like most normal humans before the portal." T explained, feeling that coming clean about this would help the duo of characters understand and work with both him and Cody better- plus it wouldn't come out as 'a betrayal by secret' or something.

It's the safest choice, at least, as far as he can tell- especially since he wasn't hinting about anything _complicated_ , dancing around revealing that they were VN characters and he and Cody come from nukeworld flying machine town.

Even explained away their in universe knowledge as their game sheets telling them it- though he never said that was the _answer_ , he danced around making it a lie so he didn't have to roll a bluff check. He technically told the truth, just a lot of slightly off topic things.

That passive +69 bluff he had going on was pretty cheap.

"Anyways, Cody? Let's talk shop real quick about levels- should I get exotic weapon proficiency bastard sword so I can use a shield for AC, or improved grapple?" T asked, slapping his wrist- the book popping out even if his wrist thing was covered.

It was probably operated by 'intent'.

"Well...you can always find a better sword," Cody noted, "weapons are pretty temporary in comparison to new tricks."

"Eh, both are contingencies I intend to swap out later probably, but yeah I getcha, that tentacle shit was fucking _annoying_." he said, slotting in **[Improved Grapple]**.

After that he looked over his maneuvers- **[Revitalizing Strike]** replaced **[Crusader Strike]** , he swapped out **[Leading the Attack]** with fucking _**[White Raven Tactics]**_ _!_ , followed by swapping out **[Battle Leader's Charge]** with **[Defensive Rebuke]**.

That made his 2 inactive maneuvers **[Battle Leader's Charge]** and **[Charging Minotaur]** , and his 5 activated being **[White Raven Tactics]** , **[Defensive Rebuke]** , **[Vanguard Strike]** , **[Revitalizing Strike]** , and finally good ol' **[Mountain Hammer]**.

And as for stances…

Goodbye **[Lead the charge]** , HELLO **[Thicket of-** FUCKING **-Blades]**!

He was grinning viciously of course.

Life was good.

"Guess who just got _White Raven Tactics_ AND _Thicket of Blades_." T said looking at Cody with his vicious grin.

"Life is good!" Cody announced.

"I'm about to make it _even better,"_ they heard an oddly familiar voice-then Alice was gone.

T looked at the…"Wait you're a fucking dullahan now?" T said confused as he put his helmet on

"That's right~" the Dark Elf Mage? replied, having rose to her feet, "I saw the inviting light of darkness and jumped into it!" she ran her hands over her body, rolling her head on her arm and laughing hysterically, "this is the greatest high!"

"Oh you lost the gross fucking mutant tentacle thing you had going on. Yeah that's an improvement." T said giving her a thumbs up as he untied the sheath from his sword and drew it.

Cody pulled Alice's scarf over his mouth and rolled his shoulders, "Should've just stayed on the ground, now I've gotta put you _into_ the ground," he threatened her, producing his returning dagger and flashing her reflection in it.

"I know you feel on top of the world- also Cody she's undead so don't go rol-" T began and then the intimidation rolled out against either of their consents.

 **[Intimidation Check: Autofail}**

"Yeah she's immune to that. Anyways- you can't be beaten unconscious, so there's a large chance we can't hold back from killing you- you willing to take those odds given we literally just beat you?" T asked, pleading to reason with the...well woman who surgically attached disgusting sex tentacles on herself.

T felt a chill down his back- as did the other three as-

 **[Frightful Presence! Will to Resist!]**

 **[DC: 19][Will Checks: C 13+8=21, T 7+5=12, Luka 9+0=9, Success! Failure! Failure!]**

 **[Afflicted Affected for: 5+3+3+6 = 17 Rounds!]**

 **[T and Luka are now Shaken!]**

T and Luka felt there whole bodies tense as she glared at them, her hand drawing a sword -looked exactly like the one the fencer had, like two steps ago-as her eyes glowed.

Cody shrugged it off though, unlike the duo.

"Death will caela san- amin sleepien" Cody spoke in Elvish, spitting in the dirt in front of him and took his stance. She wasn't aware of her frightful presence meta-wise, but spitting on it made him feel like an absolute badass.

T and Luka followed suit, but her presence still unnerved them, the trio standing together with Cody in the center.

It took the elf a little bit for Cody speaking English to dawn on her, she spouted out, "Death will have to take you sleeping? You...you what? How do you know Elvish?"

"Who knows?" Cody replied.

Normally T would chime in also noting he knows elvish for the joke of it, but he was still trying to shake the feeling.

 **[DC: 19][Will Check: T 8+5=13, Failure!]**

Wait _what?_

"You're a pretty interesting human," the elf concluded, "I'll just squeeze the information out of you, every last drop~"

"Good luck telling it to your friends without a head to do it with," Cody shot back, "hamburger meat doesn't make a good replacement, and that's what you'll have left after I've shattered your skull and ground up what's left."

 **[DC: 19][Will Check: T 7+5=12, Failure!]**

 **[DC: 19][Will Check: T 7+5=12, Failure!]**

"Hamburger meat? Whatever," She stuck her head back on and shook it, "just go ahead and strip down, you don't stand a chance against my new body!"

"Ri' lye caela quite i' seasu conversation about i' topic amin dear arwen, eller naa n'uma anta tul - a' pusta about ta ten' lye naa il- currently e' active combat." T said, buying twelve seconds alongside the twelve from earlier from Cody's stuff

 **[DC: 19][Will Check: T 13+5=18, Failure!]**

 **[DC: 19][Will Check: T 2+5=7, Failure!]**

"Lle elea lye caela seen i' error en' lye ways ten' lye had n'uma intention cor- lle tanya close a' death, ar' honestly ta has karne lye reflect, amin mean ta, amin really, really, really, really, really uma" he said spouting bullshit while buying time- 18 seconds to be exact.

 **[DC: 19][Will Check: T 10+5=15, Failure!]**

 **[DC: 19][Will Check: T 11+5=16, Failure!]**

 **[DC: 19][Will Check: T 6+5=11, Failure!]**

"Shut up! Or I'm gonna tear you apart...I mean tear your clothes off!" She telled, gripping her blade tightly and stepping forwards.

 **[Initiative: T 13-5=8, C 18+3=21, Luka 11+1=12, Dullahan 10+7=17]**

 **[Order: Cody, Dullahan, Luka, T]**

Cody reached down like he was about to stick his dagger back into his belt-but then opted to suddenly chuck it at her instead.

 **[Hitting: 13][Attack Check: 6+7=13, Attack Succeeded!]**

The blade whizzed through the air, burrowing into her skin and-

She ripped it out of her flesh, the wound healing effortlessly, as she explained, "Tsk tsk tsk, tiny blades aren't going to help you one bit," she dropped it-and it flew through the air back into Cody's hand.

 **[Dullahan's actual AC is 21]**

"I hope you all remember how much fun _this_ was, almost like it happened a few minutes ago! Come out-" she chanted waving her arms before finishing her sentence "-my tentacles!" she said as the purple disgusting things burst from the ground as she cast **[Black Tentacles]**.

 **[DC: 24][Grapple Checks: T 12+15-2(Shaken) = 25, Cody: 20+13 = 33, Luka 10+8-2(Shaken) = 16]**

"OH COME ON!" Luka yelled in frustration as he was engulfed in the hentai tentacles and was squeezed again.

 **[Damage Roll: 3+4=7!]**

 **[Damage Total: 7-40HP=33HP!]**

Cody ripped the tentacles that grabbed him straight from the ground like roots from a garden, tilting his head down for **[Edgy Shadow]** and yelling, "Touch my homie and I'm going to strangle you with your own tentacles!"

Luka made a feeble attempt to escape his containment as-

 **[DC: 19][Will Check!: 12+0 = 12, Failure!]**

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!: Luka 20+8-2(Shaken) = 26, 12+16=28, Grapple Escape Failure!]**

-he failed utterly, still flailing about.

T sighed and felt his inspiration flow through him-

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Defensive Rebuke and Revitalizing Strike!]**

The inspiration flowed through him as he realized something...

 **[DC: 19][Will Check: 14+5=19, Success!]**

 **[T is no longer Shaken!]**

It calmed him.

He glared at her- he wasn't that far from her actually- the trio having stood together relatively near her- ten feet in fact.

He moved forth with a fire in his eyes as he came up to her diagonally if this was a board and swung with all his might, his body channeling his divine guidance as-

 **[Hitting: 21][Revitalizing Strike Attack Check: 14+11+2(Weapon)=27, Attack Success!]**

 **[Revitalizing Strike Proc'd!]**

 **[Healing: 6+5=11 healing to Luka! Max Health Achieved!]**

 **[Damage: 10+9+2(weapon) = 21 damage!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 13+10=23, Dullahan: 19+12=31. Trip Failed!]**

 **[Damage Total: 21-95HP = 74HP!]**

Blade digging into her shoulder deeply he grinned before his eyes widened at the sensation of pulling on his ankle as-

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 7+10=17, Dullahan: 19+12=31. Trip Success!]**

-he was swept off his feet by the hair of the dullahan, his back slamming into the ground as he glared at the sky.

"The DM has to be fucking with me and Luka I swear to fucking god these rolls can't be fucking legit like god fucking damn." T said angrily.

Cody stepped passed Luka, taking a diagonal step up to the right, one forward, then another to the up-left, moving outside of her attack range on the board and stepping opposite to her to T's prone body before-

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Roll: 11+9+2(Flanking)=22, Attack Success!]**

Cody dug his dagger into her back, letting it stay in her body.

 **[Damage Roll: 4+5+1=10, + Level Drain!]**

 **[Damage Total: 10+7=17-85=68HP!]**

 **[Healing: 5(Temporary)+40=45HP!]**

The turn came to the dullahans, her wounds shutting from her supernatural will

 **[Fast Healing: 68HP+5=73HP!]**

The dullahan clicked her tongue as she five foot st-

 **[Movement detected! Thicket of Blades Activated! Attack of Opportunity!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Roll: 11+11+2(Weapon)+2(Flanking)-4(Attacker Prone)=22, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+9+2(Weapon) = 17 damage!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 11+10=21, Dullahan: 4+12=16. Trip Succeeded!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Roll: 4+11+2(Weapon)+2(Flanking)+4(Prone)-4(Attacker Prone)=19, Attack Failed!]**

 **[Damage Total: 17-73HP = 56HP!]**

-she felt a blade slam into her legs as she flipped around and slammed into the ground- a stab glancing off of her and not doing much damage that wouldn't be healed instantly.

She glared angrily at the plated man who'd- unknowingly to her- spun around to slam his blade into her legs, his belly down now instead of his back on the ground.

She went to stand up-

And Cody kicked her in the ugly mug as she did so.

 **[Attack of Opportunity!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: 15+9 = 24, Attack Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 2+5=7. + Level Drain!]**

 **[Damage Total: 7+7=14-56=42HP!]**

 **[Healing: 5(Temporary)+45=50HP!]**

She got to her feet despite Cody kicking her in the face-however, there was also one more insult to injury.

There was a hole in her chest and-was he always holding that dagger?

 **[Damage Roll: 2-42=40HP!]**

Cody spun the blood soaked dagger in his hand into an icepick grip with a wicked smirk, having recalled it, he fully intended to stick it back into her body.

Pissed off, her head flew off her body as...they both attacked?!

 **[Hitting: 18][Attack Checks: Body 14+14 = 28 / 8+9 = 17, Head 4+14 = 18 / 8+9 = 17, Success! Failure! Success! Failure!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: Body 4+6+6(Cold)=16 Damage! Head 0!]**

 **[Improved Grab Engaged!]**

 **[Close Quarters Fighting Proc'd, Attack of Opportunity!]**

 **[AoO Expended]**

 **[Grapple Attempt! Cody 19+13=32 , Head 16+16 = 32]**

 **[Tiebreaker!]**

 **[Grapple Attempt! Cody: 7+13=20, Head 9+16 = 25]**

 **[Damage Total: 16-50HP=34HP!]**

The dullahan's hair wrapped around Cody's hands after the being assaulted him with attacks, restraining them, Cody pulled his arms back to resist and pulled the monster's head from its body, Cody held it in his hands and stared into its eyes with clear placement.

"I don't need my hands to beat your ass," he stated bluntly.

"Yeah, that's what dicks are for." she said, wiggling her eyebrows.

"That was fucking stupid and you know it!" T said from the ground still.

But little did they remember- the hentai tentacles were still literally _fucking everywhere_.

 **[DC: 29][Grapple Checks: T 12+15 = 29, Cody: 16+13 = 29]**

 **[Tiebreaker!]**

 **[DC: 18][Grapple Checks: T 18+15=33 Cody: 8+13=21]**

And whilst they were smacking tentacles away, Luka was again squeezed.

 **[Damage Roll: 2+4=6]**

 **[Damage Total: 6-40HP=34HP!]**

"I am sick, and fucking tired, of these motherfuckin' snake-likes on my fuckin' forest plain!" T yelled as he move action stood-

 **[Attack of Opportunity!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: 5+14=19, Attack Failed!]**

He shifted to the side and glanced her sword off his shoulder plate as he felt the inspiration hit him.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: White Raven Tactics!]**

That...was kinda late but he was partly glad since he could teach this _fucking thot_ about why _unlife_ was fucking lame that fucking dweeb!

He wasn't sure why he devolved into like 80s 90s kid slang but then again when does anger ever make sense?

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Roll: 10+11+2(Weapon)+2(Flanking))=25, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 10+9+2(Weapon) = 21 damage!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 20+10=30, Dullahan: 19+10=29. Trip Succeeded!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Roll: 12+11+2(Weapon)+2(Flanking)+4(Prone)=31, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 5+9+2(Weapon) = 16 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 37-40HP = 3HP!]**

 **[System Message: Apologies kiddos, I forgot about level drain until now so uh...yeah!]**

T thrust the blade digging straight through the spectors body...and he lifted, his muscles bulging as he raised her up high- and then smashed her into the ground, the blade cleaving through her metal like flesh as her blood painted the sky red for a moment.

"I...won't be beaten by this! I'll drain you all you bastards!" she yelled as the soul keeping her body together waved intensely.

T looked up, Cody looked into his eyes...and saw a white bird...no, a White _Raven_.

"Do it." T commanded- and energy flowed through Cody, the turn order shifted- ripped apart and altered…

And then it was Cody's turn.

 **[Flurry of Blows]**

 **[Flurry of Blows]**

 **[Hitting: 20] [Attack Checks: 14+9=23, 20+9=29, 13+9=22, 13+9=22, all attacks succeed, CRIT ROLLED!]**

Cody looked down at the monster's head, face now covered in a shadow.

"What are you going to do without your hands?" she questioned, "Can't stab me with your knife lik-

"You don't realize you're already dead," Cody interrupted.

"What?!" She exclaimed with confusion.

While she was speaking, Cody had dropped his dagger, letting it fall towards the ground-but it never touched the ground. Cody threw his foot up, catching the hilt with his boot and slamming it into the back of her skull!

 **[Damage Roll: 3+5=8 Damage!]**

Cody raised her head up a bit as she screamed in pain, still kept alive by dark energy, and brought it down violently as he brought his knee up into the back of the dagger-pushing the hilt into her head along with the blade.

 **[Damage Roll: 7+5=12x2=24!]**

Cody felt her hair give loose as her eyes started to go blank, he ripped his hands free if her hair, having her head drop towards the ground-he slammed his foot onto it as it fell, and busted it into the dirt.

 **[Damage Roll: 5+5=10!]**

Cody slammed his foot onto the head on the ground and began twisting his leg, moving the dagger around in her head and making salad with her brain. Satisfied, he took his foot of her head-

 **[Damage Roll: 5+5=10!]**

-he raised a hand, palm open and recalled his dagger, covered in blood from ripping through the head to get to his hand.

 **[Damage Roll: 1!]**

 **[Damage Total: 8+24+10+10+1+35(Life Drain)=88!-3=-85HP!]**

 **[Healing: 25(Temporary)+34=59HP!]**

" **Hokuto no Ken:** **クラウンピアスヘブンスプリッター** " T said in a deep japanese man voice, which translated to ' **Fist of the North star: Kuraun piasu hebun supurittā** ', which translated into ' **Fist of the North Star: Crown Piercing Heaven Splitter** ' as the turn order released and the tentacles disappeared.

"Did you just speak Japanese text?" Cody said confused.

"You were able to tell I spoke in Japanese text?" T said equally confused.

And then confetti exploded, as did the dullahan.

"What."

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1x Dullahan!]**

 **[XP Gained: 3000!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 5800!]**

 **{Items!: Amulet of Natural Armor +1 and Bracers of Armor +2!}**

T looked them over, picked them up, and handed them to Cody. "AC is god." he said as he made the shakabrah hand gesture.

Cody fitted himself with everything presented, only giving him a +3 AC bonus.

He didn't speak, after the dust of what he had done settled, he didn't feel like speaking was the right thing to do.

"What." Alice clapped her hands together, fingers pointed in the air "The fuck." Alice said, hands rotating to where her palm to palm phalange holders were pointing their fingers at T and Cody

She did a 'Boi.' so to speak for you meme enthusiasts.

Cody took a step, then collapsed to the forest floor.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Title Drop**

"Back." Luka said, emerging from the trail as T sat by the fire, having set up the camp, fire, and his tools for cooking alongside the food.

"So, anything interesting happen?" T asked, poking the fire with a stick as the boy plopped down beside him, scratching the back of his head

"I met...a woman, apparently she knew me and my parents when I was young after she saw my ring for some reason. Her name was Micaela." Luka said confused, having never heard of her at all, nor remembering her at all.

"Odd, guessing she turned you away?" T said, quirking a brow- still in platemail, though he was taking it off now.

Luka looked surprised. "How'd you know?" he said, tilting his head as his hands went to work the cooking tools

"Secret village, some sort of monsters that seem to be turning men away, the fact we're adventurers and don't deal in supplies usually that a secluded village would need? Kinda obvious, but knowing where Enrika is would be good in a pinch so I didn't stop you from checking it out." T said, scratching his forehead "By the way, Cody's not awake yet, and Alice didn't disappear at all." he explained as he jerked a thumb towards the duos tent. "Honestly didn't expect him to pass out...guess not _everything_ is numbers, which kinda sucks. Or he caught Gonorrhea of the soul from Alice." T said, getting a funny look from Luka before the boy shook his head and continued cooking.

It was quiet for a long while before Luka spoke up.

"Hey T...what's your…" Luka looked hesitant, looking away and hiding his face from the bearded man to his right, going silent.

"Take your time." T said, realizing this seemed to be a bit of a subject, rubbing the purple haired boys shoulder in a comforting way.

"What's your…" Luka looked over towards him, his head still looking at the ground "...what's your family like?" the boy asked looked up at T.

He felt his emotions through his shoulder, given the powerful grip tightening painfully before slackening instantly after a moment, T lifting the shoulder hand to rub the back of his unhelmeted head, placing it on there to have it there.

"They...they were great. I really couldn't ask for more. Dad and mom tried their best and that's all I could ask for." he said lowering his hand on his head to his knee "I had four siblings, only one by blood, and two step parents, and a grandma...I hope they aren't worrying too much." T said, gritting his teeth as his face remained neutral- but the pain in his chest ached painfully.

Luka noticed that at some point T had looked away gazing into the fire, Luka followed suit.

"I...hope that I can get back home. I don't want to worry them, or make them feel bad about someone like me." T said quietly "I love them too much to want to hurt them."

The duo were quiet for awhile longer.

"I have...had, a father and mother. I can't- I can't accept my father as my father, but my mother, she was amazing...but she passed away from illness." Luka said, stirring the stew he was making, "That lady...I hope I can see her again and learn more about mom." he said.

T smiled in a bittersweet way and wrapped his arm around Luka for a side hug "I'm sure you'll learn a lot, and…" he paused, gulped some saliva, and spoke "...I'm sure I'll get home to them." T said, the smile not reaching his eyes, as they cast a more sad feeling.

The duo sat there for awhile just being around each other, but in a little different way then before.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"Oceans smell like shit," Cody noted flatly.

T shrugged "Nose blind, lived on an island for awhile, what do you think Luka?" the armored lad asked, looking to the less armored lad who shrugged.

"That's because it's low tide, idiot," Alice interjected.

"You act like I care about tides you nerd." T sent back, being the boy from the tide pod generation.

"Do you think a ship will take us to uh...that middle continent?" Luka questioned, "Sentora."

"Y'know I feel getting here was kinda too easy, like we missed something...eh whatever. And yeah we'll try and catch a ship." T said, looking around before spotting someone "Hey hold on." he said before walking over to a random shop keep in the distance and talking to him.

The duo talked, things seemed amicable though T looked progressively less cheerful before he wandered back to the group.

"Taking a ships fucked, there's storms n' shit that slam into any ship that tries to leave and kills it." T said, jerking a thumb towards a nearby ship "Sounds like monster shit- you know anything about that Alice, or have people just been unlucky? No matter how clear the sky is its slammed by a storm which is mad suspicious, another one of yours?" T asked, knowing the answer but still wanting to make sure is info was consistent.

"I uh…" Alice thought a moment, "there's a monster stopping pilgrims from coming to this island," she replied surely.

"Well duh, but what kind of monster?" Cody replied.

"A monster," she answered, eyes-half lidded

"Real fucking helpful, Alice."

"So it's one of hers, great." T said with half lidded eyes

"N-No it isn't!" Alice's eyes shot open.

T just stared at her with half lidded eyes still, he really didn't need to say anything.

"You wouldn't be able to beat her anyway," Alice crossed her arms and fixed her expression, "Unless you have more tricks to pull out of your ass."

"You can't really pull the 'You're too weak' card when we beat what I'm pretty sure is the strongest one but, you do you, you special snek you." T said shaking his head with his eyes closed and his arms crossed.

"Again, she was holding back," Alice deadpanned, "she was just one lazy swing away from putting you on the ground with charcoal for skin."

"You act like being arrogant and stupid are traits that aren't shared across them...sides the water one." he said shivering "The horror stories feel accurate." T said recalling the technique she hocks out at the start.

"Welp, unless you want to tell that bitch off, I guess you aren't getting anymore food," Cody stated, "and don't forget you're trapped on this rock too."

"Just the same old food, none of those foreign delicacies, I heard they taste amazing too...oh well crew guess we're going home." T said turning around and walking towards where they came from.

"If I could, I would've done it already," Alice shot back, "there's no way we're getting over there…"

They heard a voice that sent a terrible shiver up Cody's spine.

"There is a way, my heroes!" Amira yelled, then screamed...why? Because when the group turned to face her she was mid-tumble into the harbor.

"Prepare for trouble!" Jamie yelled, having dropped from a roof and kicked Amira into the ocean

"And make it double!" Jessi jumped off the same roof, rolling into a pose she barely stuck.

"To protect the world from devastation!" T said, sliding in with them and posing, doing the one he could remember- Jonathan's, which Joseph also used once, his face covered by his splayed hand where he could look through the in betweens of the fingers.

"To unite all men within our nation!" Cody yelled, doing Jotaro's pose, one hand tucked into his pocket and the other pointing at the duo in front of them, his weight supported mostly on his back leg.

"To denounce the evils of truth and lust!" T posed with Jessi as the two spoke the line, he did Mistas pose this time around, using a finger gun instead of a real gun.

"To extend our reach to the heavens above" Came Cody and Jamie, Cody doing the Koichi pose in front of her as she pointed into the sky.

"Jessi!" "T!" they said together, posing back to back, T doing the Shadow DIO pose, **[MENACING]** symbols flying off him in spades.

"Jamie!" "Cody!" Standing back to back, Cody doing Jolyne's pose-which was literally just a thinking pose.

"Team Draught blasts off at the speed of light!" T spun and posed with Cody, as Jamie spun to pose next to Jessi, T and Cody entering into the iconic combo pose of Joseph and Caesar, T's leg lifted as he did Joseph's and Cody doing a pose similar to T's first, but instead of his arm not up to his face being splayed it was a fist.

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!" The quartet said, posing together- in the **[** _ **GINYU FORCE POSE™]**_ with T and Cody as Recoome and Burter as they were the tallest of the quartet, with Jessi and Jamie acting as Buldo and Jeice- the post sans Ginyu until...

"Nyeowth that's right!" said a third voice, a catgirl flipping over the duo and posing crouched, arms fanning out into the **[Ginyu Pose]** as colored smoke bombs exploded behind them, this time in orange, green, purple, pink, and blue.

There was a roar of applause as everyone in the port lost their shit for a long moment- and Luka was clapping, supporting them in their weird decision- the quintet bowing repeatedly as they thanked the audience and each other- the audience for the cheers and each other for the act before Team Draught blinked and dashed back in a blink of an eye "Hey wait a minute- we aren't here to get buddy buddy, we're here to stop you from getting the treasure and the **[Poseidon's Bell]**!" Nyeowth said, taking the lead on that statement, "We'll knock you out then make you go mad with pleasure!"

"Nigga, we don't know about the Poseidon's Bell, that's meta-gaming," Cody replied.

"Oh you don't? You don't know about the fact-" Jamie began, slamming the trio- since Alice had left because y'know, monsters, with basically every bit of exposition she could.

"Why are you trying to stop us from getting the bell?" Cody questioned, "First of all, you had to assume we knew about it."

T spotted Alice across the way eating street garbage food from a street vendor- it kinda looked like a deep fried cheese wheel from the distance.

"Wait so T and Luka didn't know?" Jamie said confused before getting slashed in the face by Nyeowth and rolling on the ground.

"Jamie! Darn it we talked about this! I know you like gossiping but telling them our info is dumb!" the cat girl said throwing her hands in the air in exasperation.

Meanwhile Jessi was talking to the trio whilst Jamie was getting her ass eaten proverbially. "Well because you guys seemed competent so we presumed you'd already know about it- we want the treasure, part of what being in Team Draught is- no 'Booty' unplundered- then again that might've just been Cap'n Slap-Happy's dementia." Jessi said, adopting a thinking pose as she wondered about the validity of their training.

"So...why did y'all think it was a good idea to attack us in the middle of a port with a shit ton of guards? I mean they're not attacking you but I'm not sure how long that'll last." T said with a confused expression.

"Well because you might not be prepared- you aren't wearing your helmet see?" the dark elf said pointing to the helmet hanging on his side.

"So uh...why the fuck the do you want beat the shit out of us and defile us? Like, we fed you!" Cody butted in, trying to avoid conflict with these three.

"Well, of course feeding us would only make us want it more!" Nyweoth announced.

"I see…" Cody pulled Alice's scarf over his mouth and cracked his knuckles-the first crack making Nyweoth jump, "I see," he repeated in a domineering tone, "I hope elves are secretly aquatic, because being unconscious in the harbor is definitely bad for your health."

T at this point had his helmet on and was tying his sword to its sheath

"Oh uh...not as a slave of course, you can leave whenever you want to…" Jamie butt in, "but you won't want to...Alice can come along too."

"Y'know I don't know why but I've completely just spaced out on this situation." Luka noted "I think I did around the pose." he said, having never witnessed something as weird as that physically- vocally, like T and Cody's speak, sure, but their actions just threw him off.

"I'd prefer to lose my cherry to someone I'm in a relationship for awhile with." T said entering a stance "But I garner you can't shove a loving romance within the amount of time it takes to get me to an alleyway or an inn so no, we're not doing this." he said

"Uh...uh, fine! Luka and Cody it is!" Nyweoth's voice was a mix of Meowth's and a shitty generic catgirl-so it was rather grating.

"Wait you aren't just going to just force me?" T said confused "That's...different." he said thrown off of his rhythm

"Oh, we will, socially!" Jamie declared, "you'll _want_ to!"

"Are you going to come over here and take a beating or are you just going to keep _pretending_ too?" Cody growled.

"I'm going to help my bros by the way so don't discount me, sorry about what's going to happen." T said sounding apologetic as he stayed by his comrades sides.

"No hard feelings!" Jamie said cheerfully as she pulled her rapier out- then stuck a cork on the end of it as did the other two- who also had rapiers, like three bootleg musketeers with tits.

Cody broke character to crack up, "you're going to knock us out with corked rapiers?"

"Well, we want to be gentle about it, don't want to use the 'Out Cold' kit." Jessi said, pulling out...a giant cork.

"Wait how does that help any more than a small one?" Luka asked, looking confused

"It's weighted." she said dropping it as it made a sound akin to a cork covered dumbbell

"I'll take the small ones thank you." T said holding up a finger like he was ordering something from a drive through, getting a thumbs up from Nyeowth.

 **[Initiative: T 20-5=15, C 18+3=21, Luka 18+1=19, Jessi 18+3=21, Jamie 4+4=8, Nyeowth 14+4=18]**

 **[Tiebreaker!]**

 **[Tiebreaker Canceled!]**

"You seem rather uppity, Cody," Jessi commented, swishing her rapier into the air, "how about we split off? One on one, and I'll put you in your place!" she surrendered her spot on the turn order to him.

 **[Turn Order: Cody, Jessi, Luka, Nyeowth, T, Jamie]**

Cody blinked, was she aware of the turn order too? He didn't really understand what caused NPCs to become aware of that. "I'm gonna snap your thumbtack in half," Cody replied, gesturing for her to come at him.

T free action spoke a couple of words "Guess we'll all split off into one on ones." he said, since it sounded like a good idea- he'd subbed out most of his party buff stances and maneuvers so not like he'd get much of a bonus from team play on this occasion.

Cody double moved, walking up a ramp onto one of the several ships at port, all the sailors cowering into cabins or jumping into the water-people in this world were massive beta cucks.

No wait they weren't running they were- were those snacks?

Unbeknownst to the trio, the town thought this was a show because of the group pose and were enjoying the hell out of it.

Jessi didn't quite make it, stopping on the ramp and staring at Cody with a mix of playfulness and superiority, "Give me a for more seconds, you're pretty fast- hopefully not in bed though."

"Never have been," Cody replied, "Not that you're ever going to find out."

"Feisty little Brat aren't you?" She said, referring to a S&M Brat, which Cody of course didn't realize.

She wasn't calling him a child, Luka was the only Twerp in the trio after all.

Coincidentally it was that Twerp's turn.

He walked off to the side, closer to the edge of the dock "I'm ready to face one of you two." he said determined as he looked at the duo.

Nyeowth held her turn- and T just walked off to stand next to a nearby cafe, waiting.

The duo...then played rock paper scissors.

 **[Rock Paper Scissors Roll: Nyeowth 2(Paper), Jamie 1(Scissors), Jamie wins!]**

Jamie let out a woop as she moved over to stand in front of T excitedly as Nyeowth sighed and slunk to Luka "Always gotta do the most work." she muttered as she stood across from Luka and ended her turn.

It was then Cody's again, since the quartet off the ship stood facing each other.

Cody posed **[Menacingly]** , making a spider with his hand over his covered mouth and pulling his dagger from his belt in an icepick grip, and put his wrists together like he was on the cover of the first Dishonored game.

The situation was pretty low stakes, so he let Jessi make the first move.

And thus, it was Jessi's turn.

She ran a hand along her blade as she walked forward at Cody, causing an ominous white glow to illuminate the rapier, "why don't you strip that mask off? Let me see your face twist in pain, and you're not scaring anyone like that, brat!"

 **[Magic Weapon: +1 to Attack and Damage!]**

And thus it was Luka's Turn.

He charged, swinging the disgusting sword at Nyeowth with a good deal of his strength-

 **[Hitting: 14] [Attack Check: 17+9+1(Weapon)+2(Charge)+1(Weapon Focus)=30, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+5 = 8 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 8-38HP=38(8NL)HP!]**

Smacking into her, not power attacking though with how easy it was to do that he was rethinking the thought as he sliced through her, cleaving her magic painfully.

Cringing it came to her turn and she clicked her tongue as she made a thr-

 **[Feint Check: Nyeowth Bluff 10+15=25, Luka Sense Motive 3+2=5, Nyeowth Wins!]**

 **[Luka Loses his Dexterity Bonus for the next Melee Attack!]**

Luka moved his shield to block as she pulled back lightning fast and whipped the rapier and-

 **[Hitting: 17] [Attack Check: 5+9=14, Attack Failed!]**

Luka brought Angel Halo up and intercepted the whip strike to his temple, deflecting it as he got back into a correct stance.

Then it was T's turn.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Defensive Rebuke, and Vanguard Strike!]**

"I'll let you get the first hit in." T said confidently as he patted his armor on the chest "Ladies first and all that." and held his turn.

T was ready for her to charge in, but Jamie just smiled and walked forward, drawing a dagger and getting into a stance as she...ended her turn there.

T blinked, quirked his head, and ended his turn.

He didn't like pain, but he was curious if she could hit him using that feat line.

Also was that a cork on the dagger?

Cody took his next turn, pulling his scarf off his face and circling around the dark elf, expecting her to circle with him but was disappointed to once again realize-they can't act at the same time. She stood still smirking, running a hand over her blade a second time-adding a secondary aura to it, "Checking me out, huh? Take your time."

 **[Divine Favor: +1 to Attack and Damage!]**

Hold up, she can't be that strong, right?

Right?

What spells was she casting?

And thus, it was Luka's turn.

"What the heck was that?!" Luka said, having no real idea what a feint is as he swung-

 **[Hitting: 14] [Attack Check: 10+9+1(Weapon)+1(Weapon Focus)=21, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+5 = 8 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 8-38(8NL)HP=38(16NL)HP!]**

-and whapped it right through her again with the sensation of swinging a pool noodle through water.

During the swing the catgirl made a thrust at his gro-

 **[Feint Check: Nyeowth Bluff 14+15=29, Luka Sense Motive 17+2=19, Nyeowth Wins!]**

 **[Luka Loses his Dexterity Bonus for the next Melee Attack!]**

Luka swung his sword to deflect as she twisted her arm and wrist-

 **[Hitting: 17] [Attack Check: 17+9=26, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 2+2=4!]**

 **[Sneak Attack Proc'd!: 4+3+3(Craven)=10!]**

 **[Damage Total: 14-47HP=47(14NL)HP!]**

-smashing the slightly weighted cork tip into the side of Luka's skull on to temple, shaking his brain as he stumbled and lifted his shield to block and cradle his head as the turn progressed.

T held his turn back "Y'know attacking twice like that lowers your chance to hit me right?" he said, pretty sure he had her nailed build wise.

It was her turn as she grinned "Twice?" she said before her body moved into a blur of attacks-

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Checks: 6+10=16,9+10=19,5+7=12, All Attacks Failed!]**

-that bounced off his plate at every turn, her arms vibrating from the impact.

"Nice shot…" T said menacingly as-

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Mountain Hammer!]**

-he grinned a vicious grin.

"Sorry...but like a falling avalanche, the weight and fury of my strikes are uncaring like a mountain." he said swinging with untold weight behind his blow-

 **[Hitting: 16][Mountain Hammer Attack Check: 12+12+1(Weapon)=25, Attack Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+9+2(Weapon)+(1+4)(Mountain Hammer)=19!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 13+10=23, Jamie: 17+3=20. Trip succeeded!]**

 **[Hitting: 16][Trip Attack Roll: 8+12+1(Weapon)+4(Prone)=25, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+9+2=12 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 31!-41HP=41(31NL)HP]**

-T smashed the sheath into her skull, yelling out a battle cry of "MOUNTAIN, HAMMER!" as he landed the blow that made her crumple onto the ground...and remarkable unconscious.

"Wow, you're awake?" T said genuinely surprised as he lifted the blade from her skull and rested it on his shoulder, "Y'know what? I'll let you have another go at me, we'll go back and forth." T said patting his chest "Have a go."

"I...don't think I will." she said from the floor groaning.

"Oh." he said as it became Cody's turn.

Cody stepped away from his opponent, eyeing the mast, if she was a spellcaster, he wasn't about to let her steamroll him then the rest of the party, if he grabbed onto her he risked the spells she had just cast on herself-if he yelled to T about it, she might stop messing around instantly.

So what was he going to do?

He was going to run.

Run until she was out of spell slots.

He was a few feet away from her, near the mast, and he readied his second move action for her getting near him.

And thus, it was Jessi's turn.

 **[Shield of Faith: +2 Deflection Bonus to AC]**

Cody was in a cold sweat, how many spells was she going to pop onto herself? How many spells did she have? What level spellcaster was she? Magic was fucking terrifying.

She turned to Cody and started approaching him, "Alright sweety, you can't just fawn over my lovely body all day! Well, not with a duel on our hands, after I'm done you can gaze all you like~!"

Cody's readied action fired off as he scurried up the mast like a cat up a tree, movement stopping part way up it.

 **[DC:10][Climb Check: 11+5=16]**

"What are you doing? I'm not fighting up there, we might actually get hurt!" Jessi yelled after him, walking up to the mast and staring up at him.

Fuck.

Luka's turn.

"It's called a feint twerp." Nyeowth explained "You pretend to attack to make them move to block, then attack differently." she said with a chuckle "And you're pretty gullible."

"I'm, I'm not gullible!" Luka said offended as-

 **[Feint Check: Luka Bluff 11+2=13, Nyeowth Sense Motive 3+5=8, Luka Wins!]**

 **[Nyeowth Loses her Dexterity Bonus for the next Melee Attack!]**

-"You're gullible!" Luka said cheekily as he swung then pulled back as she flinched at his pretend attack- whilst also-

 **[Feint Check: Nyeowth Bluff 19+15=34, Luka Sense Motive 8+2=10, Nyeowth Wins!]**

 **[Luka Loses his Dexterity Bonus for the next Melee Attack!]**

-Making Luka swing his shield like a dope again to deflect her own feint that-

 **[Hitting: 17] [Attack Check: 13+9=22, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+2=3!]**

 **[Sneak Attack Proc'd!: 3+2+3(Craven)=8!]**

 **[Damage Total: 11-47(14NL)HP=47(25NL)HP!]**

-was successful as she nailed him on his other temple and laughed at him.

It was T's turn as he leaned down and-

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!: 1+15=16,1(Chose to Fail)+11=12, T wins!]**

-lifted her up by the arm. "There you go." he said amicably as he looked over to watch Luka's fight.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Revitalizing Strike!]**

It was now her turn- on her feet and willfully let go out of the grapple…

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Checks: 19+10=29, 1+10=11, 7+7=14, Success! Failure! Failure!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+3=4!]**

 **[Damage Total: 4-49HP=49(4NL)HP!]**

And whacked his temple good...ish, not a lot of power behind it, her two dagger strike flying off.

T's neck cracked as he looked at her suddenly and she was pretty sure she might've soiled herself- wait no that was sweat and her imagination.

She was still going to fight but safe to say she was not looking forward to the next attack.

It was then Cody's turn.

Cody looked down at the woman at the bottom of the mast, straight down her shirt-I mean, straight down at her. Down.

Cody weighed his options, she wasn't about to chase after him, if he climbed down she'd probably get attacks of opportunity, and that was totally gross.

So he freed his inner gamer and embraced the most sound tactic in Far Cry history-jumping onto literally any enemy.

 **[DC:15][Jump Down Check: 14+5=19, Check Succeeded!]**

 **Fall Damage Reduced!**

Jessi's eyes flashed before her eyes as Cody used himself as kinetic bomb, and threw himself into the arms of fate, landing her shoulders and forcing her body onto the ground-

 **[DC:15][Tumble Check: 10+5=15, Check Succeeded!]**

 **Fall Damage Reduced!**

 **[Damage Roll: 4]**

 **[Damage Total: 4-31=27HP!]**

Cody jumped at the opportunity to wrestling pin her.

 **[Hitting: 13][Touch Attack Check: 19+7+4(Prone)=26, Attack Succeeded!]**

 **[Grapple Checks: C:14+11=25, Jessi: 19+6=25, Tie Breaker!]**

 **[ C: 8+7=15, Jessi: 10+6=16, Jessi Wins!]**

Somehow, in some universe, Jessi won this physical confrontation as she flailed around yelling, "Hold on! Hold on! Are you okay?" she pushed Cody off and he fell over, and they just laid there for a moment.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I pushed way too hard! Are your legs broken?" she crawled over, inspecting his legs, "Wait...you're okay? Okay...okay," she took a breather, "We're not allowed to _hurt_ people, who would want to do that anyways? But if you're okay…"

 **[Hitting: 18][Touch Attack Check: 16+10+4(Prone)-4(Also Prone)=26, Attack Success!]**

 **[Grapple Checks: C:12+11=23, Jessi: 5+9=14, Check Failed!]**

She pressed her body onto her Cody's trying to press her dark elf lips against his, while Cody consented to the grapple, he did not consent to the kiss, he reached up with one hand and pushed her head away from his pretty easily.

 **[Damage Roll: 1+2=3]**

 **[Damage Total: 3(NL) = 40HP(3NL)]**

Because getting grappled _always_ deals unarmed damage.

Luka's turn.

Taking advantage of her bad stance and laughing, Luka dropped his shield, two handed Angel Halo, and _Power Attack_ ed.

 **[Hitting: 10][Attack Check: 4+5+1(Weapon)=10, Attack Succeeded!]**

 **[Damage: 6+6+5(Power Attack)+1(Weapon)=18]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: Luka 17+8=25, Nyeowth: 2+2=4. Trip succeeded!]**

 **[Hitting:14][Attack Check: 2+5+1(Weapon)+1(Weapon Focus)+4(Prone)=13, Attack Failed!]**

 **[Damage Total: 18-38(16NL)HP=38(34NL)HP!]**

...And he barely hit it with a mighty slash through her that tore through her.

He had a cringing thought- he'd barely hit her...it felt worse then the hit she was about to give him he was sure of that.

 **[Feint Check: Nyeowth Bluff 10+15=25, Luka Sense Motive 4+2=6, Nyeowth Wins!]**

 **[Luka Loses his Dexterity Bonus for the next Melee Attack!]**

 **[Hitting: 14] [Attack Check: 14+9-4(Prone)=19, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+2=3!]**

 **[Sneak Attack Proc'd!: 5+4+3(Craven)=12!]**

 **[Damage Total: 15-47(25NL)HP=47(40NL)HP!]**

Okay no that hurt like _helgondo_ his brain felt like one of the kids back home was kicking it around in his skull.

Then it was T's turn.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: White Raven Tactics!]**

T cracked his neck as he swung with a divine rage-

 **[Hitting: 16][Revitalizing Strike Attack Check: 20+12+1(Weapon)+1(Furious Counterstrike)=34, CRITICAL BLOW!]**

 **[Healing: 5+4+2+5(Initiator Level)=16+49(4NL)HP=49HP]**

 **[Damage Roll: 8+9+2(Weapon)+1(Furious Counterstrike)=20x2=40 DAMAGE!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 13+10=23, Jamie: 17+3=20. Trip succeeded!]**

 **[Hitting: 16][Trip Attack Roll: 4+12+1(Weapon)+1(Furious Counterstrike)+4(Prone)=22, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+9+2(Weapon)+1(Furious Counterstrike)=15 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 55!-41HP=41(86NL)HP]**

In a flash unconsciousness took her as he swung and slammed the sheath into the side of her head- T watched as she literally did a body rotation or two, spinning like a wheel before eating shit on the ground.

He'd feel kind of bad but she did try to backstab him, plus it was just non-lethal.

He then looked to Luka, and yelled "I believe in you!" he said, his eyes shining in the shape of a White Raven.

And then...it was Luka's turn.

It felt like a blaze burst into Luka, an all encompassing fire as he raised his sword and-

 **[Hitting: 14][Attack Check: 20+5+1(Weapon)+1(Weapon Focus)+4(Prone)=31, CRITICAL ATTACK!]**

 **[Damage: 7+6+5(Power Attack)+1(Weapon)=19x2=38!]**

 **[Damage Total: 38-38(34NL)HP=38(72NL)HP!]**

Filled with a fire Luka swung, slammed the blade into her like a lumberjack would, he tore through the ground slightly through her, slicing through it and leaving a slice in the stone ground...as Nyeowth turned into...a Meowth...

It was then Cody's turn.

Cody shifted his hand to her hair, then slammed his head violently forward…

 **[Hitting: 15][Attack Check: 11+5=16, Attack Successful!]**

Cody pulled her face into his head, his striking the bridge of her nose and causing her to yelp in pain.

 **[Damage Roll: 7+3=10 Damage!]**

One hand shifted up to her nose, allowing Cody to force his weight onto her and roll, putting him on to of her on the deck of the ship, he reared back his second strike, his hand covering the sun and leaving her in darkness before the moment of attack…

 **[Hitting: 15] [Attack Check: 20+5=25, Crit Rolled!]**

The strike slammed her head into the floor of the ship, breaking the skin and leaving a tiny but noticeable splatter of blood when hit bounced back up…

 **[Damage Roll: 7+3=10x2=20 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 10+20=20-27=27HP(20NL)]**

She was visibly phased by Cody's hit, leaving Cody to hesitate lower his guard, "Oh fuck, that really did a number on you, huh?" Cody questioned.

She shook her head, trying to shake the pain away, before replying, "Oh Lord my head…"

"Game, set, match?" Cody asked.

"Yeah, yeah…" she smirked, then outbursted, "Kiss and make up!"

 **[Grapple Check: C: 1+11=12, Jessi: 16+6=22, Jessi wins!]**

Cody's mind clouded slightly as Jessi lunged forward, hand wrapping around his head, and planted a firm smooch on his lips, leaving goth black makeup behind on it. She wasn't a straight up Drow , more like one of those thicc half-chocolate hentai dark elves (totally no GM bias there), so it wasn't completely bizarre that she was dolled up to look goth (totally no GM bias there).

 **[DC: 18][Will Save: 2+8=10, Check Failed!]**

 **[Duration Roll: 4 Rounds!]**

Cody's body weakened, thought didn't fall completely limp, and his body was covered in a warm blanket of the most unpleasant pleasant ecstasy Cody had ever experienced. She nudged him off, rolling over so that she was now on top of him, planting another kiss on his cheek, "You already won," she said with a condescending smile, "So I'm not going to beat you unconscious while you're like this…" she kissed him again, "but I am going to make sure you don't run off and take the treasure while we're busy with your friends, like a little rat brat."

And thus, it was Luka's turn.

Luka fell to his knees, not knowing Cody hadn't already won/was in trouble as he let his turn end, holding his head and trying to get the ringing to stop.

T however, as it became his turn, wasn't as assured.

If the turn order was still on…

T ran, moving 60 feet and crossed over the plank leading to the dock onto the ship and turned, seeing Cody getting 'Smorched' as he'd call it.

"Get your fucking hands off him THOT!" T yelled as his inspiration reset and rerolled.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Mountain Hammer, and Defensive Rebuke!]**

It was then Cody's turn.

It was then Jessi's turn.

Jessi stood up, and eyed T, "So, I presume you've already beaten the other two?" she questioned, "I don't think our superior tactics would let you sneak up on me like this."

"Divide and conquer only works if y'know, you don't divide and conquer yourselves." T said with a roll of his eyes.

She popped the cork off of her rapier and sheathed it, "I'd drop into the water for dramatic effect, but I really don't want to pass out in the ocean and drown…" she rubbed the back of her head that ached like no one's business.

"Just stay still and accept the knockout." T said, twirling his bastard sword.

"You don't want to knock me out," she replied, "no need, I haven't laid a finger on your little brat."

"Fuckin' with someones head ain't exactly not _fisting my bros brain_." T said, a deep seated hatred of mind fuckery implanted in him from personal in game experiences gone wrong.

Safe to say most forms of brain control in practice _pissed him the_ _ **fuck off.**_

"My head is already pretty messed up, I think I have a concussion," she continued.

T couldn't speak anymore given he'd had a couple of sentences, his amount of free action talking gone until it was his turn- if she didn't know about the turn order...

And thus, it was T's turn.

3 guesses, first two don't count on what he did next.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: White Raven Tactics!]**

"Like a falling avalanche…" T said, rushing- but not charging to her "...my blows come with the weight and fury of a mountain!" he yelled, swinging- "MOUNTAIN-"

 **[Hitting:15][Mountain Hammer Attack Check: 5+11+2(Weapon)=18, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage: 7+9+2(Weapon)+(4+2)(Mountain Hammer)=24!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 9+10=19, Jessi: 20+2=20. Trip Failed!]**

 **[Damage Total: 24!-27(20NL)HP=27(44NL)HP]**

"-HAMMER!" T roared as Jessi crossed her arms above her head, attempting to block the strike as her body screamed at her that she couldn't dodge it, the blow smashed into her skull through her block…

T stared in confusion as Jessi stood there, arms crossed, eyes staring...was she still conscious?

He felt the turn order release- wha- wait her eyes...were foggy and white.

Was she...unconscious while standing?

T lifted the sword away- the woman staying like that for a moment before collapsing to her knees, arms crossed as she sat slumped and sitting.

T was...kind of amazed.

Still didn't mean he wasn't going to eat her ass about the mind control thing.

Soon enough T wandered over the Cody and lifted his incoherent pal, patting him on the face a little hard to see if he could jar him out of the state he was in.

Also, he looked at the people around him cheering in confusion- good performance? What?

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: 14+7=21, Check Succeeded!]**

Next thing T knew, his helmet was ringing, did he, did Cody just punch him?

 **[Damage: 8+3=11 NL Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 11-49=49HP(11 NL)**

"Jesus fucking Christ, T?! What the fuck was that?!" Cody scolded him.

Then he ate a gauntleted punch to the nose- with a maneuver behind it.

 **[Hitting: 21][Revitalizing Strike Attack Check: 11+11+1(Weapon)=23, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage: 2+9+1(Weapon)=12 Damage!]**

 **[Healing:4+1+1+5(Initiator Level)=11 Healed!]**

 **[Damage Total: 1-40(3NL)HP=39(3NL)HP]**

It hurt like a fucker and the mix of pain and healing was a weird- he felt a little, tiny bit worse off than before.

"Fuck you!" T yelled with the punch "Brainwashed cuck!" he said throwing his hands in the air "Aren't you supposed to have good saves?!" he said

"I have a concussion, you don't have to hit me, I'm unarmed!" Cody yelled back, "Jesus." His moral code being based entirely on self-defense lessons. Not that they advised against being a dick, but they advised not to break the law.

"Fuck you are Mr. Monk hands! That hurt like a bitch!" he yelled- the crowd laughed- why were they still here?

Just to suffer?

"I was quoting the bitch you just beat the fuck out of, you dumb fuck!"

"Oh Ilias, why are they punching each other?" Luka spoke to himself, Nyeowth still trying to beat him up but unsuccessfully.

"You're quotes are gay and so is Shakespeare!" T yelled nonsensically, giving Cody the middle finger with a smack to his bicep for an 'Up yours' as well.

"Oh, oh jeez, oh my, Ilias what is going on?" Luka hysterically questioned as he walked onto the ship.

At this point Nyeowth was trying to choke him.

His perfect intake of air was a note on how successful that was.

"You wouldn't straight up murder a child who attacked you, because they aren't a threat," Cody deadpanned, "likewise caving the skull in of someone who surrendered…hold up, nonlethal damage literally can't people."

T rolled his eyes, paused, took off his helmet, _rolled his eyes again_. "Yeah duh, even if it'll probably put her in a coma for a while without my assistance she'd survive." T shrugged "Not like I'm not gonna help her though."

Cody blinked, "These graphics are too fucking immersive!"

"Yeah given I thought Alice was hot." T said, making a grossed out face "Never really liked how she looked but in here she's fucking _sell your arms_ for a fuck levels of hot." he said "Not my type though, good on you champ by the way." he said, walking over and hoisting up the dark elf and turning around "Oh hey Luka-" he moved over and ruffled the boys hair- then ruffled Nyeowths who whined angrily. "-good job champ, first win without our help." he said with a wide smile.

"It'd feel better if it didn't feel like my brain wants me to end it." Luka said, grasping his head "Nyeowth kept smacking me in the temples, the skin doesn't hurt but it feels like my brain was bouncing around in there." he said, not being experienced enough to tell what was actually happening.

T patted him on the back "I'll heal you up in a minute, let's just-" T reached over and plucked Nyeowth off Luka's neck and put her under arm- she being unable to protest physically as he manhandled her "-get these three tied up beforehand." he said, walking off the ship to go get Jamie.

One take 20 check later the trio was tied together with their rope.

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1x Drow Cleric/Fighter, 1x Wood Elf Ranger/Fighter, 1x Catfolk Rogue/Fighter(Thug)!]**

 **[XP Gained: 2250!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 4869!]**

 **{Items!: Slippers of Spider Climbing, Cloak of Charisma(+2)!}**

 **[LEVEL UP!]**

 **[T: Lvl 5 - Lvl 6 HP:49+6+3=58!]**

 **[Cody: Lvl 5 - Lvl 6 HP: 40+6+1=47!]**

T blinked, "I call the Cloak." he said, then got to work on himself after taking his helmet off and unbuckling his belt of giant's strength.

"I think my diplomacy is higher than yours," Cody retorted, "maxing it out."

"My class gets bonuses from charisma, helps my Will checks, and not one attack."

"But T, _fucking bitches."_

"But Cody, getting my brain fisted by a bitches mouth." T said jerking a thumb at Jessi's unconscious body

"Sure, okay," Cody replied with a shrug.

"Thanks, I'm pretty sure you can still get bitches without a tiny plus one, but a plus one in a check could be the difference between me fighting the enemy and well, y'all having to deal with me as the enemy." T said shivering "Yeah that probably wouldn't be a good time for you two."

Luka had mental flashes of well, basically any time T has ever hit anything up until this point.

Cody blinked, having already popped open his book to apply the level up, then yelled at the top of his lungs, "Yes, please! Jesus fuck!" and selected the most straightforward useful of abilities on the list.

 **[Morphic Body]**

 **[+4 STR, +4 CON from precise manipulation of one's body, Also straight stat boosts are fucking boring and monk sucks, so uh…]**

 **[Morphic Weapons]**

 **[Able to produce natural weapons as a move action, already present natural attacks increase in damage]**

 **[Cody HP (CON boost) 47-59]**

Cody blinked, "T...it gave me two class features…this GM is pretty fucking power happy for it's PCs...but well, given what we're going to have to face off against, I'm not sure if it'll make the difference, or maybe he just wants me to be up to par since I've been kinda handicapped?" he looked up at T, who was sweating, "Uh, T?"

"She's fucking coming for us..." T spoke darkly.

 **Sixth Level Feats**

 **Cody: Superior Unarmed Strike (Increased Unarmed Damage)**

 **T: Combat Reflexes**

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"Y'know a large part of me just wants to walk on the roof for the dungeon foray but low level item spider climb probably has a per day slash time limit." T said, looking around the...dungeon.

They were here, an adventurers homeland, land of monsters, loot, and skeletons of adventurers. Or well no skeletons because the dungeon had a housekeeper or something.

"So...no kitsune…" Cody spoke up, the 'no' kitsune being a whisper into T's ear when it snapped into his head that he was speaking meta-knowledge.

"That's...unsettling yeah." T said, gulping "This place...it's giving me the same vibes those bees did." he said, having performed a successful Sense Motive on the dungeon.

Cody ran the dungeon events through his head to the best of his ability, one vague detail shot into his head and caused him to jerked his head upwards, "I think I just saw something float through the ceiling, you lot see that?" he looked over at his party, eyes stopping on Alice, "might've been a ghost…"

"A ghost? Are you messing with me?" Alice started

 **[Bluff Check: 19+7=26 vs Sense Motive: 2+12=14, Bluff Succeeded!)**

"A ghost? A ghost!" she didn't quite know who to jump onto, so she jumped onto…

 **[Rolling: 3, Luka!]**

The lamia jumped onto Luka and wrapped around him, causing him to stop in his tracks and almost fall over, "You smell bad!" she commented, burrowing her face into his neck.

"Alice, leave those two alone," Cody ordered, "T's a sweetroll and Luka wants to be, like, c'mon."

"Huh, I woulda expected you to call me a virgin. Thanks I guess." T said blinking at the statement.

"Nah nigga, abstinence ain't no insult," Cody replied.

"In this setting? Yeah honestly I get you on that one now that I think about it." T said, tilting his helmeted head- because _FUCK_ if he wasn't gonna be ready to rumble with the shoe dropped, rocks fell, and everyone died.

Cody walked over to Alice and grabbed her shoulder, "that being said, T can probably actually carry you."

"One thousand pound plus pound." T said, his capabilities known to him like the back of his hand.

I mean really was there literally anything fucking else to do on the road then read his character sheet for an uncomfortably long time?

Alice slowly calmed down, then liberated Luka from her grasp and they began walking once more, "I want to try out my other toys sometimes…" She commented, "Even if I have my favorite."

"I will literally choke on my own tongue before I get zoinked against my consent." T said, cracking his neck.

"Yeah Alice, just use me, I don't really care, just no weird monster shit like tentacles or something, but it doesn't look like you have any," Cody said, shuttering at the thought of _hentai hands_ , "But...don't take that the wrong way, I dig you as a homie and all, but…"

"A homie?" she questioned, "What does that mean?"

"A friend."

 **[Alice: Partner - Friendzone]**

Alice disappeared after that, was it...was it something Cody sai-

"That's a lot of monsters!" Luka yelled, drawing Angel Halo as they were accosted by….

The Meda, the Mimic, and the Spider.

T grit his teeth, his hypothesis getting more ground as he got into stance, glaring at them but not **[Iron Guard's Glare]** ing at them.

"I'm going to assume I know why you three are looking at us like snacks," Cody pulled Alice's scarf over his mouth and cracked his neck, he crossed his arms across his chest as his hands morphed like flowing water into…

 **[Claw Attacks]**

"Walk away now before you'll have to crawl back to your holes with nothing but your teeth," Cody added.

"Survive…" the Meda muttered, it was supposedly insect, but only god knows what kind of insect is a koopa shell and tentacles. A sea louse according to the wiki, but that's a fucking crustacean. So...close? Insects are Arthropods and so are crustaceans.

"Two tasty boys and my life...not the worst meal." The spider put in, as the mimic popped out of its chest and leaned onto the edge of her 'body'.

"Get them to turn their backs…" the chest muttered before shlorping back into her chest.

 **[Initiative: T 18-5=13, C 16+3=19, Luka 18+1=19, Meda 2+2=4, Drider 15+2=17, Mimic 12+1=13]**

 **[Order: Cody, Luka, Drider, Mimic, T, Meda]**

Cody stood his ground, they were going to have to come to them, and fight them all at once, he wasn't about to rush forward into three big monsters, "Luka, you got an art of war book around these parts?" he questioned, whipping out his returning dagger and letting it loose at the spider.

 **[Hitting: 15][Attack Check: 16+8+1(Weapon)=23, Attack Success!]**

The dagger sunk into the middle of her chest, causing her to gasp in pain and shoot her vision down to the wound.

 **[Damage Roll: 4+5+1(Weapon)=10 Damage!+Level Drain!]**

 **[Damage Total: 10+6=15-45=29HP!]**

Red energy was picked up by a spiritual wind and carried it into Cody's body.

 **[Soul Strength Activated!]**

 **[Healing: 5(Temporary)+59=64HP!]**

"My energy…how is?" the spider mumbled, "he's draining my energy!" she announced, "Focus him!"

And thus, it was Luka's turn.

Like the spaghetti out of his pockets when something even contemplates fucking him, he dropped angel halo and his shield, took a step back drawing...a composite longbow!

Arrows weren't hard to find in town, he bought it while T and Cody were posing.

He knocked back an arrow and-

 **[Hitting: 15][Attack Check: 15+6+1(Weapon)=22, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+3+1(Weapon)=10 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 10-29HP=19HP!]**

-it slammed into her right side, the spider screaming in pain from having a _fucking arrow_ in her side.

Safe to say she charged forward...right past T, or well, she would.

 **[Movement detected! Thicket of Blades Activated! Attack of Opportunity!]**

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Roll: 20+12+2(Weapon)=34, CRITICAL ATTACK!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+9+2(Weapon) = 12*2 = 24 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 24-19HP = -5HP!]**

In a flash of steel her head slid off her neck and bounced on the ground T cracked his neck and whipped the blood off his sword "Next." he said with a dangerous lilt to his tone.

The mimic sat there, menacingly.

It was then T's turn and-

 **[Inspiration Rolled!: Defensive Rebuke, and Revitalizing Strike!]**

-he clicked his tongue, charging into the Meda and-

 **[Attack of Opportunity engaged!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: 2+10=12, Attack Failed!]**

-with a duck under a tentacle swing he thrust his sword forth and-

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Check: 3+12+2(Weapon)+2(Charging)=19, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 10+9+2(Weapon)= 21 Damage!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Trip given up...]**

 **[Damage Total: 21!-66HP=45HP!]**

-jammed it deep into, twisting his body violently to rip it as the only facial expression she gave was a furrow of the brow and a scowl.

It was then...the Meda's Turn.

She raised her tentacles and T sighed- maybe he should have chanced the trip as the blows slammed down on him and-

 **[Hitting: 19][Attack Checks: 8+10=18, 7+10=17, All attacks fail!]**

-and her tentacles bounced off him.

"DM are you fudging rolls you fuck?" T asked looking confused "I swear to god if this is to keep me at one hundred percent for her I'm going to fucking _NUT_!" T said as if that was a threat.

A piece of paper floated down from the ceiling in such a way he could read it as it fell down…

 **REROLL THEN, FUCKER**

 **[Hitting:19][Attack Checks: 11+10=21, 4+10=14, Success! Failure!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+9=10 Damage!]**

 **[Improved Grab Proc'd!]**

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks: Meda 9+10=19, T 13+10=23, T wins!]**

 **FUCK IT, NO, MEDA WINS!**

"What are you fucking Hazy?!" T yelled as he deflected the tentacle, time rewinded, and it wrapped around him.

 **[Damage Roll: 8+9=17 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 27-58HP=31HP!]**

"What's the fucking point of playing a fucking game you dice fudging cunt!" T yelled again at the roof.

It was then Cody's turn.

Cody sprinted forward, the Meda no longer threatening any squares, so he could technically do this without _eating shit_. As he neared it, he jumped onto his face and-

 **[DC:15][Tumble Check: 14+4=18, Check Success!]**

He slid through her legs, ending up on the other side of the beast, and released a loud 'ORA!' accompanied by a large, overly telegraphed strike.

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Check: 5+12=17, Attack Success!]**

It's tough exoskeleton shattered like crash and crumbled under the force of his strike, her soul leaking out of the hole and getting pumped into Cody's veins.

 **[Damage Roll: 8+7=15 Damage!+Level Drain!]**

 **[Damage Total: 15+6=21-45=24HP!]**

 **[Healing: 5+64=69!]**

"Drop him! This instant!" Cody yelled, "Before I punch your soul into oblivion!"

No Todd no, I already bought Skyrim!

He reached up and held his palm out before…

 **[Damage Roll: 3]**

 **[Damage Total: 3-24=21HP!]**

His dagger flew threw the air, breaking through her shell and body, to land in Cody's hand on the other side, "Now," he added.

T was still complaining, having reached the point of calling the GM 'A cock swaddling cuck who can't get it up unless he's getting fucked by a dog.'

Wonderful dialogue really.

With a drop of his longsword he moves up drawing his mace- a secondary he kept around- and swung with a fury- "Get off him!" and coincidentally getting a flanking bonus as he roared and-

 **[Hitting:17][Attack Check: 15+9+1(Weapon)+2(Flanking)=27, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+6+1(Weapon)=13 HP!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: Luka 5+8=13, Meda: 4+14-1(Level Drain)=17. Trip Failed!]**

 **[Damage Total: 13-21HP=8HP!]**

-with a bash that cracked her side, he tried swinging at her to knock her over- but her extra pairs of legs and size proved too much- though because she was in a grapple she couldn't counter trip, just like how T can't trip her whilst in the grapple.

It was then the Mimic's turn as she emerged from her chest and looked around, blinking as she saw Luka, then looking past him and gasping "Unholy Helgondo! She's- she's fucking dead! Fuck this!" the mimic said receding into her chest and bouncing off...a whole twenty feet towards the exit, her chest bouncing along the way with a loud KTHUNK at each impact.

Luka chose to let her past, just looking a little confused.

It was then T's turn.

 **[Inspiration Rolled!: Vanguard Strike!]**

"Well that's the lamest of those three. Go fuck yourself DM." T said arms going to his sides like he was in a karate horse stance and-

 **[Hitting: 17][Attack Checks: 5+12+1(Weapon)+2(Flanking)+2(Furious Counterstrike)=22, 19+7+1(Weapon)+2(Flanking)+2(Furious Counterstrike)=31, Success, Success!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 3+6+1(Weapon)+2(Furious Counterstrike)=12, 1+6+1(Weapon)+2(Furious Counterstrike)=10!]**

 **[Damage Total: 22-8HP=-14HP!]**

-his fists smashed forward, bashing through her skin slash carapace as his hands emerged from the other side killing her instantly- her tentacles going slack around him as the turn order ended.

But fuck if he was fucking done- he was _TOO_ _ **FUCKING**_ _ **PISSED**_ _ **,**_ to stop right and then.

He spun his fists around to where the backs of them were touching- and _spread them apart_.

 **[Strength Check: 19+6=25, Check Success!]**

Safe to say it's better that we don't have that described.

Now, covered in blood...well, T was covered in blood and not that much because in all reality, people don't really bleed a lot, the party stood in an empty dungeon with no turn order.

There was a clip as T got to work- and the victory message came with its usual fanfare.

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1x Monstrous Crab, 1x Drider, 1x Mimic!]**

 **[XP Gained: 1300(1500 for Luka)!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 3586!]**

 **{Items!: Cloak of Charisma(+2)!}**

 **[LEVEL UP!]**

 **[Luka: Lvl 5 - Lvl 6 HP:47+6+3=56!]**

"Is that a fucking wizard?" T said in confusion as the man stood up- he was _8 feet fucking tall_.

He proceeded to thrust his hand and lift Cody up by his neck- "Wait where's the fucking grap-" T began before the Wizards hand glowed- and then he exploded.

Luka coughed the rainbow smoke out, smacking his chest "What the Helgondo?" Luka said, picking up some monster slang like a hooligan.

Cody blinked, popped his sheet open, then read it.

 **[Scarf of +1 MENACING]**

 **[(Totally not just a Cloak of Charisma)]**

It gave Cody +2 CHA.

But it's not a Cloak of Charisma.

Honest.

"...I'd prefer to not have a real life fucking lols-randumb GM." T said with disdain as he glared at the roof while decking himself.

"Whatever," Cody said and popped his sheet back into his arm, "let's just get that bell with my new Scarf of Bitchfucking"

Time rewinded

"Whatever," Cody said and popped his sheet back into his arm, "let's just get that bell with my new Scarf of MENACING"

Cody paused, then sighed, "Fuck this GM, honestly."

Luka blinked, and sighed "I'm going to have to get used to this aren't I." he said in a tired tone.

"Sadly, yes," Cody replied, "Let's just," he gestured for the party to follow, "Get in and get out…oh, hol up, T got damaged."

"Do you have the memory of a goldfish?" Alice questioned, slipping up to Cody and-

 **[Grapple Check: Cody: 15+16=31, Alice: 15+27=42, Alice wins!]**

She wrapped around Cody and started to constrict harshly, not to the point of actual damage-though Cody didn't know that-but it did certainly hurt.

"Ow, fuck! What the fuck are yo-"

"Nothing."

Cody blinked. Oh, she was doing _this._

T clipped on his belt, "I'm fixed." he said, walking past while muttering a song "Gory gory, what a helluva way to die, gory gory what a helluva way to die…" and then he wasn't audible.

Luka looked back and forth at the Snakeskin chinese thot trap and T before scratching the back of his head "Uh, Alice? We need to move, if you would so kindly." he said/asked politely.

"Just a little bit…" she continued.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"No kitsune…" Cody muttered beneath his breathe, coming up to the door at the end of the dungeon, he looked over to T, hoping to visually read his thoughts on it. No kitsunes, the monsters grouping up, it made the dungeon feel so foreign to him. Which it was, but he had an encounter map in his head.

"There was blood upon the risers, there was brains upon the chute," he sung grimly, staring at the doorway Tamamo- and by extension a kitsune was supposed to be.

"Intestines were a-dangling from his paratrooper suit, he was a mess, they picked him up and poured him from his boots." T sang louder as the door shifted...and was then kicked open with a _SLAM_.

What was on the other side forced a gasp from Cody.

"AND HE AIN'T GONNA JUMP NO MORE!" T sang loud, getting into stance…

"Next you'll say, what are you doing here?" spoke the voice of the other person on the other side

A seven foot tall dragon woman, wearing platemail over only part of her body, with an enlarged blade at her side.

Granberia: Heavenly Knight of Fire

"What are you-" Cody gasped again with wide eyes, the coloration of the scene going abstract technicolor for a few frames.

It shifted to Granberia who grinned, lifting something off her shoulder and tossing it to the side.

"Is that- holy shit that's fucking Tamamo." T said eyes wide as the little girl/old fucking woman smacking into the wall and bounced off.

T wasn't sure but he felt like he heard a chew toy squeak noise.

Granberia unsheathed her blade, her armor clacking as she shifted into a combat stance, "I knew you'd try to get off this rock at some point," she explained, "and what's the only way off it with Alma Elma doing her nonsense?" her grin widened, "Getting this bell."

"Granberia…" Alice started.

"Quiet!" she was interrupted by the scary dragon lady, "I'm not going to kill them!"

Alice lowered her gaze, then shifted it to the party, "If you know what's good for you, you will run," and she slipped away.

"She kinda has us by the fucking balls y'know! Or should I say bells you fucking-" T sighed, stopping his sentence, knowing she was already gone.

Luka snickered.

"I don't know what she wants with you, and saying I don't care would be a lie, but that's not going to stop me from fighting you right here, right now," she explained harshly.

"We're fuckin dead…" Cody muttered, his scarf hiding his speech from lip reading, before gazing through Granberia's eyes.

"Stand aside, woman! We've come to get the bell, and we will leave here today with it, dragon corpse or not!" he commanded in a domineering tone.

"This isn't really going to be a satisfying fight you know." T pointed out, since intimidating her would just get her more into it.

"I know." Granberia simply enough, crossing her arms.

"Eh?" Luka said confused.

"Your techniques- your physique- your toughness...they're respectable for a trio of humans, in fact they're about the best that I can recall...but they're not enough." Granberia, pacing back and forth "If I went full power you all would die in no time, eviscerated, but you all can hit hard...hard enough to force me to my knees." Granberia said grinning "And that...was only just how you all were a small sum of days ago." she turned throwing her arms wide.

"You're multiple times stronger! I've been watching while recovering, you're at least _three_ times stronger! How much stronger can you all get?" She said grin going wider and wider "So what does that mean?" she asked, looking to the trio.

T blinked, as did Luka, though T was having a horrifying realization

"I see you get it...I noticed you get stronger in bursts- you don't _train_ , you _fight_ , and get a whole chunk stronger." she said snapped her fingers "The harder the challenges, the faster you grew…" she chuckled "So- what if you were put against _more_?" she asked.

"Oh my fucking god she's raising us like cattle." T said, his look covered by his helmet.

"What?!" Luka said, shocked at the statement.

"Well, as you can imagine, that's why Alice is following us around," Cody dug his hands into his pockets, "She wants to know why."

Granberia tilted her head side to side, digesting the info before nodding. "You might be right." she said, before smiling again "But that doesn't matter. You three have a test to succeed. Succeed and live, and you can guess the rest." she said, getting into stance.

"I don't think I've ever heard about her being this fucking excited." T said, blinking and staring for a minute before shaking his head and getting into stance.

"A test?" Cody questioned.

"You can't expect me to sit around and not sample you before our final battle." she said blankly as Luka drew Angel Halo and his shield, getting into stance behind T.

"A starving woman is confronted by a thanksgiving dinner, but it can grow into a buffet." T said, making an analogy as he understood it. "Pluck some turkey legs here and there to keep going, and get it to keep on rolling."

Cody pulled his scarf from his face, noting, "Am I a fucking weirdo for thinking this is cute?" he took his hands from his pockets, now clawless, with a large plate of bone over his knuckles, "whatever."

 **[Slam Attacks]**

"I'm a mix of terror and internal squeeing so you aren't alone." T said, a grin under his helmet.

"You guys are weird." Luka said looking at them judgmentally before leaning in with a smile "Did I do the thing right? The giving your 'bros' a hard time thing?" he said

"Enough flirting…" Granberia growled- her smile still on "and let's get on with the main course!" she roared in a pumped up manner as the chains of the turn order initiated.

 **[Initiative: T 7-5=2, C 13+3=16, Luka 9+1=10, Granberia: 12+8=20]**

 **[Order: Granberia, Cody, Luka, T]**

And thus she went first…

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: 12+16+2(Charge)=30, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage: 5+2+12+4(Battle Cunning)=23 Damage!]**

 **[Total Damage: 23-58HP=35HP!]**

...within the span of a blink T felt the blade stab through his plate like butter, blazing hot pain coursing through him as she twisted and pulled it out, the long haired boy resisting the urge to grasp it as he glared at her.

And thus it was Cody's turn.

Cody five stepped to stand adjacent to her, rearing back his fists and letting out a roaring **[Flurry of Blows]** , accompanied by two extra strikes with his bone covered knuckles!

 **[Hitting: 23][7+10=17, 20+10=30, 4+10=14, 12+10=22, CRIT ROLLED!]**

He swung over and over again, his fists blurring together until one strike busted straight through the platemail-shattering it and sending shards of steel and pain into her sides with a large bruise and probably a broken rib-but also probably not.

 **[Damage Roll: 10+7=17x2=34+Level Drainx2!]**

 **[Damage Total: 34+32=66!-245=179HP!]**

 **[Healing: 10(Temporary)+69=79HP!]**

She glanced down at the shattered armor, being shocked by the fact that he had punched through _steel,_ but shrugged it off, looking up at Cody with a wide, wicked grin and a look of _**Target Locked**_.

A step in and Luka swung, Angel Halo swinging with all his might as he tried to-

 **[Manticore Parry!]**

 **[Opposed Attack Checks: Luka 20+12=32, 12+26=38, Granberia Wins!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: Luka (Pre Rolled)20+12=32, CRIT ROLLED!]**

 **[Damage: 4+4+1(Weapon)+2(Weapon Specialization= 11x2=22 Damage!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: Granberia 11+16-2(Level Drain)=25, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+2+12+4(Battle Cunning)=24 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 46-79HP=55(22NL)HP!]**

-it was surreal as she slid past Cody like she was dancing- blade moving forth and pushing Angel Halo forth- before spinning on the spot to get behind Cody.

It reminded him of how Bruno fucking died, but this time with two 'chops' as blood burst from his back and Angel Halo smashed through him with a odd twin sense of agony as his existence was fucked up on two levels.

As the blades cut through him, the red wind poured out of his body and healed the wounds mid swing, and what was left of the attacks were superficial. Cody stared blankly at Luka as the pain surged and was then muted, a bit of a look of 'this is your fault'.

Though meanwhile as she introduced Cody to the meaning of pain, T had gotten his turn in the middle of her actions-

 **[Inspiration Rolled!: Defensive Rebuke, and Vanguard Strike!]**

-and he went fucking _ham_ on her.

After all, he had his two attacks _and_ two attacks of opportunity from her little show off move.

 **[Movement Detected! Thicket of Blades Proc'd Twice! Attacks of Opportunity!]**

 **[Hitting: 25][Attack Rolls: 5+14+2(FC)=21, 12+9+2(FC)=23, 1+14+2(FC)=17, 1+14+2(FC)=17, All Attacks Failed!]**

And he missed every fucking _move_.

Either way, as the two turns had merged it came to Cody again, fresh off the mangling as T's flurry of blades bounced or was deflected as she also smashed Luka's sword into Cody, and hit the lad with a powerful strike in the middle of that as well, and had the gall to _twirl her blade_.

Safe to say they were _fucking outclassed_ if you couldn't tell already before the fight.

 **[Hitting: 25][Attack Rolls: 13+12=25, 20+12=32, 13+12=25, Two Attacks Succeeded! Crit Rolled!]**

Cody jerked around, slamming his elbow into the bridge of her nose as he doled out fine hit that sucked out her soul as per usual. He reared up a raging uppercut in the same movement, which she moved her blade down to stop-and to her surprise it blew straight through her lazy and cocky parry, catching the blade on his bone plate and slamming it into chin. Though the blade didn't get through her dragon hide-she _felt_ it.

 **[Damage Rolls: 8+7=15+Level Drain, 6+7=13x2=26!+Level Drainx2!]**

He wasn't finished, letting loose another strike with his off hand that landed right in her eye socket while she was still shocked and stumbled her stance.

 **[Damage Roll: 4+7=11+Level Drain]**

 **[Damage Total: 15+26+11+48=100!-179=79HP!]**

 **[Healing: 20(Temporary)+55=75HP(22NL)!**

"Teh-MAAAY!" Cody yelled, mimicking every Jojo's favorite phrase-bastard in Japanese.

She stood in her spot, hand on her face, covering one eye with a raging fire in her opposite eye. She was going to _**destroy**_ them next turn.

Luka slid around, spinning as he swung again-

 **[Hitting: 25][Attack: 19+10+1(W)+1(WF)=31, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+4+1(W)+1(WS)=9 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 9-79HP=70HP!]**

 **[Inspiration Rolled: White Raven Tactics!]**

Then T stepped up, thicket ready as he sliced at her with his attack-

 **[Manticore Parry!]**

 **[Opposed Attack Checks: Granberia 9+26-7, T 9+14=23, Granberia Wins!]**

 **[Defensive Rebuke!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Defensive Rebuke Attack Check: (PR)8+12+2(W)=23, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage: 8+9+2(W)=19 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 19-75(22NL)=56(22NL)HP!]**

T grit his teeth as she smacked his slice and he was pushed to smash into Cody who was directly to his left- he pulled it out gently before swinging again-

 **[Hitting: 25][Attack Check: 6+12+2(W)=20, Attack Failed!]**

T missed as she merely smacked it to the side...and now it was her turn.

She cracked her neck, her hair rising as if possessed by an outside force- becoming rigid and wild as she looked to Cody and gripped her greatsword in two hands…

 **[Raging Mongoose Activated!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][16+26-7(LD)=35, 18+26-7(LD)=37, 1+26-7(LD)=20, 13+21-7(LD)=27, 10+16-7(LD)=19, Success, CRIT, Failure, Success, Failure!]**

 **[Damage Roll: Cody 2+6+18+4(BC)=30x2=60 Damage!, Luka 3+6+3+5+18+4(BC)= 39 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: Cody 60-56(22NL)=-4(22NL)!, 39-56HP=17HP!]**

 **[Cody: Conscious - Unconscious]**

T wasn't sure if someone hit so hard they slam into the wall and crumple onto the ground should not be bleeding like a fountain, though Luka seemed to be making up for it as Granberia tore an X across his chest after smashing Cody with her blade with such force he coughed up blood from the impact.

Cody was still trying to stand up while on the ground with his innards barely held inside his body, a look of painful anger on his face, though he fell unconscious very quickly

T had nothing but his maneuvers to use...and so he maneuvered.

In the face of overwhelming force he had nothing else but to swing back and prey to god, as did Luka who moved to flank Granberia, the duo moving in tandem, Luka dropping his shield to two hand his sword.

 **[Hitting: 25][Attack Checks: 12+10+2(W)+2(F)=26, 17+5+2(W)+2(F)=26, All Attacks Hit!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 3+6+6+6+1(W)+1(W)+2(WS)+2(WS)=27 Damage!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempts gained!]**

 **[Attempts Passed]**

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Revitalizing Strike!]**

 **[Hitting: 25][20+12+2(W)+2(F)=36, 13+7+2(W)+2(F)=24, CRIT ROLLED, Failure!]**

 **[Healing: 2+4+3+6(IL)=15+35HP=50HP!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+9+2=17*2=34!]**

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 18+10=28, Granberia: 15+20=35. Trip Failed!]**

 **[White Raven Tactics Engaged!]**

 **[Hitting: 25][Attack Checks: 10+10+2(W)+2(F)=24, 4+5+2(W)+2(F)=13, All Attacks Fail!]**

 **[Damage Total: 61-70HP=36(27NL)HP]**

Two blows open her up, he smashes into her gut, miss the follow up, fail the trip, Luka sees the raven, two misses.

Six total blows and he had no fucking idea when she would _fucking go down god dammit_.

And then...it was her turn.

 **[Iron Heart Endurance Activated!]**

 **[Healing: 30+36(27NL)=39HP!]**

She cracked her neck "This...has been a wonderful, wonderful fight...but all good things must come to an end." she said sagely as-

 **[Adamantine Hurricane Activated!]**

 **[Hitting: 21, 15][Attack Checks: T 6+26-7(LD)+4(Adamantine Hurricane)-4(NL)=25, 14+26-7(LD)+4(Adamantine Hurricane)-4(NL)=33, Luka 10+26-7(LD)+4(Adamantine Hurricane)-4(NL)=29, 8+26-7(LD)+4(Adamantine Hurricane)-4(NL)=27, All Attacks Succeed!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: T 5+2+18+4(BC)=29, 4+4+18+4(BC)=30, Luka 1+4+18+4(BC)=27, 4+4+18+4(BC)=30]**

 **[Damage Total: T 59-50HP=50(59NL)HP, Luka 57-17HP=17(57NL)HP]**

 **[T: Conscious - ?]**

 **[Luka: Conscious - Unconscious]**

It was brutal, the blade wouldn't stop- a tornado of pain as the duo was smashed across their bodies, blows beating them black and blue with force untold- T's helmet even fell off, flying off and bouncing.

Luka dropped, slammed into the ground as T was smashed upward across his face.

He fell forwards, but there was something odd about his expression…

You see, there is two kinds of expressions someone has as they are going down.

A look of pain, of fear, of sorrow as their fighting spirit leaves them…

And a truly rage filled expression, filled with untold anger, as if to say they _wouldn't_ stay down, which they wouldn't.

Granberia looked on with a blissful expression…

That is until-

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Mountain Hammer!]**

"Like a falling avalanche." came a mutter from the falling T…

A foot slammed into the ground, and he looked up a slight flicker in his eyes

"With the fury and eight of a mountain in my strike!"

"MOUNTAIN!"

 **[Smite Engaged!]**

 **[Mountain Hammer Activated!]**

 **[Hitting: 25][Mountain Hammer Attack Check: 12+12+1(W)+2(FC)+3(Smite)=30, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+(4+4(MH))+9+1(W)+2(FC)+6(Smite)=29 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 29-39HP=10HP!]**

"HAMMER!" he roared slamming his fist into her face with all his strength, her feet leaving the ground as his force matched his claim upon the technique, his body moving to follow up-

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: T 3+10=13, Granberia: 16+20=36. Trip Failed!]**

-until he felt a gentle hand grasp his shoulder.

He looked up confused, barely holding on as he stared upwards from his bent over position as he tried to grab her legs.

Granberia looked down and nodded "It's over, you did well." she said, and those words were the last as his strings were cut and his eyes rolled into the back of his head, his body crumpling onto her.

And thus combat is over.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Crash Addiction**

(AN: I will be dealing with radioactive material on a daily basis, probably until I retire. So expect slower updates-until I retire, but not as slow as this one was)

"She really left you…" Cody heard Granberia mutter after she dumped a **[Cure Moderate Wounds]** potion all over his face as the wounds on his chest closed up.

 **[Healing: 9+1=10+-4=6HP(22NL)**

Or he would've if he wasn't just knocked out.

She sighed and walked back into the treasure room to find more bottles of 'healing juice'.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

Cody was in his bed, not some bedroll, not some expensive hotel, _his bed_.

He quickly realized it was just a dream, a distant memory in his mind, a place he would never seem to be able to return to.

A place that no longer existed.

He just laid there for a long while, watching the minor details of the room change such as things that were on his desk, his nightstand, and all other crevices his filth and petty addictions poured out of like they always did in dreams.

A place where he could exist as a peaceful nobody, a place where he didn't have to bare the burden of knowledge that held the universe by a thread-the wrongdoings of Ilias, and the rightdoings of Alice-as dumb as they were.

He didn't instantly notice when the woman appeared in his room, the angelic and diabolical presence of the mad god, but hey, at least her belly game was pretty good.

When her presence crossed his mind, he leapt out of bed, grabbed his rifle and raised it at her, or what he at first interpreted as a rifle morphed and twisted into a **[Bastard Sword].**

At first her eyes shot through him an angry look, then her gaze softened before speaking, "It's a sin to raise a sword against me," she spoke in a matter-of-fact tone, "I'm not a threat."

Cody blinked, then dropped the blade, it made a satisfying clank before fading with the room around it into the visage of the heavens.

"Who are you?" Ilias and Cody questioned each other at the same time. They both paused, stared at each other for a moment, then she continued, "Something...something tells me you know who I am," she quirked a brow, "or at least, what I am."

"Well, you're in my dream, so, have you been watching me?" Cody questioned.

"Of course, you are an anomaly in my domain."

"Right...this is a dream, so like, can I touch your tits?" Cody asked her.

"Yes, this is a dream, but I am not part of your dream."

"That's not how it works," Cody replied, "you're in _my_ domain by invading my dream," the world around them began to morph and shift around them, until they were in his old high school campus, "and this one's lucid."

She reached up and slapped him, leaving a red mark on the side of his face, "you're going to answer my questions," she demanded, then paused, realizing she broke character, "Oh, I'm so sorry! I really need to work on my temper!"

"Listen, this here is _my dream_ ," Cody persisted, "if you really can invade dreams, then I apologize, but if you want questions asked, I request we meet in the real world and I will treat you with utmost respect, but this here is my own personal heaven, and I request you show some skin. Don't actually, I'm just messing with you."

"Please, please don't waste our time here, I am a very busy god."

"I understand," Cody straightened up.

"Who are you?" she repeated.

"Just an adventurer," Cody replied.

"How did you get here?"

"I don't know," Cody answered, "I'm trying to find that out myself."

"You're about to be woken up…" she concluded, "I would like to speak with you seriously, so next ti-"

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"She really left you," Granberia repeated over pained groans of the party as they recovered from _**their encounter,**_ "At least you got a free scarf out of it," Granberia grunted, "Arrogant child…" she shook her head, "I shouldn't say that."

She felt the wounds as she ran her hands along her body, "I get really hot after a nice battle...and I've never been so excited in a long while," she walked around the men, eyeing them up and down.

"I am literally about to fucking die, touching me will probably dust my bones." T groaned from the floor.

Cody rose up to his feet, he didn't have any problems other than pain-his world was ruled by hitpoint now, "I can still run…" Cody spoke to her, albeit, she'd probably get him with batshit flying speed.

"If you were the running type, you wouldn't be in this situation," she replied, "and would've ran from the Monster Lord."

"Roasted…" T said from the floor, crawling over to Luka.

"That didn't really sound like an insult," Cody spoke to T.

"Fuck you it feels like I'm gonna shit my brain out of my ass, and think with diarrhea in my skull." he said, fiddling with his gloves next to the purple haired lad

"I heard tales of you carrying unconscious men off," Cody shifted his attention to Granberia, "and we're still here in this damn cave?" looking around, he noticed an absence of fox girls.

"No," Granberia replied in deadpan, "I'm above such petty ordeals, only worthy opponents."

Cody leaned against the wall, feeling the pain in his body, and requesting something of Granberia, "I assume Alice went back to her castle, right? Or is heading there, but you all seem to move fast, I need you to get her back here."

He paused, and quickly formulated a reason other than 'save the fucking planet from iminent devastation', "I gave her my word...I would use my knowledge best I could to find out what's happening to us, and her being away makes keeping that very complicated."

It was hamfisted, but fresh out of his dream with Ilias in it, that bitch of a deity was fresh on his mind and spying on them, the grasp of angel fury bit at his heels if I had to put it metaphorically.

"Oh, well, Alice, I guess you were right," Granberia muttered, "At least partially," she stopped feeling her wounds and crossed her arms, "She trusts me, so she's left all of you to me for a while."

"Do you know why?"

"She's eating fried tofu and doesn't want you to have any," she shrugged, "and she probably thinks I have more...monster-like plans for you. And while your sudden bouts of power made me all...warm, you let me go when you had a chance at me back at Iliasburg," she started to stroke her chin.

"Yeah that sounds like Alice, as for not whisking us away..." T said, rising fully as Luka stood up as well, his shoulders and face nose down covered in a lot of blood. "Thanks I guess? We'll get better progress travelling anyways." he cracked his neck "You need to be fixed up at all?" the plated boy asked, taking his helmet off and tying it to his second belt- the one for holding things, the giants belt went on under that.

Double layering protective crotch armor, necessity in this world.

He knew when he was beat, sure- they could try and take her out now, except _not_.

She swung with a 19 with the level drain, so she only had a 5% chance of missing with her 24 minimal damage per turn, their health total was around 58ish, but she could merely **[Adamantine Hurricane]** them and deal 48 minimal damage to each of them, or most likely 56 with average damage output- plus if he recalls she got a crit on 18 so she has around a 20% chance of critting them, and with the fact they- martials- could use their maneuvers outside of combat, she probably had around half her HP pool whatever huge amount that was because of **[Iron Heart Endurance]** \- less because of Cody's level drain, but unless they all scored several 5% chance crits they couldn't hope to survive because while they could fuck her up he was pretty sure they couldn't beat her before she got the chance to fight back.

He spent a lot of time planning, scheming, thinking, and conniving whilst beating the shit out of Luka to heal him and himself up to full, though his math might be fucking retarded- fuck if he knows.

So he concluded that dragon murder would instead be dragon assisted suicide, so he was trying to get into her good graces so she maybe _might_ listen to his opinion on not wanting to get milked like a cow.

"Oh, I'm certainly not going to keep you in my castle," Granberia replied with a smirk, "I just thought about doing my business and kicking you back out onto your way, there's _much, much_ more I have in store for you to defeat. Right now, you're still pathetic, but if I keep up what you've been going through…but I better not touch you, it doesn't feel right."

"Sounds terrifying," T said blankly, then punched himself in the face.

 **[Hitting:10][Revitalizing Strike Attack Check: 4+12+1(W)=17, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage: 1+4+1(W)=6]**

 **[Healing: 5+1+3+6(IL)=15+66HP=81HP!]**

At that strikes Granberia felt her wounds seal up somewhat, healing rapidly all of the sudden before stopping, T lowering his fist with a smile "But thanks for the consideration, seems you aren't just some mindless wild monstergirl." he said, then got to work on himself- Cody's wounds sizzling at the rate he was getting fixed up.

"Granberia, I feel like there's more powers at work than I initially thought," Alice chimed in suddenly, appearing from the darkness of the dungeon, "These two...they're not normal, and I know that's fairly obvious, but they seem to understand things they shouldn't," she crossed her arms, "Something called a 'DM'."

Tamamo walked into the room after her, "Cody doesn't go into Critical Ecstasy either…" which was something, judging by the tone of her voice, she dubbed very important.

T held his comment of 'Gee wiz no shit' whenever Alice mentioned both them being not normal and understanding things they shouldn't, though that statement about Cody's lack of freezing up when touched made him pause and think a lot fucking harder on why she'd think that's important.

Though one thought that stuck out is he kind of hopes none of them realize he also has the same immunity most likely, because then his virgin playthrough would fucking bite the dust and fucking die.

And getting ran over by an ambulance is not a good way to end.

Cody stepped away from them as they stepped deeper into the room, Tamamo running straight up to him and smelling him like Alice did.

"Hm...I see, he certainly doesn't smell like a human should…" she muttered.

"And that's not all," Alice continued, "Weird things always happen around them, treasures appear out of nowhere, and letters fall from the sky to reply to them."

"And they say really weird and esoteric stuff, apparently they know about...the system? They once explained something about dice and rolls and the world's controlled by them." Luka chimed in, curious, and not realizing how dangerous this might be to the duo

Cody blinked, should he bring up the fact that he saw Ilias? And that she was spying on them? Could he play that off with fake ignorance?

Tamamo looked over at Luka, "Yes, she certainly said that too, cutie, that she started rolling dice in her head…" she stopped and thought for a moment, "Actually, I have too now that I think about it…"

"Oh, me too after they told me! Still don't really understand anything though." Luka said, having no idea what kind of situation this is- sure they were beaten but Granberia didn't rape them afterwards! So she was probably nicer then the stories even if she tried to take over Ilias- wait does that make her good and bad? And this child seemed to be friends with Alice so she was probably alright.

"I…" Granberia looked down at her feet, "I roll dice too…" she got real quiet.

T kept his mouth shut and really hoped this didn't go into a territory that made Cody or him spout out something that would get them killed in the heat of the moment.

Given they literally had three very liable to murder/rape them creatures over there with a lot of questions.

Could be worse though, Erubetie or Alma with her creepy fucking tail could be here.

"Monster Lord, I think we should inform the others," Granberia concluded, "if you believe these three are as important as I'm reading from all of this."

"No, two of them, Luka is completely pointless, though he feels special in his own right," Alice replied.

"Wow thanks Alic- wait a _secOND-"_ Luka, sounding happy then realising she insult and his voice rising in indignation.

"She's right, Alice, this is something we should tell everyone," Tamamo agreed, "you can never tell what's at play with magic, especially with how foreign this energy feels," she blinked, then shot her gaze towards T, "have either of you...been contacted by Ilias?"

"Last time I checked me and Cody haven't fallen to our knees drooling out our mouths so no, plus we don't even believe in her." T said, jerking a thumb to Cody then at himself.

"Hm, I see...but that's bad, she really does exist," Tamamo explained, "it's not some cult like other religions you _cute humans_ have."

"I mean duh, I meant more of a 'We don't bend our knees and clasp her hands' for her then we blatantly ignore the fact that she drools into a pool for people to dunk their heads or something like that back in Ilias Village." He said- almost rolling his eyes before he pauses and remembers who he's talking to and how strong he isn't.

"And you travel with a baptised hero with this belief?" Tamamo further questioned.

"That baptised hero is also an idiot," Alice chimed in.

T shrugged "It'd be kind of fucking dickish to reject a friends belief system, just like I don't think he's gonna try and convert us like some nut, so let him trust who he wants to." he shot back "Also yes he's not the smartest, but he's smarter than like 99% of the planet." T said "They have the technology to make FUCKING ROBOTS," T yelled throwing his hands in the air "And they build SEX ROBOTS before they make an army of them to protect themselves from FUCKING monsters!" he said, holding off his pissed off rant with a click of his tongue and an irritated sigh.

God dammit they coulda made a _FUCKING MECHA_ and he'd get to punch Ilias in a giant robot if they weren't so _stupid_.

"If you two would so kindly retrieve the others, that would be great," Alice commanded the knights half-heartedly, "I'll continue questioning these two in the meantime...we'll meet back on Hellgondo in...however many days it takes to get there."

"Yes, Monster Lord," Granberia and Tamamo spoke at the same time, Tamamo vanishing.

"My Lord, please let me face them," Granberia requested, "I want to turn them from pathetic humans into warriors."

"You may," Alice replied, "I would like to see this too, but there are more things to worry about."

Granberia nodded and left.

"Still don't know where that confidence comes from but okay." T mumbled, given in his opinion they'd done pretty fucking crazily well for a trio of only _level fucking sixes_.

Why the fuck can't they just play D&D like _normal fucking people?_ And not _break it the instant they get their hands on it?_

T then rubbed the back of his head "I wonder if the GM's going to count surviving that as an encounter win? We did just fucking survive dealing with a _boss_."

 **[Encounter Lost! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 0xGranberia!]**

 **[XP Gained: 0!]**

 **[Treasure Value: Priceless!]**

 **{Items!: Slightly more appreciation from best girl!}**

"Wow can't wait to never fight any of them again." T said in monotone "A pointless fight with no rewards or progress, wow, what a great DM technique, can't wait to not participate." he said with the most dead inside look on his face mixed with an eye roll.

He turned to the rest of the group "Now fucking what after that load of shit?" T said, his tolerance levels and temper pretty frayed from the mental and emotional exhaustion of almost dying.

"Take the bell," Alice commanded, "You were going to Helgondo, yes? Keep going."

Luka suddenly gasped, "Wait a minute, does all this mean Alice is the monster lord?" Luka questioned, "Oh, no wonder why Cody explained her as cute!"

T was split between saying something sarcastic or chuckling, so he took the third option: "Wait how does that explain why Cody has a boner for Alice?" he said confused.

"No, I know why Cody isn't grossed out by the Monster Lord, I thought she'd be one of those monsters...you know, _those_ monsters," Luka reasoned.

"Wait when the fuck did you realize there are _those_ monsters?" T said even more confused- canonically he was aroused by a fucking _leech girl_! What the fuck has he been eat-

"Oh my god that blessing." T mumbled, making Cody also realize something.

The blessing was _actually_ making him more disgusted by monster girls somewhat, and violent enough to kill them without much thought alongside T and Cody.

Or something like that.

Diplomacy rules defile people's brains.

Cody didn't really want to think too much about that.

Luka just tilted his head, presuming T was mumbling about esoteric stuff again before shrugging.

"But anyways, not doing anything, the GM can go fuck themselves now." T said walking into the treasure room and picked up the bell "Gonna go toss this into the ocean or sell it or something."

"What? Why?" Alice questioned, slipping over and tearing it from his hands.

"You're thugs are going to beat the shit out of us alot and we're not getting anything out of it when we _could_ , there's also occasions where the GM outright fucked with reality to screw us over, and I'm not going to continue playing his fucking game until he stops being a cockwad and actually upholding the _fucking rules_. So this goes into the ocean, and we're staying here." he said, looking the bell over, having clipped his giants belt back on during his time cowering on the sidelines hoping they don't interrogate them.

"T, you're being overly dramatic," Cody butt in, "you can't quit _real life_."

"Oh I'm not, doesn't mean we aren't going to stay nice and comfy hear grinding and living out of the inn in Iliasburg until we're level 20 or something so we can _ACTUALLY PLAY THE FUCKING GAME_." T yelled at the roof.

"You're going," Alice deadpanned.

"Then are you actually going to keep your lackeys on a leash so we don't waste time doing absolutely jack shit but getting beat up? If you can even do that." T said as his fingers clenched and unclenched repeatedly

 **Oh my fucking God, you baby, play the game**

"Go fuck yourself, I'm not going to roleplay for your fucking entertainment, I want to _actually_ be able to play the fucking game." T said with with a venomous glare.

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1xGM's Patience!]**

 **[XP Gained: A level up!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 0!]**

 **{Items!: A well written fuck-you letter}**

"I'll read it every night you fucking Hazy." T said catching the letter and popping it open.

"Your prose is shitty and you use fuck you too much, learn to write." he commented.

 **[Level up!]**

 **[T Lvl 6 - Lvl 7 HP:58+6+3=67!]**

 **[Cody: Lvl 6- Lvl 7 HP: 59+6+3=68]**

 **[Luka Lvl 6 - Lvl 7 HP:56+6+3=65!]**

 **[Cody: Soul Drain has upgraded to Soul Drain 2!]**

T stroked his chin, thinking about his maneuvers "Yeah I need to fucking overhaul my list." he said with a nod before he pocketed the bell "Welp, suppose let's get the fuck out of here and set up camp, I'm fuckin' hungry...

"You can eat on a boat out of here," Alice shot back, "idiot."

"It takes a day trip to get there, when'd you get alzheimer's, _grand_ ma?" T said, adding odd emphasis to Grand.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"Alma Elma won't be waiting for you at the castle," Granberia informed, landing next to the campfire, "she thinks waiting around for you to _walk_ there is a complete waste of time...but that's not all," Granberia sat down on her knees, "She doesn't believe these humans are going to be of any help to you, in fact, she believes at least one of them is going to stab you in the back first chance they get."

"Of course she does," Alice replied, her eyes half-lidded, "Whatever, we're passing through her storm anyway."

"Why not just...question us here?" Cody asked.

"On the continent named after Ilias? That's the worst idea you've ever had, idiot," Alice shot back a half-baked response, "and besides, there are some things I want to show you before we reach Helgondo."

"What do you mean?"

"There's a book I wish to retrieve before we get there, and you're going to help me," she commanded.

Jesus fuck, was Alice using all three of them to commit suicide?

"A book?" T said with a confused expression, blanking on what she was talking about.

Granberia quirked a brow, "Are you talking about…?"

"I smell sweety's cooking!" the party heard a familiar, elf voice echo through the dark woods, and thankfully not cheesegrate their eardrums like Nyeowths did.

"Huh, I expected them to be fucking dunked still- Jessi's sword was glowing though...Yo Cody the system tell you the spells she was casting or nah?" T asked, looking over the mentioned man with a quirked brow.

"No," Cody replied, with a shutter, thinking about the fact that she had spells. At least she had the hp of a wet pringle.

"Eh, probably a cleric given they seem perfectly fine…" T muttered looking the trio over

"Who are these three?" Granberia questioned Alice, "more friends of yours?"

The group had been around the campfire before anyone could tell them to fuck off, having sitting down with a plate, handkerchief, and silverware, demanding Luka cook for them in unison.

"They're my toy's arch-nemeses it seems," she replied with a yawn.

"You are vastly overestimating our estimation of them." T said looking at Alice funny.

"You are vastly underestimating our estimation of them." Nyeowth popped in as well, "they're nothing but pleasant bumps on the road in the way of our destiny! Like a massage, but more violence."

"I don't think a massage is that painful…" Jamie grumbled, remembering her encounter.

She deeply regretted winning that rock paper scissors match, Nyeowths retelling of that Luka twerps performance sounded a lot better then being smashed by a _fucking mountain_.

"What are you talking about Jamie? I had a good time toying with my brat~, don't be such a negative Nancy," Jessi chimed in, beaming with a smirk on her face and a hand on her cheek.

"'She stood like a statue trying to take a dump when that plated guy smashed that sword into her head, made the biggest crack I dun ever heard, worse then any thunder I'd ever heard!'" Jamie recited one of the sailors tales about what happened.

"You fought them?" Granberia questioned T, "how'd they do?"

All of Team Draught shot their gaze towards Granberia, before they grew light headed and fell over at the sight of her.

"Granberia, Heavenly Knight of Fire!" they all exclaimed in unison.

"They attacked us, we split off to one versus one each member- Luka got the catgirl, I got the elf, and Cody got the Dark Elf, Luka struggled with his, but won, Cody apparently couldn't use almost any of his power and got beat in a grapple and got smooched, and I one sidedly destroyed both mine and Cody's." T said, counting the events off on his fingers.

"He didn't lose!" Jessi sat up, "He showed me mercy and I took advantage of it," she explained, "I couldn't bring myself to beat him after that."

"Well if that's how she's taking it, then yeah, Cody's too much of a nice guy to rip the soul out of and maybe kill these three- most of his powers are lethal. They're mostly harmless, and kinda nice, though seeing her use the Dark Elf kiss thing set me off so I introduced her to one of my techniques. I don't like mind control, despise it, maybe to a murderous extent, dunno." T shrugged, "I'd like to say not, but I'm not one for absolutes at all as you can recall." T said, jerking his head up towards Granberia- referring to the fact that he and the group had fought a heavenly knight twice pretty much completely willingly.

That right there is another example of the fact that T seemingly likes to rant, so have fun noticing that in the future I spose.

"Well then, you three, I'll fight you too when the time comes," Granberia spoke darkly to the team of elves and their down syndrome pet, then stood, "I'll be on my way, Alice," she took flight and was gone in an instant.

"Wow she's gonna miss Luka's cooking, I'd almost feel sad for her if it wasn't so good that it caused me to not care." T muttered, then shrugged "More for me then." he said with a smile.

"No!" Nyeowth whined, "You're going to share!" and crawled up to him, trying to...beg, but a human doing cat things was kinda cringey.

"I mean duh, just didn't mention the collective part of that." T said, ruffling the cats hair "Ya fuckin' dork." he said, smiling in a more bittersweet way.

The cat leaned in and…

 **[Hitting: 12][Attack Check: 20+9=29, Crit Rolled!]**

 **[Grapple Check: Nyeowth: 16+7=23, T: 13+16=29, T wins!]**

T shifted his hand down into her face when she leaned in, tongue out, like a shitty weeaboo with cat ear cosplay. She made an annoyed squeaked, then backed away from him.

"What the fuck were you trying there?" T asked, squinting as he reached into his bag and started ruffling around.

"What do you think cats do with their tongues?" Jamie questioned.

"Taste your blood when they bite you for existing near them?" T said like it was obvious.

"Better than dogs, that just rip you apart, you dirty dog person," Nyeowth shot back, crawling over to Luka, "You'll pet me, right?"

Luka just raised Angel Halo **[Menacingly]** , which groaned ominously- both he and Nyeowth looked at it oddly at the same time.

"And that's why dogs are better, they don't say stuff like that about cats, they just love them." T said "Minus thirty T points." He said, nodding sagely as he pulled out his hands- which now had his gauntlets on them- and crossed his arms.

"You're rude!" Nyeowth complained and deflated.

"You just tried to sexually harass me without my consent, so I'm going to take that with a grain of salt." T said with half lidded eyes. "Try that again and the next thing you're licking is the dirt six feet under." he said, cracking his neck, causing a loud series of cracks.

"Kitty kisses aren't harassment!" she yelped.

"Holy shit, I just remembered how much I hate anime," Cody chimed in.

"I have a higher tolerance watching then I do experiencing." T sent over with a sigh,

"I'm just going to lower Angel Halo before it starts groaning louder- it isn't consent, but it's hard to cook with one hand." Luka said placing the sword down and continuing his work.

Where was Alice?

She had slipped off to one of the tents, taking a weight off of Cody's chest. She wasn't as thirsty, a facet she showed that he didn't quite understand. He never thought himself likeable, but given how awful everyone else in setting was...

Either way though, Jessi spoke up "So...given you're heading back to the port- you guys got the treasure I'm guessing." she said, not sounding particularly pleased.

"Jack shit except the poseidon bell- which is what we need to get to the main continent, so steal it and well, yeah refer to one of the like fifty death threats Cody launches out whenever we fight something." T said, feeling a lot more defensive than usual towards them.

"Fine then, brat, then you're taking us with you," she replied.

"I mean, duh," T said with a shrug "Though mainland continent creatures are a lot more dangerous so take care when you're following us I guess." he said, shivering.

Iron Maiden.

 _Iron Maiden._

That is all.

Not the pretty good metal band either.

You know exactly what they're talking about.

"Oh, thank you." Jamie said from across the fire- unconsciously staying away from him for obvious reasons. "We'll be sure to!" she said, opening her mouth to speak again before pausing, and dropping it.

Nyeowth then smacked her upside the head "Don't tell them what we're plannin' to do!" she said- at this point apparently completely forgetting her 'Nyaa' in sentences shtick.

Probably the brain damage.

Probably the brain damage.

Probably the brain dama-

"Oh, Cody, will you will pet me?" she suddenly shot up and looked over at him.

"Uh...you really aren't the kind of woman I'd go for…" Cody rubbed the back of his neck.

"T will you pet me?" Jamie asked, crawling over to T while looking at Nyeowth with mischievous eyes, forgetting her phantom pain in the efforts of pissing Nyeowth off because she kept hitting her over stuff.

T shrugged "Sure I guess, but it's gonna be more of hair ruffling." he said, noticing the glint in her eyes and doing as he said after sliding off one of his gauntlets.

Nyeowth shattered, tears streaming down her face lightly, before she shot her gaze back to Cody, "Fine! What kind of women do you like?"

"Uh…" Cody thought a moment, "Eight foot tall, strong enough to win a fist fight with a dragon, abs, easy to banter with, kinda manly, and nothing like you!" he stuck his tongue out her, "I'm not actually that picky, but yeah, that's what I dig…" he crossed his arms, "the monster eagerness is kinda a turn off too."

Jessi meanwhile was writing something down while he was saying this.

 **[DC: 10][Spot Check: 1+8=9]**

And somehow, despite all odds, Cody didn't notice.

"What about you T?" Jamie asked, looking up to him- which caused him to stop the head touching out of some small amount of uncomfortableness that popped into his chest.

He looked away, rubbing his knee with his right hand and crossing his left arm over his body to rub his right shoulder, staring into the darkness.

"I...I'm not really sure, the one answer I've got is kind of embarrassing though." T said, shittily dodging the topic.

"Now I'm curious." Luka said, an unexpected partner in the question Jamie prosed "You guys normally are pretty crude and brash- which is pretty cool- but _you're_ embarrassed about something." Luka said, pointing at him with a wooden spoon.

"Yeah, T, come on! We're all friends here," Jessi turned towards him, notepad hidden behind her backpack.

"Luka's kind of a little bro, Cody's a friend, and y'all are...something. Would be molesters made pals briefly made would be molesters made pals again is kind of a hard thing to define." He said bluntly, arms unwrapping around himself as he sighed "You really want to know?" he asked, seemingly blank all of a sudden as he looked Jessi in the eyes, body relaxing from its previously tense pose.

"Yes!" literally everyone but Cody said at the same time. Cody kinda already guessed, and didn't mind not knowing.

T rolled his eyes "As someone with little experience, all I got is that I…" he paused, before sighing while looking at his legs "I want someone genuine. I want something real." he rubbed the back of his neck "I want love, actual, real shit love. I don't know what I want aside from that. Maybe I'd like a chick like Cody likes, maybe I'd like someone soft and gentle with me, maybe something different...but all that boils down to is that I want to actually feel something from a relationship, and I want my firsts to come from that." he said, then looked back with a half lidded gaze "So there's my virgins romance, hope ya fuckin' enjoy." he said, having talked in a pretty matter of fact tone with moments of he himself thinking about what he was saying, going over them a bit before speaking.

"Though yeah coming on too strong isn't my thing, so Nyeowths a hell no." T added, jerking a thumb at the catgirl who threw her hands in the air like she was done. "Not that that's a hard rule, but doing anything after I say no will get you becoming a ghost monster girl pretty fucking quick- and then a dead ghost monster girl immediately afterwards." T said, cracking his knuckles- which was an ability that came from his intimidation skill, which was pretty cool.

"Oh yeah, soft and gentle when it comes down to it is something I left off-like, you can be rough and dominating as long as you're not really serious about it" Cody shot in, "Muscular mommy GF, chubby's right below that, I'm not exactly picky like I said, as long as you're one of the bros."

"What's a GF?" Luka asked

"Can you buy one?" Nyeowth followed that up with her own inquiry.

"Buying GF." T just said with a crack of a smile before shaking his head "It means 'girlfriend', kinda like lover but a lot less serious. The kinda term fits better with teens, its essentially a term for 'people trying out being in a romantic relationship with each other.' essentially." T said, explaining the best he could for Luka.

"How about you, Luka?" Jessi questioned.

"Not a monster," he replied.

" D." T said with a laugh "Ah fucking dunked." he said, wiping a non-existent tear from his eye.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"Who are you and what are you doing in my domain?" Ilias was much more straightforward this time.

"I already told you, lady, I literally can't help you," Cody replied, "I'm just as confused as you are?"

"Then why insist on helping those vile creatures if you don't know what you're doing?"

"Well, I am the one from another world, so I'd probably know better about than them."

Ilias quirked a brow, growing impatient, "Look, you're helping out the lord of all monsters, the most evil being on this plane-"

"I will also put forth she can literally kill me at any moment."

Ilias grunted, "I guess you're right," and lowered her gaze, "As goddess of this domain, I have to ask that you assist me in wiping out the monster menace…" she started to break down like she was talking to a toddler.

"But why?" Cody questioned.

"Because they're evil."

"But why?"

"They want nothing but to harm humans."

"But...so do other humans, and some of them seem pretty nice, are you sure you're not just crazy?"

"Can't you just listen to me for fifteen seconds?!"

"I'm sorry, but I don't really understand everything you stand for, but I'm from an outside perspective, so maybe you should listen to me for a bit if you want the biggest picture?"

"You're hopeless, guess I'll talk to your friend instead."

It's not heresy, if you don't know any better.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

Cody stepped onto the ship, taking the scarf off of his face and tying it around his waist as a makeshift second belt.

"Why is most of my waist covered in rope?" Luka asked as T finished his take 20 rope check.

"Why is most if his waist covered in rope?" Nyeowth questioned, having finished her assist action to tie Luka's waist in rope.

"A colossal fucking storm is ravaging the seas, proceeding Granberia and Tamamo being on Ilias the continent to fuck around with potential heroes. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me thrice, well then I'm probably fucking dead." T said, standing up and noticeably not tying his sword to his sheath.

The fuck if he wouldn't finish her off if given half the chance, even if she'd be good XP at later segments, but well.

She fucking _ate people_ after sucking them off with her gross fucking tail.

It was _almost_ as bad as the Iron Maiden, though that was kind of a stretch.

Though nothing topped alraune shit, pure horror right there.

Cody walked up to the captain, having a handful of gold in his hand, which was pushed away from the old man when he spoke to the boy, "That show was payment enough. Plus, having that bell kinda helps…"

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

Alma stared at the five blades, a shield, several glowing auras on said swords, sword bearers, and some kid with ominously glowing hands, plus all the males had crotches protected better than the monster lord's castle was and simply said "I'm not dealing with that." and walked off to have a talk with Alice.

They were leaving and not coming in anyways, and two out of three success rate on preventing heroes was a pretty solid track record.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

Cody stood on the empty deck, watching the rolling sea illuminated by the half-moon (he didn't know what part of the cycle it was in), flicking his old pocket knife open and closed absentmindedly.

Now, this sounds peaceful, but there was a _fucking_ _storm_ happening constantly.

Something about the night felt off to him, the lack of Alma Elma, the conspiring of Alice and the knights, dreaming of Ilias…

All took was one lucky dice roll to end a life.

He shuttered, the thoughts slamming into him like he had stumbled drunk into a sliding glass door.

"Alice scare you out of your room?" Jessi questioned, causing Cody to jump a bit and turn towards her with a satisfying click as his knife came out.

"No, but yes," Cody replied, closing his blade and putting it away.

"I've never seen a knife like that…" she changed the subject, "Can I see it?"

"Don't drop," Cody replied, "and don't eat it," he referenced the actual boat scene and handed it to her.

Jessi opened the knife, being careful not to touch the blade, which Cody commented, "It's not great metal, it's stainless."

"What does that mean?"

"Oh, it means it doesn't rust very easily and you don't have to maintain it, but it's pretty soft."

"I…that sounds way too fancy, you better hold onto it," she handed the blade, still open back to Cody.

"No no, you close it, it's bad luck if someone else closes your knife," he continued to spout modern era nonsense, he paused, realized how dumb that sounded, then closed it himself.

"Where'd you get it?" she continued to question.

"I got it for Christ-I got it as a gift," he replied as he cracked his knuckles, "It was from my step-dad...my mentor," he tried to correct his speech to something that could be more easily recognizable by an archaic culture, step-dads might or might not be a thing that's widely acceptable and had a term yet, "Let's...let's not talk about this," he put a hand up defensively.

"Oh, I see," Jessi replied awkwardly, "Well, if Alice is bothering you, you can come to ours…"

"Yeah, nice try, ," Cody shot back, trying to lighten his internal mood.

"Oh? And I bet Alice is _much_ kinder," Jessi shot back with a smirk, "I won't touch you in your sleep...much, might cut your rat's nest of hair, you little...rat brat," Jessi wasn't the greatest at formulating insults….

"Don't talk about me behind my back, idiots," Alice commented from human form, and was...cracking her joints? Well, she did just wake up.

Cody blinked when something quickly grew and disappeared in his head, like a dream he had forgotten after waking up or deja vu and it...made him a bit uneasy.

What could that mean?

"Who cares?" Cody questioned, shaking his head, "There's nothing I'd say to her, that I wouldn't say to you."

"That doesn't matter, it's the principal," Alice explained, "idiot."

"The principal…" Cody stuck his hands into his pockets, "you never struck me as the honorable sort."

"Oh, just because I'm a monster, that makes me a liar?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Cody walked up to her, "That's _exactly_ what I'm saying."

"I'm…" Alice took a step back, "Why would I be lying?"

 **[Sense Motive: 17+8=25, Bluff: 13+8=21, Cody Wins!]**

"Meta-knowledge," Cody replied, reach up to take one of Alice's hands, "Come on, let's go to bed."

Alice stopped acting defensive, letting him tak-

Cody grabbed her wrist and pressed the palm of her hand to his wrist-her sheet popping out into the air when she pulled it back-and Cody caught it mid-air, eyeing her up and down.

"Ghost book," he deadpanned.

"Ghost book?" she replied, confused.

"What the Helgando is going on?" Jessi chimed in.

Cody stuffed the book back into his wrist and cracked his neck, "Who are you?" he concluded with nothing but raw certainty that the woman in front of him wasn't Alice, and the check he forgot was a bluff check or something or spot check or something.

"What are you talking abou-"

"I'm gonna fix that disguise!" Cody interrupted with a yell and a-

 **[Hitting: 25][Attack Check: 8+11=19, Attack Failed!]**

Cody reared his fist back and let it loose, when it was stopped seemingly mid-air before it hit 'Alices' body, caught in the grip of an arm that suddenly sprung out of her body and caught Cody's fist.

And now she had four of these, four grotesque, scaled arms that seemed to be tacked onto her body as an afterthought, each finger on said arms tapering into a harsh spike made of keratin.

"You're a lot smarter than I thought a human could be," Alice spoke in another voice, a much more masculine and venomus one, "I suppose you aren't a normal human, are you?" she pressed the three arms on the left side of her body into Cody's torso and shoved him away from her as her body shifted and melded into...a woman with four extra arms? What was she?

She had the same traits as the dark elf standing next to Cody-I mean a real dark elf and not whatever that mage was-, the silver hair, the brown eyes and the chocolate skin, but lacked the ears and was _tall_ and _built_.

Now, the four scaled arms were a total boner kill, but she was a sight for sore eyes besides that.

Jessi unsheathed her rapier and yelled, "Stand and deliver, bold deceiver!" and lacked a pistol to complete the obvious reference, "Who are you?"

"This is a matter between me and the shifter, begone," the doppelganger commanded as Jessi circled behind her in a high guard.

"As if! This brat belongs to Team Draught and the monster you've impersonated!" Jessi yelled.

"I don't wish to kill you needlessly, but if you throw yourself onto pikes like a loyal horse, it's not my fault," the doppelganger raised her stance while reciting a book of generic side villain dialogue.

Cody threw his arms out, plates growing over his knuckles, before taking a Jeet Kune Do stance, "Go get the crew, Jessi," he ordered. The storm would drown out calls for aid.

 **[Initiative: C 5+3=8, Jessi 15+3=18, Doppelganger: 17+3=20]**

 **[Order: Doppelganger, Jessi, Cody]**

The doppelganger's turn started explosively, wings sprouted from her body as she charged forward, leaping into a flight that was much, much faster than anyone's running speed and slammed her body into Cody's

 **[Charging, Terrifying Presence Proc'd]**

 **[DC:17][Will Saves: C: 17+9=26, Jessi: 9+7=16, Jessi Fails!]**

 **[Jessi: Shaken for 17 Rounds!]**

 **[Grapple Detected! AoO(Close-Quarters Fighting)!]**

 **[Hitting: 23][Attack Check: 10+11=21, Attack Failed]**

Cody tried to counter-attack the flying woman, but one of her six arms sprung up and caught Cody's strike while all the others grabbed onto his other limbs and around his body.

 **[Hitting:18][Touch Attack Check:15+12+2(Charging)=29, Attack Success!]**

 **[Grapple Checks: C: 14+15=29, D:16+16=32, Doppelganger Wins!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 2+7=9 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 9-68=59HP!**

She slammed her head into Cody's, hoping it would hinder his escape, and forced him to stand on the other side of her, announcing to Jessi, "Leave, or even scream, and I'll drop him from the mast!"

Cody fell silent, not struggling at all in her arms...

Jessi stood, saking in her boots at the sight of this...chimera? Jessi looked cat soaked in ice cold water, about to step out into a public forum and give a speech in its underwear, yet still she balled her free hand into a fist, and announced with rising fire in her aura.

"I'll do neither! Team Draught fears no monster! Let him go or the crew will be using you as a dart board come morning!" Jessi yelled and she stepped forward and…

 **[Remove Fear]**

"I know evil when I see it, monsters are the scum of this World! And Team Draught doesn't cower at the sight of scum!" Jessi yelled as she grew closer to the doppelganger until stopping at the end of her movement.

"Not the sharpest tool in the shed…" Cody mumbled.

"You act like you aren't a monster yourself," the doppelganger replied, and let go of Cody, turning to face Jessi-but she tried disengage a grapple and thus-

 **[Grapple Checks: C: 11+15=27, D:16+16=32, Doppelganger Wins!]**

Cody reached up and grabbed onto her arms as she tried to turn, she shrugged off his attempt to keep her in place effortlessly, commenting, "You really want me to carry you off that bad?"

"You should have never gotten this close to me…" Cody replied darkly.

 **[Flurry of Blows]**

Cody's fists began to let loose at incredible speed,having two slam attacks and an extra attack at his latest level, his arms blurred into what seemed to just be pictures appearing in the air and landing on the woman's body as he yelled, "YA-TATATATATATATATATATATA!"

 **[Hitting: 25][Attack Check: 10+9=19, 9+9=18, 14+9=23, 7+9=16, 15+4=19, All Attacks Fail!]**

She let loose a flurry of blows in response, their arms clashing together in the air as she knocked all of the attacks aside, not even letting Cody get a glancing blow through her hair.

"You have a lot of fight in you," she flatly remarked on Cody's attack.

Jessi stepped in, still going on, "I, Jessimina Jessifield, am labeled a monster, I tend to overdo humans in battle, to the point where some of them are still in the temple-there was a dumb ass priest who was all talk, so I taught that brat a lesson and he still hasn't come back, at restuarants that served shitt-nah, all restaurants, I leave without paying...but I'm no monster! A monster is someone who crushes the weak beneath their boot for their own gain! Especially a human!"

The DM needs to stop with this kind of nonsense…players are one thing, but the GM is supposed to be an example.

Whoever that guy may be.

While screaming the final line, she trust her rapier fowards-

 **[Hitting: 25][Attack Check: 1+7=8, Attack Failed!]**

The doppelganger casually raised a hand and caught the rapier, snapping it like the elongated steel toothpick it is. Jessi gasped, staring at what was left of her team's trademarked weapon, then shook her head-dropping it, "I don't need a blade to deal with evil like you!"

"Jessi! Just go get the crew!" Cody ordered.

"Quiet, brat! I'll put this slave in her place!" Jessi shot back, shrugging off the Team Draught side of her personality.

Cody reached out and grabbed the doppelganger by her hair, pulling her into his iron gra-

 **[Grapple Detected! AoO Procc'd]**

She has **[Close-Quaters Com-**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: 20+12=32, CRIT ROLLED!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 8+7=15x2=30!]**

 **[Damage Total: 30-59=29HP!]**

Cody lost his grip she flipped around and roundhouse kicked him in the jaw, the attack knocking him away from her, almost toppling him to the ground, she followed up very quickly, slamming into Cody intent on knocking him onto the ground.

 **[10 damage dealt! KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATE! Free Trip Attempt gained!]**

 **[Strength Check Contest!: C 112+5=26, Doppelganger: 5+12=19]**

 **[Tie Breaker:10+5=15, 6+12=18, Doppelganger Wins!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Trip Attack Roll: 13+12+4(Prone)=29, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 4+7=11 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 11-29HP=18HP]**

The doppelganger slammed Cody onto the deck of the ship, then her foot onto his stomach, ordering, "Stay down, human," as she stared down at him, but when she looked back up all she saw was fog.

"What?" was her eloquent response to suddenly being blinded.

Hearing the elf move, she swung her blade in Jessi's direction and-

 **[Concealment][Miss Chance: 20%]**

 **[Rolled: 13, Attack Missed!]**

She whiffed through the fog, Jessi needing to make little attempt to avoid the attack, the doppelgangers could feel both bodies moving now, Jessi was dragging Cody away from the attacking monster.

"Money well spent!" Jessi announced, free action dropping her back of smoke bombs onto the deck and taking her sloppy drunken master stance that was more like an actual drunk person than any martial art, "You aren't getting my brat back!"

Thus, it was Cody's turn.

He stood up and readied his action, "Come, take me back…" he said with a shaky stance, having been thoroughly fucked up by the doppleganger, reaching over, he grabbed Jessi's hand and whispered in her ear.

Her HP was too high for her to be an arcane caster.

She was proficient with a rapier.

She was divine.

And that meant one thing.

If she wasn't a fucking moron, she'd have healing in her spell slots.

"Now, to finish you off." the doppelganger projected and lunged at Cody, rearing back a strike at him, but was cut off from his readied action firing.

 **[Hitting: 23][Attack Check: 19+11=30! Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 11+5=16+Level Drain!]**

 **[Damage Total: 16+5=21!-187-166HP!]**

Cody blinked as energy flowed into him through the fist connected with the woman's cheek, that didn't add a lot of damage…

Had he been _nerfed?_

 **[Healing: 5(Temporary)+18=23HP!]**

 **[Soul Strength Active!]**

Regardless, he had his strength buff, and he was going to _destroy_ her if the dice didn't destroy him.

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: 6+12=18, Attack Failed!]**

Surprised by Cody managing to strike her, her charging blow whiffed.

Hot off of Cody's contact absorption, he felt another presence awaken inside of him come Jessi's turn, accompanied by a faint glow from the elf's palm and a light, shimmering field around his person.

A **[Shield of Faith].**

 **[+2 AC]**

A quick five-foot step behind him, she spoke, "The will of God would never take you somewhere his grace wouldn't protect you! Let her have it, brat!"

One good flurry and he'd be dead, but one good flurry and he'd be patched up pretty well…

His attacks could land, but he wasn't sure what he needed to hit.

No matter, not like he was left with much choice. He took a deep breath and...

 **[Flurry of Blows]**

"YATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA!"

 **[Hitting: 23][Attack Checks: 15+11=26, 8+11=19, 12+11=23, 5+11=16, 17+6=23, Hit Miss Hit Miss Hit!]**

The scene played out like before, the doppelganger's arms shooting up to deflect his strike, only this time he was making every other one through, either his +2 from STR was making the difference or the dice gods were smiling in him but only halfway.

 **[Damage Rolls: 11+7=18,6+7=13,7+7=14 Damage+Level Drain(3)]**

 **[Damage Total: 18+13+14=45+15=60!-166=106HP!]**

 **[Healing:15(Temporary)+23=38HP!]**

The doppelganger didn't let up her parries, instead she began to try to turn each one into an attack of their own-until they were both flurrying into each other!

 **[Flurry of Blows]**

 **[Hitting: 23][Attack Checks: 5+10-4(LD)=11, 15+10-4(LD)=21, 18+10-4(LD)=24, 1+10-4(LD)=7, 19+5-4(LD)=20, 16+5-4=17, All Attacks Fail!]**

It was no use, every attack he didn't block was absorbed by the holy armor around him, the level drain and the **[Shield of Faith]** combined kept him out of her attack's threat range very well, in fact if he didn't have them both combined-he might've just dropped dead in her wake.

Jessi took her turn to put her palms together and cast yet another spell.

 **[Bless]**

 **[+1 on all attack rolls for allies]**

The assault of punches continued, even between turns, the doppelganger now joining in on the mix of war cries filling the sky and air around them as Cody picked up his pace.

 **[Flurry of Blows]**

 **[Hitting: 25][Attack Checks: 12+12=24, 15+12=27, 16+12=28, 2+12=14, 15+7=22. Miss Hit Hit Miss Miss]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 6+7=13, 3+7=10 + Level Drain(2)**

 **[Damage Total: 13+10+10=33!-106=73HP]**

 **[Healing: 10(Temporary)+38=48HP!]**

The doppelganger's soul being ripped from her body filled the air in front of them as more and more bruises piled up on her body, she was internally and externally screaming at this point-was this human going to defeat her with nothing but the power of prayer and friendship? That's so fucking gay!

 **[Flurry of Blows]**

 **[Hitting: 23][Attack Checks: 10+10-6(LD)=14, 19+10-6(LD)=23, 13+10-6(LD)=17, 18+10-6(LD)=22, 3+5-6(LD)=2, 2+5-6(LD)=1, ALL ATTACKS FAIL!]**

Impossible! A human? Or was this more than a human that somehow unlocked the changing arts?

What kind of monster was she fighting?

What kind of game exploiting, meta-gaming, power-gaming monster was she facing?

Cough cough.

Jessi reached out, placing an arm on Cody's back and casting **[Magic Weapon]**

 **[Flurry of Blows]**

 **[Hitting: 25][Attack Checks: 12+13=25, 17+13=29, 14+13=26, 2+13=15, 5+8=13. HIT HIT HIT MISS MISS]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 3+7+1=11, 4+7+1=12, 6+7+1=14 + Level Drain(3)]**

 **[Damage Total: 11+12+14+15= 52!-73=21HP!]**

 **[Healing:15(Temporary)+48=63HP!]**

The doppelganger standard action disengaged, quickly jumping out of Cody's punches to the edge of her fly speed, yelling, "What are you? Who do you represent?" she may be the strongest shifter around, but when paired with that _disgrace of a monster_ , she was no match for this human.

Or maybe she was just bad at handling situations? Blinded by raw strength.

"My name is Cody Floyd, and I represent the CO-T assbeating company," Cody replied, pulling his scarf over his face, and rolling his shoulders, "Tell your friends not to come on this ship again, they're officially a covered client of the business, and an attack on this ship is an attack on us!" he dug his hand his pockets, "And that was only _half_ my soul draining power," he added, as she flew off.

Cody turned towards Jessi, pulling his scarf from his mouth and stating, "You not running off to get T and crew made this needlessly fucking dramatic…"

"I...I'm sorry, but I always get dramatic when dealing with monsters like her," Jessi replied, starting nervous but becoming haughty.

"You were afraid of her dropping me from the mast, weren't you?"

"No!"

 **[Bluff vs Sense Motive: Jessi: 13+5=18, Cody:12+8=20, Cody wins!]**

"...I really appreciate it nonetheless, it's very manly of you to stick to your principles," Cody tried to perform social judo to avoid her discovering that he _knew_.

"Manly?" Jessi questioned flatly, "...manly…"

Cody yawned and stretched, "I better hit the hay before my temporary hit points wear off and I'm gripped in agony for the next several hours before I can actually manage to pass out."

"Temporary? Oh...then, let me heal you…" Jessi suggested, letting out a hand, "I'm not sure when I got these gifts from God, but they can heal people," she added.

Thank Jebus, waste of a spell slot, but thank Jebus, Cody reached out and touched the elf's hand and-

 **[Grapple Checks!: Cody: 2+17=19, Jessi: 13+6=19, Tie!]**

 **[Tiebreaker: 3+17=20,19+6=25]**

Cody blinked, was he always this close to Jessi's face?

Wait….

Fuck!

Jessi pulled away from the quick peck, smugly announcing, "I don't have any spells left, you dumb brat!"

 **[Will Save: Failed(Chose to fail)]**

 **[Duration: 6 Rounds!]**

Cody took a step back, overloaded by the warm feeling of ecstasy-and hoped to God it was a painkiller of some kind, "G...g…"

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Second Island Patch Notes**

Cody laid in bed in a pitch black room, gently (read: not gently) being swayed by the ship caught in an endless storm, the only evidence of the world existing outside of his denied senses was the body pressed against his, periodically reapplying a status effect with her lips. Gross, cooties.

"Just sleep like that…" she said quietly, "I'll fix you in the morning," Jessi spoke a lot louder than she that she did, sparking a response from Nyeowth.

"Jessi...are you kissing the nightmares out of Jamie again?" she groggily questioned, Catfolk had low-light vision-not night vision, then took an inhale through her nose, "Wait a minute, there's a man in here! Cody, pet me!" she suddenly became desperate-still salty about that night around the campfire.

"One of the three musketeers are in here?" Jamie shot up, having been woken up, "Well, don't keep that to yourself, Jessi!"

Cody wasn't going to get much sleep that night...at least they weren't normal monsters, because then he'd get no sleep for all the wrong reasons.

Engage 'normal human arousal'

Unless in this hypothetical situation he (or anybody in said situation) in which case, it would be for the right reasons.

Program successful, shutting down.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

Within a black void stood a man and a woman, or well, a mortal and a goddess.

"Lucid dreaming huh?" he said, stroking his chin "Funny, interesting, but funny." he said brain flitting across ideas as the void became blurry with various colors, shifting but never deciding.

"I'm not part of your dream." Ilias said, sounding annoyed and tired

"Guessing from the fact you're like that you talked to Cody?" he said, forming the void into his room, and plopped down onto his computer chair, conjuring an overly fancy kings chair for Ilias- to which she looked at for a moment before plopping down.

"He wanted to molest my chest, so as far as this has gone so far you're an improvement." Ilias said pinching the bridge of her nose before shaking her head and getting her goddess face on, and spoke "I've questions about you and him." she said, an edge to her tone.

"And I've answers about him and me." T said with a smile, lifting the TV tray next to his computer and placing it between them- the table morphing into a fancier circular wooden table after a second. "I'd make you refreshments, but well, I wasn't the fanciest individual back home, so unless you're fine with whatever less than healthy stuff we have back at my homeland-" he conjured up a can with the words 'Peace Tea' on the side, a tall foot long can he cracked open and drank- a cold store bought tea, it was 'Razzleberry', whatever the fuck that was supposed to taste like.

Ilias obviously obtained for obvious snooty reasons.

"So, ask away, and I'll answer, and maybe even make some statements and questions right back at you." T said, placing the cold can onto a coaster and putting on an amicable look.

Ilias looked a tad pleased about the situation, though that only shined through slightly in her serious expression, "Who are you two, and why are you in my domain?" she asked, fingers lacing together and resting on her lap

"Me and Cody are people most likely from another dimension, transported here by a R.O.B., or Random Omnipotent Being, who altered the universe to operate under the rules of a tabletop roleplaying game, though I doubt I need to explain a lot more- you've been watching us if we're noticeably foreign." T said, lifting his drink and taking a large swig- fuck it tasted like home, which made his dream chest tighten.

Ilias blinked, seeming a little thrown off by something or ano- "That...was surprisingly exactly what I wanted to know in a relatively short sentence." she said, shaking her head "Your...friend was less than helpful." she said with a sneer

"Probably intentionally, the game gives us a lot more knowledge about things, you've heard the explanation." T said with a shrug "And given he's been giving Alice the gopnik squat in bed, your monster hating thing would kind of not gel with him." he noted candidly, taking another swig.

"A what?" Ilias said, looking completely fuckin' confused.

"What to what?" T asked, also confused at the confusion.

"Goppik skwaht or whatever you said- what does that even mean?" She asked

"Gopnik Squat, I was just using a alternate term for sex for comical effect. Gopnik is a slang derogatory term for a youth in a country where me and Cody come from, and they Squat alot, so I just applied that as an alternate word for sex." T explained in quite a bit of detail, as per usual.

Ilias looked at him funny before continuing.

"Anyways, that last statement after the...gopnik squat thing, makes it sound like you don't oppose that part yourself." Ilias pointed out, eyes squinting a tiny bit, pointing out T's lack of inclusion on opposition of monster hating.

"Most everything in this world is, well, disgustingly horrible to be around, not that I can blame a bunch of wild animals for biting someone- its instinct, nothing more nothing less. The humans piss me off though, given I come from a world where they aren't pervertedly stupid- they can build sex robots, we can fly, they can again, make sex robots, and we've dealt with almost every disease and affliction on the planet practically, sex robots, space travel, I think you can understand my impression of the people here." T took a swig "Rape's abhorred where I come from, and this is a rape fantasy, it's unpleasant." he sighed, thinking over the place he'd be waking up to.

He conjured a burger, a double bacon cheeseburger from his favorite joint to be exact, and chowed down.

Man this shit was rad even if the taste wasn't as sharp as real life- maybe it was the game or holy joo joo that's flowing through Ilias and him fucking with shit, he didn't know nor care really.

"I...have more questions, but it appears your waking up. This was...pleasant enough, but I won't let you filibuster my questions again." the goddess said, giving him a glare before everything started to fade away.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1x Doppelganger!]**

 **[XP Gained: 4200!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 26,000!]**

 **{Items!: Breastplate +2, Longsword +2, Full plate +2, Nunchaku of Speed +1}**

 **[LEVEL UP!]**

 **[Jessi: Lvl 5 - Lvl 6 HP:31+6=37!]**

 **[Retrain: Weapon Focus(Rapier)=Improved Unarmed Strike]**

 **[Superior Unarmed Strike]**

The longsword fell from the roof and bounced off his face- dealing no damage since it didn't fall that far but still hurt like a son of a bitch and woke him up from his dream with a loud "FUCK!"

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

Sleeping with three pairs of giant anime titties was something Cody felt he should really enjoy more-and though it was kinda nice, being doggy piled onto while he wasn't allowed to take an non-free action was a fucking nightmare in practice-though thankfully it stopped there and didn't derail into triple heresy.

Disturbing the peace of the early morning, waking the four, was a sudden burst of pain and clashing sounds as an entire set of armor with a shiny breastplate fell from the ceiling in such a specific way everyone was hit in the head at least once-with a pair of nunchaku dropping afterwards to be the cherry on top of the shit show.

Nyeowth made the loudest noise, an ear piercing and high-pitched whine that the GM probably though was cute because he's a fucking degenerate.

Whoever that guy might be…

"Ow, Jesus!" Cody yelled, gripping his head, to which Jessi replied by sticking a hand on his shoulder and-

 **[Healing: 14+2=16+26=42HP!]**

His pain was gone pretty quickly.

"What in Helgondo happened? What?" Jamie jumped out of bed and took in the items that just popped out of nowhere and pounced on them, "Who the Helgondo did that?"

"The GM…" Cody replied and laid back down onto the one bed in the room, "That's gonna be a nightmare to explain, so don't worry about it."

"FBI OPEN THE FUCK UP!" T yelled kicking the door open with his bastard sword in hand "I've got **[Bonesplitting Strike]** and I'm not afraid to fucking use it!" he yelled, before blinking as he noticed Cody wasn't naked...odd.

Nyeowth screamed, hopped out of bed with the grace of a small domestic animal of feline origin, grabbing her rapier and sticking it out at T, "What's going on, who's FBI? I'll stab em!"

T stared for a moment, before sheathing his sword "Faggot Body Inspectors, doesn't seem like there's any in here." he said one hundred percent seriously.

Outwardly at least.

"Don't scare me like that," Nyeowth said, putting her rapier away, "I mean, I wasn't scared."

"Yeah yeah sure, ya fuckin' dork." T said ruffling her hair before walking past "Yo Cody when'd a doppelganger fucking die?" he asked, confused.

"She ran off," Cody replied, "You would've fought her too if Jessi wasn't a fucking moro-highly determined individual who isn't afraid of no monster."

T made a whip noise with his mouth before cracking his neck "Survivors ain't fuckin' good...specially not doppelgangers. Was it MGQ version, or DnD?" he asked, curious.

"I...I don't know, she had six arms, four of them lizard arms, but was a normal looking woman otherwise."

"So...some kinda DnD thing? Fuck if I know, but good to know, I don't think we could handle you getting level drained into an infant or something." T said, a little bit of relief in his tone. "So what's up with you being in the same room as the trio?" he asked, quirking his head.

"I got fucked up and carried in here so I could get **[Cure Wounds]** 'd in the morning," Cody replied, sitting up and stretching.

"That's kinda skeevy- you smell sex in here or in your pants? Fuck if I know what coulda happened." T said, wary, and asking cody about the scent since as far as he recalled he was smell deaf- then again maybe they both were since neither of them had **[Sce-**

Solid moment of him thinking about rules and-

Fuck if he was gonna deal with Cody Jr. popping out of no monster girl, that'd be a fucking nightmare.

There ain't gonna be no fucking baby daddies on this fuckin' adventure!

"T! Go get Luka!" Nyeowth demanded.

"And why should I listen to you? And why should I get Luka?" T asked looking at her like she was dumb.

"So we can all spend the morning together," she eagerly explained.

T chewed that thought in his head before shrugging "Alright, I'll bite, but if I come back here and I see more of my buddy then I'd be comfortable with, y'all still know the result." T said, leaving the room.

Jessi and Jamie still had phantom pain from last time.

"Is that monster instincts or are you three just fucking weird and easily obsessed?" Cody quirked a brow.

"Oh, uh…" Jessi rubbed the back of her neck, "Probably both," she concluded, dropping down to Earth for a little bit.

"At least we're not rapists, right?" Jamie chimed in.

"Rather you didn't go around licking folks, though," Cody shot a glare at Nyeowth, who quickly got defensive.

"Hey! I don't kitty kiss people without permission, just you three!" she crossed her arms with a huff.

"Yeah, that's not any better…"

"You let Jessi do it!"

"Yeah, but Jessi's is a painkiller and she doesn't do it with her _fucking tongue!"_

"If she ever tries it again then she won't have to worry about speaking ever again." T said ominously from the doorway

"T I know you and Cody like threatening people but its the morning and I'm too tired to tune it out." Luka grumbled from behind T, squeezing past him into the room and sniffing

"Huh, doesn't smell like...debauchery in here." Luka remarked, earnestly surprised.

Silly Luka, only paladins can smell debauchery through walls.

Nyeowth sparked up and shot up, leaping across the through the room at the sight of Luka and-

 **[Opposed Grapple Check! Luka 14+15 = 29, Nyeowth 19+9 = 28, Luka Wins!]**

Nyeowth had barely gotten her arms around him before she was forced off with a yelp and shoved back onto the bed and caught by Jamie.

T wiped a faux tear from his helmet- which he had on still, "That's m'boy."

"Luka, calm down," Jamie spoke up, wrapping her arms around the distraught cat woman that fell onto her.

"I'd prefer not going to the wrong part of the afterlife, thank you very much." Luka said with half lidded eyes.

T wiped a faux tear again from his helmet, "That's m'boy."

"She wasn't going to do _that_ to you," Jamie persisted, now petting Nyeowth, the down-syndrome little brother of the group.

"That's what you say when T and Cody are in the room." Luka shot back, too tired for this shit.

"That's m'boy." T said for a third time, wiping a faux tear from his helmet.

"I was literally at their mercy for the entirety of last night, and nothing happened," Cody shrugged, "We should be pretty close to getting of this ship."

"They're also stuck on a boat with T, and nobody can hear your screams at the bottom of the ocean." Luka argued back a bit, "Doesn't mean they wouldn't try something if they could get away with it." he said glaring a bit

T ruffled his hair "Wariness and standing up for yourself are both good things, but moderation kiddo- remember, coexistence and all that. Doesn't mean that it shouldn't be obtained whilst hiding a Angel Halo behind your back just in case though." he said, Luka relaxing at the gesture before stepping behind T into relative safety. "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, words to live by."

Meanwhile, Jessi was strapping the armor that fell from the ceiling onto herself as the others spoke, having finished she announced, "How does it look on me?" while posing...sensually? Like a fashion diva?

"Impractical but more sensible." "Armor-y." T and Luka called out respectively

"Was it always a boob-plate?" Cody questioned, pointing out the material now contorted to her body.

Oh, right, magic armor fits to the wearer.

Jessi blinked, disappointed by the responses, then suddenly shot up, "You brats wouldn't know good looking it if held you against a wall and...committed heresy!" she huffed.

Luka gasped

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, aesthetic is subjective." T just stated matter of factly

"Oh, can it, lard-ass, you don't understand how fashion works," she crossed her arms and looked up to the right with her eyes closed.

"Minus 200 T points." T said with half lidded eyes "Get a negative ten thousand and you get a free concussion." he said, jumping onto his usual threats- though this one less forceful than others, a background sorta calm threat.

"What are these supposed to be?" Nyeowth asked, crawled out of Jamie's lap and grabbed the nunchucks from the floor.

"That's a weapon…" Cody noted, grabbing them from her and scratching her ears, "A weapon I don't think anyone of us can use-"

 **[Cody has obtained Nunchaku Proficiency]**

Cody blinked, then sighed, "GM, you just want me to turn into Kenshiro at this rate...

"Or Jonathans head on Dio's body with the knife thing." T also threw in.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

They set foot (read: fucking booked it) onto the populated dock at Port Natalia, crawling with mermaids that walked like a dog dragging their ass across the carpet in front of company-and mermaids that kinda walked normal...kinda.

"Where's the mermaid school?" Cody questioned the nearest passerby, "This is urgent!"

 **[DC:10][Gather Information Check: Take 10+3=13, Check Success!]**

Cody ran straight to the mermaid who was selling the 'odd food', and she pointed him in the direction of the school, which he ran to, being stopped by a rather tall-familiar face dressed almost the same as Luka.

Cody brushed shoulders with him, then jerked around realizing who it was and grabbed his shirt, immediately demanding with his head tilted to obtain **[Edgy Shadow]** , " _Where's the fucking bomb?"_

Lazarus blinked, eyes widening slightly, before speaking, "You're too late," and-

 **[Opposed Strength Checks!][Cody: 20+7=27, Lazarus: 11+6=17, Bull Rush Failed!]**

Lazarus charged into Cody, and seemed bent on shoving him into a nearby fruitcart, he was surprised by Cody's bout of strength, but decided to change up his approach…

 **[Trip! AoO Procc'd]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: 1+13=14, Attack Failed!]**

Cody threw a knee up into Lazarus when he approached once more, which Lazarus hooked with his arm and-

 **[Opposed Strength Checks!][Cody: 7+7=14, Lazarus: 8+2+6(Circumstance)=16, Trip Success!]**

Lazarus lifted Cody's leg and hoisted him into the fruit cart, with unsatisfying results-Cody just kind landed on top of it all, it didn't topple and he didn't fall into it, but Lazarus used this opportunity to dip while behind him-

 _Bang._

The school for mermaids fucking exploded.

Cody just laid in the apples for a while, the owner of the cart long ran straight up to the building that had collapsed, ignoring him now.

Though he was pretty sure in canon, no one was hurt, it was the principal that he got hero cucked.

Cody leapt out of the cart, sitting at the edge of the crowd, shaking his head, before turning to look for Lazarus-who was nowhere to be found.

He licked his wounds and briskly jogged back to the party, "Kreuz!" he announced simply, "God damn terrorists, and as an American man with American blood, I fucking _despise_ terrorists!"

"Too bad we don't have any drones to bomb their Kreuz's schools back." T said rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm just...Yeah I'll be doing first aid on them." he said, wandering off towards the school to bandage boo boo's by punching himself.

Later on the guards would thank him, since well, there'd be literally _a lot less fucking paperwork_ since literally no one was actually hurt after T explained how the fuck he works, even if it was kind of an odd way to fix people.

"I swear to God, next time I see that fucking asshole, I'm going to rip off his last remaining arm and beat him to death with it!" Cody was continuing after T walked off, "Then I'll have a necromancer revive him and feed him to the other zombies!"

"Nah fuck that have him eat his own entrails, get on my revenge level son!" T said loudly back before getting back to work.

"That's way too much of a twelve year old's creepypasta fanfiction for my taste!" Cody shot back.

"Did you say Illias Kreuz?" Luka questioned, "It makes sense _they_ did this!"

"Not just Illias Kreuz, it was Lazarus him fucking self, believe it or not." Cody cracked his neck

"Ilias Kreuz…" Jessi reacted with contempt, "They're our main rival, damn sadists, they don't even have a safeword, they just go too far everytime!"

"Like a falling avalanche, I strike with the weight and fury of a mountain!" Luka suddenly yelled, raising his blade above his head, "Let's go, we're looking for him _right now_."

"My boy!" T yells from his place next to the survivors, wiping a faux tear from his helmet.

"Calm down, Luka, you don't want to go pissing off a continent wide group like an idiot," Alice grabbed Luka's wrist and pulled his wrist down.

"How can I calm down after that!"

"How can he calm down after that!"

Cody and Luka both yelled at the same time.

"You don't just blow down a school right in front of a sword wielding hero and not get your shit kicked in!" Cody argued.

Luka will remember that.

Alice reached over and grabbed Cody's wirst, before beginning to drag them both off, Jessi following quickly after, with the rest of Team Draught...being around, somewhere.

"Hey wait up I just got done!" T said, running off before anyone could properly talk to him- having healed them in around two minutes though, the time it took for the other group to finish up their talk, they at least learned a bit about him and the group.

Natalia Port will remember that.

Alice dragged Cody and Luka off to an inn-which was empty after the inn owner ran out to the explosion, to which Cody sniffed out the incoming doom of a scene and thought as fast as he could, the instant he was free he spoke, "Oh, I see where this is going, sorry Alice, but I've recently been taken."

He stepped back to Jessi and wrapped an arm around her, giving her a quick peck on her cheek-as her face turned a few shades pinker.

"You gon _die_ boi." T said in a thick southern accent, chuckling as he pantomimed eating popcorn.

ALice blinked, then narrowed her eyes, "I don't care."

"No worries, Alice," Jessi spoke, now slightly flustered, "I don't mind sharing him with you…" she looked the snake woman up and down, "You're pretty...sexy," she swallowed the emotions then smirked, "We'll let this brat have it."

 _Fuck._

 _Last thing he wanted was to risk tentacle hands again._

"HA!" T said out loud, pointing at Cody and given a good laugh before going back to eating his phantom popcorn.

Man he wishes he was a fucking bard or something so he could make a heroes feast of junk food or something, he fucking misses that old stuff.

Albeit his body probably was pretty fuckin' happy with what Luka had been feeding it, since it was both healthy _and_ delicious.

Cody shot T a look, a subtle look of 'dear god, don't just stand there, then got back into character, "Two lady's at once? God, I must be pretty lucky," he shuddered slightly.

Jessi was fine, he didn't think elves had something wacky to pull out of nowhere, but Alice? Alice was a cesspool of degenerate fetishes.

T clicked his tongue and dropped his 'popcorn'.

 **Punished 'Venom' T**

 **A man denied his Phantom Popcorn**

"Hold the fuck on, we've just had a long journey, he got body slammed into a fruit stand, and you two will literally drain the fucking life out of him if this happened. With Lazarus fucking around we can't really afford to wait for Cody to get feeling back in his pelvis a month after tonight." T said, stepping up and taking off his helmet.

"Yeah, good point, T" Cody replied, unwrapping his arm from Jessi, "Now's not really the time."

 **[Diplomacy Check: 13+17+2(Aid Another)= 32, Check Success!]**

"Fine, but Luka's cooking me extra food tonight," Alice submitted.

"You dragged Luka off here too, did you plan on...touching him as well?" Cody questioned.

"I'm much more than a monster who eats just for the flavor, I can appriecate a human's looks and cooking, I like a good angel liver now and again," Alice replied, giving Luka a look of 'you're fucking next.'

T dragged his boy into his grasp protectively, given her a look of 'Yeet nigga'.

Even his glares had a hard time being serious.

"Where'd you get the eyepatch T?" Luka asked confused, looking at him funny from his position next to him.

"What?" T said confused "Wait is that a fucking panel?" he asked, ripping the eyepatch off and looking at it.

 **Soul Drain Reworked**

 **-No longer applies negative levels, now heals as normal, 'overheal' fades gradually rather than all at once (-50% every two hours)**

 **Soul Strength Reworked**

 **Now affects all physical stats, +1 for every five HP o-healed to a maximum of +4 and increasing to +2 for every five HP to a maximum of +8 at level fifteen**

 **Soul Endurance Removed**

 **Soul Agility Removed**

 **Monsters(non-essential) stats increased by one size, sans decreases**

 **Jessi's fighter levels converted to cleric levels**

Jessi blinked, sensing a change in her person, before voicing her confusion in a form of statement, "I'm confused, I suddenly feel different."

"What fuckin' level was she before that anyways?" T wondered aloud, stuffing the eyepatch into his bag.

Jessi looked up at Luka for a few moments, then back at her spells (which were in her head, but shut up), then back at Luka, then back at her spells, then stepped up to Luka and-

 **[Remove Curse]**

Luka stared at the glowing palm pressed into his chest, yelling, "What the Helgondo are you doing to me?"

 **[DC: 19][Will Save: 7+1=8, Save Failed!]**

Jessi pulled her hand back and stepped away from him, satisfied.

"What did you do?" He continued to question, "you better have not cursed me!"

"The opposite, I removed a curse," Jessi shot back.

Alice sniffed the air, a new scent was upon them, she slithered up to Luka and latched onto him-

 **[Grapple Checks!][Luka: 1+15=16, Alice: 3+27=30, Alice Wins!]**

Alice began sniffing Luka up and down, before turning her head to the rest of the room and announcing, "He doesn't smell baptized anymore! What happened? What did you do?"

"I removed the false god's curse," Jessi replied, crossing her arms with a satisfied smile.

"Do anything without his consent and I swear to god I'll fucking kill myself on you." T said threateningly, though a good amount of it was lost on the fact he said he'd be the one to die.

"You took away my blessing?" Luka questioned hysterically, "Why? Why would you do such a thing, I'll murder you!" he screamed in anger.

"Curse," Jessi corrected, "Who knows what else her power would do to you?"

"You still took an important religious thing from him, I'll note, without his consent." T said, giving her an agitated look "It's kind of a fucked up thing to do to my boy." T said with an edge to his tone.

"A religion that just blew up a school…" Jessi replied darkly with a healthy helping of venom.

"Everyone names everything after Ilias, I'm pretty sure even her priests think Kreuz are loose cannons." T shot back

"Listen, the spell wouldn't have worked if it was helping him strictly, so I did him a favor."

"Without asking him or getting his _consent_. Fucking monsters I swear." T said pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Oh? Guess I'll just let you die of black shits because you decided to swallow poison, because you didn't ask for my help," Jessi grit her teeth.

"That's an exaggerated example that has nothing to do with this argument and you _fucking know that_." T said throwing his hands in the air "He was fucking fine, you just had to talk to him and he'd probably agree, hell, I personally would've encouraged it if you just _asked first_!" he yelled at her.

"Luka, whether you know it or not, I've helped you in the long run, you may not feel that way, but I'd rather not wait for it to hurt you before I fixed it," Jessi shifted her attention to Luka.

Meanwhile, at the legion of doom.

Ilias is wiping sweat from her brow at what the cleric elf just did and said.

Meanwhile, at the legion of poon.

Luka, was still struggling in Alice's tail and was reaching for his mace.

"If it's a remove curse spell, and it worked, then she's done him a favor," Cody chimed in with a shrug, "I don't recall the effects of a baptism though…besides the taste thing."

T threw Cody a dirty look before sighing "The game might've categorized the taste thing as a curse, and the taste thing is a kinda important thing to being a hero even if it's not pleasant to monster girls, which is the point, because _his religion_ says to not give monster girls his _seed_. Which is kind of one of the only things the lady in the sky asks her followers to do." T said- yeah, he knows she's literally evil and it was a good thing, but he wasn't going to drop the consent thing.

"If the intent was a blessing, I'd argue it would act as a blessing," Cody shot back.

"Our DM is retarded, and also someone who probably jerks off to the weird shit the game has, so not being able to fuck the girls would be viewed as a bad thing, and a curse, intent be damned." T threw back in their verbal table tennis match.

Because lord knows the two nerds couldn't play tennis to save their lives.

"Then why didn't you stumble off with Luka to get the blessing when you had the chance?" Cody questioned, "Because you didn't trust it, yes?"

"We were next to the fucking monster lord, I wasn't going to leave you alone with her to go get my man goo to taste like liver." T said, deflecting that point away "I'm not a heartless cunt that'd leave his best bro to deal with that."

"Shut up, you idiots, this is obviously a good thing," Alice deadpanned.

"Yeah, sure, that's just what a monster of this age would say." T said with venom.

"He'll be obligated to get stronger out of higher stakes," she replied.

"It doesn't fucking _matter_ how good this was if you _force_ it on him without _asking him_ like every goddamn wild girl in the fucking woods." He said, getting increasingly angry as this went

"Oh? You know those unconscious mermaids you healed? What if they _wanted_ to die, fucking genius," Jessi grunted.

"Again, you can't use unrelated shit to get me off this, Luka was fully conscious and capable of saying _yes_ and _no_ , and you forced it on him without a second thought. They can kill themselves on their own time, and if they were awake enough to tell me _no_ that's their business, but Luka _wasn't_ knocked out." The boy in plate shot at her.

"It's completely related, people don't want what's best for them, they want what they think is best, and that's bad most of the time," she uncrossed her arms, "it was God's will if my spell worked."

"And that doesn't mean it's morally fucking ethical to _force_ them to do it. What next, your gonna brainwash us into fuckslaves when we eventually encounter some bad times on this adventure because it'd be an _easier_ and _happier_ existence? Fuck you, and fuck your shit you god damn monsters." T said, gritting his teeth as he put his helmet back on, and started strapping it on.

"Deus vult," she condescendly replied.

"I was starting to think monsters weren't all fucking animals, thanks for proving me fucking wrong." T said with a sigh through the metal of his helmet "Well...actually that's a bit much, Jamie and the mermaids aren't bad I'm pretty sure." he said, excluding them from that statement without much thought

"If he actually wants coexistence, he'll ditch his false god," she added calmly, then creaked the door open and walked out of the room.

"Fuck you and fuck you getting the last word bitch!" T yelled as loud as he could before sighing again "I hate this fucking world- Alice let Luka fucking go, I'd have prefered to walk away before that went to a shitfest, but I don't trust anyone with him now that he doesn't taste like liver." he said, sounding incredibly tired.

Cody grabbed Luka's mace and pulled it from his belt, patting Alice's tail afterwards, prompting her to drop him.

T just wordlessly hugged his boy- who was in full plate mail like him, so two knight bros were embracing in a weirdly manly fashion.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"This has all been great, but we should really report back to HQ," Jamie announced, having finally located the rest of the party.

"Is there a time and a place we could meet you again?" Jessi added.

"We are heading somewhere in the continent at some time at some place. I dunno, heard there's a gladiator arena or something, we'll probably enter at some point in the future..." T said, wanting to give them nothing but knowing it was probably pointless to given the rest of the parties attitudes.

Plus he didn't hold anything against Jamie, so no reason to be too unfriendly to the group as a whole.

"...bitch." T added, not quietly, at her.

Individually was a different matter.

"San Ilia," Cody corrected, "We'll be going there very quickly, if you'll reach headquarters very quickly."

"Here, just have my ring," Jessi said, popping a magic? ring off her finger and presenting it to the bootleg monk.

Cody turned it over in his hand, looking it over.

"It only has a range of a few miles bu-"

"Jessi! We can't afford to pay for that if you 'lose' it!" Jamie scolded.

"It's not losing it if I know who has it, right?"

"Well, you don't know where _they're_ at."

"Whatever, we know we're they're going to be," Jessi shot back, then turned back to Cody, "where are you going? Why are you adventuring?"

"We're taking my boy Luka to the monster lord's castle," Cody replied.

"I see…the twerp's a Heinrich wannabe," Jessi mumbled, "Well, I'll see your around, if I see your campsite on the road I'll be sure to wake you up and keep you that way," she winked.

Cody slid the ring onto his finger and took her hand before she turned around, "God's will won't take you somewhere his grace wouldn't protect you…"

"Yup, I said that, I sure did," Jessi replied.

Cody blinked, "Fine," then pulled her into him, "I'll just hug you, don't die on me, Draught, I need your memes."

"Memes?" Jessi quirked a brow, then smirked, "you ought to know better than getting this close to me, brat!"

 **[Grapple Checks: Jessi: 19+11=30, Cody: 0(Chose to fail)]**

 **[DC:18][Will Save: 17+8=25, Check Succeeded!]**

Cody shrugged off the trance this time, though he still felt the feeling going through him, it didn't overload his brain and stop him from taking actions. He closed his eyes gently, Jessi being reluctant to stop, it was akin to middle schooler not understanding how making out works and just dragged a peck out as long as possible.

 **[Save Succeeded! Cody is now immune!]**

He couldn't wait to beat the shit out of the arena dullahan with ease with _that_ immunity.

T then made a gagging noise.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Dumber**

"Why are you so interested in San Ilia, Cody?" Alice questioned half-heartedly, arms crossed, eye narrowed-y'know, the classic Alice pose. Wonder what her stand would be called…

Why Cody was going to San Ilia was irrelevant to her, but it worked out for her in the end, she planned on bringing up where her special book was as a 'reward' for laying still under her services, but that proved both pointless and no lewd things had actually occurred.

God damn cum-block Lazarus.

She'd show him unrelenting cruelty for getting her toys to postpone.

She stopped mid-pace, did she really like these humans _that_ much? And more importantly, was it that weird magic dice shit, or was it something actually about them? The others walked ahead of her, stopping a few moments later and turning back to her.

"Alice the fuck're you doing?" T asked, turning around as he rested his hand on his bastard sword- man it felt cool to have a fucking bastard sword.

Alice blinked, then shook her head, "Nothing idiot," and slithered back up to the party.

 **[T's Sense Motive: 20+6=26, Bluff: 1+9=10, T Wins!]**

T's tsundere detector went off and he quickly replied, "You were thinking about one of us." he said, forgetting to make it sound like a questio- oh wait she knew about the dice, and knew he'd beat her bluff and _knew_ what the fuck he kne- wait did she know about crit successes and fails? Wait the DM had homebrew Cri-

His mind wandered off pretty quickly, covering a lot in the split moment between his statement and Alice's reply.

"N-no!" Alice shot back, averting her gaze, "Just shut up, I was thinking about what I want to eat tonight."

Technically right.

The party feels a chill crawling up their spine.

"Cody and only Cody." T shot back, reading her like a book- and also his parano- I mean gut feeling being right again.

"I'll take who I want," Alice shot back out of mostly principal, "I am the monster lord, and currently, you are my subjects."

"You mean prisoners, subjects suggests we respect your authority." T says, glaring out of his helmet.

"Anyways, San Ilia has a lot of leads, I bet, and a big ass library," Cody finally answered Alice, "and seeing an actual book for the first time in a long time would be great," Cody smirked, "You know, a book that isn't a ghost book."

Alice blinked, "Don't you dare!"

But it was too late, Cody had **manifested his stand**.

And Alice couldn't see it.

Oh yeah, you only see them if you have yours out.

Cody looked like an idiot holding an invisible book and posing menacingly.

T popped his book out "Man you look autistic." he says, tearing his glare away from Alice to look at Cody normally

"Artistic?" Luka said looking confused.

'Oh yeah pseudo-medieval level understanding of things. Wonder if he thinks leeches are a cure all?' T thought to himself, but not explaining anything at Luka stared at him and he stared back.

"Are you gonna explain how he looks artistic?" Luka asked again

"Ah, tis, tic." T enunciated "Pretend it's slang for looking dumb."

"Wait so its not sla-" Luka began, confused, before being interrupted

"Cody's courting a fair maid, remember?" Alice suddenly chimed in, licking her lips, "I couldn't do such a thing to a young couple, so I'll take someone else…" she smirked.

"If this is how you get when you're 'hungry', and since Jessi really likes you, then I'll certainly feed you my lor-" Cody was interrupted by a high pitched outburst from Alice.

"Ooohh Luka boy~"

Within 0.0000000001 seconds T drew his sword and Luka fucking ran.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"Dear fucking lord." T said, wiping the traces of vomit from his lips as the duo of monster girls ran away "On one side kinda glad I did that, on another I should probably grow a tolerance to these things." he said with a sigh "That or eat less food."

Why was he saying that?

Well the puke inside the shellfish girls shell and the disgusted rant at cucumber that resembled Gordon Ramsay might be the origin.

He then paused for a moment thinking "Wait no I voluntarily failed that fort save, nevermind." he said, grabbing a waterskin from the cart to wash the taste of sick out of his mouth.

Cody just stood there, scarf over his mouth, disappointed that he didn't get to try out his new changes, and beat the shit out of some living garbage-mostly beat the shit out of some living garbage.

That scarf of menacing must also be a scarf of razor blades.

He just hoped the next monster put up more of a fight...

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 1x Sea Cucumber Girl 1x Shellfish Girl!]**

 **[XP Gained: 350!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 900/900!]**

 **{Items!: 2 Healing belts, 300 gold}**

T honestly squee'd.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

And as they walked they found two small hills of sand, a Lamia standing in the middle of them.

"Ah, uh, welcome to my uh…" she looks at her hand "Fighting arena? Fighting arena! Come and fight me! I'll uh, beat you?" the lamia said sounding confused about beating them.

"What?" Cody quirked a brow, "What are you, an Uruk-hai Captain?"

"Oorooki?" The lamia says, confused about the word

"Wow this is a blatant trap." T mumbles under his breath "Should we just...go along with it?" T whispers to Luka and Cody

"My blade is only for warriors, Orc!" Cody yelled, whipping out one of his daggers and tossing it into the dirt, "Suffer me now!" he produced his nunchucks and bone plates sprouted from his hands.

"Man I wish I knew more Mordor meme's." T said thought out loud to himself.

Cody blinked, then had the most horrible idea.

"Your situation just went from bad to worse, you face a human that speaks in verse!" Cody announced and began walking towards the now even more confused lamia.

She wanted to leave, but then _a fucking heavenly knight_ said she'd cut her head off if she didn't do this, so she dealt with it.

T followed, and Luka ran ahead of him and Cody, wanting to vent his pent up aggression, the duo drawing their weapons- T's bastard sword of extra generic killing, and Luka's plot device of death.

Or well, life since it didn't kill people.

Luka got to fifteen feet ahead of them

 **[Initiative: T 10-5=5, C 18+3=21, Luka 20+1=21 Lamia 16+5=21, CRABS 12+2=14]**

 **[Order: Lamia/Cody/Luka, CRABS, T]**

T froze in place as Cody and Luka approached at the same time? Fuck you, I'm the DM, I make the rules. Slithering up to meet them, was the lamia, with a wide evil grin growing across her face.

Cody normal moved closer to the lamia, as Luka fucking charged in between the two hills, two-handing angel halo, prepared to purge the world of heretics, rushing straight up to lamia and-

 **[Hitting: 26][Attack Check: 1+16-17, Attack Missed!]**

The lamia moved her head out of the way of the large, overconfident swing, like Luka was some random street thug and the lamia was an ex-yakuza who totally doesn't kill people.

"Fool," the lamia's voice was suddenly...deeper?

Cody blinked, something wasn't right. Everyone had moved-so why wasn't T taking his turn?

 **[CRABS turn initiated!]**

Out from the sand exploded two familiar big soapy girls as one swarmed Luka right out the gate, and the other burst past him at T!

 **[Hitting Luka: 21][Attack Checks: 16+14=30 Success!]**

 **[Hitting T: 21][Attack Checks: 8+14+2=24 Success!]**

Hey remember those buffs that were talked about? I forgot some stuff.

Tactics and enemy count was a buff.

 **[T Damage Rolls: 5+15=20!]**

 **[Damage Total: 20!-67=47HP!]**

 **[Luka Damage Rolls: 1+15=16!]**

 **[Damage Total: 16!-74HP=58HP!]**

As T and Luka felt their bones crack as the two meteorite like giants threw their momentum into their blows as they in some sense thought they heard their _armor creak_ (Though T know that was impossible, since they definitely didn't have improved sunder, so it was fluff, but the pain stopped him from thinking too much about it.)

Though that wasn't the end of it.

 **[Improved Grab Activated twice!]**

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks: Crab girl A 17+23=40! T 9+17=26! Crab girl A wins!]**

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks: Crab girl B 14+23=37! Luka 5+15=20! Crab girl B wins!]**

 **[T Damage Rolls: 4+15=19!]**

 **[Damage Total: 19!-47=28HP!]**

 **[Luka Damage Rolls: 9+15=24!]**

 **[Damage Total: 24!-58HP=34HP!]**

And their guts sunk partially from the claw clasping around them and lifting them like dolls, but also because they were crushing their stomachs in their ungodly strong grips.

Cody gasped, the crabs leapt from their spots and confirmed his suspicion that something was off-different kinds of monsters working together? Intelligently?

Nonetheless one of the crab girls- thusly known as Crab girl B, still had a standard action, why?

Because she readied an action to ambush any men that walked near her hill.

Why did the other one (Crab girl A) charge instead?

They didn't really plan this together at all, and she though bursting out and running at her favored man would make sense, and to do so whenever B did, so it ended up with her grabbing T.

Nonetheless-

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks: 13+23=36, 7+15=22, Crab girl B wins!]**

-she happily dragged Luka over towards her sister so the two of them could have fun with their guys together- and clean them too!

Though oddly nowadays was she...faster? Weird.

But whatever, it was T's turn now.

 **[Inspiration rolled!: Bonesplitting Strike, Revitalizing Strike!]**

He hedged his bets in his head and…

 **[Revitalizing Strike Engaged!]**

 **[Hitting:17][Attack Check: 17+14+2(Furious Counterstrike)=33! Attack Success!]**

 **[Healing: 20+28HP=48HP!]**

 **[Damage roll: 3+9+2(FC)=14!]**

 **[Damage Total: 14!-80HP=66HP!]**

...used those bets in his head for weight as he slammed his skull into the crab girls nose, blood bursting from it as he recoils a bit and touches her nose with her human hand to feel the wetness.

Cody hesitated, watching Luka and T struggle-Luka more than T, wondering who the fuck he should pry out of who's hands…

T could heal himself, but that was based on RNG, Luka didn't seem as strong but Cody couldn't tell for sure. He gulped, then started for T. T was the healer, if T was dead, than Luka was fucked, grappled or not.

Cody started in a full sprint, charging towards T and the beast that held hi-

 **[Grapple Detected! Attack of Opportunity!]**

The lamia was on him, on him quicker than a lamia should be able to move, Cody sensed the attack of opportunity and quickly turned towards the lamia, letting his leg fly out as he blindly threw a roundhouse!

 **[Hitting: 26][Attack Check: 2+11= 13!, Attack Failed!]**

Cody's eyes widened, for what had grabbed him was indeed the lamia-but with a catch, sprouting from her back were large, dragonic wings...

Cody's leg was caught by an arm that suddenly sprang from her side, an extra arm, with a harsh edged claw at the end of it.

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!]**

 **[Cody: 17+15=32! Doppelganger: 16+20=36! Doppelganger wins!]**

The doppelganger sprouted all of her arms-all six of them, and violently latched onto Cody's body as her tail shifted and morphed into a pair of legs, and her face became the familiar visage of her natural form.

 **[Damage Roll: 3+11=14!]**

 **[Damage Total: 14!-68HP=52HP!]**

"She didn't know who she was talking too…" the doppelganger played the pronoun game, "she let me know where to find you for myself, threatened me with death if I didn't fight you," she cracked her neck, "she didn't have to."

In the middle of all this was Luka, who was panicking...but also angry, incredibly, immensely _fucking angry_ , at this fucking crab, at Lazarus, at his dad, at Jessi, at Alice, he was fucking _pissed_.

And with this anger flowing through him, he did something odd.

He clasped his fists together, fingers interlaced...and swung.

 **[Hitting: 19][Attack Roll: 19+14-7(Power Attack)=26, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 2+6+14(Two Handed Power Attack)=22!]**

 **[Damage Total: 22!-80HP=58HP!]**

There was a crack as Luka smashed his fists into her meaty claw that was holding him, the surface chitin- or whatever crabs had fractured a bit where he hit it- and of course this pissed her off.

And well, the other one was also angry, they just wanted to give the two a bath after all.

 **[Constrict Activate!]**

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks: Crab Girl A 4+23=27, T 19+17=36, T Wins!]**

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks: Crab Girl B 15+23=38, Luka 8+15=23, Crab Girl B Wins!]**

 **[Luka Damage Roll: 6+15=21!]**

 **[Damage Total: 21!-34=13HP!]**

Luka cringed as he felt his armor crack more, clawing at the, well, claw- though T quickly wrangled his fingers in between him and the claws, roaring as he held the damn things open, and that's when the inspiration hit him.

 **[Inspiration Rolled!: White Raven Tactics!]**

He knew he was fucked for getting out of this...so he swung his knee at the crab girl, guided by the divine thought that flowed through him.

 **[Bonesplitting Strike Engaged!]**

 **[Hitting:19][Attack Check: 12+14=26! Attack Success!]**

 **[Bones Crushed, Crab Girl has -2 Constitution!]**

 **[Damage roll: 2+9+2(FC)=13!]**

 **[Damage Total: 20!-66HP=46HP!]**

T as he smashed his teeth together gritting his teeth in a grin as his knew slammed into the crab girls human ribs feeling great satisfaction when his knee sunk into her body as she screamed in pain.

And then he yelled.

"LUKA!" he roared, looking over as Luka met his eyes- and Luka saw...White Ravens in them.

Luka's body filled with untold energy.

He _had to_ do _something_.

So he did.

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks: Crab girl B 6+23=29!, Luka 20+15=35! Luka Wins!]**

 **[Hitting: 19][Attack Check: 10+14-5(Power Attack)=19, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+6+10(Power Attack)=19]**

 **[Damage Total: 19!-58HP=39HP!]**

 **[Knock Down Activated!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: Luka 15+8=23, Crab Girl B 9+18+8(Extra Legs)!=35, Crab Girl B wins!]**

 **[Counter Trip!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: 9+18=27, Crab Girl B 20+8=28, Luka Wins!]**

As with many things in this encounter, Luka was screaming/yelling/roaring as he dug his fingers into the openings between his armor and the crabs claws...and jerked his body back- almost into a flip motion as he slammed the tips of his boots as hard as he could into the grab girls chin, the momentary lapse in grip from the pain and the strength flowing through him led to Luka _prying_ the iron like grip from his body and landed on his feet…

But instinct kicked in as he slammed into the crab girl, wrapping his arms around her body and grabbing the base of her arms like a sumo wrestling, he jerked and pushed to try and throw her off balance- but she too grabbed at his waist as the two wrestled for a moment- And just as she tipped him over he kicked off of her and landed, panting.

And thus it was the others in this turns turn.

The doppelganger waved her attack, and opted just to try to fly into the air with Cody, to carry him off to have an honorable _duel of fates_.

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!]**

 **[Cody: 19+15= 36! Doppelganger: 9+20=29!]**

 **[Cody Wins!]**

The doppelganger began moving with Cody attached-no, Cody was moving with the doppelganger attached as he dragged her the rest of the distance like an English rugby player from the 1800s with three other players on his back.

Cody reached the crab that was holding T, turning his head towards her, he spoke, "I'm dirty, please wash me too…" he said in monotone, and…

 **[Hitting: 26][Attack Check: 17+11=28, Attack Success!]**

Without looking away, he slammed his knee into the doppelganger's gut, causing her to grunt as Cody drained her life essence.

 **[Damage Roll: 6+5=11 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 11!-196=185HP!]**

 **[Healing: 10+52=62HP!]**

"No! Don't touch him!" the doppelganger ordered.

 **[Opposed Diplomacy Checks!]**

 **[Cody: 16+17=33!, Doppelganger: 5+4=9!, Cody Wins!]**

"Be sure to wash her as well…" Cody deadpanned, before shifting his attention towards the doppleganger, "How long do you think you can last? Longer than me? Lets rock."

The crab didn't have a choice.

To grab Cody, she _had_ to grab the doppelganger too. The rules simply didn't allow it any other way.

Thanks to the shitty and odd way grappling was worded, she would technically grab them both. And before you spout 'Oh, but GM, that doesn't make any sense, doesn't your word go over the rules?'

Yes.

And I will allow this galaxy brain play.

And thus, the crab girl took her turn.

 **[Grapple Touch Attack: Autosuccess]**

 **[Grapple Checks!]**

 **[Crab Girl A: 15+23=38, Doppelganger: 15+20=35, Crab Girl A wins!]**

 **[Constrict Activate!]**

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks: Crab Girl A 15+23=38, Cody 19+17=36, Doppelganger: 15+20=35]**

 **[Damage Roll: Cody: 1+15=16!, Doppelganger: 6+15=21!]**

 **[Damage Total:]**

 **[Cody: 16-62HP=46HP!]**

 **[Doppelganger: 21-185=164HP!]**

The doppelganger growled in both anger and pain as the crab latched onto them and hoisted them into the air, yelling, "Put us down right this second!"

The crab counted as two, Cody and the doppelganger counted as one each, the maximum allowed people in a grapple was four. Thus, T popped out of the crab's grasp.

"You're going to die in here, and I'm going to use _your_ soul to survive," Cody smirked, "Any last words, lass?"

"I never took you as an underhanded coward, but now I've changed my mind!"

And then it was Crab girl B's turn, remember her?

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: 6+14=20!, Failure!]**

The dice seem to, given they just fucked her over.

Luka ducked drunkenly under her angry swipe, his body flagging from being basically 6/7ths fucking _dead_.

And then it was T's turn...

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Defensive Rebuke!]**

And suddenly the doppelganger felt a glare pierce her.

 **[Iron Guards Glare Activated!]**

"Hate to interrupt your flirting- but-" T reared his longsword back, having drew it the second he was let go, and swung at the Doppelganger "-will you fuck off and _die!_ " he yelled.

 **[Defensive Rebuke Activated]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: 18+15=33!, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 4+11=15!]**

 **[Knock Down Activated!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: 12+10=22, 2+11=13, T Wins!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Roll: 15+15+4(Prone)=34. Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+11=17!]**

 **[Damage Total: 32!-164HP=132HP!]**

With a crack the Doppelganger was...literally nailed into the beach.

Half her body was just embedded into the sand, T's blade having slammed into her shoulder and digging _deep_ and blood splattered all around.

Safe to say the Crab girl A was having a cleanliness OCD aneurysm.

And then the turn order shifted to Cody...

Cody presented his hands to the doppelganger that struggled in the crab's grasp as they morphed and changed-his fingernails grew into claws.

But you see, these weren't claw attacks.

They were rake attacks, and rake attacks can be used in a grapple for free.

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!]**

 **[Crab Girl A: 9+23=32, Cody: 19+15=34, Doppelganger: 3+20=23, Doppelganger Failed!]**

The doppelganger's attempt to break away from the grapple had failed, so instead of trying to escape, she opted to try and _pull_ the grapplers-as that was a move action and she already spent her standard.

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!]**

 **[Crab Girl A: 14+23=37, Cody: 7+15=22, Doppelganger: 1+20=21, Doppelganger Failed!]**

Her struggling was futile, and was halted when something struck her in the back…

 **[Damage Roll: 3+1=4 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 4-132HP=128HP!]**

It was Cody's returning dagger.

Which was then aided by Cody unleashing a flurry of hell onto the woman's body.

 **[Hitting: 26][Attack Checks: 1+11+4(Prone)=16, 20+11+4(Prone)=36, 8+11+4(Prone)=23, Fail CRIT Fail!]**

The doppelganger moved her arms to defend herself from the flurry best should could, but one of the rakes did a number on her face, which made her fall silent and stare blankly.

 **[Damage Roll! 4+5=9!x2=18!]**

 **[Damage Total: 18-128=110HP!]**

 **[Healing: 10+46HP=56HP!]**

Luka felt tired as he stared at the injured, but much more energized foe...and decided to use his head, like T does, but also not like T does in the sense of headbutting people.

He fucking 20 feet scooted his ass away, drawing his shield and engaging a **[Total Defense]** Standard Action.

And thus he provoked an attack of Opportunity.

 **[Hitting: 28][Attack Check: 5+14=19, Failure!]**

As he turned and fucking fled for his life, he swung his shield hard and at an angle, smacking away the crab girls brutish swing as he rolled away and to his feet, then ended up...next to T and the group, panting as he stood next to the boy.

And before they could speak...it was the crabs turns.

And thus, it was Crab Girl A's turn, who had a little bit to think about the situation and…

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks]**

 **[Crab Girl A: 3+23=26, Cody: 19+15=34!, Cody Wins!]**

The crab began to release her claw to drop both Cody and the doppleganger, but Cody quickly dropped his arms down and _held it closed._

 **GM RULING ACTIVATE!**

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks]**

 **[Cody: 14+15=29, Doppelganger: 4+20=24, Cody wins!]**

Cody pressed the claw together so hard he prompted a _constrict attack on himself and the doppleganger._

 **[Damage Rolls:]**

 **[Cody: 8+15=23!, Doppelganger: 8+15=23!]**

 **[Damage Total:]**

 **[Cody: 23-56HP=33HP!]**

 **[Doppelganger: 23!-110HP=87HP!]**

 **[Healing: 10+33=43HP!]**

Cody had also channeled his **[Soul Drain]** ability through the crab's claw, taking the Doppelganger's lifeforce for himself.

"I repeat," Cody spoke, "You're going to die in here, whether this crab likes it or not."

And thusly it was Crab girl _B's_ turn.

Pissed as she was, she wanted that boy to _feel_ the dread of her strike...so she approached, walking up to him **[Menacingly...]** as she reared her claw up- somehow as the second plated guy looked at her with that glare that it'd make it harder to hit him…

But she didn't care.

And so she swung, Luka wouldn't be able to stay conscious after this as he desperately dodged towards T instinctively...

 **[Hitting: 28][Attack Check: 17+14-4(Stance)=27, Failure!]**

Luka felt he was about to die...and then like a force killing intent burst out...and her attack wavered _slightly_ to the side…

The side of his body opposite of T.

He felt her claw _skid_ across his helmet, the metal thing ringing as he stumbled...and was caught by T.

"...I'm not standing for that you _bitch_." T said with an unholy rage, "Luka!" T yelled, moving the boy to stand on his own as he threw his longsword to the ground.

And then he said a familiar line as inspiration rolled through him…

 **[Inspiration Rolled!: Mountain Hammer!]**

T held his turn, and matched it to Cody's- this was outside of the rules but well…

DM didn't give a shit, this was gonna be _rad_.

"LIKE A FALLING AVALANCHE!" T yelled, rearing his fist back, and Luka just _understood_ what he meant.

"With the WEIGHT!" Luka followed, his stance flowing and matching T's like it was natural to him- he'd lowkey watched T do this before, and practiced like a dork in the bathroom a couple of times doing the chant.

"AND FURY!" T roared, the duo pointing at the Crab girls gut like it was a target for a homerun.

"OF THE MOUNTAIN!" The yelled together, their stances widening and crouching as they coiled their bodies up for one hell of an _attack_.

"Mountain…" The duo said quietly...then burst into a blur of movement!

 **[Mountain Hammers Activated!]**

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Checks: T 14+14=28!, Luka: 16+14-7(Power Attack)=23!, DOUBLE SUCCESS!]**

 **[Damage Rolls!: 2+(9)(MH)+9=20!, 2+(8)(MH)+6+14(Power Attack)=30!]**

 **[Damage Total: 50!-39HP=-11HP!]**

"HAMMER!" the two roared as they slammed their fists side by side right into her stomach, the metal clad hands digging deep into her gut as her organs were _pulped_ and the front of her body torn apart- the force so great her entire body flew back, arcing into the air and crashing right into the water- her body floating to the surface in a circle of red as the two roared at this victory together.

There was a lot of yelling and roaring this encounter, but hey, being hopped up on pain, adrenaline, and more fear and anger then imaginable kinda drains a dude of witty or nuanced sounds and dialogue.

And thusly, it was the Doppelgangers and Cody's side by side but not really sometimes turn.

The doppelganger-

Suddenly grew into large size, forcing Cody out of the grapple before…

 **[Attack of Opportunity!]**

 **[Hitting: 26][Attack Check: Cody 1+11=12, Failed!]**

 **[Hitting: 26][Attack Check: T 16+14=30, Success!]**

 **[Hitting: 26][Attack Check: Luka 7+14=21, Failure!]**

Now, you may think T only got one attack of opportunity...but she was going upwards, and on the Z axis goes through two of T's threatened squares, triggering his **[Combat Reflexes]**.

 **[Attack of Opportunity!]**

 **[Hitting: 26][Attack Check: T 20+14=34, CRITICAL SUCCESS!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 1+9=10!, 3+9=12x2=24!]**

 **[KNOCK DOWN ACTIVATED!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Rolls: T 7+10=17, DG 11+18=29, Doppelganger wins!]**

 **[Damage Total: 34!-87HP=53HP!]**

Shooting into the sky, the crab not wanting to hold her, she gracefully dodged through their attacks- well, until the wide one leapt up...and slammed his fist into her gut-the boy crouched as he yelled some gibberish along the lines of "SHIN-" a body par- then he spun around midair- wait no his foot was on the crab girls head- and slammed his other fist into her chin, "-SHO-" her teeth clattering as blood seeped out the sides of her mouth, he spun and pushed up, finishing the attack name "-RYUKEN!", the finish of the move sent her a bit faster upwards- she eventually got to the tip of her movement, and staring down at the mess of the battle below her, cradling her jaw with her hand to make sure nothing broke.

T landed with a "WOO!" throwing his hands in the air as he dropped down from the crabs head- ah, maybe that was a cinematic thing and the DM stopped him from eating attacks of opportunity from it?

Nice.

Nonetheless it was then Crab A's turn.

And well, she was now Punished Crab, a girl denied her sister.

Pissed off beyond measure, she turned to T, and T belatedly realized something.

She probably had two natural attacks and he wasn't ten feet away from her.

"Oh FU-"

 **[Hitting 21][Attack Checks: 20+14=34, 8+14=22, CRITICAL SUCCESS! Success]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 1+15=16x2=32, 2+15=17]**

 **[Damage Total: 49!-48HP=-1HP! (10 Delayed, Consciousness Sustained]**

T remarked in his head that this is how it feels to be hit by a car, or his **[Mountain Hammer]**.

Either way, the strike came with the weight and fury of a fucking meteorite, slamming into him his brain jarred around like it was playing pinball and he wondered if his bones were dusted as he slid backwards- and would have slid backwards for many, many more feet…

But as his eyes rolled back into his head, consciousness leaving him instantly…

He Refused.

His back bumped into an invisible wall- about 2.5ish feet away from where he was standing, his body stumbling forward as he slammed his foot down and _held_ , not succumbing to the blackness of unconsciousness…

And thusly, his inspiration filled him.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: White Raven Tactics, Defensive Rebuke!]**

Guess he wasn't _that_ lucky, but either way he spoke "Cody…" he said, drawing his friends attention to him- and then their eyes met, and Cody saw White Raven's in the plated man's eyes as he stepped to the other side of the behemoth of an enemy and reared his own fist back.

And for cool factor, his, Cody's and Luka's turn all happened at the same time.

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Checks: Cody 10+9+2(Flanking)=21, 10+9+2(Flanking)=21, 17+9+2(Flanking)=28, 10+9+2(Flanking)=21, 15+9+2(Flanking)=26, 15+4+2(Flanking)=21, 14+4+2(Flanking)=20, 10+9+2(Flanking)=21, 10+9+2(Flanking)=21, 4+9+2(Flanking)=15, 16+9+2(Flanking)=27, 4+9+2(Flanking)=15 13+4+2(Flanking)=19 14+4+2(Flanking)=20, Success, Success, Success, Success, Success, Success, Failure, Success, Success, Failure, Success, Failure, Failure, Failure.]**

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Checks: Luka 14+14-7(Power Attack)=21,15+14+-7(Power Attack)=22, Success, Success!]**

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Check: T 10+14+2(Furious Counterstrike)=26, Success!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: You get it, she's fuckin dead.]**

 **[Damage Total: No, STOP, It's over, there's nothing left you sick fucks. NOTHING!]**

The trio surrounded her in a triangle as she looked back and forth, wondering what they were planning...and then they reared their fists back...and did the Ora Ora thing with BOTH hands.

In all reality, T and Luka just kept her still, slamming her back alternatingly...into Cody.

Cody before he began was a man…

And after he began?

He became a fucking _tornado_ of pain, or a really pissed off blender.

Arms, legs, claws, headbutts, elbows, knees, and nunchaku swings came in an unending barrage of death as blood and viscera were tossed about _everywhere_ , and after everything was said and done?

There was literally nothing left but red mist, blood, and some internal body chunks that nobody not even a forensic scientist could identify accurately.

And then T's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell face first into the ground.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

 **[Encounter Won! Congratulations!]**

 **[Enemies Defeated: 2x Monstrous Crabs, 1x Doppelganger!]**

 **[XP Gained: 8867!]**

 **[Treasure Value: 17875!]**

 **{Items!: Gauntlets of Ogre Power, Cloak of Resistance, Bag of Holding (II), 2000gp (In the bag)!}**

 **[LEVEL UP!]**

 **[T: Lvl 7 - Lvl 8 HP: 67+9=76!]**

 **[Cody: Lvl 7 - Lvl 8 HP: 68+11=79!]**

 **[Luka: Lvl 7 - Lvl 8 HP:67+10+8(Retroactive)=84!]**

 **[T has gained Steely Resolve 15!]**

 **[Cody has gained Polymorph Self!]**

 **[Luka has gained Martial Study as a Bonus Feat!]**

 **[T: 18Str - 20Str!]**

 **[C: 16Dex - 18Dex!]**

 **[L: 14Con - 16Con!]**

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

A crackling fire, the sounds of the forest behind them, and god damn it, it's too fuckin early to set up camp!

Oh, but Alice did nothing but complain for the last few miles, talking about how she's 'too hungry to go on' and 'hasn't eaten properly in days' (despite munching down Luka's food like posh kush).

She sat there, arms crossed, staring blankly at her now empty bowl of stew as the crew around her bantered.

"You really like being grabbed by monsters, Cody," Luka narrowed his eyes, "Heretic."

"That's right, go around preaching 'love all monsters' without once getting your dick wet, virgin fucking cuck," Cody shot back.

"You're talking like someone who wants to get turned into an ant," Luka gripped angel halo-then dropped it when it made a weird moaning noise.

Cody chuckled, and picked up his bedroll, walking over to his tent to lay it out.

T sighed "Luka I know your stressed but he's not _wrong_ per se, not wholly right, but not wrong." he said ruffling the kids hair.

Luka looked over at T, quirking a brow, "Am I not 'bantering' right?"

"Wait you do that?" T said confused "Huh, thought you were taking aggression out on monsterfucker 9000 over there." he said, jerking a thumb towards Cody

Luka was visibly confused by how T talks, but that was normal, "No, that's what the monsters we run into are for."

"Ha, you little bloodthirsty hellion." T said, wrapping an arm around Luka's neck and giving him a noogie as the two laughed, though...T's body felt tense, and after Luka wrestled out of T's grasp with a lucky **[Grapple Check]**.

"You okay?" Luka said, tilting his head, having noticed it.

T rubbed the back of his neck "I...I'm not really at liberty to speak with my boot full of noodle dogs." T said out loud, only Cody would really get what he means as Luka went into asking him what he meant, to which he danced around it with as much skill as he always did when 'Not Lying at all totally, no bluff checks here.'

Cody rolled out his bedroll and looked back over at the camp, the two bros having a bro talk, and the angry snake woman that was keeping them prisoner-eventually building up to elemental superpowers, yes, but still prisoners.

'Boot full of noodle dogs?'

Cody blinked.

'Snakes?'

Alice looked up at T and Luka, 'standing' up and announcing, "I'm hungry."

T's back was to her, but Luka and Cody could see his clenched fists, even if his face didn't show it.

"And not for Luka's cooking, though I wouldn't complain," she continued, "I'm hungry for some human~."

Cody swallowed, and started back towards the fire, walking past T and Luka; straight to Alice.

"Well…" Cody dug his hands into his dirty hoodie's pocket, "I'm hungry for some thighs, so I think we have a common interest."

Alice blinked, then smirked, "I thought I was above a tent in the woods," she put up a hand, "though I guess I was wrong…"

While she really wanted to use all of her toys, she'd take what was given to her; Cody had explained her wrongdoings on forcing people so directly into it reasonably...even if that's what got her going (as well as most other monsters), Cody was a good listener and could at least _act_ like it wasn't his choice.

And her tail had become legs.

That was for another time. Tonight, just like back at the Sutherland Inn, she wanted to melt away and be pampered, then watch Cody as he got the same treatment…

Alice then realized how odd her feelings were…

God damn rolls.

Cody walked up to her and wrapped an arm around her waist, planting a kiss on her cheek-making sure he and T made eye contact as they started to walk off.

T looked sorry and guilty, but he mouthed 'thank you' nonetheless as he looked away, curling up into a ball as he stared into the fire.

Luka meanwhile saw the expression, but couldn't read an expression to save his life, so he was just confused- also he couldn't tell that those words were mouthed, so he just thought T was flapping his mouth.

T waited patiently, waiting until they were _probably_ in the middle of it, then spoke up quietly, "I'm...Luka I'm scared." T said sighing

"Wait- what? You, are?" Luka said, having, well, a certainly bloated sense of opinion about T, and by extension Cody.

Review casefile: Dragon Assbeatin' for the reason why.

"Luka I, I am." T said seriously, untensing his body as he adopted a less uncomfortable sitting position.

"Why?" The boy asked, prodding T to go forward with this as he felt vague confusion, but also worry about all this, and it showed.

"Luka...I, I'm scared for you, and I guess...me too, but mostly you." he shrugged, "I, that shit back in the tavern really threw everything back into my face, about...about everything, about where we are, about who we're _with_. We're prisoners, we're _cattle_ Luka, that's...I'm really not sure Alice sees us any other way aside from Cody, and even Cody's probably just, just her favorite _fucktoy_. I…" T paused, taking a deep shaking inhale and exhale.

"I've...put a lot of importance into my firsts in my head, my...my first _everything_ when it comes to that y'know? I just...and, and your firsts too! That shit should be fucking special y'know?" T said throwing his hands in the air "But one flip of a switch and I think, I think…" he crossed his arms "I think we'll be gone, that she'll just...use her fucked up monster _shit_ and destroy us, destroy what makes us _ourselves_ , change us, _addict us_. Luka…" T said, gulping.

"I, I have family back home, and friends, and, and I don't want to go back and _hurt them_ by becoming some, some _freak_." he said shivering "And I, I think she'd do that to me and not even think it's wrong, not even view me as a person and that's, that's just so, _so_ fucked up." T said, venting his thoughts mindlessly, maybe he was talking in circles, he didn't really know, it just...came out.

"I'm…" T ended it with the start…"I'm _scared_ Luka." he said, his voice tinged with desperation.

Luka, the friendless boy aside from these two, only really knew how to do one thing…

The two hugged in a pretty normal embrace since they weren't in full plate.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

 **[Name: Tristan]**

 **[Race: Human]**

 **[Class: Crusader Lvl 8]**

 **[Attributes: STR 20(26), DEX 12, CON 16, INT 14, WIS 12, CHA 14(16)]**

 **[HP: 76]**

 **[AC: 21, Touch 11, Flatfooted 20]**

 **[Initiative: -5]**

 **[Speed: 20ft]**

 **[TAB: +16/+11 Melee, +9/+4 Ranged]**

 **[Saves: Fort 10, Reflex 1, Will 7]**

 **[Weapons:]**

 **{(Bastard Sword+2): 1d10+12+2}**

 **{(Long Sword+2): 1d8+(8/12)+2}**

 **{(Masterwork Bastard Sword): 1d10+12+1}**

 **{(Gauntlet+1): 1d3+(8/12)}**

 **[Armor:]**

 **{Full Plate +1: +9 AC, Max Dex 1, Check Penalty -6}**

 **{Ring of Protection +1: +1 AC}**

 **{Towershield +1(Unequipped): +5 AC, Max Dex 2, Check Penalty -10}**

 **[Notable Skills:]**

 **{Balance = 8}**

 **{Climb = 13}**

 **{Diplomacy = 18}  
{Intimidate = 18}  
{Jump = 14}  
{History = 13}  
{Spot = 6}  
{Listen = 6}**

 **{Sense Motive = 6}**

 **{Bluff = 8}**

 **{Search = 7}  
{Survival = 5}**

 **{Swim = 12}**

 **{Tumble = 6}**

 **[Personal Magic Items:]**

 **{Belt of Giant's Strength (+4)}**

 **+4 to Strength when worn**

 **{Gauntlets of Ogre Power}**

 **+2 to Strength when worn**

 **{Cloak of Charisma (+2)}**

 **+2 to Charisma when worn**

 **{Feather Token (Tree)}**

 **Spawns a tree from token instantaneously**

 **[Feats:]**

 **{Steely Resolve 15}**

 **Damage is delayed in this pool until the end of the round, limit based on level**

 **{Furious Counterstrike}**

 **Bonus attack and damage based off delayed damage pool, 1-9 = +1, 10-14 = +2, etc.  
{Indomitable Soul}**

 **Charisma bonus to Will Saves  
{Zealous Surge}**

 **Once per day reroll saving throw, must take new result**

 **{Smite 1/Day}**

 **Once per day add Charisma to attack, and Initiator Level to Damage.**

 **{Combat Expertise}**

 **Trade BAB for AC**

 **{Improved Trip}**

 **+4 on Trip Attempts, No AoO triggered when Tripping**

 **{Knock Down}**

 **Free Trip Attempt if at least 10 damage is dealt**

 **{Able Learner}**

 **All Cross Class Skill Ranks Cost the Same Skill Points as Class Skill Ranks**

 **{Improved Grapple}**

 **Do not provoke AoO when attempting a grapple, +4 to Grapple Checks**

 **{Combat Reflexes}**

 **Extra AoO's based off Dexterity Mod**

 **[Maneuvers 8, Readied 5, Granted 2, Stances 3]**

 **{WR: White Raven Tactics}**

 **Swift Action: Give another player another turn.**

 **{DS:Defensive Rebuke}**

 **Standard Action: An enemy affected by this Maneuver provoke Attacks of Opportunity when they attempt to attack at an Ally while in the Crusader's Threat Range.**

 **{DS: Revitalizing Strike}**

 **Standard Action: 3d6+Initiator Level HP restored on hit.**

 **{SD: Bonesplitting Strike}  
Standard Action: When an enemy is hit by this maneuver, they lose 2 Constitution.**

 **{SD: Mountain Hammer}**

 **Standard Action: +2d6 bonus damage, ignores hardness and DR of target hit**

 **X{WR: Covering Strike}X**

 **Standard Action: An enemy hit by this maneuver cannot make AoO for 3 turns.**

 **X{SD: Charging Minotaur}X**

 **Full Round Action: Perform Bullrush, on success deal 2d6+Str damage.**

 **X{WR: Battle Leader's Charge}X**

 **Full Round Action: Perform a charge attack, +10 damage if attack lands**

 **(DS: Iron Guards Glare)**

 **Opponents user Threatens get a -4 to attack if they don't target the user, opponents intrinsically understand the effects of the stance when under its effect.**

 **(DS: Thicket of Blades)**

 **Any movement** _ **period**_ **provokes an AoO from the Crusader using this stance.**

 **(WR: Tactics of the Wolf)**

 **Allies that flank an enemy with a Crusader in this stance gain half the Crusader's Initiator level in damage to their attacks.**

 **[Race: Human]**

 **[Class: Expert Lvl 2, Warrior Lvl 6]**

 **[Attributes: STR 20-24 DEX 18-22, CON 16-20, INT 12, WIS 16, CHA 14]**

 **[HP: 79-?]**

 **[AC: 22, Touch 19, Flatfooted 18]**

 **[Initiative: +4]**

 **[Speed: 50ft]**

 **[TAB: +12/7 Melee, +11/6 Ranged]**

 **[Saves: Fort 8, Reflex 6, Will 9]**

 **[Weapons:]**

 **{Unarmed Strike: 2d6}**

 **[Notable Skills:]**

 **{Bluff: 8}**

 **{Diplomacy: 17}**

 **{Intimidate: 12}**

 **{Sense Motive: 12}**

 **{Survival: 10}**

 **{Hide: 8}**

 **[Feats:]**

 **{Monk Abilities}**

 **{Improved Grapple}**

 **+4 Grapple, No AoOs on Grapples**

 **{Able Learner}**

 **All Skills are Class Skills**

 **{Flurry of Blows}**

 **Able to make an extra attack at -2BAB**

 **{Soul Drain 2}**

 **Drain HP on successful attack (x2 on crit)**

 **{Soul Strength}**

 **Stats increase as health does**

 **{Close-Quarters Fighting}**

 **Prevent Grapples on AoO, always get AoO on Grapples**

 **{Morphic Body}**

 **Be the fucking strong**

 **{Morphic Weapons}**

 **Grow natural weaponry**

 **{Polymorph Self}**

 **Scary Monsters and Super Creeps**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Chain Blender, Gender Bender**

Psycho rapist that kept Cody in constant fear of tentacles while sucking him dry or not, Alice was very pleasant to cuddle with. A good amount of meat in the right places (except for one, but that's a fetish thing so he couldn't blame the artist), nice soft skin (this time not blueberry flavored), and well-

The warm feeling of touching someone's body with your own was indiscriminate.

They had been awake for an odd amount of time after heresy, just laying in silence, listening to the unintelligible mumbles that was the two party members at fire being too far away to understand, Cody's head on Alice's shoulder with a hand on her stomach.

In a silence that neither party wanted to break.

At least, until Alice did.

"Get dressed, I want-need, to talk to you," She instructed, straightforward, even without her normal aura of bitchiness.

"We can't talk here?" Cody questioned, quirking a brow and...getting much more cozy.

"This isn't something I believe whispering will do justice, and, those two monster haters are probably listening in for an excuse to interrupt," Alice replied.

"Well, first of all, I'm pretty sure spying on a homie in the middle of fucking is against the unspoken warrior's code, and two, if they're willing to spy on us here, sneaking off would only give them reason to follow."

Alice narrowed her eyes, "Tell T not to follow you, and he won't," she noted surely, nudging Cody off and stretching, "We'll find a stump or something for you to hold me on, if that's what you want."

Cody blinked.

Caring about others?

That character arc shouldn't happen for like...what? Three entire fucking games?

"No," Cody replied, "I just don't wanna fuckin move…"

Alice smirked at him, crossing her arms, "You failed a bluff check."

"Fine, fuck it, what is it?" Cody caved, slipping back into his clothing.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"T, we have a fucking problem," Cody whispered, shaking T awake in his tent and _trying_ not to wake Luka up as well.

Cody felt T press some kind of coin up to his chest and grab at his throat- before stopping when he realized who it was "What?" he whispered, lowering the...coin? And sliding it into his pocket as he rubbed his eyes "What's up?" he asked

"I need you out of camp, right now," Cody replied, looking over his shoulder back at his tent...was she awake? This entire operation felt unsafe.

"Tell my something only Cody and I would know, doppelganger remember?" T said, wary and paranoid- kinda like his D&D characters actually.

"Killer Queen! Daisan no bakudan Bites the Dusto," Cody shot back.

T nodded, got up, and took 10 on his move silently check because he invested jack and _shit_ into that.

Cody's **[Boots of Elvenkind]** did work, and he took ten for a grand total of 25 on his move silently check, and they slipped a ways away from the camp.

"Whatever you do, no matter the situation, do _not_ go flaunting information about the four spirits," Cody instructed sternly, "I was specifically told where the book to find them at is, the fact that it's guarded by monsters, and _not_ to let _you_ know."

"What why? And she didn't presume I already knew?" T said confused, then clicked his tongue "Did she figure out we were bullshitting our Knowledge checks?" he wondered.

"Well, I'm sure she won't be surprised if you know of the four spirits, but if I remember correctly, they were a bit of a vague concept and not something hard-coded into normal knowledge...she doesn't want you to gain their power. Now, the reasoning was pretty fucking dumb, and granted, I don't know how she expects you not to find out where they are if you are traveling with me...but holy shit T does she not like the idea of you getting them."

"Didn't Heinrich use the things? He's _pretty_ famous- Wait _what_ why?" T said then paused "She thinks I'd fuck up coexistence?" he says, squinting "Do I really come off as Hitler or something?" he asked, a little worried he might start getting poison gas items or something- and that shit would be useless.

"I'm sure I would be seen as monster-hitler too if I wasn't the one dicking her," Cody rubbed the back of her neck, "She wants me to kill her…" although she didn't tell him that straight up-he knew how the game's events played out.

T clicked his tongue "As much as she kinda deserves it right now, we need her for World War She-Hitler." he said, sighing.

"Deserves it?" Cody questioned, oddly offended, then blinked.

"T…" Cody began.

"We better trade off before I start getting too into it," he concluded.

T gulped "I…" he tensed up, then sighed "I'll, if it'll help you." he said,

"Unless you want to throw Luka at her," Cody noted, "There _was_ a side of him digging it, but I'm not sure if that ship's still in port."

Looking down as his eyes shadowed for a moment before he took a deep breath, looked up more determined "I'll do it." he said seriously "Luka...I think she'd, she'd snap him in _half_ , and he'd go back to that, that doormat he was originally. I'll, I'll take the bullet." he said fists clenched.

"Well, it might clear up her skepticism of you," Cody stared back towards the camp, then back at T, "She won't do any actual fucking, remember, that only happens towards the end, yeah? All foreplay."

T paused, looking conflicted, before he sighed, and looked Cody in the eye "I, I'll try and look at it that way." he said with a lopsided grin, "I'm probably just psyching myself out of it." he said shaking his head, swallowing the wad of saliva in his mouth.

Cody went silent for a bit, then spoke up, "What about Granberia?" he questioned in a context that only made sense in his head.

"I...not really? I just, I've, I've always kinda placed a lot of importance in my head to my...first anything. I don't like, like the idea of being a _bootycall_ , and I don't like that my first anything's going to Alice." T said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"What if Granberia was your first time?" Cody added context, "she's going to be in San Ilia, right? If the timeline isn't fucked up beyond repair. Alice might drop the 'you're Hitler' syndrome…I'll bite the bullet for a little while longer...maybe I'll take **[Leadership]** and sic her on my cohort?" Cody shuttered at the thought, like that would be a hard pill to swallow.

"I'd...it'd be better I guess, I'd, well, I guess I'd say my first choice is Jamie since she actually wanted my consent, but Granberia works." T said, nodding. "Also maybe not sic'ing her on the men she might actually eat them and I don't want to lose Guardsman B." T said with a smile.

"I couldn't...now that I think about it," Cody sighed, "You ever bump into something...say...a show, that you know is bad on every level, that you hate every minute of, but you find yourself wanting to finish it? And even after that, you stick with it…"

"Cody, what are you thinking?" T said, lowering his tone, a little wary about that statement

Cody hugged himself, saying nothing.

"Cody, _nooo_ , no, N, O, _Nooo."_ T said, rubbing his hand down his face "She's a rapist that is holding a knife to our throats and guiding us into a _murder suicide_ so she can get off on _coexistance!_ " he said throwing his hands in the air "Are you seriously Stockholm syndroming here?" he said baffled

Cody dug a hand in had pocket, the other going through his hair nervously, "Yes."

T let out the biggest, soul leavingest, another word that ended with estest sigh.

"Please stop being the exact reason why I hate this place? Please and thank you." T said with a dull eyed stare before rolling his eyes "Alright you want to be rapeberry crunch cereals fuckbuddy slash boyfriend, so...the fuck're we doing with that?" T said "What's the plan of attack or whatever n' shit?" T asked, crouching and drawing shit into the dirt- his hands covered by his Ogre Gauntlets- since he didn't get fatigued from wearing things that weren't armor whilst sleeping- _Aw yeahhhh._

"I don't know," Cody shot back, "I haven't a fucking clue, but I think one dose of tentacle hands would instantly kick me out of it."

"Then I dunno ask for it- we both know that _she's hella_ not good for you, Jessi? Memelord I want to punch in the vagina for making my boy able to be violated, but she's not dragging us into a _murder suicide_ and wanting to _rape us_ or well, rape me and Luka, since I guess you're consensual? I'm rambling, whatever _fuck it_ , just, just _pull yourself out of it_ , and I'll go in and bite the bullet after you want to stop." T said, a lot more geared up now that he'd be big time helping his pal about the whole 'selling his soul and his semen to the literal devil the fourteenth or some shit.' thing.

"It's only been a few days, but these acts I'm putting on for the sake of the party are really getting to me," Cody concluded.

"Becoming the mask more than the man?" T guessed.

"More like the scarf."

"I know the scarf's rad but selling your mind, soul, and balls for it is kind of a shitty deal homeslice." T jokes with a grin before going serious again "But yeah, what can I do to...I dunno help you keep yourself from fuckin' losin' it?" he asked- fuck if he knew what to do, he was a fucking wreck back home, and not like the constant fear and death has suddenly given him an epiphany on how to help people.

"I shouldn't be going back into the tent," Cody turned back to the camp, ignoring T's question since he couldn't answer it, "but damned if I'm not a cuddle maniac."

"You can sleep in me and Luka's tent, we'll keep Draught around next time they come around, I won't lose my bro in the great Vietnam cuddle jungles, we're gettin' _outta this man_." T said, becoming a cheezy radical toned 90's kid vocally at the end there.

It even affected that S and turned it into a Z.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

Cody made is way back to Alice's tent, slipping in with the silence and grace of a starving alley cat, hoping to Ilias that he didn't wake her or she was-

Alice was awake when Cody made it into the tent, and seemed to be a bit...glad to see him?

They stared awkwardly at each other for a bit, Cody felt as if he was caught red handed, like she knew everything, like he had taken her worthless trust and traded it for useful trust from his boy T.

"Can we go again?" Alice questioned.

Cody blinked, "Again?" he paused, "Isn't three times enough?"

"Well, you didn't pass out," Alice replied, "And I kinda wanted you to pass out."

"You...well, okay sure, but I will let you know, I don't think I can keep it up that long."

This woman was going to _kill_ him, and the worse part is, he was probably going to _enjoy_ it.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"Are monster girls edible?" T wondered aloud mindlessly as they walked "Like those crab girls- are they actually like crab or are they like people? Are their people parts people tasting, or crab tasting? Is it cannibalism if you eat the human parts, but not if you eat the crab parts?" he said, squinting in curiosity.

"What?" Luka said in utter confusion as he looked over at T who shrugged "The fuck else am I supposed to talk about? We've been staring at jack fuck all this entire adventure."

"Oh, I bet they're delicious," Cody replied, "Good eating too, but like...so is a person, we taste like pork straight up."

"Wait Cody you've _ate_ someone?!" Luka yelled, stumbling away from the two, looking at them fearfully.

"...I'd say no, but explaining to you how I know this is another can of worms…"

"He read about it, it's not that fuckin' complicated, you think cannibals don't write books? Or people don't ask cannibals how shit tastes to write it into books?" T said rolling his eyes.

"Well, a science article I found out through...you know what, nevermind," Cody dug his hands into his pockets.

"Why the Helgondo can't I understand half the things you idiot say?" Alice questioned.

"Because you're an idiot," Cody shot back.

"Shut up, idiot!" Alice persisted, stopping in her tracks-and thus the cart Cody was riding on had stopped moving, jostling him a bit, Alice sniffed the air a little bit, then let go of the cart, "Something smells way off, like Cody, but _way_ bigger," she grimaced, "Well, more like T, Cody's more pleasant."

Favoritism at it's finest.

She wouldn't even let T ride in the cart, or Luka for that matter.

Alice scanned the road in front of her, then began creeping with the cart, Cody jostling even more as they made it to a large-ish hill and-

As soon as they made it to the top of said hill, they spotted a small tower on the horizon, built right over the horse/cart/walking path/monster fishing line.

Cody hopped out of the cart since Alice had stopped and inched a bit closer towards it while...smelling the air?

"That place smells like monster city…" he shuttered, "or some other not overused means of expressing the recognition of a large amount of a single thing in one place."

T stared at it, confused "Why the fuck?" he says, drawing his weapon just to be careful "Should we like, explore?

"Did we roll a dungeon?" Cody blinked, "That...holy shit that joke makes a lot of fucking sense actually."

T scratches his chin, thinking, then nods "I- We haven't run into anything since the _port_...so it must have interpreted it as nothing in between travel, so it auto rolled an encounter- and I guess it was… a wizard tower? Monster tower?" he questions, unsure

"Don't go in there," Alice flatly said, "I mean sure, you can, but don't…I'm certainly not going in there."

"Wwwwhyyyy?" T questioned, then stopped "Actually, whatever, you do you I guess...it's time to play the former half of the games title huh?" he said, sounding a little like it was a bit weird to him, but shaking his head and walking towards the tower nonetheless.

"Game title?" Luka asked, curious

"Remember how we said the system is a tabletop game? It's called Dungeons and Dragons, and well, we're about to go into a 'dungeon' of sorts, at least- yeah I dunno how to explain what I said there." T said, dropping the question on the ground carelessly

"More like…"

"Dungeons and Dragongirls," The entire party said at the same time.

And then the world exploded.

 _ **YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**_

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"Remember how we said the system is a tabletop game? It's called Dungeons and Dragons, and well, we're about to go into a 'dungeon' of sorts, at least- yeah I dunno how to explain what I said there." T said, dropping the question on the ground carelessly

Cody had walked in front of the party at this point, he was going to check this out, backup or not...because he had an extra level to play with and he was feeling confident as all hell.

"So how're we tackling this?" T asked, clapping his hands as they stepped up to the door, large and wooden, sealed tight seemingly.

"Wait there's more then one way? Don't we just...go in and fight things?" Luka asked, confused

"Just kick the door open and tell them they're trespassing on a government road," Cody replied, sniffing the air, "God damn, there's quite a bit of them in there…"

"Seriously! Don't go in there!" Alice yelled from the cart.

T stroked his chin, thinking…

"Hey Cody, didn't we get like, shoes of spider climb?" T asked, looking up at the tower

"Oh, yeah, we did," Cody replied, "If you want to climb up it, be my guest, but I don't really like heights...period, well, more like, I have a healthy respect of safety harnesses."

T went to the cart and fished around, and withdrew some rope and the slippers "Noice." He commented, looking up at the tower- and its windows.

"Alright, I'ma check the windows, and let's approach this from a direction the designer didn't think of." T says, plopping onto the ground- tying the rope securely around him with a take 20- then taking off his greaves and boots to slide on the slippers underneath and putting his armor back on, standing up and bouncing up and down to get used to the feel "Alrighty, let's go." he says, walking up to the wall.

"And the command word issss...Spiderman." T says, sighing with a smile "Fuckin' GM I swear." he says, climbing up the wall to the second story window and looking in.

"Spiderman," They heard from the third story, a casual, yet loud voice echo T's command word...causing T's feet to suddenly lose grip on the tower and sending him plummeting down the height of the structure.

Straight into Cody's hands, T fell, Cody didn't even look to catch him-since adding something to your inventory wasn't that big a deal, Cody's eyes were locked upwards-at the rogue man who uttered the command word.

Lazarus.

Down into the dirt, T dropped, when Cody dropped him, and forward Cody stepped to the door of the tower, raising a leg, giving a satisfying blow to the wood…

 **[DC:13][Sunder Check: Take 10+14=24, Sunder Success!]**

The material of the door gave loose like an elephant had crashed into it, the door almost flying from its hinges and onto the cobble floor-allowing daylight to pour into the room like water through a broken dam.

Cody stepped forth, throwing caution to the wind, he made his spot in the entry room, his bravado blazon for all eyes to see...

 **[Hitting: 24][Attack Check: 6+14=20, Attack Failed!]**

His was met with the sounds of charing footsteps, and a female battlecry. Cody reached up as a blade cut through the darkness, top speed towards Cody's head, smacking the flat and knocking it aside like a mere spiderweb.

Behind Cody, the sun was cut as well, as loud mechanisms fired off behind him-primitive bandit bars sprung from the floor of the doorway and blocked both entrance and exit, leaving the shadows of steel spikes on the ground in front of him.

"Cody!" Luka yelled after, mostly to alert him of the situation, "T, Cody's locked in there!" he stated the obvious.

T sighed "This is why big dick cool guy shit isn't as smart as rad swat movement and tactics."

Cody gave his attacker a glare and ignored the bars trapping him, she looked like ...dark harpy? But she had arms, some kind of...bird thing? She had large, red bird-like wings sprouting from the grey skin on her back, she resembles a grey elf with wings...and a drop dead hot succubus body. No abs though, so 0/10.

She wore a horribly impractical battle bikini (also a turnoff), and gripped an overly ornate longsword with both hands, with a large whip that was more the length of a rope strapped to her side.

"Get out of my fucking way," Cody ordered, "I want absolutely nothing to do with dungeon scum like you, my eyes are set on one man, and only him."

"Lord Lazarus," the elf woman (who, was actually an Erinyes) shot back flatly, "You're not making it passed this floor," she grinned a cocky grin, as other creatures came out of the shadows, seemingly birthed from them in-fact...

 **[Summon Devil]**

 **[Cast Success!]**

 **[Bearded Demons Summoned: 2]**

They were much more stout than the woman that summoned them, they had bodies covered in patches of scales, and a 'beard' of barbed tentacles-which Cody did not want to think about at any point…

One of them had a halberd.

Cody quirked a brow at the Erinyes, "Lord Lazarus?" he questioned, "He take up fucking monsters? Or is he holding you at bomb-point?"

"Why the fuck am I not getting a check to bend these fucking bars?" T asked in agitation, his arms just...not trying to bend the damn things.

This was GM bullshit wasn't it?

"I was born to serve my Lord," she shot back, "Like how all other monsters are born to serve the Monster Lord...by virtue of the blood in my veins, I owe my blade to him," she readied her stance proper, "I'll defeat you here and now, then test your loyalty to Illias!"

Cody blinked.

What the actual fuck?

"If you don't want to clear a path for me," Cody shook off the oddity and kept his cool guy act up, pulling his scarf over his mouth as he spoke and glancing back at T and crew...a look of pure horror on his eyes.

"Then I'll just blaze a trail myself!" Cody yelled and jerked his vision back to the combatants, taking a straightforward and practical-minded boxing stance, which looked much more imposing than any fancy stance.

 **[Lazarus Family Lieutenant:Erina the Erinyes]**

 **[Initiative: C: 3+6=9, Erina: 18+5=23,Devils: 2+6=8, T: 13-5=8, Luka:7+1=8]**

 **[Turn Order: Erina, Cody, Devils, Luka, T]**

Erina wasted no time, immediately throwing a wrath-cut towards Cody's squishy body-

 **[Hitting: 24][Attack Checks: 11+14=25, 4+14=18. Hit, Miss!]**

Cody attempted to slip out of the path of the blade, but this woman just swung inhumanly fast, too damn fast to make that possible, and the blade ate roughly through the flesh on his left arm as he ducked away and swam in the shallow waters of his form-and cut some out of the power he gained from absorbing life energy from him.

 **[Damage Roll: 7+5=12]**

 **[Damage Total: 12!-102=90=HP!]**

 **[Soul Strength Lowered!]**

Cody grimaced as the blade cut into his limb, tasting his blood as it dripped off of it and into the floor, she reared back for another strike, which Cody ducked away from barely, moving his head like a boxer and jumping straight into striking form.

 **[Flurry of Blows]**

 **[Hitting: 23] [Attack Checks: 20+11=31, 9+11=20, 1+11=12, 3+11=14] [CRIT!, Missx3]**

With a loud, ' **ORA'** , Cody's fist struck forward into the devil's metal top, shattering it like glass and sending bits of steel into her body, causing crimson to trickle down like a steam over rocks…

 **[Damage Roll: 11+6=17x2=34!-5(DR)=29-85=56HP!]**

The blow left a large bruise on her chest, knocked the wind of her and knocked her breasts bare as her pointless armor shattered, she quickly cowered behind her large wings-bring them around her body to cover her-for the rest of the blows Cody threw, flinching slightly at the others Cody threw as she felt her life essence being pulled from her into Cody.

 **[Healing: 10x2=20+90=110!]**

 **[Soul Strength Maxed!]**

As Cody's turn ended, he returned back to neutral stance, speaking, "Put some actual clothes on, THOT!"

And that's when Cody noticed the scary tentacle beard standing next to him…growling lowly.

The bearded devil reared back both arms and made two claw attacks at the same time.

 **[Hitting: 24][Attack Checks: 8+8=16, 18+8=26, Miss, Hit!]**

Cody quickly threw a guard up when he noticed the creature sneak up on him, he stopped her left arm-but not her right-which made its mark across his face as she sliced through.

 **[Damage Roll: 3+2=5]**

 **[Damage Total: 5-110=105HP!]**

She brought her hand up and licked the boy's blood from her fingertips, making a low noise of pleasure...not from the taste, but from dealing harm to another being.

 **[Hitting: 24][Attack Check: 20+11=31, CRIT!]**

And the next thing Cody knew, all he could feel was unimaginable pain...

Pushed straight through his abdomen, coming out on the other side, was the harsh, jagged blade of a glaive-covered in his blood. The wielder gave it a nice twist before yanking it back out of Cody's body, not muttering a word.

 **[Damage Roll: 8+3=11x2=22!-105=83!]**

 **[Soul Strength Lessened!]**

An alarming amount of blood poured out of Cody's body-it was the most he had ever bleed in his entire life...and even worse, the hole in his body seemed to slowly leak a black smoke…

 **[Infernal Wound]**

Luka was losing his shit, looking around wildly for some solution to their predicament, some switch or something, and held his turn until after T's.

T, once he was _actually fucking allowed to do something_ , felt his inspiration roll through him.

 **[Inspiration Rolled!: White Raven Tactics, and Defensive Rebuke!]**

T took a deep breath, felt the magic flow through him, hands grasping the bars, and then _pulled_.

 **[DC: 24][Breaking Check: 16+8=24, Success!]**

White energy seemed to seep from him for some reason as breath became roar, T's voice echoing through the dungeon as is magic enhanced strength malformed the bars apart, his armor exploding and shrapnel flying about from his muscles bursting his clothes and armor like wet toilet paper- and then everyone blinked and everything was normal.

"CODY!" T roared as his friend _felt_ his gaze.

The White Raven swooped down, and he _moved_.

Cody shifted around, the White Raven blazon in his right eye; letting his nunchucks loose he _attacked the cowardly halberd bitch._

Like a falling avalanche, he strikes with the furry and weight of….a thousand mountains?

 **[Flurry of Blows]**

 **[Hitting: 19][Attach Checks: 15+10+1(Weapon)=26, 12+10=22, 15+10=25, 7+10=17, 14+10=24 Hit Hit Hit MISS Hit**

 **[Damage Rolls: 3+5=8, 12+5=17, 12+5=17, 4+5=9!]**

 **[Damage Total: 8+17+17+9=51 Damage!-45=-6HP!]**

The spooky tentacle beard lady was sent across the room with bones pulverized into dust, her halberd hitting the ground and sliding away from the reach of anyone else, she smacked into a wall at mach ten and caused the entire tower to shake.

 **[Healing: 40+83=123HP!]**

 **[Soul Strength Maxed!]**

Cody sucked her lifeforce dry, and was almost bursting at the seams with….vague reddish energy.

And then Luka gremlin'd past T into the room because it was his turn, Angel Halo in two hands as he was ready to put the fear of Ilias into whatever girl was laying their hands on Cody, swinging at the first thot he saw.

 **[Hitting: 23][Attack Check: 3+15=18, Fail!]**

And missed, entirely.

What a champion.

Erina, seeing the shit she was dealing with, five foot stepped away from the party and-

Disappeared.

And then Cody took his turn and-

OOF

 **[Damage Total: 2-123=121HP!]**

He was bleeding pretty bad.

Cody turned towards the bearded devil, and began speaking to it, "I'll give you one last chance to fuck off before I red mist you for defending a terrorist."

And **[Readied]** his turn.

She blinked in response.

She loved to fight, but holy fuck did this man just destroy her friend.

 **[Wisdom Check: 15]**

 **YEET!**

Like a falling avalanche, with the speed and grace of gravity, the devil pushed passed T and fucking booked it into the woods.

A mental coinflip was essentially the reason he didn't **[Thicket of Blades]** plus **[Knock-Down]** her into another dimension.

"I wasn't keeping track of numbers- you need me to play Punch Out with myself or like nah?" T asked, drawing his sword and giving it a twirl.

Cody put a hand over the hole in his body, not really sure what the deal with it was, "I don't know if that would even work...I have 121 HP, but...I'm fucking bleeding smoke, dude."

T scratched his head "Well shit, where the fuck're we gonna get a cleric in this godforsaken shithole?" he asked, squinting, before his eyes widened and he plopped his fist into his palm "Oh shit yeah we know one." he said after a moment of realization.

Cody pulled his hoodie off, walked over the body of the devil, and began tearing strips of clothing from her, and wrapping them around his abdomen.

 **[DC:16][Heal Check: 4+3=7, Check Failed!]**

But no matter what he tried, blood kept pouring and pouring out.

 **[Damage Total: 2-121=119HP!]**

"Oh Ilias!" Luka said, eyes widening and running over to fuss.

"Think we should abort?" T asked, quirking a brow as he squatted next to the lad,

"Not like it's gonna fucking stop this! I need to keep punching things to stay alive!" Cody shot back, still trying to figure out how he would deal with this.

He had bled much more than what seemed possible at this point, life energy giving him blood back faster than he could lose it.

"Couldn't you just punch the shit out of me while I heal myself out of initiative?" T asked, scratching his chin, being pretty calm about this.

Cody blinked, then facepalmed, "I'm such a fucking idiot!"

And then **[Polymorphed]** into himself. Which just looked like the wound decided to heal on its own.

"What?" Luka said, confused as he squinted, before shaking his head "Why do I question things still?" he mumbled to himself

"Cheesy, I like it, the fuck you just do? Pick up some weird spellcasting when I wasn't looking?" T asked.

"No, I...well, I don't know how well Luka will take this…" Cody replied unsure, "Because it's definitely heresy on every single level, even if it's not spoken or written down."

"Eh?" Said you can guess who.

"So not the special power to point eight swords at Ilias statues at once or something, or machinegun monster-girl fucking, damn, gonna have to pay myself 8 gold coins, just lost-won a bet with myself." T said, shaking his head before looking back with a curious expression, wordlessly questioning him

"Worse," Cody replied, "Scary Monsters," Cody elaborated, "But only for the user."

"So...wild shape?" T guessed "You picked up druid shit huh?" T said stroking his chin

"It's from Vile Darkness," Cody continued, " **[Polymorph Self]**...at will."

"Man the DM is going to rape us over the coals for that but that sounds r-" T paused.

T lifted his visor, a disgusted face proudly displayed.

"T why are you looking like that? And what's Polysmurf Elf mean?" Luka asked, tilting his head.

"GM you fucking degenerate." T said, sighing, face relaxing except his furrowed brow with an agitated glare "Cody...I think he's got a boner for genderswap." he said pinching the bridge of his nose.

Cody blinked.

"I didn't even think about that…" he shuttered, "but turning into a fucking _velociraptor_ is sick as fuck!"

"If you don't turn into a _velociraptor_ _ **girl**_ that is." T said with a tired, tired resignation to him, like a man who's in an argument with his wife.

You just don't win, you either end up on the couch, or you lose the argument.

Tis the way of life.

Luka panicked, "Wait, wait wait! Is Cody turning into a girl! What did they do to you?!"

"I'm not _turning_ into a girl, Luka!" Cody shot back, "but you might be, with how quickly you jump to retarded conclusions."

Your move, female viewership.

All 2 of you.

Luka blinked "How is that supposed to make sense?" he said, just genuinely not getting it.

T patted Luka on the back "Go make me a sandwich, champ." he joked the, well, most obvious joke. "But yeah, remember how Alice goes from snake woman to human woman? Kinda imagine what Cody can do as that but with like, a lot more." T explained.

"OOOooohhh." Luka said, nodding, before pausing "Wait what?"

"That's why I could smell what was in the tower earlier," Cody explained.

"So you have a girls sense of smell?" Luka guessed.

"Effeminate olfactory senses." T said straight faced before cracking up with a laugh.

Cody slipped his dress back on, now soaked in _fucktons_ of blood, "They're probably going to be sending more bitches down here any second…" Cody rubbed the back of his neck-then cracked it, "Our work isn't done until I have that bastard's head on this pike!" Cody said, picking up the halberd that was stuck in his belly a few moments ago.

T grinned in response "Let's do this.", and Luka followed suit, dropping the humor and nodding seriously.

Cody twirled the polearm around and stuck it into the ground, "This better do that cool bleeding shit on things _I_ hit with it," Cody demanded the world, and began looking around the room, "We better light our lamps."

And thusly the group turned on their six lamps, 2 each.

One hooded, and one bullseye, for some rad vision in the darkness.

They were basically literally human spotlights.

Onward they crept through the darkness that part like the Red Sea and buckled under the raw power of their lighting effects budget, and their rad medieval technology-fire.

Stepping bravely onwa-

 **[DC: 20][Search Checks: T 5+7=12, Luka 17+1=18, Cody 7+2=, Fail! Fail! Fail! ]**

And as their feet pressed on the ground it gave out, the trio's eyes widened as-

 **[DC: 20][Reflex Saves: T 5+1=6, Luka 11+5=16, 14+8=22, Fail! Fail! Success!]**

 **[Damage Rolls:6+2+3+3+3+5+3+2=27]**

-Cody hopped over and the two plate boys fell, and fell, and fell, and fe-

 _ **Cruthumch.**_

"God dammit." T said without flinching, rising up with a sigh as Luka twitched on the ground groaning.

And after a moment he felt his bones crunch a little as his delayed damage pool cooled off.

Cody looked down the gap, at the bottom of the pit her could see the boy's lanterns still lit, Cody popped his dagger out and dropped it into the pit-counting.

Ten Feet

Twenty Feet

Forty Feet

Eighty Feet.

Dear fucking god.

 **[Damage Roll: 2]**

"Ow fuck!" Luka yelled as his voice echoed alongside a "My boy!" from T.

Cody recalled his dagger and returned it to his belt, cursing under his breath, he yelled down, "OI! I don't think we have enough rope to get you fucking out of there!"

"You forget we're frontliners, just hold the fuck on fag!" T yelled back, before he got to work.

'Now,' T thought to himself 'If Luka's a fighter, he probably has climb, if he has at _least_ eleven, this should work…'

After some finagling, talking, book showing, and looking without showing Luka, T closed and stored Lukas book with a smile.

"Alright, Take ten and we'll be out of here in a Jiffy."

A little while later Luka and T crawled up the chimney of a pit, back to back, arms linked, and feet walking up the sheer bricked wall, taking tens with literally 0% chance to fail, and so it was a matter of time before the two were heaved out by Cody on the other side of the pit.

"That was fucking annoying." T said, "Imagine being like, a fuckin' wizard or something without climb and dealing with that." T said, punching himself repeatedly to fix them up.

"That would be gross, traps in general are gross, GM, fucking don't!" Cody yelled at the sky, "Not the cute catboi kind of traps, please throw some of those at us instead!" he added.

"Men with CG don't exist Cody, accept that, and move on in this bitch of a game."

Cody looked over to Luka, "You're the only other man with a CG, we're putting you in a dress."

"I will Deus your Jerusalem until you Vult if you touch my boy." T threatened, hugging Luka to conceal him from Cody

"A trap nigga has needs, T!"

"What don't you trap the fuck up and screw yourself then?" T shot back

"I'm too manly for that, duh," Cody shot back.

"Those makeup pictures in my phone back home say not so much." T joked

"Those was funny and you know it," Cody crossed his arms, "We have a LAZARUS to murder."

"Yeah, they were, plus your face is a lot more brick like then Luka's." T nodded "Also, yeah." T conceded, as the gang went on, slowing the fuck down to identify traps.

Then T paused.

"Wait this isn't how search works, how the fuck did we- he homebrewed search." T said, plopping his fist into his palm "Alright fuck it let's walk, he's giving us search checks innate."

And so they stopped slowing down, Luka believing T face value, and Cody mentally shrugging.

One set of stairs later, they emerged into a...bondage pit? Or a chain streamer birthday party.

T slashed and slashed and slashed, like a guy in a movie in a jungle, cleaving his way blindly forward, because fuck stealth, they were full plated (and not plated) mad men, the monsters could come to them if they had a noise complaint.

And then they popped out in a clearing, coming eye to eye with bondage but chainyer, and by god those barely but not covered chain devil titties.

 **Lazarus Gang: Chain Gang™**

"Might chafe at first, but you boys will grow to like the suspended pain- but enough talk." Said the 'leader'? Spokeswoman? Six chain devils began spinning wicked barbed chains, grinning viciously as they approached.

"Yeah nah fuck all a that." T said simply, sheathing his bastard sword and drawing his defensive set, longsword and tower shield combo.

Cody dropped his halberd onto the ground and cracked his knuckles and neck, switching from **[Spacer]** style to **[Brawler]** style.

"Chain me up as much as you'd like," Cody spoke, "I can beat your ass with _any_ part of my body."

 **[Initiative rolls: T 20-5=15, Luka 3+1=4, Cody 15+6=21, Chain Gang:15+6=21]**

 **[Tie Breaker!]**

 **[C: 16, CG: 12]**

 **[Cody Wins!]**

 **[Turn Order: Cody, Chain Gang, T, Luka]**

Cody delayed his turn.

 **[DC:24][Attack Checks on Cody: 1+10=11, 6+10=16, 8+10=18, 10+10=20, 12+10=22, 19+10=29, 19+10=29, 13+10=23, 6 Fails! 2 CRITS!]**

Cody became a dodging tornado, bobbing and weaving around the sea of chains sprouting up from the walls, ceiling, and floor, growing barbs and bludgeons-and all hell bent on smacking him-it was going good until he caught himself in a very unfortunate-

 **[Damage Rolls: 4+2=6x2=12, 4+2=6x2=12!]**

 **[Damage Total: 12+12=24!-123=99HP!]**

He caught himself in a very unfortunate pincer attack between two chains smacking him in the head.

After shaking off the hurt, Cody felt a wave overtake his brain, like he was having a timely realization, the chains flying at him from every direction, their dank ass aestic, Cody summed up his expression using simply two words.

"Holy shit!"

 **[Cody Unlocked: Django Style!]**

 **[DC:26][Attack Checks on T: 8+10=18, 13+10=23, 10+10=20, 6+10=16, 2+10=12, 6+10=16, 4+10=14, 13+10=23, 8 Fails!]**

It was an incredible sight, like Cody's, but inherently different- weaves and leans, carefully done to make chains glance like small arms fire upon a tanks armor, his door sized shield moving to and fro to block a whole half of his body as his sword batted away and swung chains into each other, the whole experience having very little movement except his sword arm, and even then it moved minimally.

 **[DC:24][Attack Checks on Luka: 7+10=17, 16+10=26, 2+10=12, 4+10=14, 10+10=20, 10+10=20, 1+10=11, 7+10=17, 7 Fails! 1 Success!]**

Parry and step on chain, deflect with angel halo, duck, swerve, hop, deflect with armor, lean, Luka moved a lot more then T, but at the same time just as much as he need-

And then he was smacked in the ass by a chain, yelping, but the action making him dodge a couple of attacks consequently.

 **[Damage Roll: 3+2=5 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 5!-84=79HP!]**

Though consequently the group noticed the chain demon latch onto the wrong chain and felt her arm chain and ended up slightly slapping her own face for no physical damage but max humiliation damage.

Cody looked back over at his crew, trying to make sure they were on the same page-which, of course they were, hitting shit was the one thing they could do right.

And he ran fourth, flipping his nunchaku out as he moved.

 **[Flurry of Blows]**

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Checks: 16+12=28, 16+12=28, 20+12+1(Weapon)=CRIT, 14+12=26, 15+12=27, ALL ATTACKS LAND!]**

As Cody ran towards (read: five foot stepped) to the closest chain devil, her life flashed before her eyes and he reared back his weaponry, his fists, and his natural weaponry and made it so she didn't have to worry about her ugly wardrobe anymore-after he broke it, and by 'it', I mean her face.

 **[Damage Rolls: 7+7=14, 9+7=16, 5+7+1=13x2=26, 4+7=11, 2+7=9]**

 **[Damage Total: 14+16+26+11+9=76!-52HP=-24HP!]**

One moment she was standing there, and the next, she was gone, knocked into the stone wall of the tower, with nothing but raw life energy in her place-which Cody drank down like dank kush.

 **[Healing:50+123=158(MAX)HP!]**

Cody glared at the next closest chain demon, a fire in his gaze, they were _fucked,_ and he knew it.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Bonesplitting Strike, and Mountain Hammer!]**

"Like a falling avalanche…" T called out a phrase that sent chills down the chain demons backs "...I strike with the WEIGHT!" he roared, moving up startlingly close to the two center chain demons with a single stomp "and FURY of a MOUNTAIN!"

 **[Mountain Hammer Activated!]**

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Roll: 20+18=38!, CRIT!]**

 **[Damage: 8+(6+6)+10=30x2=60 damage!]**

 **[Knock Down Proc'd!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: T 14+12=26, Chain Devil 19+2=21, T wins!]**

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Roll: 7+18+4(Prone)=29!, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 8+10=18 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 60+18=78!-52HP=-26HP!]**

"MOUNTAIN!" T roared, slashing straight downward, his blade cutting into the ground like it was made of _butter_ and shaking the floor of the ground "HAMMER!" he finished

The other chain demons staying solid in their stance, but the one that was just hit?

Well, if you call splitting in half and falling onto the ground in two pieces being _prone_ then yeah she was tripped, as blood exploded from her body.

Cody looked over to T, and air-fist-bumped him, for they were standing too far away from a real one and both couldn't move.

Sadly fist bumping was not a reach weapon.

"Take this!" Luka called out, stepping up to the chain demon that wasn't right next to T, swinging Angel Halo in an attempt to emulate his comrades.

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Roll: 6+15=21, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 5+4+2(Weapon)+2(Feats)=13 damage!]**

 **[Knock Down Proc'd!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: Luka 15+8=23, Chain Devil 16+2=18, Luka Wins!]**

 **[Attack Rolls: 10+15+4(Prone)=29 17+10+4(Prone)=36, Success! Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+4+2(Weapon)+2(Feats)=9 damage!, 1+4+2(Weapon)+2(Feats)=9 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 13+9+9=31!-52HP=21HP!]**

Luke slammed Angel Halo into the Chain Devils legs, its body flipping over as he skillfully...stabbed her midair? Twice? With Angel Halo?

Not even Luka knew why he did that.

Either way she was hurting from that...attack?

And thus it was Cody's turn.

Cody knelt down to the chain devil and started pulling the chains, pulling them away from her body, where they natural? Where they just clothing? Was it a weapon or a natural weapon?

Because if they were natural weapons, he could use them.

Cody smiled, yes! A couple were sprouting from her arms!

He couldn't **[Morphic Weapons]** to get them, he could only grow less exotic melees, but he might be able to **[Polymorph]** it.

Cody closed his eyes, focused, he had never used his polymorph ability (well, at least not to turn into anything that wasn't himself) before, and jumping straight to changing one part of his body without knowing whether or not he could was oddly nerve racking.

Would he grow _just_ the chain like he wanted?

Would he turn into one?

Would he grow tits?

 **[Homeruling Activate!]**

 **[DC:15[Autohypnosis Check:11+3=14, Check Failed!]**

Cody opened his eyes again, he _knew_ his body was different, looking down at himself to see if he had grown the demon's chains like he desired he-

Those...those were tits.

He had _tits!_

Nice, shapely-a bit too round-, plump, gravity-defying and oddly not back hurting despite their oversized nature: anime titties. And he honestly wanted to grab them for a moment, not like he was going to deck himself.

Granted, he was still clothed (unlike 99.99% of monsters), there were chains over his/her clothes, but he still had his normal clothing on, but holy shit _tits._

Cody stood there for a second as his turn ended, looking back up at the battlefield to make sure he wasn't getting smacked, he yelled, "Are you fucking serious?!" in an pretty masculine female voice.

 **[Confusing Presence!]**

 **[DC: 17][Will Saves: #3 14+6=20, #4 11+6=17, #5 6+6=12, #6 18+6=24, Luka 3+3=6 Success, Success, Failure, Success, Failure!]**

Three of them rolled with the punches, thinking that he probably was a girl the whole time, one squinted.

"Wait what, but- but ho- huh?" she muttered, staring at Cody like he was Martian

"I- what? He- she- a girl? Alice is a LESBIAN?" Luka screamed, mind reeling

T didn't have to do a check because he's no internet virgin, this ain't his first rodeo.

And now it was...the Chain Gangs turn, or well, what was left of them.

The on the ground one ros-

 **[Standing up detected! Attack of Opportunity!]**

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Roll: 13+15=28, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+4+2(Weapon)+2(Feats)=14 damage!]**

 **[Knock Down Engaged!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: 13+8=21, 15+2=17, Luka Wins!]**

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Roll: 7+15+4(Prone)=26, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 4+4+2(Weapon)+2(Feats)=12 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 14+12=26!-21HP=-5HP!]**

And Luka mindlessly stabbed her through the chest, her body turning into a...chain? Wait it had a maraca on the back, was it- it was hissing at him.

What?

"Target that bitch!" one of the three left yells, as the trio raise their hands to Cody.

 **[Hitting: 30][11+10=21, 1+10=11, 12+10=22, 3+10=13, 17+10=27, 3+10=13, 3+10=13, 10+10=20, 5+10=15, 14+10=24, 20+10=30, 20+10=30, 10 Failures, 2 CRITICAL HITS!]**

Cody stood there, watching the attacks bounce off the chains his body was no covered in, he didn't even make an attempt to dodge, in fact, he was so cocky he began to yell, "Hell yeah! Now I have the power of GOD!"

At least until-

 **[Damage Rolls: 2+2=4x2=8!, 8+2=10x2=20!]**

 **[Damage Total: 8+20=28!-158=130HP!]**

Encounter Crit-counter™: 6

They had used _his_ body's chains to hit him using their oogy boogy powers, this surprised him, in fact, it kind of scared him, especially since they both clocked the shit out of him, one in the stomach, the other in the face.

T laughed, feeling the inspiration flow through him at that moment-

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Defensive Rebuke!]**

-to which he clicked his tongue "Well that sucks." he said, as he raised his sword "At least for you." he said with an amicable smile to the chain ganger next to him as he-

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Roll: 11+18=29!, Success!]**

 **[Damage: 7+10=17 damage!]**

 **[Knock Down Proc'd!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: T 10+12=22, Chain Devil 10+2=12, T wins!]**

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Rolls: 14+18+4(Prone)=36!, 17+13+4(Prone)=34!, Success, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+7+10+10=33 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 17+33=50!-52HP=2HP!]**

It was then that the girl knew pain as he smashed the pommel of his sword into her shoulder, his body forced down by the unending weight- wasn't she supposed to be stronger than any human man? Either way though, she looked up in fear as his blade flashed, her body feeling the diagonal strikes cut an X into her torso through her chains she thought nobody could get through.

She sat crouched, panting, barely alive as she stared up at his armored figure, fear in her eyes.

And then it was Luka's turn.

"When- how- why- what?" he said, mindlessly gripping his head in confusion as he stared at Cody- and ended his turn.

It was then Cody's turn.

Cody cleared his throat and got into character, gripping one of his longer chains in both hands, he gave it a few big swings around his head before flinging it lose-

 **[Hitting: 12][Touch Attack Check: 9+13=22, Hit!]**

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks]**

 **[Chain Demon: 2+10=12, Cody: 16+13+4=33!, Cody Wins!]**

 **[Cody Wins!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 4+6=10!-52=42HP!]**

 **[Healing: 130+10=140!]**

Cody wrapped the chain around one of the healthy demons, she blinked, and tried to use her chain dance to get the chain off of her-

 **[DC:15][Will Save: 15+9=24, Cody Wins!]**

But it was Cody's chain, and damn if he was gonna let her control it!

Cody pulled the chain and leapt, forcing him into her space to satisfy the grapple rules, and began to let loose all hell on her as he _**full attacked.**_ Doing this let him move ten feet, then full attack-minus one for the grapple.

Cody hesitated.

He couldn't do it.

 _Why couldn't he do it?_

All he wanted to do is grab-to _touch._

Dear god…

Dear god he inherited _monster instincts!_

 **[DC: 15][Will Save: 14+9=23, Success!]**

Cody shook it off...he was starting to freak himself out, whatever, he had a face to punch.

 **[Flurry of Blows]**

 **[Hitting: 18][Attack Checks:17+11=28, 15+6=21, 7+11=18!, All attacks succeed!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 8+6=14,8+6=14, 11+6=17!]**

 **[Damage Total: 14+14+17=45!-42=-3!HP]**

 **[Healing: 30+140-158!HP]]**

He didn't have his slams, but he had an extra chain attack, and damned if he wasn't going to use it! He grabbed onto one, shaping it into a club, and smashed it into her face as part of his flurry.

She caved under it and went limp in his grasp, he dropped the body, and shuttered.

And then it was the gang's turn.

The last one that wasn't brutalized turned her attention to Luka, unsure…

But…

She, she wasn't going to leave her sisters in chains!

"Chain Gang Forever!" She yelled, putting her all-

 **[Hitting: 24][Attack Checks: 13+10=23, 3+10=13, 8+10=18, 18+10=28, 3 fails, 1 Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+1+2=4 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 4-79HP=75HP!]**

And her all was only barely enough to do _anything_.

Luka, even in his stunned state, broke into action when he realized he was being attacked, ducking under a swipe and smacking away two before his back was lashed...a little, it was really a flesh wound to him, it hurt, but he'd had worse, beared worse.

And then, as T watched that, he noticed the other chain ganger...didn't do anything, just stared...weirdly at him.

He looked down at her, quirked a brow, reached down…

And ruffled her hair before walking past her, inspiration flowing through him.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: White Raven Tactics!]**

And grinned viciously.

As he casually walked past Cody, their eyes met, and the White Raven _burned_ into Cody's eye as T stepped up to the last one that seemed to have any fighting spirit, tower shield and longsword, and drawing his Bastard Sword along the way.

"Sorry, but not sorry." T said to the girl as she stared at him with fear in her eyes, well, she'd fear any of the trio, but he and that...girl, were the most frightening, something about them terrifying, the look in their eyes unsettling her.

 **[Bonesplitting Strike Activated!]**

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Roll: 9+18=27, Success!]**

 **[Bones Crushed! 2 Constitution damage Inflicted!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 8+12+2=22 damage!]**

 **[Knock Down Activated!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: 11+12=23, 19+2=21, T Wins!]**

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Roll: 6+18=24, Success!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 5+12+2=19 damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 22+19+5(Constitution Loss)=46!-52HP=6HP!]**

T slammed his pommel into her sternum as she screamed, her bones cracking and splitting, piercing through her chest as she was slammed into the ground, his blade swerving around and stabbing into the same spot, he mind reeling from the agony.

He turned with a grin, giving Cody a thumbs up, to which his flipped to a thumbs down, like the emperor in the gladiator arena.

And thus it was Cody's turn.

Melting away and grinding itself, the end of a chain morphed and melded until it had taken the shape of a spear-or rather-a harpoon, and I bet you can't guess what he did next with it.

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Check: 9+13+4(Prone)=26! Succes!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 9+6=15!]**

 **[Damage Total: 15-6=-9HP!]**

The sharp metal sunk into her skin while she laid on the ground, she seemed to just give up on life and fade on impact.

And then it was Luka's turn "So...should I hit the last one?" he asked, looking at the monstergirl still on her knees staring at T.

Cody glanced down at the surrendering monster, then shook his head, chains clanking around as he did, "No...definitely not."

"Ditto." T said, surprisingly, Luka blinked in a brief moment of confusion, then nodding with an unseen smile.

And thus the chains of battle ( _Heh._ ) lifted themselves from the trio and the monster girl.

Cody instantly shifted back into himself, shaking like a bell hit by a sledgehammer, he plopped down onto the ground and stayed still, not speaking-though it was obvious something was wrong.

T blinked, surprised "Dude?" he asked in a concerned tone, sheathing his bastard sword and walking over to crouch next to Cody.

" _Never again,"_ Cody hissed back, "Being a monster is horrible...scary even…"

T shivered "Guessing...that their behavior is not completely a learned one?" he said, getting a gist of what Cody meant.

"Oh Ilias…" Luka muttered

Cody slowly nodded, "Granted, mouthwatering over dudes isn't far off from my normal behavior, but...holy shit, not like that…" he looked away from the party, "Worst part is, it was mostly Luka...I think they dig the small dudes because it's an easy catch," Cody sighed, "It was just...off, like he was legitimately at my mercy even when I wasn't near him, I think adrenaline is what fought it off "

"Yeah, that, that sounds far from pleasant…" T said, shuddering, "I think it's because...of domination, it's easier to do it to weaker prey, to subjugate their heart." T said, glaring at one of the dead Chain Devils, then, suddenly, a little mischievous grin came across his face as he took off his helmet

"Though since that's a thing now- you're the one wearing a dress now." T joked, Luka letting out a loud 'HA!'


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Wounded Hound, Growling Hound**

"So like, should we at some point figure out if Polymorph going wrong does a frenzied berserker?" T asked, crossing his arms and stroking his chin, his helmet strapped to his side

"How would that even work?" Cody questioned.

"What's a frozen bear jerker?" the chain devil asked.

"What's a fre-" Luke looked over at the chain devil, mouth agape at her absolute stupidity/deafness.

"Lu-" T paused, realizing that it was Luka who was noticing absolute stupidity, wiped a faux tear, then continued "Luka just ignore them, or dropkick them, I don't care." he said rolling his eyes.

"I care, punch that prisoner, and I'll punch you," Cody shot Luka a playful glare-and T an actual glare.

"Edgy eyeroll dot e-x-e." T said looking Cody back with a passive look before sighing "We're gonna have to talk about that eventually don't we?" T said, cracking his neck back and forth, letting out a series of pops.

The sextet of chain devils sat on their knees, watching the trio bicker and talk back and forth, cowed after losing- you may be wondering how they are still alive, and well, they have this feature called _regeneration_.

Essentially unless you use their kryptonite, they don't take lethal and can't die unless you knock em' out and coup de grace them.

Albeit getting brutalized nigh instantly led them to understanding their place, though one still was...off, it seemed, the one with the X slashed into her.

Granted, they could try taking the party down again-this time with a slightly higher chance of success after they had been softened up a little bit, however, now that the cat was out of the bag that they could regenerate-

A pain train to a coup de grace was on the table.

And T had notified them of this.

"Yes," Cody replied simply, and one would think he had polymorphed himself some venom glands.

"Anyways- I could just beat your ass to an inch of your life, take off my gloves, you change- I think you can fail checks automatically, and if you try to take off our pants I'll punt your ass with Luka." T explained his testing idea "Or well- actually I could just keep my sheath on my bastard sword so you don't get Attacks of Opportunity, pretty sure I could konk you out before you outheal getting konked out...probably." T said, nodding

"Well, I'm sure if I got your pants off, your microdick would be covered in so many fat rolls I wouldn't be able to get to it," Cody spat, then stood up, "Fuck it, I'm going up, throw them out one of the windows or something" Cody ordered, referring to the chain devils as he searched for the door to the next flight of stairs, "they'll come back anyway."

"Plus 30 AC to my groin." T retorted with a chuckle, then looked to the Chain Devils- or well, he forgot- chain devils and _chain snake_. "Yo can you wait up for Luka to whack em' with Angel Halo?" T asked "Seems the damn thing negates regen given snakey over here hasn't turned back."

Cody turned back towards the six that knelt at the party's mercy, he scanned them all, making eye contact, one after another, "You're going to leave, get as far away from this tower as possible, if I see you back, or if you even think about touching someone else without their consent, I will force feed you your own chains, got it?" Cody pulled his scarf down so they could see his mouth, "Every...single...one of them."

Four nodded hurriedly, the snake a fifth, and the sixth weirdo just kept staring into space for some reason.

T musta done some brain damage or something somehow.

"I guess if you're going down that route I'll follow your lead." T said shrugging "I'd prefer to be more cautious, but hey, don't think they'd do much even if they came up behind us...I think." T said, squinting as he untied his helmet from his waist and pulled it back on.

"They won't come up behind us," Cody insisted, flashing his teeth-no all sharp as shattered obsidian, "Because even as a man, I'm more monster than any of them."

And he took five points of edge damage.

 **[Damage Total: 5-158=153HP!]**

Cody blinked, he felt a sudden pain in his right wrist-and...yup, that's blood, he had cut his own wrist literally on his verbal edges somehow.

"Fucking damn." T said, punching himself a couple of times and maxing crew's HP.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

The door creaked open, it was a rather inefficient layout for a tower...to have a door at the top and the bottom of every staircase, or rather, it was very efficient for not letting people trough, but very inconvenient.

"I'll head in first, thicket of blades, and use my defense kit." T said, swapping out his bastard sword for his Towershield and Longsword.

"Should I name my shit or nah?" T asked, looking at them "I mean they are like, Plus two magic items, that's like, one third fuckin' epic tier when you think about it."

Cody didn't respond, instead he poked his head out the door into-and jumped slightly when he saw like sixty trillion more hims staring back.

It was a maze-in which the wall material was all reflective and lined up in such a way that reflections reflected each other.

A sort of…

Mirror maze, if you will.

"I'm getting flashbacks of Teen Titans." T said, sighing and kicking the door open, sliding past Cody.

He looked around, scratching his head "Kinda wish I was a half minotaur for this, for reasons that aren't size increasing like a creature.

"Everyone's half minotaur," Cody replied, "just keep a hand on the right wall and we'll get out of it eventually if we follow it."

"Doin' that tactic huh? Alright." T said, reaching over and pressing his hand onto a wall, walking along as the other two fell in step.

Cody blinked, then sniffed the air.

"Luka's not standing next us anymore…"

T and Cody looked at each other for a moment.

"GOD DAMN IT, LUKA!" they both yelled.

"GUYS?! GUys?! Guys?! Guys?!" Luka's voice echoed from all around them.

"How in the _fuck_ does that even work?" T said completely confused "We didn't echo!" he yelled, throwing his hands in the air, then slapped the wall again

Cody gulped, "Someone with illusions are fucking with us...aren't they?" it made sense, the mirrors, the maze...all makings of a generic illusionist encounter, "At least I have high saves…"

"One more fuckin' level and I could get steadfast determination." T commented with a sigh "Anyways, let's go and hold hands so we do-" and then T's hand pressed onto a mirror

Pause.

"GOD FUCKING DA-"

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"Guys?!" he yelled, looking around, seeing them but it _not_ being them, they aren't looking at him, so he runs around blindly like a chicken with his head cut off, going down random paths in random directions in his panicked state.

His was afraid, he hadn't been away from T and Cody during this adventure alone...at any point.

And he felt...naked.

His blessing was gone, stripped away, his chastity at risk, his eternal _soul_ at risk.

And without T there, and Cody, and all their strength...he felt he fell short, oh so short.

And then he smacked right into someones abs, bouncing off and stumbling as he raised his shield in fear for a moment, there was a pause before he lowered it...to see...a girl? Wait no- a monster girl!

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

"Of fucking course…" Cody thought out loud to himself, abandoning his priority of finding his way through the maze and instead frantically searched for T and Luka, he wouldn't know what he would do if one of them _died_ and he wasn't even around to _try_ to help.

He gulped at that thought.

What would be worse?

Trying and failing.

Or not even being able to try at all.

"T?" Cody called out, "Luka!" his breathing was picking up considerably, he was starting to shake, within fistbumping range of his crew felt invincible, but apart…

Cody paused, looked down at his feet, was something around his-

Cody was yanked into the air by a large rope, for a moment he felt the Earth pulling pulled out from under him until he crashed back into it-crashed into the ceiling of the building.

 **[Damage Total: 153-7=146HP!]**

The maze didn't reach all the way to the ceiling, there was about a three foot space in between the walls of the maze and the ceiling...and perched on top of one of the walls was a familiar face-

 **[Erina the Erinyes!]**

 **[Initiative: Erina:7+5=12! Cody:3+6=9! ]**

 **[Order:Erina, Cody]**

As Cody started to fall, Erina disappeared into a burst of light, teleporting below him and sticking her blade up into the air with both hands for Cody to fall onto-

 **[Damage Roll: 7+6(Falling)=12 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 146-12=132HP!]**

She threw the boy aside with all her might, managing to throw him into the square next to her, and-

 **[DC:15][Tumble Check: 20+7=27! Check Success!]**

Cody rolled into a runner's starting position and lunged at Erina, throwing a raging straight as he zeroed in onto her, and **[Full Attacked]!**

 **[Flurry of Blows]  
[Hitting: 23][17+12=29, 6+12=18, 2+12=14, 13+12=25, 8+7=15, Two attacks land!]  
[Damage Rolls: 2+7=9-5=4, 4+7=11-5=6]**

 **[Damage Total: 4+6=10!-85=75HP!]**

 **[Healing: 5+5=10+132=142!]**

Erina suddenly flew up away from Cody, dropping her blade as she did and-

 **AoO!  
[Hitting: 23][2+12=14!, Miss!]**

Deftly dodging an uppercut with some precise maneuvering, she made it into the air-a bow of flame suddenly springing from her hands as she rained hell down onto Cody!

 **[Hitting: 24][Attack Checks: 20+15=CRIT!, 14+10=24! All attacks hit!]**

In the blink of an eye, Cody had been peppered with two arrows made of pure fire-somehow striking through his skin-one through his larynx and the other through his shoulder...he could feel the pain of his insides burning as he gasped for air and collapsed to the ground on one knee in agony.

 **[Damage Rolls: 8+6+4(Fire)=18!x3=54!, 8+6+6(Fire)=20!]  
[Damage Total: 54+20+74!-142=68HP!]**

Cody ripped the arrow from his throat, feeling it burn his hand as the last of his spare life energy barely patched up his throat enough to breathe.

Not seeming to have a lot of options, he **[Delayed].**

 **[Bluff Check: 19+8=27!]**

Erina chuckled at his lack of actions, noting, "You seem to enjoy not being able to breathe, and pulled her rope free from her belt, "I'll grant you your wish before you die…"

 **[Hitting: 24][20+14=CRIT!]**

She lashed the rope out, catching Cody's throat and yoinking him into the air-

Catching Cody by the throat after pulling him up, she floated in the air with him, arrow still heating both their bodies.

She reached down, rubbing the front of his pants, "The bravery of men indeed…"

 **[Hitting: 15][Touch Attack: 17+12=29]**

Cody reached up and grabbed _her_ throat, using the last of his breathe, he got out, "You're a ranged character...you stupid fuck…"

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!][C:19+16=35, Erina: 20+14=34!, Cody Wins!]  
[Damage Roll: 12+5=17!-5=12!]**

 **[Damage Total: 75-12=63HP!]**

 **[Healing: 68+5=73HP!]**

Cody forced her hand off of his throat, slamming his head into her nose, she started falling towards the ground-

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!][C: 15+16=31!, Erina: 3+14=17!]**

Erina landed with Cody on top of her, Cody made _damn sure_ he was on top, she hit the ground-head bouncing off of it with a satisfying thud and, leaving blood behind on the stone floor.

 **[Damage Total: 12!-63=51HP!]**

She struggled in his grasp, doing grapple check after grapple check, none of them successful as he strangled the life out of her with his weight on top of hers. 

**[Damage Total: 10+5=15-51=36**

 **[Damage Total: 6+5=11-36=25  
[Damage Total: 9+5=13-25=12!]**

 **[Healing: 15+73=88!]**

 **[Soul Strength Active!]**

Until he let her go, she inhaled deeply, letting in a large breathe of relieving air, as she exclaimed, "Thank Ilias! A man who shows a monster mercy!"

Cody threw his fists back, ready to **[Flurry of Blows]** her through the ground, until he heard that-prompting him to hesitate.

"So...are you gonna let me go? You win! Until next time, sexy ma-"

" _ **ORA!"**_

Cody struck her in the head, cracking the floor beneath them with her skull,her eyes rolled into the back of her head when her head bounced off the stone floor for a second time.

 **[Damage Total: 12+5=17(NL)-12=12(17NL)HP!]**

Cody got off of her, shuttering, knowing that if she wasn't so hot compared to other monsters-he probably would've just finished her off…

Made him feel really, _really,_ guilty and shallow.

And while yes, she was working for Lazarus...she was a monster, so she was probably just _really, really_ confused.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

'Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!' was the mantra running through T's mind as he ran down the mirrored halls, smashing mirrors left and right to the beat of well…

"Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!" Him _saying_ shit over and over again as a mantra, his bastard sword slamming into mirror after mirror, creating a clearer picture of where the fuck he was as he followed the right wall to trace his way through this god forbidden funhouse.

However, he soon enough found himself in the middle of…

"Fuck no- I ain't fighting _shit_ in this little arena." T said, seeing the nice roomy space that was gonna be used for obvious things as he turned and ran ou-

And that's when he almost smacked into an ice wall that curved circularly- you could say it was a _dome._

He spun around, bastard sword in hand, eyes alight with fury as he glared at the monster girl that strutted forwards from the opposite wall of this little thunderdome of theirs.

Too pale bone white skin, white hair, red eyes, and her body being ornamented with bones- like a skeletal set of armor that at the same time was just a part of her body, which still showed way more then T would have liked. Her bone tail flicking about viciously, waiting, biding its time as it oozed some kind of poison as the weird insect wings she had flitted about meaninglessly.

"Not my first choice, I like my men more...skin and _bones_." She said completely seriously, causing T to let out a swift 'Pfft' as he barely held in a laugh- must be the nerves, but he beat the humor out of his body, this wasn't the time.

"If we weren't alone I might've bantered with you, but my friends are in danger...so let's cut to the chase motherfucker!" T said as the skeletal woman- a bone devil, though T had no idea given she didn't look like the box art so to speak.

 **[Initiative: Bone Devil:17+9=26! T:1-5=-4! ]**

 **[Order: Bone Devil, T! What a surprise said no one!]**

Her hands wavered about in arcane gestures as she spoke an incantation, and then grinned "I hope your not ready to fight a sister of mine!" She said with a sadistic light as T realized what was going on and pr-

 **[DC: Below 35][Summon** _ **Devil**_ **Check: 49, Failure!]**

And with a sound akin to a fart- which had never happened to her before she swears, nothing at all happened.

The two stared at each other as the Bone Devil blushed a noticeable red out of embarrassment.

"Biological warfare aside…" T said as her face turned into a tomato, "I'm just, I'm just gonna fight you now." he said as he felt the inspiration flowed through him.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: White Raven Tactics and Revitalizing strike!]**

Nothing he could use currently, so he just went with the patented strategy of beating the shit out of the enemy and throwing them onto the ground.

But as dashed forward to swing he felt it- curling inside him, creeping into his brain, his body understanding it more than he did...as a crippling feeling a fear washed over him.

 **[DC 17][Fear Aura Will Check: 11+7=18, Success!]**

But in the moment it happened, just before it fully took over, he remembered what he was fighting for...and _pushed through it_ as he swung.

 **[AC 25][Attack Check: 14+16+2(Weapon) = 32, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+12+2(Weapon)=15-10(Damage Resistance)=5!]**

 **[Knock Down Proc'd! T: 17+12, BD: 2+9, T wins!]**

 **[AC 25][Attack Check: 6+16+2(Weapon)+4(Prone) = 28, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 4+12+2(Weapon)=18-10(DR)=8!]**

 **[AC 25][Attack Check: 11+16+2(Weapon)+4(Prone) = 33, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 8+12+2(Weapon)=22-10(DR)=12!]**

 **[Damage Total: 25-95=70HP!]**

Her eyes widened as her aura didn't phase him- in which it'd leave almost any other man crying and cowering, her hands quickly raising in a cross block to stop his overhead swing-

And then T changed his stance and twisted his blade around, body twisting as his hands rose and crossed over each other, the back of the blade daintily bouncing off her cross guard as he slammed his shoulder into her, destroying her stance as the front of his blade rose, swiping a crescent around her side before it slammed into her ankles, sweeping her feet off the ground- and T noticed something instantly.

He wasn't digging as deeply as he usually did when he attacked- shit, what was he? Level 8? They must be throwing fucking _DR_ at him now.

Either way as he swept her off her feet he drew his pointed blade back and _stabbed_ her in the _stomach_ , driving her into the ground with the tip of his blade digging into her belly button as her hands rose to hold the blade from going deeper- then he swapped his hand positions, grabbing it like he was going to draw the sword from the stone, but he was doing the _opposite_.

With a scream from her and a roar from him he dug it deeper, blade slicing fingers as he stabbed painfully deep.

 **[Bonezone tries to bonestand, Attack Of Opportunity Engaged!]**

 **[AC 25][6+18 = 24, Miss!]**

With a roar of her own she pushed the blade out and away from her body, twisting around she started to push herself up as T swung down to capitalize on the mistake- and felt like a jackass when she Frieza'd him, tail lashing out and smacking his blade out of the way as it clanged across the ground, sparks shining out as she turned around with the momentum of her push up, sickeningly sharp rows of teeth being revealed as she went for the kill.

 **[AC 21][Attack Check: 19+14=33, Hit!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+5=8]**

 **[Damage Total: 8-76=68]**

Her teeth dug into him, his shoulder armor pierced by her unnaturally strong and sharp teeth, his voice leaking out angrily from his mouth, through the greeth of his pearly white, but he did not flinch or freeze.

This was nothing compared to Granberia, and thus he _moved_ after he got a pretty useless Maneuver at the moment.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Defensive Rebuke]**

With a twirl of his blade he grabbed it in a reverse grip as her teeth held on for the moment- he had...a plan of sorts.

With a vicious stab downward, he began his assault.

 **[AC 25][Attack Check: 17+16+2(Weapon)+1(Furious Counterstrike) = 36, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 7+12+2(Weapon)+1(FC=22-10(Damage Resistance)=12!]**

 **[Knock Down Proc'd! T: 5+12=17, BD: 8+9=17, Draw!**

 **[Check 2:16+12=28, 8+9=17, T Wins!]**

 **[AC 25][Attack Check: 9+16+2(Weapon)+1(FC)+4(Prone) = 32, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 8+12+2(Weapon)+1(FC)=23-10(DR)=13!]**

 **[AC 25][Attack Check: 18+16+2(Weapon)+1(FC)+4(Prone) = 41, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 10+12+2(Weapon)+1(FC)=25-10(DR)=15!]**

 **[Damage Total: 40-70=30HP!]**

With an angry stab he jammed it into her foot, the blade almost stabbing straight through it as her jaw loosened slightly, and so he wrenched his body, turning it as her teeth grinded across his plate and her feet grinded across the stone, his shift of the blade pressing her feet together.

As her feet became unable to hold her up she fell, his arms jerking up as hers flayed, flipping his blade he then slammed it into her midsection, smashing her into the ground as the stonework cracked, his sword digging into her gut, which he followed with stomping the blade into her and pulling his bastard sword out like that, the blade slicing across her insides painfully as he raised the blade up in preparation for the obvious.

 **[Bonezone attempts to Bonestand]**

 **[ATTACK OF OPPORTUNITY!]**

 **[AC 25][Attack Check: 12+16+2(Weapon)=30, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 10+12+2(Weapon)=24-10(DR)=14 damage!]**

 **[Knockdown Proc'd!]**

 **[T: 1+12=13, BD: 14+9=23, Bone Devil Wins!]**

 **[Damage Total: 14-30=16HP]**

With a vicious slash the blade rammed into the crook of her neck, a crack ringing out as she let out a choking noise, his blade left her and swung around towards her legs- but she jumped over it?!

 **[Counter Trip Check: T 9+12, BD: 16+9, BD wins!]**

Midair she spun in a beautiful pirouette, or whatever you'd call spinning sideways like a drill in the air, either way though T realized too late that this wasn't just flash as her tail lashed out again, slamming into his legs and toppling his heavy armored body onto the ground as he grunted from the impact- and then yelled at what happened next.

 **[AC 21][Attack Check: 4+14+4(Prone)=22, Hit]**

 **[Damage Roll: 5+5=10 damage]**

 **[10-68=58HP]**

She lashed out again, biting into his side viciously, his body screaming at him as he grabbed her and pried her off for a moment, his inspiration flowing through him...

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Mountain Hammer!]**

And he grinned viciously, it was _fucking time_.

He rose up after ripping her off, rolling to the side and getting to his knees, eyes rising just in time to see her going for the kill again.

 **[Attack of Opportunity!]**

 **[AC 21][Attack Check: 15+14=29, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 4+5=9 damage!]**

 **[9-58=49HP]**

Fury flowed through him as she gnashed her teeth into his other shoulder, his teeth grit as he silenced a scream and grabbed her shoulders- she was fucking _dead_.

"LIKE A FALLING AVALANCHE!" He roared, grabbing her shoulders "I STRIKE WITH THE WEIGHT AND FURY OF A MOUNTAIN!" he continued the chant he was so used to, ripping her off of him as blood splattered across the already quite red coated ice dome the two were fighting in.

"MOUNTAIN-" he began, rearing his head back, the Bone Devil looking at him with none comprehension at what he was doing.

Which was in fact, the wrong thing to do.

 **[Mountain Hammer ACTIVATED!]**

 **[AC 25][Attack Check: 15+16+2(Weapon)+3(Furious Counterstrike) = HIT!]**

 **[Damage 3+12+2('Weapon')+3(FC)(4+6)=30 damage! DR Negated!]**

 **[Damage Total: 30-16=-14HP! Instant Death!]**

"HAMMEEEERRRRR!" He roared, slamming his helmet into her mouth, her teeth caving in spectacularly, her expression changing to a look of unspeakable agony before the light left her eyes a split moment later as T ripped his head out from her concaved face.

"As I said, I don't got time for you bitch." He said, dropping her and picking his bastard sword back up again to chop through this ice.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

She was towering...built...donning an impractical scalemail bikini...and god damn was she busty. She was a hellhound! Redskinned with bits of fur on her ankles and wrists, she cast a shadow over Luka as she approached him, "How cute!" he tail wagged happily as she spoke, mouth watering, "Your smell...your look! Everything! I just want to bully you~"

Luka gulped, gripping angel halo and standing, holding his ground, "Just because I'm small doesn't mean you get to bully me!" he shot back, standing in wrath stance.

"My bite is fiercer than my bark," she flashed her teeth, then chuckled, "C'mon, don't you just want to unwind and-"

 **[Hitting: 24][Attack Check: 16+15=31, Attack Success!]**

With a mighty, "Ora!" mimicked from Cody, Luka took a large swing at the Hellhound-who jumped back-barely catching the blade across her stomach and gasping in surprise. 

**[Damage Roll: 5+6+2(Weapon)+2(Feat)=15!-169=154]**

 **[Knock Down Proc'd]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: Luka 19+8=27, Hellhound 20+8=28, Hellhound Wins!]**

 **[Failure!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: Luka 16+4=20, Hellhound 14+8=22, Hellhound Wins!]**

Growling, the hellhound lunged forwards...forcing her body onto Luka's and pressing him into the ground! She let out her long tongue and licked his face, "Thanks for reminding me…" she stood up off of him, readying herself, "I'm supposed to beat the shit out of you before I do anything. I'll drag you to your friends and take your eternal souls one by one while you're too hurt to fight back...Ilias will have abandoned you all by the time I'm done…your chance in paradise stolen through your pathetic dicks!"

She let him stand up as she took her stance, Luka raised his blade, this time in an Ox stance.

"I'll let you have the first strike of the _real_ fight," she raised her fists, "If you can take it!" charging him growling and forthing like a _mad dog_ , reading a _raging hook_.

 **[Initiative: Hellhound:19+6=25! Luka:13+1=14! ]**

 **[Order: Hellhound, Luka ]**

Luka let his blade loose, cutting the air in two as he took a single step forward in a perfectly executed downward strike…

The hellhound slammed her head into the blade's side, knocking it away like it was a toy, and then dropped her readied hook to Luka's face down into his gut!

 **[Hitting:24][Attack Check: 19+16=35! Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 7+6=13!-84=71HP!]**

Luka grunted in surprise and pain, feeling the hefty strike shake his platemail and rattle his very being, he hunched over a bit on impact-

 **[Hitting: 24][Attack Check: 2+16=18! Attack Failed!]**

Luka jumped back, readying his guard, she was fighting like Cody! An overwhelming flurry of attacks, a **[Flurry of Blows]**!. But she also had teeth, so that means…

She reached up, gripping Luka by the shirt firmly, pulling him violently towards her as she threw her jaw open-

 **[HItting: 24][Attack Check: 5+18=23! Attack Failed!]**

Luka quickly thought with his head! And used those thoughts added weight too…just like he was taught, just like he had scene, a strike she wouldn't see coming!

He crouched down all he could in the strong woman's grasp and shot up, bringing the top of his head into her jaw, at the same time he pulled at her hands and pulled away-

He freed himself!

Shoving her away, he gripped Angel Halo in both hands, raising it high above his head, he slammed it downwards violently- 

**[Hitting: 24][Attack Check: 19+15-5=29, CRIT ROLLED!]**

Angel Halo let out a heavenly moan of anger, glistening as it cut through the air and gracefully bisecting the monster straight down her-phasing through her like a laser through water.

 **[Damage Roll: 6+6+2(Weapon)+7(Feat)=31!x2=62!-154=92HP!]**

The hellhound stepped back, stumbling in pain after she shoved and she felt her soul bleed from her uncut body, she looked her body up and down, and then looked up at Luka with eyes full of uncertainty and fear of his blade-not expecting to see him rear up for a second strike!

"No one, _no one_ , threatens my friends!" he yelled, throwing his blade back...quickly steadying his arms before he power attacked again, and then letting loose a deft strike!

 **[Hitting: 24][Attack Check: 18+10=28, Attack Success!]**

She reached up, trying to guard herself from the strike in desperation, the blade however, 'cut' straight through her arm and into her body, an uncanny feeling of weakness overcoming her as Luka rolled damage-

 **[Damage Roll: 8+6+2(Weapon)+2(Feat)=18!-92=74HP!]**

 **[Damage Total: 62+18=80 Damage!]**

The hellhound stepped backed, freaking out, she opened her mouth to beg, but instead...lit the hallway up with a blazing fire!

 **[DC: 22][Reflex Save!][Luka: 14+5=19, Save Failed!]**

Luka gasped as his body and eyes were assaulted by a blinding light, and only seconds did he realize, had been lit on fire!

 **[Damage: 17!-71=54HP!]**

Luka screamed, rolling on the floor to snuff the flames out, flailing his arms about and yelling Cody and T's names, being on fire was really...really horrible.

But then it stopped, he laid, looking up at the ceiling...and realized he wasn't in a turn order anymore.

Luka stood up, placing Angel Halo on his shoulder, yelling, "Slither on back to Hellgondo, _**bitch**_!"


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: A Scattered Moment**

"Oh jeez Cody, where am I? Oh jeez, Cody, where are you?!" Luka asked in his Morty (Read: Normal voice.)

 **[Navigation Checks! C (Survival: 20+10+5(Circumstance)+4(Scent)=39! Check Success!), T (Search: 8+7+5(Circumstance)=20! Check Success!), Luka (Search: 18+1=19, Check Failure!)]**

Cody and T came face to face, both sticking their hands out to…

"Ow fuck! Not the eyes!" Cody flinched, "I'm real! I'm real!"

"Helmet game is 10/10." T said, having not felt the touch as it papped against his visor

"Hey fag, nice movement speed!" Cody retorted

"I can't hear you over my magic armors sick ass magic bonus." T sent back with a grin as the two competed in their pissing contest

"I can't hear you over my extra DPS!" Cody said with his riposte

"I can't hear you over my DR and Hardness nullification, oh yeah, and my sick knock down set up game." T said, doing a verbal parry

They started walking through the maze, Cody sniffing the air around him as he walked, "Alright...I smell Luka in vaguely this direction...it doesn't reach all the way to the ceiling, hoist me up there!"

T nodded, pressing his back to one of the mirrors and cupping his hands together to lift Cody up Army of Two style, the latter climbing up easily, and the former lifting him like it was nothing then climbing after him.

Ah the beauty of freakishly high strength scores.

They stood up on top of the walls, looking over the maze, leaping over the five foot hallways because they literally couldn't fail five foot jumps.

Until Cody dropped to his stomach, holding his hand down into the maze, "Luka! Grab on! We're cheating this bullshit!" he called out to the tiny boi.

"Guys!" Luka called out ecstatic, all the worry oozing out of him in a split moment as he leapt up and grabbed Cody's wrist, T suddenly crouching down and lifting two like they were grocery bags full of bread.

"I can really see why I always narrated my big strong guys lifting people, its fucking rad." T said, putting the duo down on their feet "Anyways, gimme a sec, getting to the healing game." he said, punch rushing himself with a flurry of healing blows, topping everyone off.

"So I ran into that longsword bitch with wings again," Cody said, "Tried to strangle me to get me off, bad decisions were made that day...she's...she's still alive, knocked the fuck out, but alive."

"Oh...I...I fought a dog monster! I bet you'd think she was cute...both of you…" Luka replied, "She ran off…serves that bitch right trying to bully me!"

"I won't lie and say I don't find monster girls cute but hella if I'm getting anywhere near one thats like that. I thought some...skelly bitch, trapped me in an ice dome and I royal rumbled her to death, kinda already had my blade unbinded so uh...yeah." T said, shrugging with a noncommittal kinda feel, not feeling bad about it.

"What did she look like? The 'dog monster' I mean…" Cody asked.

"She...she was really strong! Like Granberia…"

"Oof, that's all I need to know, dont wanna have me popping a stiffy here," Cody chuckled.

"Least yours wouldn't make a clang." T joked, booping his shoulder with his elbow

"Yeah, I think I get what you mean by strong girls now...but, she's a monster, and that's heresy…" Luka nodded with a smile.

"You're missing out…" Cody shook his head, "Anyways...fuck Lazarus," Cody started to step across the hallways again.

The other two followed with a 'Here here!' supporting the statement.

 **[Linebreak Motherfucker]**

It was pretty easy to get to the next staircase when they could see over the hell maze, the next door was in much better shape than the last, probably getting the least amount of mileage over the years...even though...Cody and T were at least 100% sure this was a last second addition.

I mean it was in the middle of the fuckin' road and Luka didn't encounter canonically.

Either way, the trio journeyed forth.

"So dya think this is the final boss room or are we chumping it with more gooks and mooks?" T asked, filling the silence with conversation.

Cody kicked the next door open, walking straight into the next room without a word…

Instantly getting back into character when he saw what was in the room in front of them.

It was empty, almost entirely, the room dark from lack of lanterns, but lit up by the sun pouring through the windows and arrow slits, a man with one good arm stood in a parted crowd of men, holding something at the end of a chain around his neck...some kind of magic item.

"Should've known monsters weren't going to cut it," Lazarus turned his back on the Ilias statue he was staring at, facing the party...namely, Cody, the boy he had encountered once before in a scuffle, "If you want to be killed by me, you're going to have to earn your chance…" he let go of his amulet, snapping his fingers as more and more terrorists crept from the dark corners of the room…

Eleven men in all, wearing ragtag armor, one seriously bigger than the others…

Cody cracked his neck, getting into stance, ready to receive their charge...

"Any man who would like to end their miserable life early can come forward!" Cody yelled at them, "This is your only chance to leave here alive today!"

T and Luka stepped forth, flanking Cody, T chuckling darkly as Luka brandished Angel Halo.

 **[Intimidate Check: 17+12+4(Aid Another)+1(Angel Halo)=34!]**

 **[Bandit Mooks: 3+3=6, Bandit Grunts: 4+6=10, Bandit Captain: 3+8=11, All enemies are shitting themselves!]**

 **[Enemies Frightened for an Entire Year!]**

All eleven men started to back away, sheathing their weapons, the biggest one noting, "I...I don't know about this one, boss…"

Laz produced a blade from his side, sticking it outwards towards the crowd, "Every man that doesn't fight, will die by my hands instead!"

 **[Intimidate Check: 16+12+6(Circumstance)=34]**

 **[Yeah yeah they shit themselves you already know that.]**

Caught between die and a die place, they chose the perceived lesser die, which they might be able to kill, Cody and crew, to which T sighed and tied his sheath to his sword as he brandished the leather covered cudgel.

 **[Initiative: Cody: 17+6=23 T: 11-5=6 Luka: 11+1=12 Mooks: 9+0=9 Grunts: 1+0=1 Captain: 5-1=4 ]**

 **[ Turn Order: Cody, Luka, Mooks, T, Captain, Grunts ]**

Cody growled, waiting for them to approach him, they had to, and then he could **[Full Attack]** out, knocked out, and not killed by a snake.

Luka blinked "Cody?" He asked, confused, before T just pat him on the shoulder and gave him a look and he just shrugged and followed his lead, delaying his turn.

The mooks shook their heads, fuck it, double or nothing! Nothing else they can do but go for it!

They all readied their weapons and charged into the party, screaming, "Illias protect us!"

 **[Hitting: 24, Attack Checks: 10+3+2=15, 6+3+2=11, 16+3+2=21, All Attacks Fail!]**

Cody bobbed and weaved around their sea of blades, pushing them into each other to throw them off, making them lock their own blades together instead of with his skin…

 **[Hitting: 21, Attack Checks: 12+3+2= 17, 9+3+2=14, 3+3+2=8, All Attacks Fail!]**

It was...laughable and eye opening at the same time as he oh so easily just swung, dragging all the strikes to the side and into the ground, his power so far outpacing these men that it wasn't even funny.

"Your all gonna have to try harder than that." T said shaking his head as the trio

The other members stepped forwards, wanting to stab into the melee but...they couldn't stab past their fellow man.

And thus, the party acted…

 **[Hitting: 18][C Attack Checks: 3+12=15, 15+12=27, 19+7=26, 11+14=25]**

One of the bandits who was panicking back stepped away from Cody before he got a stance to rear back, starting to sweat as a blow barely whizzed passed his face, and-into another member of the enemy party...which Cody shifted his attention to instantly…

 **[Damage Rolls: 8+7=15,10+7=17, 6+7=13]**

 **[Damage Total: 15+17+13=45(NL)+34=34HP(45NL)**

Cody ripped the man's blade out of his hand, tossing it aside and slamming his head into the man's nose, before a solid strike to the gut that made him freeze...standing for a second, before caving onto the ground in pain, Cody finished him off by booting him in the jaw while he laid on the ground.

 **[Hitting: 18] [11+14=25, Attack Success!]**

Cody threw a winged back kick as his final attack, aimed at the bandit standing just to the side of him, it wasn't a great nor weak hit to his armored chest, but he felt it…

 **[Damage Roll: 4+7=11(NL)+34=34(11NL)**

It was T's turn to act as he grinned viciously when his Inspiration flowed through him. "He's not done punching you yet." T said, posing and pointing towards the man as _**Menacing Symbols**_ floated out from him.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: White Raven Tactics, and Defensive Rebuke]**

And thus, Cody's eyes were engulfed by the white raven, and he _moved_.

Cody lunged into the unconscious man's square, growling, and without looking at the men in front of him, glaring a hole through Lazarus, through his Ilias statue, and straight to the Heavens themselves…

 **[Hitting: 15][Attack Checks: 18+12=30, 17+12=29, 12+7=19, 16+12=28, 15+12=27, All Attacks Land!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 10+7=17, 9+7=16, 4+7=11, 6+7=13, 1+7=8]**

The scared grunt pushed the haft of his axe towards Cody's chest, hoping to push the smaller man away with the extra reach…

Cody threw his palms up, shattering the handle like it was a toothpick, the man gasped and dropped what was left of his weapon, cowering behind his arms..

The first strike landed right under his chin, blowing his defense away as he stumbled back, Cody grabbed the man by the shirt and jerked him back, bringing his knee into his groin and making him fall to his knees.

Three more times, Cody brought his knee forwards, into the man's face...breaking his nose, jaw, leaving him with a black eye…

 **[Damage Total: 17+16+11+13+8=65!+62=62(65 NL)!]**

The grunt fell to the side, unable to take anymore...surrendering...

"Probably gonna have to workshop the whole 'And here's my stand, [My Boi Cody]' thing." T mumbles as he cracks his neck, blade raising

Cody turned his head to T, "Stop cracking jokes," he deadpanned.

"Call it a nervous tic, or that the DM sucks at getting me immersed." T said with a shrug as he moved.

 **[Hitting: 18][T Attack Check: 14+18=32, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 5+14=19]**

The mook raised his axe to stop T's raised sword, the blade going for an overhead blow- or so the man thought, right before T smashed the pommel right into his nose, breaking it.

 **[Knockdown Proc'd!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: T 10+12=22, Mook 7+1=8, T wins]**

 **[Hitting: 18][T Attack Check: 17+18+4]**

 **[Damage Roll: 2+14=16]**

His left hand snaked around the back of the man's neck as it left the handle of the bastard sword, T pulling him into a clinch- and a knee to the gut, the Mook's feet leaving the ground as his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he foamed out the mouth- alive, sure, but he probably wasn't going to be walking for a long time as T slid himself away from the man as he collapsed like a puppet.

 **[Damage Total: 35+34=34HP(35 NL)!]**

His gaze fell upon the second man who flinched, the full plated Crusader slid forth within his five foot domicile, sheathed blade raising.

 **[Hitting: 18][T Attack Check: 17+13]**

 **[Damage Roll: 7+14=21]**

The man crossed his arms to stop the inevitable pommel feint- and felt his brain whack against the wall of his skull as T slammed the sheath onto the top of his exposed skull.

 **[Knockdown Proc'd!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: T 4+12=16, Mook 15+1=16, Draw]**

He struggled as the overbearing, freakish, _monstrous_ strength bore down on him, every muscle in his body flaring to keep him up-

 **[Second Check: T 19+12=31, Mook 6+1=7, T wins]**

 **[Hitting: 18][T Attack Check: 4+13+4=21, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+14=15]**

His legs gave out as he collapsed to his knees, keeping in an upright position only because of how he fell, the sheath sliding back as T withdrew it, spun, and...

 **[Damage Total: 36-34=34HP(36NL)!]**

Slammed the heel of his boot into the side of his head, knocking the man out as spittle flew, his body twisting from the force so hard he turned away from T on the ground before his unconscious form fell into a heap on said surface, T chuckling as his foot met the ground again and he rolled his sword arm around to iron out the kinks.

And thusly, it was Luka's turn, his eyes burning with rage towards Lazurus as he moved without a word.

 **[Hitting: 18][L Attack Checks: 10+15=25, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 8+10=18]**

 **[Knockdown Proc'd!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: L 9+8=17, Mook 7+1=8, Luka Wins!]**

Luka's blade stabbed out, past the man's guard- but not _into_ him, the man's eyes widening at this, and widening more as Luka hooked the handle of his axe with one of Angel Halo's many protrusions, dragging his stance forward and off balance as he didn't even think of letting it go, trying to contest the boy in raw power.

A terrible decision, Luka was no mere boy, not anymore.

Luka dagged the man until his body bent over, bowing towards him while standing...and then he hammered the nail, and used his head like he was told, _slamming_ it into the man, smashing him into the ground as his stance collapsed fully and Luka raised his blade to 'finish' his opponent off.

 **[Hitting: 18][L Attack Checks: 8+15+4=27, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 7+10=17]**

 **[Damage Total: 35-34=34HP(35 NL)!]**

Like an executioner Luka 'chopped' Angel Halo through his neck, the man's body shining and shrinking to that of a child's- but he did not stop as he moved to the other.

 **[Hitting: 18][L Attack Checks: 18+10=28, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 7+10=17]**

Luka spun around the man's attempt at a counter blow, Angel Halo singing its mournful, lustful, hate filled song as he sliced it through the man's arms, sucking the very essence of power from him.

 **[Knockdown Proc'd!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: L 19+8=27, Mook 18+1=19, Luka Wins!]**

Following the momentum, Luka crouched and spun with the momentum of his swing, leg sweeping the mans feet from under him as he spun around- and from this low crouched position Luka _thrust_ Angel Halo, stabbing at him whilst he was midair.

 **[Hitting: 18][L Attack Checks: 4+10+4=18, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 2+10=12]**

 **[Damage Total: 29-34=34HP(29 NL)!]**

Sadly, trying sick new moves to look cool to try and intimidate your asshole terrorist dad's asshole terrorist friend, did not raise your ability to actually land them effectively.

Still, it looked cool as Luka stood fully and roared "LAZARUS _!_ " he called out "I'm COMING FOR YOU!" he said, pointing Angel Halo at the man as his eyes shone with unseen black fire.

"You…" the bandit Cody smacked in the chest recovered, "You monster worshiping bastard!" he reared his blade back and threw a hard downward strike towards the short males skull! He wasn't even paying attention, the fool was staring at his leader without thinking for a second how he'd get to him! This was the great Joseph's chance to make Ilias proud!

 **[Hitting: 24][Attack Check: 1+3=4, Attack Failed!]**

The man felt his blade strike Cody's head, a loud clang echoing throughout the room, he began cackling and yelling, "You blind sinner! You dead, blind sinner!"

He blinked, why was he still standing? Why wasn't the monster lover hurt? He looked down at his blade…

His hilt…

His hilt with half a blade attached, half a jagged, broken blade.

Cody turned his gaze slightly to the man, a blank face with a uniform level of anger…

Those eyes...those eyes!

Dark violet...thick irises, spread across his whites like a purple, almost black poison had melted into his eyes and flowed through their veins like murky water in the River of Styx...

And those pupils…

Thin, vertical slits. The eyes of a snake, the eyes of a damned demon!

The man dropped what was left of his trusty weapon, falling onto his back and crawling away from the...from the…

Tears dripped down his face, he covered his head, expecting instant retaliation!

 **[Attack of Opportunity!]**

 **[Hitting: 18][Attack Check: 0]**

Cody looked back straight ahead, ignoring the man, as more mooks inched into the melee and took their turn...

"Wait!" Lazarus yelled as they felt the turn order melt away as if the force of his voice was enough to bend the rules of the world, "Enough! I'm not gonna let you lead my men like lambs to the slaughter!" he shook his head, "Get out of here, now!" he ordered the men, "Let them through and I might let you get out of here with your limbs," he flipped his shortsword into icepick grip, then slipped it into his teeth, drawing a second one with his now free good arm, and crouching down slightly into a low stance.

The other men scampered back to the sidelines, not wanting to attempt to overrun the party, Cody walked through them as they parted, standing in the center of the room, perfect posture, with his arms crossed.

T slammed his leg a few times, doing, you guessed it, healing to the trio real quick _just in case_ as Luka stepped forth with a black fire in his eyes and Angel Halo in his hands, moments later T joining in with a twirl of his blade as the duo entered the same, but mirrored combat stance- T being surprised for a moment before shaking his head with a smile under his helmet.

There was not a need for anymore words as the quartet felt the chains bind them and time align in a way the trio were very, very used to at this point.

 **[Initiative: Cody: 17+6=23 T: 2-5=-3 Luka: 16+1=17 Lazarus: 12+8=20 ]**

 **[Turn Order: Cody, Lazarus, Luka, T]**

"Lazarus!" Cody yelled, roaring sprinting across the stone floor, his right arm becoming a _**Mountain Hammer**_ of fury, all at once the men on the sidelines flinched seeing the raging monster fling his fist at the face of their leader…

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: 20+14, CRIT ROLLED!]**

The impact filled the air with the sound of wood cracking as Lazarus bit them into the handle of his mouth-blade, he stumbled back, almost onto his knees, if it wasn't for the shortsword in his teeth, he would've lost a few…

 **[Damage Roll: 7+7=14!x2=28!]**

 **[Damage Total: 28!-189=161!]**

Cody threw his stance way off guard with the strike, standing with his arm hanging down and slowly rising to fix his posture.

Lazarus dropped the blade in his mouth, spitting it onto the floor and cracking his neck, "Where's the energy I heard of?" he questioned curiously and oddly calmly.

"I don't want your damn soul!" Cody screamed back in response.

"I see…" he placed the blade back in his mouth, getting into position-

 **[Hitting: 24][Attack Checks: 16+29=45, 16+24=40, 5+19=24, 14+14=28, All Attacks Land!]**

Cody took a step back, readying to parry his likely 2-4 strikes, putting his arms up into a defensive boxing stance ready to bob and weave…

A flash of light blinded his left eye, and dazed his right-

And in the split moment Lazarus had shined the intruding light of day into Cody's windows to his soul, Cody's body had been coated in slashes and gashes and unending pain-dripping metal flavored crimson onto the floor of the tower.

He had been struck so fast it was as if he had been frozen in time with the whips of hell licking his form.

Cody fell to one knee, gaging his injuries...he was unsure how many times Lazarus had hit him…

 **[Damage Rolls: 2+1+13=16, 2+1+13=16, 1+1+13=15, 6+1+13=20]**

 **[Damage Total: 16+16+15+20=69!-88=21!]**

Cody shook his head, growling, leaping into battle stance, while spitting venom at the offending monster-slayer, it didn't matter how hard or fast Lazarus hit him, Cody would throw more fury than the worthless terrorist could muster through sheer force of will!

"You're gonna-"

Cody was cut off…

 **[Hitting:24][Attack Check: 19+9=28, Crit Rolled!]  
[Damage Roll: 1+1+13=15x2=30!]  
[Damage Total: 30!-21=-9HP!]**

Lazarus stood motionless, seemingly still, until Cody blinked and…

Blackness…

Half his vision had been engulfed in an unfaltering darkness, like his left lid never opened over one fateful blink and had just given up...

Cody coughed up blood, looking down at himself...he had been cut not once...but twice, one strike to the side of his head, almost sundeting the hero's skull and leaving his eye in two pieces...and one to the abdomen, chopping into him like a poor cut to a tatami mat…

Cody was on his knees again before he realized it, staring up at Lazarus...whose second blade had somehow managed to work itself back into his teeth, both blade and wielder coated in Cody's blood…

And that's when Cody realized he wasn't in the turn order anymore…

Lazarus picked the boy up, sticking his blade through his ragged hoody and tossed him aside like a discarded scrap for the dogs, body impacting the windowsill of the glass that leaked in the afternoon's sun…

And he fell _through_ it, glass cracking and raining onto the woods below.

Barreling through the air like a bird shot from the sky-his character sheet dinging with new XP the instant he left the tower...

Lazarus shifted his attention to the rest of the party, saying no words, but posing nonchalantly like this was a casual occurrence, expecting them to just take off after the easy brutalization of their friend.

The remaining duo...stood there, unregistering, bodies frozen...how was one to register something like that?

"W-what?" T choked out, body starting to register what just happened...and Luka?

Luka…

Lost it.

He screamed, not roared, screamed as his pupils shrunk to pinpricks, body burning, head aching like it was going to pop a blood vessel, and he _charged_ at Lazarus.

And when he got close, an avalanche roared through his ears as he _swung_ with the weight, and fury, of a mountain.

 **[Mountain Hammer Engaged!]**

 **[Hitting:21][Attack Check: 14+15-5(Power Attack)+2(Charge)=26, Success!]  
[Damage Roll: 5+6+(5+6)(Mountain Hammer)+5(Power Attack)+2(Weapon)+2(Feats)=31!]**

 **[Knockdown Proc'd!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: Luka 11+8=19 Laz 10+2=12, Luka Wins!]**

 **[Hitting:21][Attack Check: 11+15-5(Power Attack)+2(Charge)=23, Success!]  
[Damage Roll: 5+6+5(Power Attack)+2(Weapon)+2(Feats)=20!]  
[Damage Total: 40!-161=110HP!]**

Luka's screams turned into a roar as he...he so resembled the boy he was, and the boy he was at the beginning, his arms _moving_ with nary a thought but filled with so much anger and anguish as he swung, attempting a vertical, but accidentally slashing at Lazarus' body from his bad arms shoulder- his blade raised in a feeble attempt to stop it as Angel Halo _sunk_ into him deeply, weaving through his body, _hurting his soul_ , weakening it and the force causing his legs to give out, his knees slamming into the floor- but halfway through he just barely stopped it-

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Mountain Hammer, and Revitalizing Strike]**

 **[Mountain Hammer And Smite Engaged]**

 **[Hitting:21][Attack Check: 3+18+4(Prone)+3(Smite)=28, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 6+(3+4)(MH)+12+2(Weapon)+8(Smite)=35!]**

 **[Damage Total: 35!-110=75HP!]**

Two roars joined in an acapella of death that filled Lazarus' ears, another blade flashed out suddenly from Luka's side, T appearing as he smashed his bastard sword into his shoulder, the blade slicing through him as blood exploded out and the two blades met in unison, his one arm unable to hold against them as both blades _crashed_ through him, soul and body bursting apart as the unholy amount of damage sank in through him, the duo twisting their blades as one back into stance, the final words of the chant, 'Mountain, HAMMER!' sinking through their minds as they finished.

Lazarus's blades stayed in his mouth the whole time...he hated doing exhausting things, but now...now it was necessary to go all out...and doing so only once would be necessary…

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Checks: 8+27=35-4=31, 12+27=39-4=35, 12+27=39-4=35, 14+27=41-4=37, 16+27=43-4=39, All Attacks Land!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 1+1+13=15, 1+1+13=15, 2+1+13=16, 6+1+13=20, 4+1+13=18]**

 **[Damage Total: 15+15+16+20+18=87!-76=-11HP!]**

Even from the ground, Lazarus had become a razorblade tornado, focusing the first of his attacks on T-becoming a blur of movement until he was crouched on the ground-deftly striking and stabbing in-between the tank's plates like water flowing through a strainer.

T...T just stumbled, a second time, a second time his brain couldn't compute as his face went slack and he just...couldn't believe it. His body blasted blood out- where was it from? The rest of his body was fine- just a pain in his left shou-

He stared dumbled as his right arm compensated, his eyes just...staring for a moment.

On the floor lay his arm.

What?

And then the pain hit him, his mind screaming, nerves slamming signals at something under there as he screamed, his legs beginning to give out- but his head suddenly jerked to the side to look- worried, he can't- couldn't ha-

 **[Hitting: 19][ Attack Checks: 19+27=46-4=42, 19+22=42-4=38, 20+17=37-4=33, 20+12=32-4=28, 20+7=27-4=23…]**

 **[ALL ATTACKS CRIT!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: … ]**

 **[Damage Total: … ]**

He was...he was alright! So, so still but, he was alright-

T choked, eyes burning as...as…

As his boy fell apart, like a doll with its limbs popped off.

His entire form crumbled suddenly after a breath, arms and legs fleeing where they were supposed to, his torso slamming down as his head tumbled- his helmet leaving his body as T eyes could not pull away.

He looked so surprised, tears still in his eyes and leaking, leaking a clear, clear liquid as he leaked pure color from everywhere else.

Who was screaming?

Why did it sound like him?

He did not know, and he did not care about the pain in his arm and the pain in his throat, all he could see was blurry and red- so much red, Luka's red, he was bleeding too- _too much_.

He did not fall, he could not fall.

 **[Actual HP: -11]**

 **[Delayed Damage Pool: 15!]**

 **[Effective HP: 4!]**

He felt divine inspiration flow through him- no longer comforting, its lack of anger sickened him, and what it gave him as well.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: White Raven Tactics!]**

He wanted to puke, he wanted to cry, he wanted to scream.

God was laughing at him, and all he had to his name was a **[Revitalizing Strike]** that could do nothing, anger, and a **[Furious Counterstrike]** that mocked him, for he felt it would not go beyond its current limits.

His entire being screamed, and burned, and thrashed as his mind cracked apart, and his fury was unending...but something...something wrapped around him, warm, and comforting, and while his mind screamed it...twisted a bit, and did something he did not expect.

 **[Revitalizing Strike Engaged!]**

 **[? Engaged!]**

 **[? Engaged!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Checks: 12+18+3(?)+4(?)+3(Furious Counterstrike)+4(Prone)=41, Success!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 7+18+2(Weapon)+3(Furious Counterstrike)+(5+7+5+1+2+6+8+3)(?)=67 Damage!]**

 **[Healing!: 1+1+1+8=11+4=15!]**

 **[Damage Total: 67-75!=8HP!]**

 **[Damage Undelayed: 15-15=0HP Remaining]**

His hand flipped his blade around, reversed and pointed away from where it usually was, an icepick grip, T's hand raising as his back arched, body and mind roaring as one as he smashed the blade into Lazarus' stomach- the ground _cratering_

What?

That's what his mind froze into after he hit, the rage drifting away as his eyes cleared- he felt...he felt a presence to his right…

He looked, his eyes meeting with blue, which glowed gold, a mystical gold glowing Luka's arms wrapped around his neck as he looked sad, regretful, T could almost feel him squeeze a bit harder before an unfelt wind blew by and Luka dispersed like a cloud.

Luka's soul departed from this world and all T could feel now...was soul consuming grief as all feeling left him and...

 **[Damage Undelayed: 15-15=0HP Remaining]**

He collapsed body bonelessly hitting the floor as he lost all feeling, helmet tumbling off, and alive, in spite of the blood that literally _exploded_ out of him, bathing Lazarus and everything around him in red.

Lazarus stood up, pulling the blade from his stomach...one eye squinting with the pain the party had put him through-even in victory, he is disgraced...how could these excuses of heroes fight him this close to the wire?

He sighed...shaking his head, staring at the bodies on the floor, closing his eyes, and saying a silent prayer for their salvation.

As much as he gave them shit.

They were great men, that if on a slightly different path, he'd love to have fought with and not against.

He opened his eyes once more...to stare at the light coming in through the broken window…

To find a shadow towering over his body, covering him like a blanket, and almost blocking out the sun and denying the tower any of its warmth….

"Laz…" he heard an almost human growl from it, a body covered in dark-purple scales, a body too rugged to be Cody's...but had the same missing eye, the same gashes in his body, Lazarus could even almost see the view of San Ilia through it.

It took a step towards him, Lazarus instantly shook the confusion off and noted, "W-what?!"

On Cody's feet, were T's Slippers of Spider Climb, the ones he forgot to pocket…

"Well...this a surprise, I can hardly believe you can stand with those wounds…" Lazarus swallowed, "The sun is coming through you, like a ragged flag flying in the morning."

Cody came towards him, stopping mid-walk, still fighting with agony, trying to keep a face as straight as possible.

Lazarus started to stroll around the injured boy, looking at the oddity of his body, "I'd let you live for the pain I've put you through, you don't seem like you could fight me at this point but...you're not a man, are you?"

He stopped, staring out the window, "You're not a beast either...you're a man who has made himself into a monster through sheer force of will."

Looking over his shoulder, "You really should've just stayed down, a creature like that...an unholy, Ilias-forsaken being like you, shall receive nothing more than death," he readied his one blade, the other having dropped while he was speaking.

He moved to attack but...it...it wasn't his turn...

Something shined from the darkness of the room, something Cody could see even with his now blind eye.

Two white dots amidst a sea of red and black.

 **[White Raven Tactics Engaged!]**

"This is for Luka, you son of a bitch." T said, his voice somehow echoing through the chamber, his remaining arm holding up his upper body too look at Lazarus and Cody as it just wouldn't, quit.

And from T flowed the call of the raven, White, Pure, and Furious.

And Cody answered it, with equal fervor.

Cody jerked around, bright, brilliant, flowing wings of avian nature bursting from his back-like the wings of a fallen angel, the sound of a raging, roaring dragon filling and bursting Lazarus's eardrums as Cody's fists exploded into motion much faster than they previously could-

Acting not once…  
Not twice…  
 _ **But three times.**_

Time slowing to a stop as Cody struck not with just the raven in his eyes, but the raven in his soul, and the angel lost to the wind...neither T, nor him noticed, the only one in the room who realized it...was Lazarus...

" **MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!"**

 **[Hitting:18(Not Dual Wielding)][Attack Checks: 7+16=25, Success!]**

 **[Damage: 7+9=16,]**

 **[Damage Total: 8-16=-8HP!]**

 **[AC Changed]**

 **[Hitting:10(Not Conscious)] [14+16=30, 7+16=23, 16+16=32, 19+13=30, 14+13=27, 11+11=22, 11+11=22, 15+11=26, 16+11=27, 20+6=26, 14+6=20, 10+1=11, 16+1=17, 19-4=15, 15-4=11]**

 **[Attack Hits: HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, CRIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT]**

 **[8+9=17, 2+9=11, 6+9=15, 12+9=21, 6+9=15, 2+9=11, 5+9=14, 2+9=11 ,3+9=12 , 6+9x2=30, 3+9=12, 9+9=18, 2+9=11, 5+9=14, 6+9=17]**

 **229**

" **MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA-"**

" **WWWWWRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY-AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"**

 **[Hitting:10(Not Alive)][Attack Checks: 18+16=34, 2+16=18, 13+16=29, 6+16=22, 15+13=28, 18+13=31, 18+11=29, 2+11=13, 9+11=20, 7+11=18, 19+6=25, 6+6=12, 19+1=20, 19+1=20, 16-4=12, 15-4=11]**

 **[Attack Hits: HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT]**

 **[8+9=17 6+9=15 12+9=21 8+9=17 10+9=19 4+9=13 5+9=14 11+9=20 2+9=11 6+9=15 10+9=19 7+9=16 8+9=17 5+9=14 6+9=15 11+9=20]**

 **263**

Cody had climbed on top of Lazarus as he fell, slamming his fists over and over into what was left of the excuse of a human while he was against the floor of the tower, the floor cracking and crumbling…

" **MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!"**

 **[Hitting:10(Still Not Alive)] [6+16=22, 20+16=36, 14+16=30, 7+13=20, 4+13=17, 5+11=16, 10+11=21, 9+11=20, 16+11=27, 18+6=24, 12+6=18, 13+1=14, 15+1=16, 16-4=12, 20-4=16]**  
 **[Attack Hits: HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT, CRIT]**

 **[3+9=12 10+9=19 3+9=12 6+9=15 11+9=20 12+9=21 8+9=17 10+9=19 6+9=15 9+9=18 4+9=13 9+9=18 11+9=20 7+9=16 10+9=19 12+9=21x2=41!]**

 **295**

 **[Damage Total:787-(-8)HP=-779HP]**

The last strike sent dust through the air, blinding Cody as the floor beneath him buckled and fell, and so did they, through the dust, blood, and pain, they cut through the air like stones through water….striking the ground with Lazarus on the bottom, the shock reverbing though the floor-shattering every single mirror in the maze, one by one….

 **[Falling Damage]  
[Damage Total: 3-(-779)=-782HP!]**

Cody rolled onto the floor, staring at the hole in the ceiling, drenched in sweat, entire body already aching from the physical stress…

All of his clothes but his magic items and (barely) his underwear had been destroyed, ripped into threads…

And Cody passed the fuck out.

T's body began to give out on him as his visioned darkened and he also black-

Then confetti exploded all over the blood and gore of the room and he was 100% conscious having gained **[Diehard]** from the levels.

 _ **Final ED: King Crimson - Epitaph**_


	14. Chapter 14

**Act 2: Ripples in Time**

 **OP:** _Anthem - Far Away_

 **ED:** _Led Zeppelin_ _\- Achilles Last Stand_

 **Chapter 14: Two Dragons**

 **[Shine On]**

"Cody…" Alice's voice shakily and barely produced the boy's name, he was the first one she found...and if he looked like _this_ , she couldn't imagine what the others where in for….

She dropped to the floor, almost crushing the scaleless human with her body, he was no longer a monster bursting from its cage of skin, in its place lay a wounded, broken man…

She stroked his hair, hoping he'd spring awake...he was breathing, but out cold, she closed her eyes, there was nothing she could do for him, except wrap him up and hope he wouldn't bleed out until T could heal him.

She grit her teeth, eyes shooting open, _no._

There had to be at least _something_ she could do after discovering all of her strange new magics...page upon mental page of abilities she hadn't used that she received the moment she realized she had to roll dice.

She had to think more like Cody, more like T...more like the party.

She sat up, placing her hands on the boy's unconscious body, hands glowing as she cast a spell on him…

And polymorphed him into an elf, if only for a moment, it however, was enough to get him awake before she turned him back.

 **[Polymorph]** healed the subject as if it had rested for a night.

 **[Healing: 10+-9=1HP]**

His eyes shot open, seeing his foreign body...which was only there for a fleeting moment, since Alice hadn't concentrated on the spell, and he also actively tried to shift himself back.

"Cody!" she repeated, louder this time, looking away to try to hide the fact she was crying, "Where's the others? Where's Luka?"

She didn't know what they were tears of, anger, frustration...joy for not having to deal with their shit anymore, but there were tears.

Cody groaned, sitting up, then jumped up as all of the events shot through his head, "Top floor!" he replied, turning to run, but was stopped by a mix of **[Exhaustion]** and Alice grabbing his shoulder, "Slow...Cody, slow…" she slowly shifted to help him stand, "I don't even know how you're standing at this point…"

He sighed with frustration, slowing to a walk at her pace, albeit a brisk one, "They…" he swallowed a golfball, "They…"

"Cody, please!"

"Luka's dead!" he outright yelled, "And T...I...I don't know…"

She instantly lifted him up into her arms, taking off up the stairs like she had been hurled like an Olympic hammer, the door wide open, she slipped into ground zero, almost dropping through the hole Cody had made with Lazarus' body.

She took the scene in...

She heard it sooner then she saw it, wails, sobs, _screams_ , a mix of relief and weight washing over her.

Cody worked himself out of her arms, quickly getting over to the sounds...

Hunched, curled over, was a red coated figure, familiar, but...missing a part of his silhouette, his body scrunched on the floor, wrapping around something like it was the most important thing in the world as his cries of anguish echoed, only broken up by breaths which he used to seemingly try and deafen himself to what was going on.

Pressed up against his chest, one arm holding up against him as his body caved in, was a familiar purple splash of color.

Cody knew Luka was dead, but Cody soon figured out _how_ he died.

Scattered like a broken doll, shattered apart by a clean blade slice five times over.

T shook, vibrating, _quaking_ as his voice gave out, his throat unable to keep up as his raging sadness quieted to a sad whimper, sharp intakes of breath, snorts, and choked sobs.

Cody dropped to his knees next to the caped warrior, looking down at the ground, balling and unballing his right fist…

He knew the deed was done…

But everything in his body wanted to go downstairs just to punch Lazarus for another hundred times, to beat his broken body down every single floor of the tower and through the Earth.

Alice came down in-between what was left of the party, putting an arm around to the two of them, wanting to pull close, but, not, not wanting to pull the duo out of their states of loss and acceptance.

T, for a moment, tensed like a beast, every muscle coiling as his head whipped to her and murder on his face- until he saw the duo proper.

So absorbed was he in his lamentation, he didn't even notice them.

His face eased, the anger- for a split second he had oozed murderous intent at the thought of one of Lazarus' men or one of the monster girls that got away defiling this.

As much as he wanted to scream at Alice- for not training him, for being as she was, for, to- to just take it _out_ on someone.

She, unknowingly, was someone who did not even realize how much she had lost, what could of been, and he could not push her away.

And so, not alone, his face calmed, he sniffed, getting a rains on his being, and placed Luka's head down- having arranged the body to some semblance of human form.

It still felt so wrong, but he was not a caster, he was not a paladin, nor was he a cleric.

He was a martial class, a mere crusader, and there was nothing he could do to at least unmar a boy who deserved it so much.

And so his body, tense from sobbing, tense from anger, tense...forcibly unwound, as he...became nothing, and just...stared, body slack, at the closed eyed Luka.

Alice unwrapped her arm from T's neck as Cody leaned his head onto his lords shoulder, muscles untensing, useless anger beginning to flee his body.

She pressed a palm to Luka's head...casting…

 **[Gentle Repose]**

His limbs and head came together-where they should be, blood washing away from his body as he almost looked whole again, missing nothing but his soul.

She slowly took her hand back, looking away...seeing him whole made it slightly harder on her, even though she was the least affected of the group.

She felt the presence of a hand on her shoulder, and a familiar voice devoid of its usual stubbornness and bravery, pigheaded defiance, or sunny, dumb happiness, hissed out through a marred throat "Thank...Thank you…" it said, gripping her as if to try and convey how much it meant, before letting go, never breaking his eye contact with the body.

"Thank you…" Cody echoed with a breathe, closing his eyes...he liked to close his eyes when he felt uncertain...not when he was alone, but when he was in the arms of something he could trust to do the seeing for him.

Was he always this small? He looked...looked so much more like the kid they met at the start, the blind, ignorant, happy little kid they dragged along as some deus ex machina.

But he was also the bright, shining little buddy they made, who's eyes secretly shined so bright when he looked at those two, and fought for those two...and died, for those two. It's almost funny how happy he'd be to have bought T those precious few seconds.

It only made T sick though.

"Idiot…" Alice declared semi-flatly, not knowing who she was referring to, eyes straying around the tower now...spotting a large pile of…loot, leftover from the battle, it made her a bit sick to her stomach that the new rules of the universe was throwing shinies around even at a time like this...

 **[Shine On]**

They almost didn't recognize them walking down the road, so different were they from before.

Team Draught only realized who it was by a certain purple snake lady that was there.

One was missing, and an odd combination of the two plated members stood there, dressed in the apparel of both of them.

Left side shrouded in a familiar dull burgundy red cloak, the armor seemed more similar to Luka's, but the height and build unmistakably T's. Upon his back peaked out T's bastard sword, but sharing space with it was another handle, completely covered in cloth, his left hip bore three weapons, a longsword, a mace, and another longsword- leather tightly wrapped around the crossguard and handle obsessively.

"There you are!" Jamie's face lit up, "Jessi's ring has been going off for a while now!"

Cody pulled his matching ring from his pocket, staring at it in his palm as they came closer to each other…

He wanted to tell them everything, wanted to make sure the entire world knew of the untimely death of the pure angel…

But he didn't have the social tact to tell, or the fervor to just yell it to the expected company.

"Your eye!" Jessi suddenly yelped as she noticed Cody wearing T's eyepatch, "What happened?" she broke out into a swift jog, "You're not just wearing to be 'punished' or whatever the hell, right? That's-"

Cody wrapped his fist around the ring in his palm, hand shaking a bit, "Don't worry about my eye…" he grit his teeth, "I can just make a new one if I want to."

"Eh?" Jessi quirked a brow, "Make a new one?" her hand started to glow, starting to bring it towards his face, "I can just fix-"

He jerked his hand up, gripping her wrist, "Listen!" he snapped, then sighed, letting her go when she canceled her cast, "...don't worry…" he looked at his feet, "there's...there's...worse news…"

T, quiet and broody it was seeming for a hot moment, paused, and stared at Jessi with a look of confusion.

"Were you...just about to heal his eye back?" T asked hesitantly, not one to hope blindly.

He would probably need to work on not referring to sight things given his bros condition but I spose everyone else will also fuck up on hand statements and jokes, so its all even.

"I...I think that's how my magic works...why?" She blinked.

"You're…" Cody's eyes shot up, "You're a cleric!" he realized.

T reached out at her for a moment, before thinking better of manhandling her like a convenient healing item.

"Don't even think about it…" Alice let go of the wagon she was pulling, slithering forth, "If Ilias doesn't want him back, then he's not coming back."

That...put a damper on things, but T clenched his fist "But we have to _try_." T stressed with a strain to his tone.

"T, your arm!" Jamie ran up, Nyeowth quick behind, "What happened?"

"What do you mean...he's not coming…" Jessi's eyes widened, "Wait...wait…Luka's fucking dead isn't he?!" her arms came up, guarding her body from what seemed to be an invisible attacker...

T looked over, popping off his helmet- he thought he wouldn't be doing that for...a long time, but maybe...he can hope?

Either way he gave the most pained smile to the crew, eyes red and face still stained by his little crying session.

"We...won," he says "But..I guess we didn't win, or it wasn't a win worth winning." T says, pulling his cloak up- revealing the missing limb right to the base.

"And it's all my fault…" Cody dug his hands into his new purple snakeskin jacket's pockets...

"It was all our dumb faults, we were cocky, we were dumb, and we paid for it." T said with a morose look about him.

Jamie took a step back, she didn't...she wasn't bothered very much, Luka wasn't a boy she knew very well, and the rest of the crew made a bigger deal of the party than she did, "I…" she rubbed the back of her neck, "I don't know what to say...did you bury him already?"

"It was...too recent for us to really...do that it- it hadn't felt right, I guess, too soon." T spoke up, sounding...normalish, though his voice sounded hoarse, like he had a cold or something.

"We can't bury him here," Alice narrowed her eyes.

"I'd die before we put him anywhere but smack dab next to his mom." T said honestly "Would ram myself right up against whatever was trying." T said, chuckling, though it didn't feel like there was humor put into it.

"You know where that is?"

"Iliasvillage, someone's gotta know, I doubt being the stout religious boy Luka was that there wasn't a procession by the priest, ask him and blam, location located." T said, having thought about all of this "If that didn't work, I had other options."

"Okay…" Alice nodded as she replied softly, arms still crossed, "I'll go after I know you're all okay…and, after I've prepared for it...probably in the morning."

"And after...we see about what Jessi can _do_. If she's, she's what I _think_ she is…" T said, hands gripping tighter as his grin became a bit too wide "Then maybe this'll all work out?" he said, the smile reaching his eyes a little with a bit of upquirk to them.

"I...I doubt…" Alice shook her head, "Of course...the spell I cast on him to keep him intact lasts twenty days. And I can always cast it again."

She hugged herself a bit tighter than usual, "Can I...can I lay down?"

Cody blinked, "You're asking?"

"I'm pulling the cart."

"I'll pull the cart...no problem…" he swallowed, "Though, I really just want to get somewhere to recover after that too."

"Did he die today?!" Jessi questioned, arms going back down

"When I said not to long ago take a second and look at my face." T said in deadpan "And I'll pull the cart- I'll pull the shit out of the cart." he said- feeling productive now.

"I watched him get cut into pieces...or...well…I...I think I did…" Cody grit his teeth, "I'll pull the cart…"

"We'll pull the cart…" Jamie came forward, "It's the least we can do."

"Y'know what? Knock yourself out." T said, rolling his eyes "If Alice's several ton snake tail and all that other crap cause you to choke on the pull bar, gurgle a song and we'll help you out." T joked, a little sunnier, a little more cheerful.

It was hard to stay serious around them, and around that _nice_ new bit of information.

Jamie sighed, "Fine...but I'm not sitting inside of it…"

"No one does, except Alice, and me when Alice is pulling it...and...well...Luka's in there…" Cody sighed again, "I wouldn't mind riding back there at this point but, it doesn't seem very respectful."

"Cody…" Alice came slithered up to him, wrapping an arm around him, "We can take turns carrying each other…"

"That works."

She smirked, scooping his legs up with an arm, cradling him like a child, giving him a quick peck on the cheek, "I can't taste tears anymore…"

"San Ilia's not far but…" Cody's voice trailed off for a second, "Dealing with assholes isn't how I want to mourn...resurrection or not."

"If Jessi can't currently cast resurrection him, fighting Granberia for a level." T said with a shrug

"Gran...Granberia?" Cody quirked a brow, "T…"

"Granberia?" Jessi questioned, "We just got back from there, Granberia's not there…ho Granberia definitely isn't _there_ of all places."

"What the hell where you doing there?" Cody questioned.

"We...uh…" she looked away, "Forgot where the boss was and needed a book."

"Interesting…" Alice narrowed her eyes, "What book?"

"She can't tell you! It's a secret!" Jamie stepped in front of her.

"Can you tell me?" T asked, wondering if she was a comedic stupid alignment character.

"No! I can't tell you! I'd like..die...not literally...well, probably literally…" Jamie chuckled.

"...So it's that book…" Alice concluded, "Who's your boss? Why…"

"Alice, take one minute to think about who their boss probably is," Cody reached up, booping her nose, "Why would you know who be their boss?"

"Oh...right…" she shook her head, "I'm an idiot."

"Either way though, if Granberia is stalking us then the Granberia Everywhere system demands she show up, so we're checking it out I guess, might have something important." T declared

Cody's face went blank.

"Eyepatch...snakeskin…" he muttered.

"What about my skin?" Alice questioned.

"It's really soft, remember?" he rubbed his face against her like a cat...expecting at least a look from T, "Yeah...we can go to San Ilia I guess...just...be ready to huddle around the peanut gallery if you're right…"

T looked contemplative, and then smirked, feeling fucked up and exhilarated at the same time, and feelin' like things, even things he'd prefer to not be doing for incredible fears, were just challenges to face.

Luka was going to be alive after some grinding, Alice was being less of a colossal mooching bitch, and with Granberia waiting in the next place to get lynched by him and Cody's newfound strength- he'd probably be able to squirrel her away to deal with his problem, and then deal with his bros problem.

All was right, and he was on top of things, even with a speed bump or two...it, it really relieved him.

 **[Shine On]**

"Please sign your name on this application form…" the bored guard said boredly as he stuck a piece of modern printing paper? Into the face of the party, "Hey wait...weren't you ladies already here?" his eyes shot open, "You're mon-"

"They were to test your defences against monsters, how would you say you did?" Cody cut him off, "Because they'd say you didn't do the best job you can do…"

"That's gonna look really bad on our report…" T said, ball busting the guard as he played the inspector card.

"You're all idiots, and we'd like to talk to the King about it," Alice crossed her arms.

 **[Bluff Check: 4+4(Assist Actions)=8!]**

 **[Sense Motive Check: 3-3=0, Cody Wins!]**

"Oh uhuhuh, of course!" he started sweating a bit, "Just uh...can you sing in?"

Cody signed his name, passing the form over to T, "No need for my cohorts to sign, we're the heroes that wish to meet the King, right?"

Jamie and Nyeowth were absent, still being at the cart.

"Of course…" The guard replied uneasily.

T signed his name, grinned, and handed it back to the guard.

"O-oh! Uh, welcome to San Ilia uhhh...Mr. G-Gats-" the guard began, spaghetti oozing from his pouches.

"Wup-bupbupbup _What did you just say?!_ " T said, fake getting onto the guys case as he looked like he was about to have a panic attack "It's GATSU!, GAT-SU! Say it with me!" T spoke up loudly like a drill sergeant.

"G-GAtsu!" "LOUDER MAGGOT!" "GATSU!" "That's the spirit, if I wanted to hear a fly fart coming from you mouth!" " **GATSU!** " the guard "You're missing something important!" "G- **GATSU** sir!" he said, feeling like a trainee again.

Thankfully this time he didn't pee his pants.

T looked satisfied, crossing his arms, and pretty sure he just took out the emotional stress from earlier out on the guy.

But honestly people, especially Ilias people, kinda deserve it.

And so relieved to be free of that, he went to the next one, hopefully this would be less of an ordeal.

"And uh...Mr…" He paused.

"Fateburn?" the guard questioned, "Your...your last name is Fateburn?"

"Yes sir, Atlas Fateburn," Cody bowed, "It's...yeah, a bit hard to explain, so I'll spare you the details, yeah?" Cody stepped passed the perplexed man on duty before he could respond, Alice following suit, with a slight pink on her cheeks

"Idiot…" she got beside Cody and slapped the back of his head.

T just ignored it, for favor of...well he probably needed to check with Cody if the plan was a go but it'd be fine- right?

"You're really letting _them_ in?" They heard an unfamiliar, rugged voice, one of the guards instantly got up from the wall and walked over to the party, he seemed to be the oldest one there, and wore slightly different heraldry.

Jessi turned around glaring at the man, "What?" she crossed her arms.

"Excuse me?" Cody turned to the guard, "Is there a problem?"

"Yeah...I saw you pointing your dagger at every Ilias statue you walked by...pictures too! Back at the port," he walked closed to Cody, towering over him, "You're here for an audience? What a joke! I'm kicking you out right now!" he slipped his blade from his scabbard a hair, "Make it easy and just leave!"

"Yeah...that's not gonna happen," Cody crossed his arms, "I don't know who you have me mistaken with, but I'm a…"

"Your name is Cody, you're the warrior that's fallen in love with Granberia in Iliasburgh when she attacked there!" the Captain (probably) concluded, "You're not a hero, and now you're going to leave."

"Now you're just being stupid," Cody smirked smugly as the party was slowly surrounded blindly by three more guards, ready to jump at the order, "Now, who the fuck are you?"

"Yeah, he's taken!" Jessi snapped.

The guard pulled his blade completely from its scabbard, growling, "We're done here, if they speak one more word, force them out…hands on, don't kill them…I'll be there with my sword if things go south…" he stepped away from the party, smirking...eyes flashing another color.

Cody looked over at T, "Tell them to go eat shit."

"Fuck no, why don't you do it?" T said, smiling as he said this, and unclipping his longsword from his belt.

"Eat shit, assholes!" Cody cracked his neck, raising his fists, "Fall off your high horse!"

 **[Initiative: Cody: 11+4=15 T: 10-5=5 Guards: 10+1, Captain: 14+5=19, Alice: 11+12=23, Jessi: 2+3=5 ]**

 **[Turn Order: Alice, Captain, Cody, Guards, Jessi, T]**

Safe to say T looked really god damned confused at the fact Alice showed up in the chains of the turn order actively, instead of at 0 where the non-participants went.

Alice sighed, "I don't know if I should get involved with this or not…I suppose you knew you'd find a fight here, but at the same time," she yawned, "This doesn't seem like it's important."

"Cody, just turn into a monster and scare them…" She held her action after Cody's.

The Captain...took off? Was he leaving his men under orders not to use weapons alone against these four?!

And thus it was Cody's turn, which was not good news for the hapless guardsmen.

They'd survive- in comas for like a week or five, but they'd survive.

Cracking his knuckles, he replied to Alice, "That won't be necessary," and readied his first strike…

 **[Hitting:15][Attack Check: 3+14=17, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 9+5=14!+15=15(14NL)]**

The guard's helmet shattered and sent shard of steel into his face at the non-chalant blow, he stumbled back, now freaking the fuck out that a man was capable of this with his _bare fucking hands_ , the guard collpased to his knees, throwing his hands in front of his face, "Please...please stop!"

Cody jerked around the moment he was disposed off, throwing his leg out wide from an overly-telegraphed roundhouse into the next one-

 **[Hitting:15][Attack Check: 19+14=33! Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 9+5=14+15=15(14(NL)**

It was the same story with this guard as well-just barely conscious after the blow, with a ringing head and a shattered helmet…

Cody deftly switched targets, throwing one of his Slam Attacks at the gut of the last one...throwing in his second one for good measure.

 **[Hitting: 15][Attack Checks: 12+14=26, 1+14=15, All Attacks Land!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 3+5=8, 1+5=6]**

 **[Damage Total: 8+6=14+15=15(14NL)]**

They were all still standing...at least two of them were...he held back a bit too much on his barrage...

 **[Hitting:15][Attack Checks: 8+23-4=27, 2+18-4=16, All Attacks Land!]**

Alice reached out, grabbing the two remaining guards-and gently knocking their heads together...dropping them out cold with what was basically just a light breeze.

"We should leave…" Alice suggested simply.

"If they want to fight us on nothing more than that asshole's words, that's on them…" Cody looked around them, ready for more, "Not like we're killing them…"

"Damn right, brat! I'm not leaving until we're here for what we want!" Jessi cracked her knuckles, "Let's crack some skulls…." she smirked, shooting T and Cody a seductive glare, "I've been working on my abs…"

"For a day?"

"Shut up!"

"Dork." T says with a grin covered by helmet as he strutted to the door and paused

"Fine…" Alice sighed, "I'll watch."

"Y'know I- Honestly forgot for a moment." he said, giving the door a soft kick "Could someone open the door for me? My hand is full." He says with a mix of awe at the missing limb, and chagrin, and something darker, but his bright ass mood was having none of that.

Just something he's got to deal with, nothing that can't be fixed, 'specially with magic.

Jessi walked over, twisting the doorknob, "So...I'm guessing who happened to Cody's eye happened to your arm…"

"I'd be more fucked about it if you didn't exist, I'd kiss you, but I'd prefer to have my faculties still operating." T said honestly "Plus taking off the helmet one handed is a fucking chore." T added tiredly as he swift action switched to **[Iron Guard's Glare]** to babysit Jessi- didn't know her level and he'd die before he let her do the same..

"K-kiss me?" Jessi smirked, "I'm glad you two have finally accepted your place as being the harem of hot men for my squad."

Cody grimaced, "Calling T hot…" then chuckled.

"The abs in a day question had me sweating- I'd have no excuse for my shape then." T said, hand clanging against his stomach plate- it was...odd to be a mix of chunk and _cronch_ with his previous fat but the game construct compensating for the fact he's got +4 more strength then before. Wait...does he look like a beer gut bear dad or like Kylo Ren?

God damn he needs a mirror.

"You're gonna get there definitely at this rate...I can't gain weight worth a damn and I'm already bulking up a little…" he pressed a hand to his stomach.

Jessi popped the door open…

 **[Guards Added to Initiative Order!]**

"Call off the fucking guards!" Cody instantly yelled seeing that the door opened to the throne room, and getting locked back into the turn order, "We're here on behalf of the unbaptized hero, Luka!"

It was now Jessi's turn, who stepped behind T and Cody, producing her rapier, waiting for them…

And thus, it was T's turn.

Inspiration flowed through him, divine and all that- he sometimes wonders if it's just general joojoo or if he's peeking up Ilias' proverbial martial skirt whenever he does this.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: Elder Mountain Hammer, Radiant Charge, Covering Strike, White Raven Tactics]**

Neato, not really useful at this range, but neato, and some part of him regrets packing _extremely_ alignment focused maneuvers but it felt right at the time.

"Baptized- and had visions from Ilias." T noted an addendum- "So stop, alright? We're here on a divine mission." T said with a friendly tone.

Cody slapped T on the back of the helmet, "Idiot!"

"The unbaptized hero, Luka," Cody crossed his arms and corrected.

The king stood up, "Alright men...calm down!" he commanded as hard as he could with his old voice.

The guards didn't lower their weapons, but they still backed off, ready to cut them down if they got anywhere near the old man.

"Here on his behalf?" the king seemed disappointed.

T rubbed the back of his helmeted head, not having moved much from the smack- bullshit high strength he'd guess, but either way, he spoke up "Yes, though it's more of a 'Have to' rather than a 'Want to'." T explained

"A have too…" he muttered, "Ilias said I would meet him, not...his lackeys…I presume."

" _Comrades_ , heroes tend to have a party of four to five, historically." T said in a bored tone "And eventually you will, but for now he's predisposed and so you've got us." T said

"Predisposed? He's supposed to defeat the monster lord!" The king exclaimed, "Where is he?"

"Busy with something _important_ , because being a hero is a full time job. This is important, he'd love to be here, but he's dealing with something else that supersedes this on priority, you'll see him eventually." T said with a sigh.

"Why where my men after you?" he changed the subject.

"Your guard captain apparently likes to either lie, or believe every wivestale he hears- he honestly believes one of the heroes party members fell in love with _Granberia_ , its stupid, because he wouldn't be here if he was." T said rolling his eyes "Can you believe it?" T said, trying his level best to throw the Captain under the bus.

"My Captain is also predisposed…" The king noted, "He shouldn't be back for weeks…"

T sighed, glaring at nothing "Doppelganger." T said boredly "We've been trailed by it, y'know, hero adventure business."

"We'll talk later, I'm gonna go beat the shit out of her," Cody turned around, pushing out of the room.

Jessi growled, " _That_ ugly bitch?!"

T follows "A comrades duty is never over." he said in a cheerful lilt.

Cody jerked around, stomping out of the room, then breaking out into a sprint in the direction the 'Captain' took off, sniffing the air as he ran, "Come out, bitch!" he yelled, "I don't need a **[Sense Motive]** to know who the fuck you are!"

It was utter, and complete chaos, guards losing their minds at the concept of a monster doing basically anything here- most of them here because they thought it'd be a _cushy_ easy job because I mean, who the hell _would_ attack San Ilia?

Guess that's an egg on their face now isn't it?

Cody made it to the end of the hall, finding that the guard force had piled shit tons of furniture in front of the large door to the main chapel, yelling and panicking, getting nobles away from the area.

"Guards only! There's a monster inside of there!" he noted one of them yelling.

Cody forced his way passed them with ease, straight to the barricade, demanding, "Let me through, right fucking now you overpaid cucks!"

One of them screamed "Wait, you guys are getting paid?"

Queue laugh track.

End laugh track.

"Sir...guests aren't really…"

"Shut the hell up, this is _the_ hero hotspot, so let us fight!" Cody slapped the guard and started to rip the furniture from the door, expecting either Granberia or the Doppleganger on the other side, "I'm coming through, you slimy sack of shit!"

He shoulder-checked the door, forcing his way into the empty chapel…

He didn't instantly see a monster, what he saw was…

A short, girly boy, with a long mane of white hair tied back into a rough ponytail, frantically going through a hand-written guest list, "I thought she said he'd be here!" his vision shot up to Cody, he lowered the list, left eye began to glow blue, "H-hey! Get out of here!" he shooed like he thought he didn't even have to try and scare Cody...treating him a bit like a tiny dog.

"Huh?" Cody calmed down almost instantly seeing the short man, "You're...they think you're a monster?"  
"I...I am!" the white haired kid balled his right hand that wasn't holding the list, "Now get out before...I…" he thought a moment, "I'll rape you! Right in front of this Ilias statue! You smell d-delicious!"

"Who the hell are you?" Cody took a step back, taking in the boy's appearance.

He was wearing a dirty, tore up, light purple...hoodie? Equally dirty blue jeans, and seemed unarmed aside from his fists.

His skin seemed to be one brown shade away from being caucasian, not quite tan, but like a lighter-skinned Eskimo.

"I'm…" the 'girl' glanced at his stolen guest list, "I'm Atlas Fateburn! In the flesh!"  
"Yeah...okay, what's your actual name?"

"...Uh...Sh-Shantae…"

Cody smirked a tad, "Shantae…" turning the name over in his hands a bit, "Who are you looking for?" he questioned, having an instant curiosity in this 'monster'.

"I'm looking for a party of three, Cody, a shor-"

"You found us, but there's only two, right now," Cody instantly replied.

"You…" Shantae blinked, hugging the list with his left arm, "You...you do fit the description she gave me."

"Who?" the smoke leaking, snakeskin jacket wearing shapeshifter crossed his arms.

During all this, T was...there, since Cody was taking the lead, and chuckling about calling Shantae 'Sea Shanty'. At this point? He was kind of peanut gallery-ing really hard, a little...out of depth on all this.

"Granberia!" Shantae proudly announced, "Granberia wants me to fight you! To get stronger by beating you two!"  
"Gran…?" Cody shook his head, getting back into character, "Sorry kid, but I think she sent you here to get your ass whooped and make _us_ stronger."  
"Just because I'm small doesn't mean I'm a kid!" Shantae snapped, "I'm nineteen!" he dropped the list, getting into a battle stance, "Call me a kid with your teeth all over the rug!"

Cody stuck his arm out, holding T back for a second, and started to approach the new combatant.

"Give me your best shot," Cody tilted his head to the side.

 **[Initiative: Cody: 0+4=4, Shantae: 15+8=23]**

 **[Turn Order: Shantae, Cody]**

Shantae crouched down, stretching his palm to make his hand into a 'blade'...or a paper to match Cody's rock, and suddenly lunged forward with an emerald light flashing from his body, shattering all the windows in the chapel…

 **[Emerald Razor!]**

 **[Hitting: 21][Attack Check: 5+11=16, Attack Failed!]**

The light faded, vision returning to all spectators to see...Cody had simply put his hand up and stopped Shantae's chop at the wrists, head still tilted.

"Eh? Impossible! No one can d-deflect the **[Emerald Razor]**!" Shantae gasped, jumping back away from Cody.

Even while he was yelling, his voice still sounded pretty soft, Cody couldn't help but crack another small smile.

"Come on…" Cody chose to take no action, "Hit me!"

Shantae grit his teeth, "Stop mocking me!" he made his hand back into a fist, stepping forward defly, rolling his body a bit to dodge any punches Cody could possibly throw in response to his approach, and-

 **[Hitting: 24][Attack Checks: 20+9=CRIT!, 18+9=27, Hit!, 20+2=CRIT!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 7+4=11x2=22!+95HP=95HP(22NL)]**

The brutal strike hit Cody square in the breadbasket, winding him and forcing him to step back, Shantae threw and uppercut afterwards which barely grazed the front of Cody's face as he fell back…

 **[Damage Roll: 1+4=5!+95HP=95HP(27NL)**

Shantae lunged forward, firmly smashing his head into Cody's nose-sending a horrible, familiar pain through it as blood started to trickle out.

 **[Damage Roll: 2+4=6x2=12!+95HP=95HP(39NL)]**

Cody was ready to take his turn, three hits was about the most he was expecting, even from a monk, but he was wrong if he thought he was going to-

 **[Unarmed Strike Landed! Scorpion's Grasp Active!]**

 **[Free Grapple Attempt!]**

Shantae reached out, ready to grab Cody by the jacket, but Cody was quick to wind up a counter…

 **[Grapple Detected! Close-Quarters Fighting Procc'd]**

 **[Hitting: 20][Attack Check: 2+14=16, Attack Failed!]**

Shantae reached up and caught Cody's fist, quickly turning it into a wristlock-

 **[Grapple Checks!][Cody: 7+18=25, Shantae:14+15=29, Shantae Wins!]**

Grapple always did unarmed damage, Shantae pulled Cody into his knee as he jerked it violently into his gut…

 **[Damage Roll: 10+4=14!+95=95HP(53NL)**

 **[10 Damage Done! Knockdown Procc'd!]**

 **[Opposed Strength Checks: Cody: 17+5=22, Shantae: 19+4+4(Improved Trip)=27!, Shantae Wins!]**

Shantae let go as soon as his knee made contact, Cody fell onto the floor of the chapel with the world's loudest 'pomf', Shantae stepped forwards, raising his leg for a follow-up stomp from his **[Improved Trip]**.

 **[Hitting: 24][Attack Checks: 10+11+4=25, Attack Success!]**

Cody submitted, giving up on trying to guard his body, and just letting this last hit land, might as well, right?

His entire body jostled as the...pretty damn modern looking boots slammed down onto his chest, dealing a whopping-

 **[Damage Roll: 3+4=7+95HP=95HP(60NL!)]**

Cody laid there, feeling that it was now his turn...not really knowing how to handle this oddly effective little shit that just fucking _destroyed_ him in one turn.

He really needs to not act like a cocky fuck.

He really needs to not be a cocky fuck.

Shantae shifted his gaze up to Cody's companion...seeing large purple...alphabetical characters(?) emanating from his form.

 **[Fearful Pre-]**

For a second an all form shaking fear was about to set in- his eyes averting downwards rapidly, T's following, seeing what he was directing his gaze to.

"Do you...do you...do you h-have an erection?!" Shantae blushed, looking down to Cody.

Cody nodded slightly after a pause of hesitation, "Yes."

T just stared for a moment, the menacing symbols becoming pink and popping like bubbles as he spoke. "I am ashamed that I know you. Feel shame." he points at him " _Shame_ purple boy two." he states "Good luck with that because I ain't getting within' five foot stepping distance of your temporarily snakeless trouser demon." he says crossing his- oh wait, he only has one arm.

He puts his hand on his hip he guesses- god that was weird.

Shantae dropped his battle stance as the blue flame in his eye faded with the turn order, "I..I...I th-thought that would be harder than it was!" he looked away, "I...I'm sorry for rolling so well and not getting to see the full extent of your…well, not...n-nevermind," Shantae stumbled over his words,playing with a stray lock of his white hair, "One more time…" he reasoned, "We can fight again after you get better...and it...it will be better!"

Cody sat up, "Uh…" he wanted to say something in response, but honestly couldn't.

"T, don't fucking make fun of Luka, coming back or not!" Cody's gaze shot towards T, eyes narrowing.

T glared back through his helmet "It's _fine_ because he's coming back, and it'll be like nothing _happened_." T said an a semi aggressive and defensive way, hand balling up into a fist.

"T! Would you like to fight me?" Shantae made a fist again, "I know how to beat you! Granberia taught me!"

T rolled his shoulders- shoulder, "And Granberia don't know shit about me as of now. Lot's happened kid, so let's get this spar then." he says, having not too little bit of aggression in him.

"But...she didn't say anything about you having one arm, sh-should I use one arm too?" Shantae questioned.

"If you do I'm not stopping beating on you until the non-lethal keeps you in a coma for a week." T says, unclipping his longsword and holding it in a unfamiliar- but unsettlingly familiar stance.

"You're not gonna heal me back?" Shantae looked worried, "What if I roll really bad and you roll really good?! It could actually take a w-week!"

For a second T falters, gaze moving to look behind him for some reason, before sighing, and looking back "Yeah, I'll heal you back, don't think about it." he says "I'll just teach you a lesson another way if you hold back." he says, that little dangerous glint in his eye.

"Why?" Shantae dug his hands into his hoodie pockets, "Fighting's what we do…why do you need t-to…"

"I won't be looked down upon just because of the shit that happened." T says with a growl before he shakes his head "I'm the same me, just one sixth lighter." He jokes.

And then a loud as fucking crashing noise rumbled the entire castle as dust filled the air and _huge_ chunk of the ceiling fell onto the ground...

Was that screams of pain?

The entire party flinched, Shantae gasped-almost a yelp, as he hunched over, begging the universe with a chant, "Please don't get in my hair! Please don't get in my hair!"

A silhouette stood up, having rode the rubble down, two wings, a large blade slung over her shoulder, she stepped off of the debris as the dust began to settle, revealing the wounded body of the doppelganger in guardform with her wings out on the chunk of ceiling.

"I decided to try punching her since that's what Cody and Shantae like doing…" Granberia announced calmly, "I remembered a little bit of what Alma did...turns out I can throw a punch," she shrugged, a shit eating grin growing across her face, "How'd my new boy do?"

"Beat Cody's ass and made him pop a boner, so for monster girl standards he's a head and shoulders above the rest with the stiffie count under his belt." T said casually with an easy-going smile on her helmet.

"It was pretty great…" Cody relaxed on the floor.

"I...I...I j-just rolled really well!" Shantae reasoned, "The fight would've been much cooler if Cody didn't have a dice curse going."

"Okay fucking seriously how the hell do you know _any_ of those words?" T said, confusion in his tone- and somewhat wishing he had a second hand to take off his helmet to be expressive with his face.

But between helmet and keeping the sword in his hand, he chose sword.

"Because it's like...well, it's like a dice game I used to play back at home…" Shantae tried to explain but not quite, "Apparently I'm the only one who's heard of it...so…"

Cody suddenly shot up, "Dungeons and Dragons."

Shantae's eyes widened, "Y-yes actually…" instantly turning to Granberia, "I have to travel with them, I've made up my mind from that one st-statement alone."

Granberia sheathed her blade, "Sure," she closed her eyes, "But I expect for you to be able to beat me when I meet again!"

She couldn't imagine this situation playing out any better.

Shantae's somehow able to beat Cody with the levels pumped into him.

She gets to fight all three of them and train them at the same time.

This was going to be _good._

She popped her eyes open once more, drawing her blade, "Enough talk! You two know what I'm here for! Go get Luka and get ready!"

T's frame becomes tense, like every muscle of his body held tension for a moment before he forced it to stop, his voice speaking with a false humor, think with...something, negative. "He's too preoccupied with something he can't help to fight right now." T says, his tone fake, but cheerful sounding

Cody stood up while he was talking, looking at the floor.

"Luka's dead."

Granberia's stance loosened, blade drooping a little, looking severely disappointed, "Oh…"

Shantae acted quickly, and uneasily, patting Cody on his shoulder, looking at the floor with him and trying his best to look sad alongside the warrior over the passed stranger, "I'm…I'm s-sorry…"

Granberia gripped her sword tighter as the flames of purgatory exploded onto its length, "You bastards…" she growled lowly, "How could you let him die?!"

Cody grit his teeth.

She was right.

Luka was dead because of _him_. Running headstrong into Lazarus...not a thought in the world about what level the man could possibly be…

The DM wasn't going to protect him. Wasn't going to protect T, and definitely didn't protect Luka.

The doppelganger slowly rose to her feet, shedding the skin of the man she was disguised as, yelling, "This is my fight, you excuse of royalty!"

Granberia glanced back at her, then back at the party, then back at the woman now covered in grafted dragonscales-more than when the party had last saw her.

The doppelganger wasn't an ugly woman, but she certainly didn't care how these body modifications made her look.

"This is _our_ fight…I'll beat the shit out of you after we're done with them," Granberia muttered to the artificial dragon woman, flashing her teeth at the party as she added, "And to the victor goes the spoils."

"I hope you two are ready...Ilias can't save you from the both of us," The doppelganger smirked, getting quickly into the same wavelength as Granberia.

Shantae stepped in front of Cody, "No! I can't let you!" his eye once again started to blaze with a cold fire, "He's in no shape to fight!"

Cody rose to a crouched position, keeping himself concealed from Granberia behind Shantae's back as he **[Polymorphed]** into himself, healing him as if he rested for a whole eight hours-bruises and gashs disappearing, nose fixing back into the right shape...making him spotless save for blood and his missing eye.

 **[Healing: 80(NL)-95HP(60NL)=95HP(0NL)]**

"You're fighting me anyway now, remember?" Granberia reminded, "And you'll get the same treatment if you lose too…" she licked her lips, "I'm done resisting…"

"I thought you were above t-this!"

Cody reached up and grabbed his shoulder, "She can do what she wants if she wins...if Alice is okay with it…and she probably is…" he looked around the room for Alice, who was gone, which was to be expected.

"She's not going to win!" Shantae shot back, "Not against the three of us! I have to find out what happened to me, what happened to us…"

"Shantae, I think you're being overdramatic, man, being fucked by the sexy dragon lady won't be that bad…"

"Ssshhh...I'm trying to get into this."

"I, and Luka, have work to do that doesn't involve being forced to fist fight for eternity, as much as the fucking would be nice." T stepped with a dangerous look in his eye "So this isn't something I'm going to go down easily for." he says

"Oh? So you've worked out what I have planned for you…" Granberia idly twirled her blade in small circles.

"No better an opponent to train ourselves on then you, given our likelihood of pulling a win and the EXP we get even if we lose." T says "Two plus two equals four, I just did the math." he said getting into stance.

"I'll leave them to you after we're done here and I break you back through the ceiling," the doppelganger stepped besides Granberia, "I only have an interest in beating them."

"Wonderful…" Granberia started to approach before the turn order shut them into place.

 **[Initiative: Cody: 18+4=22, Shantae: 11+8=19, T 13-5=8, Granberia 3+8=11, Doppelganger 6+5=11]**

 **[Turn Order: Shantae, Cody, Granberia, Doppelganger, T]**

And thusly it was Shantae's turn as the order had decreed.

Shantae swift action shifted stances, his legs becoming the unmovable roots of a mountain, and body becoming unbreakable like adamantine as he took the **[Roots of the Mountain]** stance and readied **[Comet Throw]** on anyone that approached.

Cody growled, then howled as the temperature of the room spiked up suddenly, ducking down a bit as his body shifted and grew, his height and size changing into **[Large]** creature…

 **[DC:15][Autohypnosis Check: 3+6=9, Check Failed!]**

Standing in Cody's place, was an eight foot tall, muscular female body covered in a tower of flames, a body akin to a more manly version of salamander, dressed in his suit with jagged claws.

 **[Confusing Presence!]**

 **[DC: 19][Will Saves: Shantae: 17+7=24, Granberia: 7+15-4(Circumstance)=18, Check Failed!]**

"What-bu, eh...bu...eh?" Granberia couldn't even muster a full sentence, _when the fuck could he do_ _ **that?!**_

Shantae gasped, turning his head but not lowering his stance, "Jesus! You're a lot cooler than she said you'd be!" he lowered his voice, "Or hotter I g-guess I should say…"

"Shut up," Cody deadpanned with his now feminine voice.

Granberia was stunned for her turn.

Her doppelganger cohort took the air, flying high above their heads and landing directly behind Cody, rearing back a strike-

 **[Doppelganger Bluff Check: 10+5=15, Cody Sense Motive: 3+12+12=27, Cody Wins!]**

Then stopping it.

Maybe punching a literal ball of fire wasn't the smartest idea…

And thus it was T's turn, his brain being slapped by Ilias'(?) martial panty shot(?).

 **[Inspiration Rolled: War Leader's Charge, Covering Strike, Rallying Strike, and Elder Mountain Hammer]**

With a swift action switch he moved from **[Iron Guard's Glare]** to **[Leading the Charge]** , feeling the divine flow as he used a maneuver-

Breath flooded in his lung like a hurricane, flowing into his chest as his plate shuffled a bit- and then he... _shouted_.

It's what it was, _technically_ , but the ringing nature of just how god damn _loud_ it was not to be underestimated, as he...wait what?

The Doppelganger was...baffled, so, weirdly, oddly baffled as T broke away from her- so baffled she...didn't even _try_ to take advantage of the reckless move as he in a burst of speed ended up in front of Granberia, having _**[Charge]**_ 'd at her.

 **[War Leader's Charge Engaged!]**

 **[AC: 21][Attack Check: 16+21+2(Charge)=39!, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 5+8+2(Weapon)+11(Stance)+35(Manuever)=61 Damage!]**

 **[Damage Total: 61(NL)-245HP=245HP(61NL)!]**

It was- well, kind of _incredible_ the sound the sword made as it slammed into Granberia's stomach pommel first, spittle flying out as her feet left the floor for a second before she landed stumbling, stance up, T sliding back to...a diagonal point?

"T…" She growled, "Let me fight Cody," she ordered.

A part of him, a deep deep part of him wanted to deny her, to say _I can't let it happen again_ , but the smart, logical side of him, devoid of the irrational, emotional decision, grit his teeth. " _Fine_." he said, having...something else mix in there for some reason, he didn't know what, or who it was directed at, because it _felt_ directed.

Shantae shifted next to Cody, arms shooting down towards the Doppelganger's feet as he engaged **[Comet Throw]**

 **[Hitting: 18][Touch Attack Roll: 8+11=19, Attack Success!]**

 **[Opposed Trip Checks: Shantae: 9+12=21, Doppelganger: 14+15=29! Doppelganger Wins!]**

Shantae dropped down gripping her legs like an angry guard dog and struggled to chunk her like an Olympic hammer, but she ripped a leg free and booted him in the face like the annoying puppy he was acting like.

And then all at once...a raging inferno blinded her…

 **[Hitting: 31][Attack Checks: 16+10=26, 12+10=22, 14+10=24, 9+8=17, 13+8=21, All Attacks Fail!]**

Slams, punches, claws and kicks, Cody's movements in his new, larger body were clumsy and untrained, she easily bobbed and weaved around every single one of them, feeling the heat of his onslaught and beginning to sweat despite not breaking one.

Granberia pushed passed T, walking casually into the melee of Shantae, Cody and the doppelganger, ordering, "Stand aside, this one is mine."

"Drop dead and give me twenty!" her temporary combat intern spat back, "You go pick a fight with that _fat_ one over there!"

Granberia threatened the woman with her massive, flaming blade, "I won't ask again!"

The doppelganger, out of spite, threw her arms out to grab onto Cody, aiming to jerk him away from the combat…

And he...consented to being grapp-

 **HOT! HOT! HOT!**

The monster grit her teeth, still holding on tight as she ate the damage from the contact, feeling the intense element engulf her body.

 **[Doppelganger Damage Roll: 4+15=19!-105=86HP!**

 **[Cody Damage Roll: 4-226HP=222HP!]**

 **[Now burning for: 4 Rounds!]**

She suddenly let go of Cody, she thought she could take it-but by God could she not take it-, her body had almost instantly become a bonfire of torture and pain...flames licking her skin and cracking her scales…

She tried to drop and roll-but she couldn't…

 **[Slowed for: 10 Rounds!]**

Cody smirked despite the decent chunk of grapple damage, "Flesh-golems are weak to fire you stupid _bitch_ ," he chuckled.

And thus, it was T's turn.

 **[Inspiration Rolled: White Raven Tac-]**

T and Cody's eye's met eyes to eye, and the White Raven _burned_ through him as T sighed, and then grinned- though _why_ was his arm twitching? And held his action.

Cody suddenly surged fourth-

 **[Hitting:17][Touch Attack Check: 16+12=28, Attack Success!]**

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks: Cody: 16+21=37, Doppelganger: 9+15=24, Cody Wins!]**

His arms wrapped around her body, pulling her violently into a bear hug, he squeezed, hearing cracking and popping, as he jerked her around to the opposite side of him-a straight line for T to charge into her.

 **[Damage Roll: 15+4+6=25!-222=197HP!]**

"Now shoot!" Cody ordered, making a rather obscure reference to a Jojo fighting game involving and Hol Horse.

T clicked his tongue- tactically he thought sandwiching and wailing on Granberia was the smarter choice but...fuck it, he had to fight this...whatever it is that won't stop _feeling_ bad from his body, and it was- it was making it harder to think _cleverly_ about things.

"Aye aye sir!" T says with a grin and a cheerful tone.

And so, with a burst of speed, he spoke a certain chant, familiar but different.

"With the weight and fury of a mountain," he yelled as he runs, getting closer- few steps now.

"I come at you like an avalanche as I harness the Earth's strength into a ruinous power!" T continues, feet _sliding_ into position as his entire body tensed up, muscles coiling, feet firm, every twist and movement after this would harness untold power from his stance- from the _Earth_ below them.

"TAKE THIS! ELDER," he roared, body burst into movement "MOUNTAIN," feet grinded, his body twisted, _metal_ , carefully, perfectly crafted to allow the movement needed for combat, _groaned_ as he swung "HAMMER!" he finished, blade singing as it _fell_ like a guillotine, slashing downwards as he channeled a **[Smite]** _and_ a **[Vengeful Strike]** in there to make it _absolute_ that he was going to hit her-

 **[Elder Mountain Hammer Engaged!]**

 **[AC: 25][Attack Check: 17+21+3(Smite)+3(VS)-10(Power Attack)=28, Success!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 7+8+2(Weapon)+11(Stance)+10(Power Attack)+(6+6+5+4+1+1)(EMH)+11(Smite)+(1+3+6+4+1+4+5+3+1+1+1)(VS)=102!]**

 **[Damage Total: 102(NL)-197=197(102NL)]**

The sheathed blade _smashed_ into her skull, like a hammer to a nail, the force was so much, so _high_ that her feet sunk into the ground, a piercing headache smashing through her brain as it pinballed about her skull.

Shantae's eyes lit up as the heavyset man's voice boomed like war drums, studying his movements and spirit with an invested gaze…

"That's rad…" he whispered.

He gasped when it was his turn, the floor cracking as Shantae moved the roots of the mountain into a martial maneuver!

He carefully slid his feet into position, "With the weight and fury of a mountain!" he echoed, "I come at you like an avalanche as I harness the Earth's strength into a ruinous power!" his muscles tensed, feet firm, trying his absolute best to mimic it the way T did it…

"Elder! Mountain! Hammer!" His voice full of enthusiasm rather than fervor, as his fist struck true with the power of a crumbling cave!

 **[Elder Mountain Hammer Engaged!]**

 **[Hitting:25][Attack Check: 16+11=27! Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Rolls: 9+4+(5+5+5+3+3+2)(EMH)=36!(NL)+(102NL)197HP=197HP(138NL)!]**

The doppelganger's gaze went blank, getting struck in the head by two mighty blows...letting out a bit of drool...

Safe to say if Cody was in male form he'd be popping another stiffie.

Safe to say if Granberia had a male form and was in it, she'd be popping a stiffie, a massive smile growing across her face as she watched Shantae replicate T's strike.

Cody gripped the doppelganger firmly around the waist, forcing her body out of the ground and-

 **[Hitting:25][Attack Check: 20+12=32, Crit Rolled!]**

He suddenly fell backwards, jerking her up and over him as he suplex'd her into the ground behind him, already fucked up floor cracking _even more_ from the impact.

 **[Damage Roll: 14+4+11=29x2=58!-197=139(138NL)**

Granberia sheathed her blade, crossing her arms, and lazily nudged the Doppleganger's head with her foot like she was moving a rock onto something.

 **[Hitting:25][Attack Check: 2+31+4(Prone)=37, Attack Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 14+14=28(NL!)+139(138NL)=139(166NL)]**

The force of the strike put out the flames of her fire, Cody let go of her and rolled away from her, almost shitting himself that the _angry dragon foot_ was so close to him!

Granberia was beaming, instantly informing the rest of the party, "Not yet…" her wings spread out, "Treat my boy right, you fight so much harder when you have something to lose."

She grinned devilishly about things to come "It'll be so much better if I pick this batch of fruit when it's even _more_ ripe, and I think you all would fight harder now, then after I take you all home with me." she said, imagining it a bit and feeling excited jitters.

She took flight, uncrossing her arms.

Cody laid there...taking a breathe...being in another body was just so odd, and the smells in the room were driving him even more crazy…

After calming down a bit-his flames dying into ember-, it was even worse…

 **[Will Save DC:15][Will Save: 15+7-20(Trap Spotted)=2! Save Failed!]**

 **[Lusted for 2 Rounds!]**

Cody rolled and struggled against himself a bit, shooting to his feet after failing, ready to latch onto the boy, "Ara ara, Shantae-kun~"

"Wait, what? W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-wait!" Shantae yelped as the big tiddied fire elemental tried to grab him.

 **[Hitting: 18][Touch Attack Check: 7+12=19, Attack Success!]**

 **[Grapple Checks! Cody: 8+21=29, Shantae: 4+15=19, Cody Wins!]**

"Oh J-jesus! Thank God you're not on fire anymore!" Shantae yelled, struggling as his ears popped from the balloons being pressed into his chest, "P-please, let me go!"

"You smell so nice~ Just a little bit, please?"

"Credit where credit's due! You smell really nice too! But please not like this!"

Cody started to stroke the woman's hair that was atop this little man's head, "Please…" he repeated, clearly not going to stop until he got a yes.

"T! T! Help, get her off of me! G-get him off me, him-her, it! Whatever!"

T took off his helmet, placed it on the ground, a serene smile on his face.

Man he looked like he was super confident in helping him! Right? _RigHT?!_

He gave him a...thumbs up? His mouth parting into a grin as his teeth let out a twinkle and he winked "Good luck you rascals." he says, then picks up his helmet and leaves.

"T? T?! TEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Shantae screamed as everything faded to black.

Or-it would've if Shantae didn't try to break the grapple.

 **[Grapple Checks! Cody: 16+21=37, Shantae: 9+15=24!, Cody Wins!]**

 **[Will Save DC: 15][Will Save: 15+7=22, Check Succeeded!]**

Cody blinked, shaking his head, breaking the grapple and getting as much distance as he could back-peddling back into T as he **[Polymorph]** 'd back into himself.

"T! What the actual fuck?!" Cody screamed at him.

"I was making a joke, I wasn't going to let _that_ happen homie." T said rolling his eyes under his helmet- which he'd had to put back on because, well, fuck if he was dropping this expensive ass helmet.

Shantae took a sharp breath, glad he was no longer boxed in by massive breasts-or, was glad on one hand, and disappointed on the other.

"You...you w-were just testing me r-right?" Shantae reasoned, "Or...T? Or…"

"No…" Cody shook his head, "I would've _actually_ did it if I didn't pass that will save."

"I was gonna save you, and I'd say this was your 'Punishment' I promised for the one handed comment, but nah, I was just fucking around. I'm _pretty sure_ statistically I could get him off." T said with a shrug of his shoulder.

"Why'd he go after me and not you?!" Shantae was still freaking the hell out.

"Because you're cute," Cody shrugged.

"I...okay, I can't argue with that logic...so...if you risk _doing that,_ then why do you even consider turning into a monster?" Shantae was beginning to calm down, hugging himself, looking away, and after a second of thinking, "Okay, dumb question, being a fire elemental is pretty rad...I…" he pressed his hands down over the front of his pants, "I...I need a moment."

T stared for a moment, and just shook his head "Degenerate purple hair boy three." he said, tsking.

Shntae faced his body away from the party, digging his hands into his hoodie, looking back at them, "I…" he swallowed, "I have urges like that too...over cute men."

"...I'm sorry? You mean...not like normal shit, like, well... _like that?_ " Cody questioned.

"Yes, like that, but, it hasn't gotten that bad in a while...Granberia would hit me when it got that bad and now I can keep it under wraps pretty well…" he took a deep breath in and out, "How long have you two been here?"

"Like, fifteen minutes?" Cody quirked a brow.

"No, not here _here,_ but here as in, in this god forsaken land?" Shantae changed the context.

"Oh…" Cody assessed his accent, "Tell me something only an American would know."

"Trump daddy build the wall already!" Shantae shot back, "Keep those m-monster girls out!"

"Fuck, I don't know, I've been here, we've been here...I don't even know anymore...maybe a week and a half?" Cody plopped down, running a hand through his hair.

"You have it easy," Shantae sat down too, moving back to face Cody, "I've been here at least three, and…" he looked down at the ground as his voice got low, "Only been free for one…"

The first thing Cody thought was, 'was he really from Earth? Or did the DM just make him from Earth?'

T just kind of squinted, keeping silent up until now- Cody probably had a better rapport at this point and he was the type to stay shut up and listen in- he was about to speak his first question- but Cody was on a roll.

"What do you mean?" Cody finally asked.

T just decided to keep silent and let him do his thing with a sigh, popping off his helmet as he waited.

"I...I wasn't lying when I said.I was a monster…" Shantae looked back up, "I...I sorta was, I very much have a penis, but…"

"You crave cum, don't you?" Cody shuttered, "That sounds really weird to say outright…"

"I don't need it but…" he rolled up his sleeve, showing the metal implant in his forearm that matched T and Cody's, "My race changed."

"To what?" T questioned, quirking a brow "What are you, a half-elf or some shit?" he asked.

"Frostfolk, my skin...used to be sour cream, but now I look like, well, like an Eskimo in terms of color, and didn't you see the way my eye lights up?" Shantae noted.

"I've released **[** _ **Menacing**_ **]** symbols as has Cody, we-I thought the DM was being a shitlord and making a Sans Undertale from Sans Undertale reference because you shat on Cody turn one." T threw out some of his reasoning

"You're...you're gonna have a bad time…" Shantae replied hallowly, with a relieved giggle, "I miss the internet, I miss...I miss everything…"

"Me too…" Cody sighed.

"I haven't popped a boner in a week and a half, I want _porn_." T said, squatting like a slav

"You _live_ in porn!" Cody and Shantae both yelled in unison.

"I'd prefer a porn that didn't make me lose my fucking _mind_ or suck my innards out of my fucking _dick_." T shot back "They're hot but fuck man, screw that shit."

"You have Cody…" Shantae reasoned, then slapped himself, "Wait no, that's gay, b-bad Shantae!"

T rolled his eyes "What you said, stop being a cockass and wanting cock in your ass." T said with a judgemental look.

"I can't help it!" Shantae fake whined.

"I have no complaints," Cody flatly added.

"Hey, s-shut up, faggot!" Shantae huffed, prending to be mad, "No gay shit in this manly party!" he chuckled.

"You're a man in a ponytail, and I can even see a bit of red tigne on your nails," Cody deadpanned without humor.

"I wasn't s-serious…" Shantae frowned.

"I know…I know...no worries."

"You are so devoid of sharpness or manly edges it's like I'm looking at skinny trap version of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man." T threw in "It's uncanny honestly to see you've got an Adam's Apple." he added.

Cody and Shantae started blankly at T for a long, long moment-

And then died laughing.

"Wait, where's Jessi?" T blinked, looking around, eyes wide and brow furrowed, "Is she okay? She's gotta be...Gotta..." he mumbled, worry creasing his tone as he stood up to turn around properly, body spinning wildly-

Nothing- he walked like a man on a mission, eyes jerking about wildly, honestly he's unsure what would happen if she got hurt, if she got…

 _Killed_.

What would happen to him? He was...kind of too spooked to answer that to himself.

Why'd he feel this way? Well…

She could cast Resurrection.

I think you can put the pieces together.

But it was alright! Nothing happened! He just had a bad tumble- she could fix that too in time, everything was...just... _fine!_

Just, _fine_. Just like her! Yeah!

Then, easily enough...he found his treasure? Escort quest? MVP?

Eh, escort quest felt more right, his body slackening with relief.

"Oh Lord, oh Lord!" he heard the thicc dark elf's voice in...a cabinet?

"That's Granberia, that's _fucking Granberia_ , my men are so dead... _so dead…_ " she continued.

"Your build seems pretty batshit wacky…" Shantae moved a bit closer to Cody, "What even are you?"

"Generic classes," Cody replied, "I can just sorta...pick any class feature when I get one."

"That...why do you _get to do that_?" Shantae quirked a brow.

"Because I guess the DM's a mad man...gave me feats for free too, but mostly memes, like nunchaku proficiency and…" his voice trailed off, "I...I don't wanna bring the other ones up…" remembering the barrage of anger and fury he unloaded onto Lazarus, "And you're, an unarmed swordsage?"

"Yeah! It's my favorite class!" Shantae shot back.

"Mine too...I didn't get to pick mine," Cody sighed, "I love swordsages…"

Alice was behind him, staring down at him with narrowed eyes, "Idiot."

"Where'd T go?" Shantae questioned, looking around, then back at Alice, who he gave a big smile with closed eyes and head tilted slightly, "Oh h-hi! Are you Alice?"

"Damn faggot," Alice crossed her arms.

"Good question, where is T?" Cody asked.

"Damn pervert," Alice said, now referring to Cody, completely ignoring what they were saying.

 **[Opposed Checks: T (Move Silently) 11-7+5(Circumstance)=9,Cody(Listen) 10+3=13, Cody Wins!]**

Cody sat up, hearing an oddly loud, very exaggerated banging in a cabinet, popping it open-

"My men! Come in here with me!" he instantly heard Jessi whine at him, still crying a bit, seeing her latched onto a platemail wearing figure.

"Stop with that shit, and _just calm down_!" T hissed, "Hugging? Really me?" he complained at himself

"Hey, no threesomes in the church," Cody crossed his arms, "I'll tag in when you're done with T, missionary only!"

"I'd be more pissed if I didn't comedically deserve this." T said with a look like this was fair and justified.

 **[Shine On]**

 **[Name: Tristan]**

 **[Race: Human]**

 **[Class: Crusader Lvl 11]**

 **[Attributes: STR 20(26), DEX 12, CON 16, INT 14, WIS 12, CHA 14(16)]**

 **[HP: 103]**

 **[AC: 25, Touch 11, Flatfooted 24]**

 **[Initiative: -5]**

 **[Speed: 20ft]**

 **[TAB: +19/+14/+9 Melee, +12/+7/+2 Ranged]**

 **[Saves: Fort 14, Reflex 7, Will 11]**

 **[Weapons:]**

 **{(Bastard Sword+2): 1d10+8+2}**

 **{(Long Sword+2): 1d8+8+2}**

 **{(Luka's Longsword): 1d8+8}**

 **{(Heavy Mace+1): 1d8+8+1}**

 **{(Angel Halo): 1d8+8+2}**

 **{(Masterwork Bastard Sword): 1d10+8+1}**

 **{(Gauntlet+2): 1d3+12}**

 **[Armor:]**

 **{Full Plate +2: +10 AC, Max Dex 1, Check Penalty -6}**

 **{Ring of Protection +1: +1 AC}**

 **{Towershield +1(unequippable): +5 AC, Max Dex 2, Check Penalty -10}**

 **[Notable Skills:]**

 **{Balance = 8}**

 **{Climb = 13}**

 **{Craft(Food) = 9}**

 **{Diplomacy = 21}  
{Intimidate = 19}  
{Jump = 13}  
{History = 13}  
{Spot = 8}  
{Listen = 8}**

 **{Sense Motive = 8}**

 **{Bluff = 8}**

 **{Search = 9}  
{Survival = 5}**

 **{Swim = 12}**

 **{Tumble = 8}**

 **[Personal Magic Items:]**

 **{Arm of Armored Giant's Power (+6)(+3)}**

 **A combination of the Belt of Giant's Strength, Gauntlets of Ogre Power, and a pair of recently gained Bracers of Armor (+3), granting +6 Strength, and +3 Armor**

 **{Cloak of Guts (+3)(+2)}**

 **A combination of the late Luka's Cloak of Resistance, recently upgraded, Cape, and T's Cloak of Charisma, gives +3 on all saves, and +2 to Charisma**

 **{Feather Token (Tree)}**

 **Spawns a tree from token instantaneously**

 **[Feats:]**

 **{Steely Resolve 15}**

 **Damage is delayed in this pool until the end of the round, limit based on level**

 **{Furious Counterstrike}**

 **Bonus attack and damage based off delayed damage pool, 1-9 = +1, 10-14 = +2, etc.  
{Indomitable Soul}**

 **Charisma bonus to Will Saves  
{Zealous Surge}**

 **Once per day reroll saving throw, must take new result**

 **{Smite 1/Day}**

 **Once per day add Charisma to attack, and Initiator Level to Damage.**

 **{Diehard}**

 **When reduced to negative HP under -10, character can instead choose to be Disabled instead of unconscious or Dying. Automatically becomes Stable.**

 **{Combat Expertise}**

 **Trade BAB for AC**

 **{Improved Trip}**

 **+4 on Trip Attempts, No AoO triggered when Tripping**

 **{Knock Down}**

 **Free Trip Attempt if at least 10 damage is dealt**

 **{Able Learner}**

 **All Cross Class Skill Ranks Cost the Same Skill Points as Class Skill Ranks**

 **{Improved Grapple}**

 **Do not provoke AoO when attempting a grapple, +4 to Grapple Checks**

 **{Power Attack}**

 **Trade accuracy for damage, 1 to 1, up to users base attack bonus.**

 **{Extra Granted Maneuver}**

 **When granted maneuvers on the first turn, gains one more then normal.**

 **{Desperate Frenzy}**

 **+8 Strength +2 Dexterity +2 Constitution, functions like rage, cannot be activated at will.**

 **{Fearsome Presence}**

 **Only active when in frenzy, enemies with 9HD or less must take a 25 DC Will save, if failed, they are panicked for 6d6 rounds, if they are more than 9HD, they instead become Shaken for 6d6 rounds.**

 **{Avenging Strike}**

 **Uses equal to Charisma Mod(3), adds Charisma Mod to Attack(3), and deals 1d6 per character level if the enemy has hit an ally within the last hour.**

 **[Maneuvers 10, Readied 6, Granted 4, Stances 3]**

 **[Maneuvers]**

 **{WR: White Raven Tactics}**

 **Swift Action: Give another player another turn.**

 **{WR:War Leader's Charge}**

 **Full Round Action: Charge without provoking attack of opportunities, if attack lands, deal 35 extra attack damage.**

 **{DS: Rallying Strike}**

 **Standard Action: All allies within 30 ft heal 3d6+Initiator Level HP.**

 **{WR: Covering Strike}**

 **Swift Action: Enemies hit by the Crusader during the turn this is used lose the ability to do attacks of opportunity for 3 rounds, does not stack.**

 **{SD: Elder Mountain Hammer}**

 **Standard Action: +6d6 bonus damage, ignores hardness and DR of target hit**

 **{DS: Radiant Charge}**

 **Full Round Action: +6d6 bonus damage if enemy hit is evil, gain +10DR/- until the end of the next turn.**

 **X{SD: Bonesplitting Strike}X  
Standard Action: When an enemy is hit by this maneuver, they lose 2 Constitution.**

 **X{SD: Mountain Hammer}X**

 **Standard Action: +2d6 bonus damage, ignores hardness and DR of target hit**

 **X{DS: Revitalizing Strike}X**

 **Standard Action: 3d6+Initiator Level HP restored on hit.**

 **X{WR: Order Forged From Chaos}X**

 **Move Action: All allies within 30ft get to take a single move action for free.**

 **[Stances]**

 **(DS: Iron Guards Glare)**

 **Opponents user Threatens get a -4 to attack if they don't target the user, opponents intrinsically understand the effects of the stance when under its effect.**

 **(DS: Thicket of Blades)**

 **Any movement** _ **period**_ **provokes an AoO from the Crusader using this stance.**

 **(WR: Leading the Charge)**

 **Add Initiator level to Damage when Charging.**

 **[Name: Cody]**

 **[Race: Dragonkin]**

 **[Class: Expert Lvl 2, Warrior Lvl 8]**

 **[Attributes: STR 28 DEX 18, CON 18, INT 14, WIS 16, CHA 16]**

 **[HP: 95]**

 **[AC: 28, Touch 21, Flatfooted 24]**

 **[Initiative: +3]**

 **[Speed: 60ft]**

 **[TAB: +18/13 Melee, +13/8 Ranged]**

 **[Saves: Fort 9, Reflex 7, Will 10]**

 **[Weapons:]**

 **{Unarmed Strike: 2d6}**

 **{Nunchaku of +1 Speed}  
{Returning Dagger}**

 **[Notable Skills:]**

 **{Bluff: 8}**

 **{Diplomacy: 17}**

 **{Intimidate: 12}**

 **{Sense Motive: 12}**

 **{Survival: 10}**

 **{Hide: 7}**

 **{Autohypnosis:9]**

 **[Armor:]  
[Amulet of Natural Armor]  
[Ring of Protection +1]  
[Regalia of Fateburning Incense]**

 **Wearer lets out a constant, light cloud of smoke and requires no sleep from the effects of the fumes. The smoke clouds smell vaguely like a weak potion. This grows 2d4 flowers every morning which shares the scent of the smoke, these flowers wilt after three days. Consuming a flower will bestow a 50gp potion effect associated with its color (Eighth Level Caster). Comes with matching magical belt, pants and boots, but these do not sprout flowers, they simply have the traits of a magic item.  
[Alice's Scarf]**

 **+2 CHA**

 **[Boots of Elvenkind]  
+5 Move Silently  
[Hand of the Mage]**

 **Mage Hand at Will**

 **[Feats:]**

 **{Monk Abilities}**

 **{Improved Grapple}**

 **+4 Grapple, No AoOs on Grapples**

 **{Able Learner}**

 **All Skills are Class Skills**

 **{Close-Quarters Fighting}**

 **No chains can contain the anger of a monster. Prevent Grapples on AoO, always get AoO on Grapples.**

 **{Dragon Apotheosis}**

 **The soul, heart, and body of a dragon. Gain the half-dragon template when HP is low. (CON, CHA and INT is kept in human form)**

 **{Morphic Weapons}**

 **Preach coexistence with the claws of a tiger and the venom of a snake. Grow natural weaponry as a move action.**

 **{Polymorph Self}**

 **Scary Monsters and Super Creeps. Cast Polymorph Self at will as a spell-like ability.**

 **{Extraordinary Wild Shape}**

 **With no innocence left to preserve, the corruption of monsters takes what's left of the soul. Take Extraordinary abilities of alternate forms**

 **{Superior Unarmed Strike}**

 **No matter how hard or fast they can hit, throw back even more through sheer force of will. Increased unarmed damage.**

 **{Flurry of Blows}**

 **No matter how hard or fast they can hit, throw back even more through sheer force of will. Able to make an extra attack at -2BAB  
{Multi Attack}**

 **No matter how hard or fast they can hit, throw back even more through sheer force of will. Secondary natural weapons have a -2 instead of -5**

 **{Improved Rapid Strike (Unarmed)}  
No matter how hard or fast they can hit, throw back even more through sheer force of will. Five extra attacks at less and less accuracy for a pair of natural weapons**

 **{** **White Raven Sight}**

 **When the chips are down and there's stakes to be lost, pain is not a luxury you can afford. Don't go unconscious at negative HP (still dies at -10), +2 Morale Bonus to AC**

 **{** **White Raven Roar}  
Double the attacks in a turn once per day at negative HP, must be able to scream.**

 **{Island In Time}  
Gain The Fallen Angel's Blessing and act as an immediate action once per encounter**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: Irreversible Requiem**

She lay on her back, aching all over, having come to fairly quickly after her beating…

She chased these men around, caught them with their pants down, stood next to one of the most powerful allies she could possibly have on the entire planet.

And she _still_ gets humiliated?

She sat up, growling...and did they...did they really just chuck her out of one of San Ilia's windows?

What the hell were these men doing parading around the islands like this? Why did Granberia just _give_ them one of her lackeys? Where did the white haired boy even come from to warrant Granberia bringing him to a fight?

Maybe this was something she just kind of did?

Why did he look so familiar...

Was she trying to make a harem of super soldiers?

She couldn't say she was opposed to something like that...in fact, that sounded like a good way to settle down, with the strongest men possible.

Why did the heavenly knight she only met for a few moments understand her before she understood herself?

It was clear the men she was pursuing was never going to respect her, even if she won, and what would she gain by beating them at that point?

She stood up, pressing her head to a wall.

 _Pride_.

As long was a warrior had her pride…

But was pride worth nearsightedness?

She had lost sight in why she took an interest in Cody in the first place, he was a human that could change his body like a monster.

At first, only a little bit, but…

He had quickly become a fire elemental, and not even _she_ could do that.

This was something her sisters needed to know about, an aberrant shapechanger with an unknown agenda and the power and party to see it through…

She punched the wall in front of her, shaking her head violently.

She didn't want Avita to find out.

She couldn't let her know, she _won't_ let her know, she could trust everyone else, but not _Avita_. And she was sadly the only one who felt that way...

 **[Shine On]**

"We should be alright for about an hour…" Cody was out of breathe, standing next to the shattered window that he had just yeeted the doppelganger out of, "holy fuck that's one heavy bitch…and she couldn't for the life of her change shape into something good looking?"

"It was kinda like a sneak preview of 'Roids n' shiet." T said, emerging from the cabinet with a dull eyed look "I really do not look forward to what she turns into next." he says,

Cody turned around to face the rest of the party, Shantae looked a bit confused.

"So...you didn't mean an actual threesome?" the white haired boy tilted his head, "I…" he played with a stray lock of hair, voice suddenly spiking in confidence, "I'm an idiot! Disregard that!"

Cody didn't quite get what was going on in the silly boy's head, but he couldn't help but smile a bit.

Alice stared at them, debating in her mind something for a little bit, before watching the doppelganger fly off without the party noticing, and starting to look around the room, "Tamamo! Get out here!"

"Oho, and here I thought you were getting rusty." Tamamo said, coming sliding out from behind one of the piles of ornamental hoozits and whatsits that said around the place- perfect for someone of her stature to stand behind and be unnoticed.

"What the Helgando are you doing here?" Alice questioned, "Two, _two in one place?_ " the day was very clearly getting to her.

"With the attention of two important figures, to the point one of them ambushed a certain cute nine tailed comrade for the chance to fight a certain three boys, you can't believe the rest of us _wouldn't_ be interested, my dear Alice." Tamamo said with a hand raising to cover her mouth slightly- though her grin still peeked out as her eyes showed a bit of glee.

"Who else?" Alice narrowed her eyes.

"You know who else, Erubetie is too busy with her lake and quest, as we all know." Tamamo said with a chuckle and a shake of her head.

Alice sighed, looking at the floor.

"So...you going to do anything with your voyeuristic knowledge or what?" T asked, quirking a brow.

"We both know I'm not going to answer that in the straightforward manner you'd like, so let's skim over that." Tamamo said lowering her hand.

"Just leave…" Alice said flatly and lowly.

"Oh hush." Tamamo scolded with a little bit of a half eye roll. "I'm just here to observe things, maybe say hello." she smiled "Given one of their dispositions, if I don't pick a fight, they won't pick a fight." She said, unlocking the secret cheat code for not getting assaulted by the party- not actually antagonizing them.

"Leave!" Alice snapped, "My boys and I _will_ flatten you!" Alice growled, "Listen...not today, not for a while…idiot."

Alice produced something, seeming to be able to keep things on her person concealed somehow, dropping it onto the floor negligently, kicking up dust.

"I got the damn book," Alice announced, looking up at Cody, "I just want to go, okay?"

It took Cody a moment to realize just what she threw on the floor in front of her, he took his hands from his pockets, beginning to walk to it, he knew the monsters that she had let him skip to get to the book, but she didn't know he knew…

"Thank you…" he thanked earnestly, and simply, picking up the old tome and hugging it to his chest, "We'll go, there's nothing more for me here."

T shrugged, assenting, they'd got their fight- though where was that leve-

He was slapped by a note, knowing who it was from, he pulled it off and read it.

 **[Fuck you, that was too easy, no XP 4 u.]**

"Y'know honestly that's fair." He mutters, staring at the note "Though kinda wish you could do me a solid and give Jessi a level."

And then his face was consumed by anoth _er_ GODdamn note.

He ripped that one off his face and read it.

 **[Yeah sure I guess, I'll throw you a bone.]**

To which he noticed Jessi emerging, looking confused- must be the new spell slot and divine favor she was feeling, nice.

Unrelated to this exchange, was Tamamo observing with a blank face, before she smiled serenely and shrugged, "I can see you all are...a bit too stressed, so I'll make my leave, though next time I believe I'll be sating that curiosity then." she said skipping off- before turning around, jogging over to Shantae, and squishing Shantae's cheeks with a coo- and then leaving the reddened cheeked boy alone as she _actually_ fucked off to who knows where.

Shantae blinked, rubbing his cheeks, "Why d-do monsters…"

"Instincts yell that you're easier to rape," Cody deadpanned over his shoulders, "I'm sure you would've felt it if you actually ran into someone of your stature."

"Oh...oh!" Shantae had a sudden burst of knowledge, "No, I have, I felt it today."

"Who?"

"I'm sure it would've been stronger if you didn't scream 'I will break every bone in your body' from one-eyed gaze alone…"

Cody grimaced slightly, looking away, sure he liked the idea of it…it wasn't odd for a monster to have an attraction to him.

But it was off...

Everything about Shantae…

How he showed up, how well and quickly he meshed, that he was from Earth-America no less it was a bit uncanny.

He was on level with them, at least, and just as soon as he met him; a traveling buddy…

Cody shivered, even if these were good things, he didn't like what this could mean…

Was Shantae real?

Was…

Was _he_ real? Was T...real?

"Let's get back to the cart," Cody started walking, tucking the book under his arm and trying to take Alice's hand.

Alice felt tense, it spiked a bit when Cody tried to lead her, but it quickly dropped off. He could _feel_ something in her grip, something that wasn't to be felt, at least not physically.

And though he couldn't say for sure what it was, he knew for damn sure she felt something similar if not the same in him.

 **[Shine On]**

"I wonder...do we count?" T mumbles, staring into the fire he was fucking around with- heating it up so it warmed the boiling water of the pot faster so he can get to making some weird noodle foodshit.

He knew the name but he knows he shouldn't know that, spose that's skill points at work.

"But then...no, that's risky, too risky, he wouldn't make it that easy...the...port town? No...Kraken? I can't imagine Granberia can breathe underwater so they should be as unorganized as they usually would…" T groused, then smiled "That should work," then frowned "But what about the Kraken? Maybe...just ignore it? Hrm…" he said

Team Draught were fast asleep, split between the tents and just flat on the ground, the warmth of the fire and being around the party they adored already better than what they were used too trapped back on the Ilias continent without a bed included.

"Uh...what are you talking about?" Shantae questioned, leaning towards him a bit.

"Power leveling plans, gotta get Jessi up to a high enough level to cast resurrection as quick as possible, then again True resurrection is a thing too." T said with a shrug "Having her beat us up is a hefty gamble with the people we know coming at us, and the GM probably wouldn't make it that easy, so I'm thinking of heading back to the mermaid infested town and doing some quests there earlier than intended." T explains, dumping some ingredients into the pot, doing...a half decent job if he were honest, what with his take 10.

Cody reached over, putting a hand on T's shoulder, "T...we need to talk about this, we _need_ to talk about this…" he felt a deep, heavy hollowness in his core that echoed in his voice.

"Teaching you about food doesn't really work unless you invest skill points into it, but that'd be a waste, so don't see why." T said, words were casual, but his gaze sharpened, a glare beginning to take on his features.

"What? No...about Luka," Cody's grip tightened.

"What's there to talk about?" T said, eyes not drifting from the party's dinner.

"What do you do when your DnD character is dead for good?" Cody asked, "You don't leave the table, do you?"

"There are _variables_ to that." T says, gently leaning the utensil he was using to stir on the edge of the pot "Lots of variables." He says vaguely, eyes rising to meet his with Cody's...a less than friendly look on his face.

Shantae opened his mouth to speak, then closed it…

It quickly dawned on him what Cody was talking about.

Alice looked away from the three, arms crossed.

"You make a new character…" Cody narrowed his eyes, not liking how T was reacting to this.

"If it's important, or the character is loved, you _revive_ them, because death isn't a big deal, and neither is getting maimed." T shot back, hand flat on the ground now, his frame tensing up.

"Death is a big deal if the GM _wants_ it to be, look…" Cody sighed, looking away, "I'm not saying not power level Jessi, I'm just saying, the pep in your step is just…I don't know."

"It's completely fucking deserved and sensible because everything is fucking _fine_." T growled out "It's the same, _nothing's_ changed, he's coming back, so stop being a fucking _pessimist_." T said, grip tearing furrows through the earth before he rose "Make your own fucking dinner, I need to calm down." he said, grabbing his helmet and sword- he hadn't taken off, and wandered off into the darkness with a flick of his lanterns.

"Where...where are you going?" Cody leapt to his feet.

"For a fucking walk! I'm not fucking four, take care of yourself." T said back "I'll be fine, I'm not a fucking Paladin, I'm a Crusader." T said with vitriol.

"You're one fucking encounter roll away from fighting a god damn dragon on your own!" Cody yelled.

"I can fucking take it even if it comes! And it's not like I'm walking a fucking mile away, _I'm not retarded_ , so stop acting like it." T said, back still turned, having stopped to answer Cody, before he began walking away again "I won't wander too far, I just want to be fucking alone for once in this god damn journey." he said, shoulder risen too high to be comfortable.

Cody dropped to his knees, Shantae moving in to close the gap T left.

"I…" Shantae hesitated.

"I think I should go…" he finally got out.

"You think that would make a difference?" Cody fully shifted to sitting.

"It m-might…"

"If a resurrection is going to do it, then a resurrection is going to do it," Cody concluded, "albeit...I can't say for sure, my knowledge of the game can only go so far if the rules can be changed on a whim."

"And besides…" Cody dropped onto his back, "You're one encounter away from facing a dragon on your own."

"T-then…" Shantae sighed, defeat overtaking him, "Then…I guess I'll make you dinner…" he shifted over to T's pot, looking into it.

"Does he know what he's d-doing?" Shantae questioned, "Let's just toss some egg in there…I'm not sure what you have..." he inched away, a bit of a pained look, "I used to cook for a living...I d-don't like doing it anymore...makes me…" he shook his head with a sigh, "Think too much."

He stood up, starting for the cart, but Alice cut him off, shoving a few eggs into his face-which he cracked into the pot.

 **[Profession(Cooking) Check: 15+14=29]**

"What's your bonus?" Cody sat up.

"Fourteen."

Cody plomped back down, silently.

"I'm sorry for coming in when I did...I d-don't have much choice," Shantae went back to playing with his hair.

"I'd force myself into a group if it had the only two people from my entire planet in it," Cody shrugged, "I tried to make that sound deeper than it actually is…"

"P-planet?!" Alice's eyes shot open.

"Uh...figure of speech…" Cody did his best to act like she was a complete nut with that response, granted, it wasn't that hard, "How the hell would we get here from another planet?"

"Y-yeah…" Shantae rubbed the back of his neck, quickly getting on the same page as Cody.

 **[Bluff: Cody: 14+9+2(Assist)=25 vs Sense Motive: 9+12=21, Cody Wins!]**

Alice blushed a bit, "Of course...of course I didn't actually think you're from another planet, _idiot!_ "

"We'll find out what happened to us…" Cody promised Shantae, "My only hope is that it's something we're _allowed_ to find out."

Shantae dropped down next to Cody, then shot back up, rubbing leaves out of his hair, "Ah! Ah! Bad idea!"

"Do you not have a brush?" Alice's mood shifted, noticing his strife.

"N-no! I haven't had money to pick one up!" Shantae pouted, "I borrowed one when I could, but…"

Alice tossed one into his lap, "We'll just act like the hair you get stuck in it is mine, it's the same color anyway," Alice slithered over to the duo.

"So you're a monster, huh?"

Shantae grimaced, "I don't want that on your mind with everything el-else…"

"What's one more thing?"

"Can I tell you l-later?" Shantae whined.

"No, tell me," Alice insisted, "When the monster lord asks something of you, you give it."

"Just keep telling her to fuck off, she'll give up," Cody chuckled.

"You're supposed to be on my side, idiot! I have seniority over your boy-" Alice suddenly stopped, jerking around and grabbing Angel Halo from the cart as she sniffed the air, "Wait here…" she started to slither off.

"Huh?" Cody stood, "Now you?" he started to walk after her, "Where are you going?"

"Cody, you can come, but if you die, I will be pissed," Alice deadpanned in response, a sudden stoicness to her voice like she had whatever she had going on planned in her head, "Actually, come along, I need you to take the sword if this goes wrong."

"If...what?" Cody blinked, "What's...what's going on?"

"An angel, Cody!" Alice raised her voice, "I smell an angel!"

"Oh…" Cody cracked his knuckles, having no other questions, "I see…"

"You can't fight an angel, Cody…"

"I can grab her, can't I? We're in this together, and God knows I'm more than willing to ride a belief down to the grave," he grit his teeth.

Already?

What could they want?

Were they here to bring hell early now that their 'holy boy' was down under?

"Good day…" they heard, causing them to halt, and look around like hunted gazelles in the sight of a prowling predator.

Gazelles with teeth.

Sitting in the trees, with the moonlight flowing through her avian wings like a waterfall, she stared down at the couple, an odd level of friendliness to her voice, as she continued, "I wasn't sure where exactly you were, but...I guess you found me!"

"What do you want?" Alice held Angel Halo at her side, not wanting to go straight into anger and poke a bear she didn't need to poke.

"Straight to the point?" the angel threw her legs off the branch, dropping gracefully to the ground, "It's not something that's going to burden you, nor harm you, in fact, today, we're helping both eachother out."

"What do you want?" Cody echoed.

"We'd like to take the dead off of your hands before you bury them," she replied, "We can-"

"Leave…" Cody instantly shot back an interruption.

"Leave…" Alice interrupted in the same moment.

"It's not that we're going to take it from you if you don't give it, it'll just be a much cleaner job if you do give us Luka…" the angel put a hand on her hip, "Or rather, his body. We can always use a different body for him."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Cody dug his hands into his pockets, "What-"

"Ilias is paranoid, and you should be too...Alipheese," the angel chuckled a bit, quite liking the idea of interrupting someone, "I suppose it's harmless to say her plans are quickly changing, as are yours, Fateburn."

"What are you doing with Luka?" Cody persisted.

"Please don't let your slave speak, Fateburn."

Cody growled a low, reptilian growl, a dark purple leaking from his mouth as he did...and began walking towards her.

Alice threw a hand out, "Cody...Cody!"

The angel smirked, "He does know if he touches me, he's dead, right?" she chuckled, leaning, back, ready to take a punch, "Go on…"

"Cody!" Alice leapt, grabbing at Cody-

 **[Hitting: 19][Attack Check: 17+14=31]**

 _ **Crack!**_

Cody's knuckles struck the the indestructible angel square in the cheek, a high pitched, quiet, yet distinctive cracking sounding as he made contact

Like a porcelain doll, large cracks spread across her face that leaked blood, she gasped, stepping back away from Cody-

Alice's eyes widened...watching as she froze up in surprise.

Cody he wasn't about to let her get out of his grasp.

 **[Hitting: 15][Touch Attack Check: 20+14=34, Attack Success!]**

Gripping her blonde hair tightly and jerking her back towards him, Cody barked, "Who the fuck are you?! Huh?"

 **[Hitting: 23][Attack Check: 16+14=30]**

 _ **Crack!**_

"No arrogant sack of shit angel would just stand there and let me hit her!"

The woman cackled as she let herself drop to her knees, feeling every hit strike her face, getting louder with each one.

 _ **Crack! Crack! Crack!**_

"You're one crazy son of a bitch!" she announced with glee, "I like you! I like you a lot! I see why Lucilia likes you!"

Cody stopped, gripping her on both sides of the head, rearing his knee back, "I don't want compliments! I want answers!"

"And I owe you them! But please, hit me in my body, and not my face while I speak…" Cody let her go, she fell back, staying quiet for a bit-save for giggles.

"Who's Lucilia?" Cody stepped forward onto her chest.

"San Ilia," she shot back, getting as straight faced as she could, "And two other times at least! She can't keep her secrets from me~"

"The doppelganger…" Cody concluded.

"Next you'll say, 'I'll bury you alongside her', but don't, she's the weakest of her kind…" she sat up, "Coming along though, just like you."

"And what do you want with Luka?" Cody grit his teeth.

"A soul needs a body to function,"She replied simply, "Or, should I say, souls, need a body to function, and a clean, cute body like his should serve fine for our purposes, and it is _much_ more respectful to put him back into his own body, wouldn't you say?"

Cody suddenly mounted her, throwing back his fist for a-

 **[Opposed Grapple Checks!][Cody: 14+18=32, ?: 3+37=40, ? Wins!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 3+11=14+95=95HP(14)NL)**

She sprang into reaction, and before Cody knew it-he was pinned on the ground in her place.

"I said not the face!" she softly scolded, tensing slightly as she felt Angel Halo pressed into her neck.

"Let him go," Alice demanded.

"No lewd things," the stranger replied, "Just keeping him still while I speak, you have my word. There is no honor in making peace before an attack, I'll let him go if he doesn't hit me in the face."

Alice lowered the blade hesitantly, "Fine, I'll hold him."

"Alright~" She jerked the boy up, shoving him firmly face-first into Alice's breast as the lamia's tail moved to restrict him.

"You dislike Ilias too, yes? That's putting it lightly, while we have people in her domain, we can get anything we want from her under her nose,with these rolls freaking her the fuck out," she suddenly went straight faced, "There's nothing in the world scarier to her than something scarier than her."

"And so you grabbed Luka…" Cody relaxed slightly now that Alice was holding him, but was still liable to dust bones if given an excuse.

"That's correct!" her demeanor returned, "We slipped a burner spy in there on a hunch, never got one in there before, but oh Lord these rolls are fucking that woman up!"

"Yeah, I don't care about your operation, why did you grab _Luka?_ And how about you get him back to us befo-"

"Don't fucking interupt me, little one! We're not giving Luka back to you, but you can give us his body to make his departure from your group a little less ugly, that's the bottom line," she whipped the blood from her face, "And the same thing's going to happen to the next one of you to die, and the next one, until we have no more strong men to grab out of heaven and you have no more to give."

"You better fucking kill me now before I-"

"You really _don't_ have any manners, do you? Train your dog better, Fateburn! Of course we can't kill you ourselves, that'd be a waste of good fruit...picking it before it's ripe for the taking. Or well, not until you plateau…then we'll get our hands dirty," she cleared her throat, "Alright, now you can speak."

"Oh, sorry!" she added, "One more thing...nothing short of one of those **[Wish]** spells is going to bring him back, don't waste your time."

There was...a thump, to the side, like a sack crumpling to the floor, crashing upon the earthen ground, eyes darting to it, it became apparent what, or well, who it was.

T looked like a puppet with its strings cut, body slack, though is head was up, that was only a coincidence of posture as he stared on, having barely broken the treeline, lamps off for whatever reason.

Alice looked over at him wordlessly, as the 'angel' already started to take flight.

"I'd tell you what we're doing with him...but…" she smirked, "I have a feeling that no matter how hard we try, you're going to find where we're keeping him. Is that about right?"

"And we're going to kill every single last one of you for it, aren't we?" Cody turned to her as Alice let him go, "Is that about right?"

"You're going to try," she replied, "And we're going to love to see it."

"T…" Alice began to slither over to the man whose name she muttered.

He was...he was shaking, arm gaining life, pulling over, under...under that oh so Luka-like cloak he wore over his missing limbs stub, hand hidden under it, he looked so cold, hugging himself there.

"Whoever you are...whatever you are...whatever form you can take, I'm going to tear you and whoever tries to stop me down and punch you through the Earth…" Cody had abandoned thought, mustering sentences that vaguely fit English as his clenched fist started to get covered in dark purple scales.

Alice was almost on top of T as the angel was out of earshot, Cody falling to his knees realizing there was nothing useful he could do right now.

There was...the sound akin to...flesh _ripping_ and _being torn_ coming from T as the shaking started getting worse, more violent, a guttural growl sounding out from him as... _something_ , started encroaching out of him, something familiar.

 **[AC: 10][Attack Check: 17+23-10(Power Attack)=30]**

 **[Damage Roll: 2+12+10(Power Attack)=24!]**

 **[Damage Total: 24-103HP=79HP!]**

 **[DC: 24][Will Save: 15+18=33, Success]**

The violent wave of killing intent was easily pushed through, her willpower smashing through it easily.

He lifted his hand away and to her dark vision she saw red, his hand covered it- he stared for a moment before he pressed it into his face...and howled his lament into the night, hand dragging the red across the helmet as he threw his head back and screamed and _roared_ and _cried_.

Cody jumped, gaze shooting to T, quickly crawling over there, "T...T?!" Cody gasped, as he got closer to him...something wasn't right…

 **[DC:24][Will Save: 10+10=20, Check Failed!]**

 **[Shaken For: 17 Rounds!]**

"T!" Cody pushed through, running to his side, seeing the bloody handprint on his friend's helmet and...was he...was he...bleeding?!

"T! What did you do?" Cody dropped down, already out of breathe.

Red ichor pooled around him, his body suddenly tensed, and he _thrashed_ , Cody luckily wasn't in his path as he body blurred and- 

**[Elder Mountain Hammer Engaged!]**

 **[AC:10][Attack Check: 19+23-11(Power Attack)=31, Success!]**

 **[Damage Roll: 1+12+11(PA)+(5+4+6+5+6+2)(EMH)=52!]**

-the ground _cratered_ as he smashed his arm into it, body losing balance from the immense over swing and him toppling onto his left side, body half in motion again as he started to writhe and flail back onto his knees.

"Calm...calm the fuck down!" Cody yelled, completely counterproductively, he had not a clue in the fucking world how to deal with _this._

He began to rise, body attempting to carry him up before his body shook and he crumbled to a kneeling form, his body shaking and twitching as he took a breath from his roars, needing air, but after that breath was taken, heavy, and echoing in his helmet...he got quiet, his arm wrapping around him as if to hug himself like he was cold as he crumpled, his upper body lowering as his back arched until he was a tiny, shivering ball on the floor, his cries and howls having become chokes sobs and hissing intakes of air and a hiccup here and there.

Cody stayed there, silently, was T...what...what the hell was happening?

Cody took in the man's form, the missing arm whose wound he had torn open, his now weak, quivering posture…

Cody's mouth was opening, but no words would come out, he wanted to say something-anything, but had absolutely nothing to say.

Cody reached a palm out to T's shoulder, but took it back before it made contact...reached again, then took it back, cradling the now fist against his chest.

"He's out there…" Cody concluded, "He's out there, so we're going to find him and…" Cody growled, "I don't care what they're doing with him, they took him from us, they're all fucking dead, every single one of them!"

Alice sighed, "you have more impor-"

"Fuck you!" Cody snapped, "Go back to camp!"

Alice blinked, starting to cross her arms, "I'm sorry?"

Cody stood up, beginning to stomp over to her, "You're a fucking caster, you'll crumple the moment I touch you, go back to camp."

Alice's eyes widened a bit, even though she thought he was bluffing, there was no way she could be _weaker_ than him, right?

But he had a better handle on how things worked now, and if there was one thing she could trust, it was his knowledge.

 **[DC:0(Truth)][Sense Motive: 13+12=25]**

No, she'd win...she would destroy him, that she was certain…

But he was right, at the same time, he did an absolute number on that tower he killed Lazarus in, she could _feel_ every single punch from the ground.

She started to turn, slither back to camp, "You know…"

"I'm sorry…" Cody dropped back to his knees, "I'm really sorry…"

"You can just ask me to leave," she turned back.

"Don't…" Cody swallowed, "I'm sorry, okay?"

 **[Opposed Checks! T (Move Silently): 8+1(Skill)-6(Armor Check Penalty)= 3, Cody (Listen): 1+3=4, Cody Wins!]**

 **[T fails! Detected!]**

Cody could very distinctly hear the pitch and creak of T's armor as his noises went silent, shifting and shuffling, his head and eyes darting to look at him rise drunkenly, quiet, sides the MASSIVELY CREAKING ARMOR and STOMPING LIKE AN ELEPHANT.

Hope you enjoy the caps to emphasize he was _fucking loud_.

T stumbled, and tripped on nothing, caught himself, and shuffled over to Cody...and kneeled, though he still sounded like he was smacking into the ground like a metal bag of bricks...and lifted his arm, it sliding over and across Cody's chest...as if he was shielding him from something.

He was still shaking, but it wasn't as violent as before as he...stared at something ahead of him- stared at...Alice?

 **[Stance Switch: Leading the Charge - Iron Guard's Glare]**

"We need him…" Cody gulped, looking up at Alice, "Trust me, Alice! We _need_ Luka!"

"Why?" Alice questioned, "Not to come off as-"

"You don't know _what_ he is," Cody interrupted, "We need him, okay?"

"I'm not gonna stop you from 'finding him', but you are important, what you know is important, and I can't let that get away from me in an untimely ma-"

"I know what you want, Alice."

"Excuse me?"

"What you're taking us to the castle for, I know _exactly_ what you want," Cody shrugged T off, standing, "And I'm not giving it to you, _**I'm not going to kill you, Alice**_."

With that action, T rose, growling, backing him up it...seemed? As his hand floated over his trio of weapons...and chose the sheathed longsword, drawing it as he stood by his friend.

" _ **You…"**_ Alice spat with confusion, anger, anxiety...everything, " _ **What?"**_

Her face turned pale, like she had seen a thousand ghost books.

"I set out, day one, I knew exactly what you wanted, I knew I wasn't going to give it to you, I knew...I knew that the only people that needed to die are the ones who _deserve_ it!"

"Luka...Luka and us, we were gonna have a handle on it!" Cody continued and quickly took his persona back on, "Whatever needed to be done! We'll get the four spirits, get back Luka, I haven't ironed out the details-but…"

He omitted the 'punch Ilias into space' part.

Alice stumbled back...was she...was she dizzy? Where did her legs go? Oh wait...where did...where did...her tail go?

She hit the dirt, like she had suddenly lost her tail, not replying...just…

And she's gone...completely out.

T grunted in confusion.

 **[Shine On]**


End file.
